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Mental Health Bipolar Disorder Mega Thread

weekend addiction said:
A tent? Do you not have heat? Or do you have windows open to ventilate smoke constantly? I'm confused.
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We have heat, in the form of firewood. But it's not enough to heat the house properly, because this place leaks like a sieve. We have floorboard heaters, but it costs too much to run them all the time, and the floorboard heater in my room is broken (makes terrible noises even when it's off, so I don't trust it to heat the room).

I'm tired of having to hide in my bed all winter (but now that I have a laptop I can probably hang out near the fireplace more often :)).
 
^ Yeah i have to sleep in a room the size of a cell because the bedroom i could have that is really big, has a good closet to put my clothes in, has lot's of room for my TV, books, etc is downstairs and thus unbearably cold even on 25C summer days. Never mind when it's winter and you get that cold damp here that nothing seems to keep out. If i had a woodstove here though id just cut as much wood as possible and get that fire up so much it would be so hot that it wouldn't matter how bad it was leaking you'd still have to walk around in your underwear :)

Man alot of winters i can spend the better part of everyday in fucking bed cause i just get so miserable. It's like i haven't even the energy to go sit in a chair to go on the computer ffs. But ever since i got a laptop i don't even need to get out of bed. Hopefully this winter won't be as bad as last years cause that shit damn near broke me :(
 
The fall\winter really is hard on bipolar people. It also makes me extra achey and sore after work. I hate being bipolar and to have to deal with being sore as shit too! I would love to move to a warmer climate. Most winters are miserable for me to. Do lots of drinking and smoking weed in the winter. It keeps me warm.
 
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Hey, snap on the winters here depression kicks in score :-(
I had an emergency psych evaluation a few weeks back cos I was suicidal and mirtazipine was just making me even more anxious and stressy and doing nothing to lift me out of my suicidal ideation.
I'm back on lithium as a result, I'm not even arsed if it causes kidney issues again if it stops me feeling so hopeless. However, as it don't work overnight and I'm on the slow blood work - take a bit more - wait for more bloods to see if I'm at the right dose yet - stage, I'm still feeling super lethargic and sorry for myself.
I've even been drinking - not good, need to stop cos it'll send me stupid.
Tried kratom out and that stuff does actually lift me, just a shame it tastes like shit!
So, relying on clonazepam heavy at the mo and sleepers.
Sounds stupid (cos it is) but tempted to get a hold of some stims and send myself manic.
Wish I could just hibernate til like feb/march :-(
 
Insomnias awful ain't it?
When I'm depressed - cant sleep.
Manic - wont and can't sleep.
Do we ever sleep properly?
I honest to god cannot remember the last time I slept without the aid of sleepers, benzos or opioids :-(
 
So... i have a good day, i socialize, i have a decent amount of energy but it never fails that by the end of it im replaying all the moments i spoke. I chew myself out for telling people anything like an opinion or a past experience. I seem to beat myself up over nothing. Im not sure how to not let this happen. It makes me feel like i dont like myself and i feel disappointed with just being me. I am tired of always feeling like im in the wrong. I used to take just being able to be for granted. Seems like i spend so much time just analyzing how something i said could have been taken the wrong way, disliked, or offend indirectly(like saying something to a person and immediately the person questions their own behVior) anybody experience this sort of post day dread? Any advice?
 
Goddamn it's not even December yet and i am already getting majorly depressed and feeling like everything is hopeless. I have had these freakout crying jags that happen for no reason at all that feel like mixed states. Fuck this is going to be a long winter :(
 
I've clearly been in a major depression for 5-6 months now...not really negative or sad...Just low energy, sluggish thinking, the desire to sleep all the time....Personally, I'm praying for hypomania to kick in...but scared of full-blown mania...Once you get burned a couple times on that shit, it's never the same! The first manic episode was fucking great! Once you go crazy a few times and make an ass out of yourself, it gives you a different perspective!
 
BlueHues said:
I've clearly been in a major depression for 5-6 months now...not really negative or sad...Just low energy, sluggish thinking, the desire to sleep all the time....Personally, I'm praying for hypomania to kick in...but scared of full-blown mania...Once you get burned a couple times on that shit, it's never the same! The first manic episode was fucking great! Once you go crazy a few times and make an ass out of yourself, it gives you a different perspective!
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Yeah i know the feeling all to well. That fatigued, sluggish, no pleasure in anything and can barely be fucked to get out of bed at all feeling sucks bad. I hate hypomania and mania as well though because after maybe a day of being hypomanic i get really irritable and get really wreckless. I almost always get full blown mania after being hypomanic for a few days. The sleep deprivation combined with the mania makes me really paranoid and edgy and sometimes pretty much psychotic. The last time i had a full blown manic episode (i stopped taking my lamotrigine and quetiapine because i thought i didn't need them anymore 8) i thought that people where trying to break into my garage. I heard stuff like voices but i couldn't make out anything because it seemed like a radio jammed between 2 stations. For abit i thought it was real and grabbed a pick axe and went out to look. Of course noone was out there and i came to my senses that i was loosing it. I finally started taking my meds again after a friend had talked some sense into me and within a week or so i was back to baseline.

Bipolar sucks no matter what state your in.
 
I'm craving hypomania, I think. And I have the means to induce it.

In August depression and anhedonia were wearing me down again, so in September I started taking a low dose of Zoloft in addition to Lamictal and Wellbutrin. Bad idea; even at the low dose I was taking, hypomania ensued. I had Zoloft induced hypomania a year ago, but on a higher dose and without also taking Lamictal; the prescriber and I thought things would go better this time. Nope.

SSRI induced hypomania as I've experienced it in the past isn't worth it; I felt somewhat happier, but with significant downsides (more spending, inconsistent work performance, less stable mood, more sleep). Except this time... I had tons of energy and motivation to work on computer projects with more enthusiasm than I have ever had before. I hadn't been that engaged in something since I was a kid. I was having lots of fun (which was huge because I didn't really enjoy anything else). And I needed much less sleep. And I now have a new car, new computer, and a bunch of posters/photos/art (but no energy to hang them on the walls).

Three weeks ago, I decided to stop taking Zoloft, and stayed up for the next 60 hours. I then slept for about 18 hours a day for the next three days, and became extremely depressed, and had to go back to taking half the dose I was on before just to continue to function. Things have been much more stable since then. Back to being moderately depressed and relatively consistent at work.

In the past few days I've started to miss all that motivation I had, and became disappointed with some of the unfinished projects. Last night, an unexpected combination of substances triggered a brief burst of energy once again. I decided that I want to be in that hypermotivated state all the time and should start taking more Zoloft every day. I've never had a big problem with drug cravings or addiction, but now I'm craving hypomania.

Luckily I've sobered up. I haven't slept since yesterday morning (but with the use of stimulants so that I don't miss work). It seems the only safe way out is to stop taking Zoloft, and that has to be done very gradually... and I have to be very careful until I'm done with it..
 
I've been feeling like utter shit the last few days...I have a mum who has had mental health issues since I can remember, bipolar to be exact and I understand this as I have it to and have seen a psychologist for the last few years and have been on meds etc..She doesn't admit to anything, refuses to accept the thought she might have it and instead denies it, yet she cries almost every day - which she thinks is normal, repeats the same thing 100 times then the following day she repeats it again forgetting she said it. Her way of dealing with it is fine but when I am down in the dumps and have fuck all energy and explain to her what my issue is, she dismisses it like some joke and calls me stupid for getting help with my mental health issues, not wanting to even admit that there may be a possibility of it even existing.

The last few days, I've had bugger all energy and am constantly getting attacked with a list of 100 things to do. Am almost 30 now and she's in some panic mode that I must be like everyone else, be married, already own a unit etc..She will say this to me at least 10 times a day then sees no change in a few hours and just starts crying or repeating it over and over again.

What to do?
 
Has anyone been given or take Latuda? When I was officially diagnosed (knew way before) out of all the very many given this actually seems to be at least for me the one with lowest side affects. Down side is its extremely expensive so my Dr gives it to me as he thinks I should stay on it. Its made for schizophrenia but off label for bipolar, plus the severe GAD. Just thought I would see what others, if any, take it and if they like it or Amy downsides I might except
 
BlueHues said:
The first manic episode was fucking great! Once you go crazy a few times and make an ass out of yourself, it gives you a different perspective!
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yeah the first few times my manic episodes were awesome, and easy to bounce back from. The older im becoming the more difficult it is to handle a manic episode and it takes much much longer to bounce back from. god have mercy on us all.
 
I don't take latuda but it's the hottest new antipsychotic out now. It's supposed to be very effective. Thankfully these antipsychotic drugs are becoming more specific, less horrible to take. But they're be no means at the point where, say, ADHD treatment is.
 
That likely means he has schizophrenia. It has a particular stigma attached to it so he may be embarrassed. Plus, a month is a long time if one just has bipolar. And psychosis is more tied to schizophrenia than bipolar.
 
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