melanistic jaguars.
i was killing a lot of them. one after another, everywhere i saw them/that they turned up.
the feeling mirrored in ways my recent killing of little black ants that have been in my apartment, feeding on hemp seed oil that i spilled on the carpet. i have been at times killing them manually, with my fingers. i've vacuumed them. i've sprayed them with apple cider vinegar. but i find individual ones and i crush them with my fingers.
i need to find a way to clean the oil out of the carpet.
i don't know if killing them is right, the way i have (it's not). they aren't even really harmful. i guess if ants bother me. and it's not even that they do. i can change my mind about it, and live with it, until i get something to remove the oil well enough. but i have already put in process something that should kill all of them. i put down powdered sugar mixed with baking soda. from what i read, the ants can't differentiate when they're together, and will take back both to their nest, and the baking soda reacts with something in their guts, and kills them.
in the future, i may make a different decision.
in the past, i just let them be. i like watching them. and i don't feel just smashing them because they're "invading", especially since they just eat stuff i'm not eating, is justified.
but, i dreamt of these black panthers, after i had been at war with these ants for a day. and in the dream, i remember being a corn field, at some time. i used it as a shortcut to deliver something- a message or a package, to a guy on the other side. and i remember a bright light shining on the field, from somewhere, and a lot of it was flattened- the stalks flat on the ground. this is when i had a conversation with the guy. the guy- i associate with one i met on okcupid, from cincinnati, who gave me insight/provided a mirror for my thoughts, about peace and war, and life, and death. the last message i sent to him was when i delivered a heart to the cincinnati airport, and he said "a human heart? i wonder what it tastes like...", and i haven't responded... not because i'm put off by him saying that, but i just haven't.
there were others around. people, i seemed to be protecting, or they were fighting with me, or maybe they had nothing to do with it, but i remember killing panthers wherever i could find them.
i have nothing against panthers. in fact i'm fascinated by them, and other animals.
i have nothing against ants. i like watching them. they interest me.
in another dream, a few days ago, i was delivering medicine to a place, and then at some point i traveled faster than the speed of light, in something, and came right back. i traveled in a triangular pattern, to one point, to another, and back. i wrote about it in a dream journal thread in philosophy and spirituality, but the thread has gone missing. and then i was in a corn field, after traveling. that was my memory. i wanted to grab an ear of corn, and eat it. then the next night, or so, maybe two nights later, i was at marsh, and noticed they had some fresh florida sweet corn. this, when i was thinking i would have to wait until indiana had theirs in the fall. i didn't pick any up. maybe i will, if they still have some.
anyways, apparently, the power of the panther spirit animal is the moon. this is an association i found. and in that waking cycle, after this dream, there was a full moon, and a lunar eclipse- a "blood moon". the first of a tetrad.
i was killing a lot of them. one after another, everywhere i saw them/that they turned up.
the feeling mirrored in ways my recent killing of little black ants that have been in my apartment, feeding on hemp seed oil that i spilled on the carpet. i have been at times killing them manually, with my fingers. i've vacuumed them. i've sprayed them with apple cider vinegar. but i find individual ones and i crush them with my fingers.
i need to find a way to clean the oil out of the carpet.
i don't know if killing them is right, the way i have (it's not). they aren't even really harmful. i guess if ants bother me. and it's not even that they do. i can change my mind about it, and live with it, until i get something to remove the oil well enough. but i have already put in process something that should kill all of them. i put down powdered sugar mixed with baking soda. from what i read, the ants can't differentiate when they're together, and will take back both to their nest, and the baking soda reacts with something in their guts, and kills them.
in the future, i may make a different decision.
in the past, i just let them be. i like watching them. and i don't feel just smashing them because they're "invading", especially since they just eat stuff i'm not eating, is justified.
but, i dreamt of these black panthers, after i had been at war with these ants for a day. and in the dream, i remember being a corn field, at some time. i used it as a shortcut to deliver something- a message or a package, to a guy on the other side. and i remember a bright light shining on the field, from somewhere, and a lot of it was flattened- the stalks flat on the ground. this is when i had a conversation with the guy. the guy- i associate with one i met on okcupid, from cincinnati, who gave me insight/provided a mirror for my thoughts, about peace and war, and life, and death. the last message i sent to him was when i delivered a heart to the cincinnati airport, and he said "a human heart? i wonder what it tastes like...", and i haven't responded... not because i'm put off by him saying that, but i just haven't.
there were others around. people, i seemed to be protecting, or they were fighting with me, or maybe they had nothing to do with it, but i remember killing panthers wherever i could find them.
i have nothing against panthers. in fact i'm fascinated by them, and other animals.
i have nothing against ants. i like watching them. they interest me.
in another dream, a few days ago, i was delivering medicine to a place, and then at some point i traveled faster than the speed of light, in something, and came right back. i traveled in a triangular pattern, to one point, to another, and back. i wrote about it in a dream journal thread in philosophy and spirituality, but the thread has gone missing. and then i was in a corn field, after traveling. that was my memory. i wanted to grab an ear of corn, and eat it. then the next night, or so, maybe two nights later, i was at marsh, and noticed they had some fresh florida sweet corn. this, when i was thinking i would have to wait until indiana had theirs in the fall. i didn't pick any up. maybe i will, if they still have some.
anyways, apparently, the power of the panther spirit animal is the moon. this is an association i found. and in that waking cycle, after this dream, there was a full moon, and a lunar eclipse- a "blood moon". the first of a tetrad.