bittersweet

you were my best friend, for 7 years.

a lot of love, a lot of hate- on both ends

we both tried.

I am very sad, and so are you. I cannot stand your malaise for me now, nor am I even able to look at you in the face. I was imprisoned mentally and yet you can only say "you always blame me". You say the right things unconditionally, yet your actions proved differently. Quit looking in the mirror, saying "I am fucking perfect", because my dear your flaws without extremes were endearing to me.

You were my lover, for 7 years.
A lot of passion, a lot of isolation- on both parts.

I am devastated, and so are you. I want you to hold me, but you violated my trust physically. You cut me down, cold shoulders and "matter of fact" bullshit. I was never perfect, but never deserved what I was given. I regret everyday not showing you my sadness earlier- instead my words came out like fire, and my heart locked in a cage.

I am leaving very soon, and can never be with you again. You broke bonds from ill words to some of my friends, you hurt me more than anyone... Because I allowed you to, and I am so sorry for ever permitting this into my life.

I've lost everything, literally, my home, school financial aid, my town, my heart, and mind over you... But I still do not blame you, it was both of us. My heart hurts so badly every night, and half my soul feels like it withered away.

Now I am packing, on my way, and your two-faced "i love you" "i hate you" tires me.

Good Bye my little flower, we never loved eachother the way we should have.

 

...

I'm so sorry to read this WV. From your prior posts it sounded like you both really tried to make things work, and it is a real shame that such a long-lived relationship had to end. Best of luck to you and MGS during this time of change; may you both pull through it as quickly as is healthy, and take the lessons learned by it to heart.

 

Thanks dave, he's pretty bitter.

I am painfully sad, like when i see the sunshine- sometimes it doesnt mean anything to me.

The way things ended, were so horrible- so horrible I couldn't even tell you. Bluelight should go black for this.

I think I maybe the nasty gossip of the PD community, and unwelcomed anymore... But I can't prove this ---he did threaten me and slander me to several regulars on here that have been known to have pretty wide-open mouths, and a lot more.

How could someone you trust everything with, become like this?

 

sending positive thoughts your way. I hope the pain eases quickly for you and he. 7 years is a lot of history to have with someone, I can't imagine how difficult this may be for you. If you ever want to lash out or just talk feel free to do so.

I have always admired how well you are able to put your feelings into words and this entry definitely pulled me in. thank you