Bisexuality and......I CAN'T be the only one....

[Two Spirit]

First of all, greeting everybody. I'm new-ish here.

New in the sense that this is the first time I've had an account and posted on here since early 2000. I used to frequent Bluelight regularly from around 1998-ish until 2000 or so. I think my name back then was liquid porcelain. Or something like that. That's the past though, I'm more concerned about the present.

First - if this is too much for everyone, I apologize in advance, but something tell me that this is just the place for me to finally put this out there. I gave this forum the quickest of glances before writing this. And I know I should have spent some time looking to see if there was already a simmilar topic started, but even if there is, I need to get this out there in my own words. After I do, I'll take the time to explore and see what - if anything like this - already has been posted.

First of all, it's important that you all know that I am here in peace and love and friendship. I bring no shady, sketchy or nasty vibes. I promise you I am one of the least skeezy guys you could ever meet.


Here goes. I'm a bisexual male. Yeah, I know - big deal, right? Well, that's not the part that is a big deal for me to bring up. I've been out to most of the important people in my life for quite a while now. I'm not uncomfortable with it, unsure of myself and I'm damn sure not ashamed of it. I've had bisexual thoughts and feelings since my VERY earliest memories. In fact, I didn't start realizing that other people DIDN'T until early adolescence when other kids I went to school with picked on guys for being gay and"fags" and all of that crap that we've all seen stupid kids do. I didn't even realize there was a WORD for what I was until puberty had hit me hard.

Anyway, I'm one of the more comfortable bisexual guys you'll ever meet. I don't prefer one gender over the other (although I do tend to favor women in long-term relationships), I find them both beautiful and breathtakingly sexy. And what's more is the only thing sexier to me than having sex with a girl 1:1 or a guy 1 is the idea of both at the same time. I mean, there is NOTHING hotter to me than the idea of sharing mind-blowing, passionate sex with a female and another male. Or even better yet, me, my girl and another couple.

I mean GUYS - I cannot accurately express in words how much of a turn-on it is. It is the ultimate entry on my bucket list, sexual or otherwise - to FINALLY find that couple who desires it for the same reason that I do.

And THAT, my friends, is the problem. How the hell do you go about finding that? And if by some stroke of luck you DO find it, how can you be sure that the people you've found are doing it for the right reasons?

If it's another couple I'm desiring for a mfm 3way - there is always the uncomfortable worry on their part that I'm just trying to fuck his gf/wife. Which I understand - I know the times a girl I was with and I have sought out a male to invite it seemed that the only guys we heard from we totally full of shit and it was painfully obvious they were just trying to fuck my girl/find a cuckold situation and if I was lucky, they would let ME suck their dick for a minute or two with no reciprocation.

Well, I'm not gonna settle for that. This situation has so much gorgeous, erotic and spiritual....yes, SPIRITUAL potential.The 2 or 3 people that I finally find - and I WILL find them someday - because, like I said, I CAN'T be the only one - the people that I finally find who are just as turned on by this as I am will be amazingly kind people who see the same radiant beauty in this fantasy as I do. They will know that it is a spiritual experience that will lift us up above the mundane. Every single one of us who is involved will be there for the same reason - there will be no shady motives. Everyone will get to play equally and everyone will include everyone. Everyone there will be equally turned on by the fantasy we've agreed to help each other fufill. No one will be there to steal anyone's lover and be a skeezy-disease-spreader.

And It finally dawned on me tonight as I saw the Bluelight page load on my monitor for the first time in 15 years that if I were going to find those people who felt the same way that I do, I would have a hell of a lot better luck finding them here on Bluelight than I would on Craigslist or some other sketchy hook-up venue.

But please know that I am not trying to use this as a hookup site. I am posting this here because I am frustruated and tired of not finding those people who hunger for this in the same way that I do. Those two or three others who - even though when it happens, know that we'll be having the longest, sweatiest most passionate night of fucking and everything else that we could ever imagine - in all of our heads, it will be an absolute explosion of beauty and uplifting spiritual ascension - that we will all be healping each other experience the most gorgeous thing we've all ever imagined.

But in my fantasy, there is not buttsex. I am not a big fan of anal with girls or guys. I find it kinda gross.

AND - if I were king, the first time this happened, SWIU would all be rolling face - because we all know how perfect and gorgeous and mindblowingly erotic sex is in THAT headspace.

Again - I am not necessarily using this as a hookup site - at this point I just need to know that there are others out there who think and feel the way that I do about this. And I want to be able to talk to others with this fantasy and finally feel the relief and acceptance that I've been craving about it. There is NO WAY that I am the only one with this fantasy. I refuse to believe that.

::Deep Breath::

OK guys, I hope this doesn't turn into me being judged or flamed to death. But hey, it was worth the shot if it does.

So if you're out there, PLEASE talk to me. :D

Love and Light,
Two Spirit

 

[ChipTrippyFox]

Woah..

Need to gather my thoughts for a second cause.. woah. I'm somewhat at loss for words because of how much I can relate to this. I was just having some trouble sleeping whilst having similar thoughts in my head that you've expressed here. I decided to vape some bud and read some bluelight to pass a bit of time and I find this..
I almost cried. No joke >.> Yeah I'm such a girl..

Let me try to give you some background.. This might take a bit.

I just recently broke up with my long term partner of 7 years;
I grew up in BC Canada and my whole life I was raised under a conservative family household. My parents hated eachother and spent more years of their maraige living apart from eachother than together, and every minute of their time together was tense. From a very early age I had very twisted and cynical views on marraige (and later in my life, monogamy as a whole). I was a very sheltered child. My mom always "protected" me from everything. I was also very obedient. I feared punishment.

My dad moved to another city before I hit puberty so much of my teenage years had a lack of a father figure besides my stepdad whom I didn't really spend much time with so my mother raised me essentially. She developed christian values and one of the things she stressed on me the most is that homosexuality is wrong, sex before marraige is wrong and having sex with more than one person is wrong. You will go to hell.
She insisted for my own good that I mustn't date before college. I am unsure exactly what I was expecting her to have done if I defied her but it took me untill I was almost 15 to even think about being romantic with a girl and I hid it like it was a crime..

There was a girl, we will call her S. S was something new to me. I had little crushes on girls before but I hadn't thought about acting on any feelings because.. I didn't want to go to hell.. ANYWAYS, S and I clicked very quickly but it took me a long time to work up the courage to actually tell her how I felt. I was so nervous I couldn't even tell her to her face, I had to give her a letter ^^; I'm not sure whether that's lame or cute..
She told me she felt similiar feelings and we went out on a date to see a movie. I didn't really know what to do. We had already been friends for a little while so we had hung out before but not under the pretense of a date. I put my arm around her but thats about as far as it went...

(I'm feeling an intense wave of nostalgia while reflecting back on these memories.. I swear I can still remember how her hair smelled...)

We had one other date, we went to a school dance. There were a number of times where we were semi-alone together... we kinda cuddled. I wanted to kiss her but I was afraid that she would reject me, thinking it was too soon. My mother implanted that into me I think =/ I offered to walk her home, I was hoping to maybe give it a shot then but she insisted that she would walk home by herself, I thought about going with her anyways at least just to be sure she was safe but I didn't want to seem creepy...
About a week later she broke up with me, telling me that she needed someone who was going to be more outgoing and wasn't afraid to get physical. She claimed that I missed all her signals that she wanted a kiss at the dance. This devastated me and quite honestly I never really got over her. I hated the guy she ended up with after, he was no good to her and I knew I could give her better. I openly expressed my jealousy at first but she told me that if I wanted to remain her friend I needed to back off. I kept my distance for the most part out of respect, but every once in a while over the ~3 years him and her spent together I would let her know how much I still cared about her.


The only relationships I had after that were long distance internet dating bullshit.. I never had sex. I kinda always wanted S to be my first. I still wish she was.. At the time I held onto the hope that one day S would tell me that she still had feelings for me and I would have the chance to show her that I had listened to what she said before; I wouldn't have been afraid to get physical. I wanted to so badly. She seemed to be everything I wanted.

15-17 experimented with drugs, yada yada, got a computer of my own.I had been permanently grounded from the family computer due to having one of those online relationships. I ended up on a game called "secondlife" where you can dress your character up in customizable avatars and talk with other's. I really enjoyed being a fox
I ended up experimenting with a female avatar which at the time seemed so... "gay and wrong and taboo" but I ended up loving it. I ended up having romantic chats with a girl who identified as a lesbian, I told her that I was actually a male but she seemed to be okayish with that since I "seemed girly enough". She suggested that perhaps I am trans and I kinda clung to that.. We ended up getting involved for about a year before she broke up with me because a) I was not actually a girl b) over 1000 miles away and C) she resented my love for drugs and alcohol. I ended up very confused by all this. Shortly after I ended up outting myself to my mom and stepdad. They basically told me to "Get over it(hide it) or GTFO"
One of my internet friends from accross the country offered to house me and in an act of juvinile defiance; I moved.

That friend, We will call her J ended up taking my virginity just days after moving even though we were just going to be roommates. I was 17 and I had been waiting for sex for what seemed like FOREVERRRRR. I wanted to explore everything, I was open to anything and we ended up in a Master-Pet relationship with myself being the sub which seemed somewhat natural. She is a very unstable individual with lots of metal health issues from being a past abuse victim. She took a lot of this out on me, abusing her power as the master and punished me, belittling me as a bad pet if I ever spoke out of turn. She also belittled my trans feelings and despite moving me here to explore those feelings, she told me that she thought that they were disgusting and she would only be with me if I decided that I didn't actually want to be a girl. She felt she was completely justified in this because I did not do much to make myself girlier so she insisted she knew that I wasn't trans anyways. It took some time but eventually I stifeled the feelings down. (I later found out that I am gender fluid but I hadnt told her for 5 years).

Her and I tried to introduce other pets into the relationship when I later started admitting to being curious about men. The first one we also knew online, he came to visit under the pretense that he was bicurious. He just wanted to bang my GF mostly. At one point when she was giving him a BJ and his eyes were closed she signaled for me to take over. It was only for a minute or two but he let me do it. He said it was decent too (Later on he admitted to it being one of the most amazing 2 minutes of his life. He ended up declaring that I turned him Bi and became obsessed with me. I think he might be autistic also, it would explain his unbelievable akwardness)
At first I thought I was jealouse kinda of these other men, but I began to realize that J would use my jealousy against me as an emotional weapon if I ever pissed her off since she knew I would never harm her not matter how cruel she was. The more I let her do it the more she realized that she can use my fear, anxiety and low self esteem to her advantage as a method of control. I began to realise that I no longer felt jealous of sharing my partner because the only way it seemed I was able to stop her cruelty was to stop allowing it to bother me. I no longer wanted to give her the gratification of feeling bad that she was withholding sex from me while being intimate with someone else.
Keep in mind the whole time she was not allowing me to have sex with others without her there, she alone got to choose who, and men only even though she is Bi, she feared that I would leave her for a girl.
She did a lot of messed up things to me psychologically and emotionally but in the end I feel like I've grown.

She got involved in a long distance relationship with someone online who she wanted to have come live with us. He lived in cali but he said that he was going to come live with her to be her pet. He had zero sexual interest for me and told her often how much he only cared for her. She was fine with this and said that if I had a problem with it, I should leave. I didn't want to be bested by some jerk online and I didn't want to turn tail and run after spending 4-5 years together already. He told her that he needed a few months to work to get money to move, he was supposed to bring like 10k$ with him. His job? Growing marijuana legally with a medicinal license for a condition he doesn't suffer from (depression) and selling it on the black market for profit..
He kept pushing the date back due to setbacks and roadblocks.

We got close with another couple where the man was curious about beeing Bi. His GF encouraged us to be intimate and claimed to find it sexy. We ended up having sex in the same bed after a night of drinking but there was very limited touching outside our designated partners though him and I clearly shared a connection. We bother feared jealousy from our partners. We stayed friends for a few years and his GF still somewhat encouraged us to hook up. One night after J and I got into a big fight and "broke up" I stayed the night at their place and I ended up sucking his dick. It was a spiteful move on my part, but I still wanted to do it as did he. We both were under the assumption that it was okay with his GF (who was asleep in another room at the time) since she had told us for a long time that she was okay with is. We told her the next morning when she woke up and again seemed okay with it but later on she sent me texts demanding an apology for "betraying her in her own home"
I also ended up telling J that day too, she of course was pissed but we ended up getting back together

Fast forward 7 years to today, I have recently broke up with J and I am super excited to get out there and explore my sexuality freely and I feel so much like you where I just want to show two people that I am crazy for just how much I love them both. Because of those key points in my life I have developed the idea in my head that monogamy simply doesn't work for me

Even recently I confessed my love to a girl who is already in a relationship and I mentioned that I would be okay with her being with someone else. I had deeper feelings for her and I wanted to show her more than just friendship. I know her BF personally and he is a pretty sweet guy I could get in on that, but I am 90% sure he is straight. She preffers to remain monogamous and lacks romantic feelings for me anyways. :c

My goodness.. I'm sorry for all this. Perhaps I went way overboard; but I feel like I needed to give some insight to explain how much I feel the same way regarding polyamory and truely being able to love more than one person at the same time without jealousy or exclusion.

 

[Fig]

Yeah, being bisexual can be difficult when it comes to finding that magical unicorn threeway. It's the holy grail of bi reality, sexually, for most people. It's also the holy grail for couples with marital difficulties when one partner is struggling with their sexual urges and they think a threesome is gonna make everything better instead of totally ruining the relationship and now you are in the middle. Among others.

How do you meet people? In person. Look for a bisexual meet up in your area and go to it.

And you don't like ass sex? Have you ever been properly fucked? Lol, I'm joking (kind of). Everyone has their preferences.

Best of luck. Bi dudes get no respect, so we have to make our own.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I'm bisexual and other bisexual men and women post here. There's a bisexual Transwoman that sometimes posts here or used to as well.

There are threads about bisexuality here on bluelight in the SLR forum but you will have to search for them.

 

[ChipTrippyFox]

I'm bisexual and other bisexual men and women post here. There's a bisexual Transwoman that sometimes posts here or used to as well.

There are threads about bisexuality here on bluelight in the SLR forum but you will have to search for them.

I beg pardon but did you read past the thead title at all? The thread isn't about thinking he is the only bi-sexual.. period.
the point of the post was about seeking a true poly relationship wherein everyone has a complete understanding of eachother's desires.
For people like spirit and I; it seems like sex is much much more than just some taboo thing we do that feels good.. I encourage you to actually read the post. If you DID I appologize. Your reply simply sounds like a more polite "UTFSE"

 

[apatheist]

Couple things. Being bisexual (or pansexual) and being polyamorous are distinct. And, triads, quads etc where everyone is romantically involved with everyone else are a subset of polyamory - there is no "true poly," just different flavors. Further, these situations are often idealized by folks who are new to nonmonogamy. In practice they are a) very hard to find and b) often extremely complicated.

 

[ChipTrippyFox]

In practice they are a) very hard to find and b) often extremely complicated.

Could you please elaborate for us who are less experienced in polyamory/nonmonogamy??

 

[apatheist]

Could you please elaborate for us who are less experienced in polyamory/nonmonogamy??

It's hard finding one person you're compatible with. It's harder finding two or more people who are compatible with you and with each other and are open to this kind of relationship. If you do find this, and then set out to make everything "equal" in terms of time and attention spent, you are looking at (at best) a great deal of bookkeeping to track it all, which isn't fun, romantic or sexy (unless you have a bookkeeping fetish ). And if you set out to make everything equal emotionally, you are trying to control emotions, which generally just does not work.

 

[apatheist]

I'm not necessarily looking for a polyamorous relationship in the sense of romance - more in the sense of sexual partners with a deep love and respect and comfort level but not necessarily "an exclusive item". Is that still poly?

It sounds like you want FWBs with the potential for an ongoing threesome. Whether you identify as polyamorous (ie open to multiple relationships) is up to you.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

It's hard finding one person you're compatible with. It's harder finding two or more people who are compatible with you and with each other and are open to this kind of relationship. If you do find this, and then set out to make everything "equal" in terms of time and attention spent, you are looking at (at best) a great deal of bookkeeping to track it all, which isn't fun, romantic or sexy (unless you have a bookkeeping fetish ). And if you set out to make everything equal emotionally, you are trying to control emotions, which generally just does not work.

Agreed. "Relationships" like this are a lot of work, and are extremely difficult to balance and maintain.

 

[SluttyPeach]

Hello my fellow two spirited bluelighter

These feelings can be hard to deal with, yes. But finding a couple to help you find the sexual enlightenment you seek isn't impossible.. it does happen. You aren't the only person who feels this way and there is certainly nothing wrong with it, as you already know. Most people here are decently open minded so don't worry about being flamed.. only trolls do that. I've personally never had an actual relationship like this but the opportunity presented itself recently.. I'm on the fence about it because of the obstacles previous posters have addressed. Threesomes are one thing but this..

If you still get on here PM me if you need a chat.

 

[Two Spirit]

Well, I'm not interested in a three-way long term romance/relationship.

Just a three way as described above. It it ended up being amazing, I wouldn'the have a problem with repeat performances but I'must certainly not interested in the baggage that comes with a polyamorous ltr.

Slutty Peach - I tried to inbox you, but I'very reached my allotted messages.

Landsunknown - Yeah, it definitely seems like we're UT from the same bolt of cloth with this fantasy. But instead of shrooms, SWIM would would want some speedy Mahl to be involved.

But hey, if the people involved were right, I wouldn'the be against trying the boomers.

 

[curiousquestions]

I am new here also. Very new. Your post hit home with me. I am a female with the same desires. My partner and I want to experience same sex experiences together. We are both wildly curious about this. How does one find a couple/participant that will do justice to our desires? My partner wants to experience frotting with another male. I want to experience sex with a woman. So far, we have done nothing but dream. There are so many variables to the situation: discretion, cleanliness, temperament, attention to detail, jealousy, etc.

We both crave this experience but don't know who or how to approach finding willing and qualified partners for this. If you have any suggestions, please reply.

We both watched a frotting video recently and now we can't stop thinking about the possibility of experiencing this. It had to have been the hottest thing I have seen in ages.

Also, I am married, but to a man that does not like sex. He has not touched me in 20 years. He didn't tell me this until we were married and I cannot leave him because he has been very ill and needs me. I care about him, but recently began a relationship, after being faithful to him for 20 years, to satisfy my desires. I know a lot of you will disapprove. So be it. I am not asking for absolution. But this is one reason this situation is so difficult to rectify.

Thank you, I really enjoy your postings,

Curiousquestions

 

[davswl9]

So... when did Two Spirit, LandsUnknown, and ChipTrippyFox go dream walking in my head?
It's something I have craved all my life. I have been repressing actively these dreams for entirely too long.
I, as one of those 60 year old Bi guys, have been playing the straight role for 16+ years.
That ended tonight but the end has been a five of sixteen year long process.
I believe it actually may turn out to be the best thing that has happened now that we have both said out loud it is not in either of our best interests to continue into what is a downward spiraling toxic environment.
You find out that sometimes you are expending way too much energy trying to make it work.
My lifelong secret dream has been to find a woman that would love to have a third in a polyamorous relationship to truly enjoy forever.
The idea of her and I kissing and loving on his dick at the same time our lips and tongues touch each other's has just made a huge tent in my lounging pants!
From past experience l do know without a doubt that I love having my tongue on her clitoris while I am also feeling him sliding in and out of her and then having him pull out for a few so I can suck her pussy juice off his cock.
I've had a great many sexual experiences in my life and the top three are in no particular order as they were all hugely intense:
MMF
MF
MMM
I have also had too many to count of MF and MM sex also just for the sex. Only once with the MMM but talk about sensory overload - whew!
So I choose to continue down this path and see where it leads. I am actually looking forward to it as 40 years ago this was not something that was looked kindly on. Attitudes have changed. It's time for me to take advantage of those changes.
So if Two Spirit, LandsUnknown and ChipTrippyFox do end up finding a good place to pursue this please PM me.
Hugs to all,
Dave
Tried to PM Two Spirit but your mailbox is full so I'll just tack it on here:
Read my thread reply first so this PM will make sense.
Hey,
You are NOT alone!
I was always grossed out by the anal thing as a rule.
That one night 41 years ago when I had the MMM I was real hesitant. I had enough alcohol in me to lower my inhibitions enough to let him in my rear after he and his roommate were both sucking on my cock.
After that I was on my back with a couple of pillows under my butt while I was getting fucked by him and sucked by his roommate while sucking and cock worshipping his roommate's beautiful dick.
It was very intense especially when I started feeling that cock in my mouth start to swell and swell until he unleashed a huge load while I was swallowing as fast as I could.
After they both came his roommate said "Hey, Dave hasn't cum yet." They both proceeded to go to work on me until I gushed and gushed while his roommate swallowed every last drop.
As intense and pleasurable as that was I am really really sketchy of the anal thing.
I wish you the best in your quest,
Dave

 

[biguyct96]

I love being a bisexual guy.

 

[nygiants1313]

I prefer 2 females and myself, but I understand you

 

[ScroogeMcDuck57]

How were relationships modeled to you growing up?
Would healthy relationships be more available if you dealt with any trauma ((for lack of a better word).
Full disclosure, a woman my parents had baby sit me sucked my dick and made me eat her out when I was 7 and 8 years old. i acted out sexually because of it. Going to counseling helped me deal with it and find meaningful relationships.
Have you considered this in your sexual development/current life?

 

[badcompany83]

I agree I think all sex gay straight bi whatever is beautiful. The female body is an amazing thing I love looking at a girls little ass. But the cock is also just as amazing. I get really turned on looking at a nice big on.

 

[Foreigner]

I know people in a three way bisexual relationship, but admittedly they're the only ones I've met in my entire life. (It's two guys and a woman.)

Most poly three way relationships I've seen are between three guys.

 

[Trymeonce]

I'm a happily married guy, I love my wife and have never cheated on her, but...when I get high, the thought giving a total stranger head is overwhelming to the point where I scratched the itch and had the seediest experience ever, meeting a guy off Craigslist at his house in totall darkness and giving him a bj. Will I do it again? Yes, I'd prefer it three ways with my wife but that's not going to happen so I guess a night in a hotel with an escort and a random guy will be the way forward.