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Bit crude, but women can be selfish lovers too!

Quick update. Got a date on Sunday with a friend of my best friend's fiancee. This might sound like fast work but I've known her for ages. We're going to an exhibition. I'm a bit sus that my pal's just worried that I'm going to relapse (he's seen my in some terrible states) and persuaded Kate to text me. Not going to complain though, had to phone and cancel a restaurant reservation I made at an expensive tapas restaurant in Soho which was another kick in the teeth. Asked if I wanted to reschedule 'Erm no, that won't be necessary'. Anyway, good times and cheers Vader, I was on the verge of getting a 'special' delivery but just played Pro Evo online instead :)
 
I'm glad that is done with! She seems like a jerk! It sucks when people assume things about drug users! I don't know how much you use or if you're an addict or anything but, regardless, she should not be judging you so quickly!
I think it can be difficult to be in a relationship with someone who does not use drugs, unless you are hiding it from him/her all the time. One of my good friends, he just got married, his wife knows nothing about his drug use!! They have been together for a couple years too. He just sneaks out, gets high, goes clubbing, hangs out with us, whatever. You've got to be able to be open and honest in a relationship.
If a non-drug user is okay with drugs, then it can work, but you don't always find that as often as you should.
Best of luck <3
 
Hey Llama, I'm in recovery, have had the odd lapse but still in a good job and holding it together. Might seem odd but the women I've been in relationships with haven't been drug users. In fact I was engaged to a girl who only xmoked a bit of weed but knew I liked to party. She'd get pissed off if I was out getting wasted with my friends.

Your story about your friend reminds me of one of my best pals. He's Jewish and married an Orthodox jewish woman. He used to cain it hard and stilll does when he's allowed out. Thing is though, after his daughter was born he fessed up to his wife but still does it. Sometimes I get irate phonecalls asking about her husband and I don't know what to do. She's a nice woman, brought her new baby to visit me in rehab a few years ago but her father was a heroin addict so you can imagine she's pretty anti-drug.

Anyway Sunday should be nice, this girl's known me for ages (and knows of me if you get what I mean!) so will be nice not to be judged. With the girl I was with, I asked on TDS whether I should tell her as she suspected something and everyone said yeah you got to. Suppose I did, no point living a lie, just shame it had to end like that. Not as if I'm running around stealing old ladies purses to feed a habit. I'm well respected within my profession although there are suspicions about what I've been up to in the past. Live to fight another day!
 
I dated a guy who would do this kind of thing too often. I would make him sleep in the closet or something when it did. It made me feel ugly and unwanted and used.

Later we found ways to make both of us coming part of the usual routine, and the sex got better. It IS pretty tough for someone else to make me come, so I usually have to do it myself...

as for the latter issue you posted...guess now you don't have to worry about it. sucks when people write you off as "just" something like a junkie. just a junkie, just crazy, just whatever. she was the one being obtuse.
 
^Yeah, none of us is "just a [label]", we are all real people with rich inner worlds and hopes and dreams and fears that make us unique. Don't let anyone pigeonhole you, if someone does that they're just a dick ;)
 
Hey Jean-Paul, I know what you mean. I've dated women where half the fun is discovering what get's you off. One girl I dated would moan that I made her come too quickly (this is not a boast!) so we found ways around 'hitting the spot' too quickly and spent many enjoyable hours were spent discovering a good compromise. Never really understood how some woman are poly and for others they can only climax once but hey all part of the fun!

Yeah, I don't like being labelled just a druggie or whatever. I've got loads of interests, I've played in hardcore bands for years (been played on radio one, that is a boast!) and lucky enough to write for a living. She was really nice and considering my last serious relationship was with an abusive alcoholic (but sooo hot it's untrue) I think I went for super straight laced and should have realised it was doomed.

Anyway, my workmates all know what happened (not why though, she promised not to spread it round as it could cost me my job and I don't think she's that spiteful) and have said things like 'she was always a bitch' which sadly is nice to hear.

So from destructive ex-model to straight laced professional was perhaps too much of a leap. Got to find a happy medium. Having a lads night out in Saaf Laandon tonight with some pals determined to cheer me up. Still pissed off and glad I deleted all her texts as I would probably keep re-reading them to get myself worked up! Cheers peeps, like it here. Tell it how it is and no circle jerking like on other forums!
 
Vader said:
^Yeah, none of us is "just a [label]", we are all real people with rich inner worlds and hopes and dreams and fears that make us unique. Don't let anyone pigeonhole you, if someone does that they're just a dick ;)
Click to expand...

yeah, yeah, yeah. i'm not trying to say i'm something special here. it's just an easy, lazy way to insult someone. mental illness shaming is a classic example. maybe i am just sensitive to certain words used. i'd prefer people to be witty if they want to get at me, at least if they are someone close to me who could come up with something better than that. but yes i get that it can just be pointing out the obvious.
 
Mate, I was agreeing with you, it seems you've interpreted my response as a veiled dig, that was not the intention, I'm sorry if it came across that way. No drama.
 
Whoa, I don't think Vader was attacking you Jean-Paul. I hurt with wit what I heal with morals being a satirist, and I didn't feel anyone was getting at anyone. Anyway, had a fab night with the boys and was truly fun (bit naughty but hey) anyway if I've missed some subtext please inform as I'm not understanding where the conflict is arising from my silly situation!!
 
Just woke up and note to self: don't post on bluelight after a night out clubbing. Quoting Alexander Pope at 4.30am isn't bad going though although not sure what my point was (apart from showing off my erudition!).

BTW I asked my pal if he had set this date up just to cheer me up and he said 'What are you talking about? Kate's liked you for ages but you were a bit of a mess' Haven't seen her for well over two years when I have to say I wasn't particularly suave (huge understatement) so looking forward to it. Anyway sorry to keep this thread going was a bit puzzled with some of the posts that seemed to see conflict where there was none and Lysis, on reflection my thread title was rather patronising, and although at the time I was a tad peeved, you had a point I grant you. Cheerio peeps, I'll update tomorrow if anything wonderful happens, weird going out with someone I've known for ages but not in a house party or group clubbing night or something. Talked to her a few times over the years but it's going to be a bit odd. But looking forward to it.
 
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What are you guys talking about? Most drug and alcohol users, much like any other group in the English speaking world are terrible, shitty people to be around.
 
I'll take the bait. Churchill used to drink a quart of brandy and take cocaine lozenges before addressing Parliament. Most of the Romantic Poets were addicted to opium (Shelly, Byron etc) and I'd love to be around them. But I guess you're just wanting a bit of attention which as I'm supposed to be writing 5000 words on leveraged finance, I'd rather reply to you! Your user name is what I would call my emo band if I was 15! (which tbh I know that there are some youngsters on this site so that might be quite apt for you). I await a witty riposte, which I shall give short shrift with my needle of repartee
 
Just to add that I guess you were joking but I love a debate, especially if lots of people are involved en masse. Get it?
 
I'm kinda half joking, half telling the truth. I didn't say drug users couldn't accomplish great things, they are difficult people to be i close contact with. But, not all of course. I used to do a lot of drugs and I wasn't so bad hahahahaha!

But, the point of this thread is for you to recieve negative attention about your experiences and observations. Duh, women now have the equal right to be shitty and selfish lovers too. Too bad nobody, male or female, feels that they have the right to be great friends and lovers....

Enjoy doing your 5,000 page paper on erectile finance or whatever it was mate!
 
P.S., captncaveman, I don't like my user name much anymore, but it is MyFinalUserName, cause they don't let you change it unless you are in the Bluelight super-clique. I want my name on here to be AntonioPenisBalls.
 
Yeah thanks pontifex, kind of late in the day for that pearl of wisdom. Not sure what to make of it either. I'm sure Irish dockers used much more colourful language then that. But I imagine you've studied the linguistic traits of all US immigrant classes to make such a useful and helpful point. I'm forever in your debt.
 
Hey AntonioPenisBalls (now I know what to call my first born) yeah I got that you were joking and I realise that women can be selfish, just never had it in the bedroom as extreme as that! Had to follow orders before which if you're into that, is quite fun. Anyway, got to the bottom of what was bugging her and she can fuck right off. Went out to a cheesy club last night and had some fun so I've forgotten her.

Also I'm not on drugs anymore. Yeah, I've heard that I'm an arsehole when I'm high, usually quite an animated person turned into to a mong! But to be judged on your past actions? Bit harsh I think, was debating whether to tell her for a while. After consulting TDS decided to go for it and at first she seemed fine, she said she was relieved as she thought I was a depressive and she hated her ex because he had depression (maybe alarm bells should have started ringing then looking back!).

Anyway, things were going ok, going out loads, she was asking me about my past exploits, not girlfriends which is the usual type of shit you talk about with a new partner (I don't usually want to know but hey) she wanted to know about all the drugs and parties and all that stuff. Think she was a bit shocked to find out I tried heroin when I was 18 and then last week she started pulling this shit. Anyway, done and done. Weird way to make a point though, if you've got concerns just voice them, son't turn someone into a sex-slave!! (I'm already starting to laugh about this stuff, helped that I had good fun last night I think)

Anyway back to erectile finance, AntonioPenisBalls, do you care to comment on the subject, if you do I'll send you a free copy of the magazine (the title of which I'm not going to reveal!!)
ps Pontifex do you see now why I said you were a little late?
 
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