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Mental Health Bipolar Disorder Mega Thread

^ I smoke weed and occasionally take kratom instead of alcohol. While not perfect for everyone this is a great alternative to alcohol for me. Alcohol can increase the odds of me having an episode significantly.

I don't get out much because most social events are alcohol related. I was invited to a bar last night but I opted to stay at home. I still drink everyday. I have not been a day without alcohol since I moved to this town. But I have cut back to the point where I haven't been drunk in a month.
 
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I went through a really bad period like that when I first moved to a new town with my, now, husband. Drunk most of the time, everything I did was alcohol related. Loneliness was a really big factor but I started going to coffee mornings at MIND and they offered me some counselling. I know it sounds lame and I know it's like saying l "oh great I get to go and hang out with crazy people" but it was pretty cool and I started laughing again because there people were mental and lovely and loveable. Maybe going and finding side sober friends will help? I'm no angel, I'm not living a clean life so don't think I'm preaching to you. Just you should like you could do with some human company.
 
manicmama said:
I've got a re evaluation in 2 weeks, nothing IMO can be as bad as going on lithium - I genuine thought I was dying, almost as bad as paracetamol od without exaggeration.
I'll see how I go with this crap, maybe it'll do for me, if I start to get a bit thick I'll just have to eff and blind at the quack and try and get my point across!
To be fair he seemed to have more about him than the last one, so I'll keep an open mind, but if it comes up bad I'll push for the carbamazepine and hope I have a better reaction.
Quetiapine/Seroquel works for you though? And you had good results with Olanzapine? Or am I being dumb already? Cos I didn't get on with them, chlorpromazine has given me the most relief and results from everything I've tried, but they wanna get me on just a mood stabiliser and have mirtazipine for depression relief and the chlorpromazine for relief of hypo/mania.
Would be easier to start fucking drinking again!
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Quetiapine works for me yes but not nearly as good as olanzapine does and it gives me more annoying side effects then olanzapine. I hate the god awful dry mouth that the seroquel gives to me as my mouth get's so dry 2 hours after that eating solids is a choking hazard ffs! Not to mention the dry blood shot eyes that makes me look like i just smoked a quarter ounce of hash. I also find quetiapine to be about the worst anti-psychotic for causing orthostatic hypotension (with the possible exception of methotrimeprazine) and hypotension in the morning as well sometimes. Oh and stuffed up sinuses :p

Olanzapine on the other hand gives me basically no side effects even at the maximum recommended dose of 20mg's a day, stops any manic or mixed state within 2 hours at most or a half hour with the orally disintegrating wafers and also helps with the depression by stopping those godawful suicidal and intrusive thoughts. But as it's not covered under my insurance and at $8 for every 10mg generic olanzapine tablet there is no way i can afford it. I used to get sample packs of Zyprexa Zydis from my doctor until it went generic and i like to keep a few olanzapine pills around in case i really loose it. It just sucks though that i have to put up with so many side effects with a drug that works not nearly as well because my insurance only covers seroquel, risperdal and of course the typical anti-psychotics. If i lived within a reasonable distance of a clinic where i could get my blood taken i would give Lithium a try to add to the lamotrigine so that i could hopefully drop the seroquel and bupropion altogether.

I came very close to killing myself on mirtazapine so i don't think i will try that med again. But i don't know if that was the culprit as i was not on a mood stabilizer at the time and i was going through one of the roughest times of my life. In case no doctor has bothered telling you carbamazepine is a enzyme inducer so it fucks with the blood levels of ALOT of medications.
 
Olanzapine made me so numb. I felt like I was just drifting through life and couldn't feel anything anymore. I had to stop taking it, which unfortunately made it very difficult to sleep for about a month.
 
Bipolar Unanswered

[[[Please redirect to bipolar thread if there is one, I didn't find one]]]

So, im more than like have bipolar. My older sister has a history of bipolar, I have many symptoms, and i basically act exactly like my older sister. (((that may make no sense to you, but it makes all a world of sense to me)))

Anyway, so I am possible bipolar and I find myself debating because of the medication. I want to seek help, but to be completely honest, I do not want to take a medicine that will zombie me out. I am a 'former' meth addict (i say former because in my head I will always be a meth addict). I do not like anything that makes me 'chill', relax, slow down, zone out, be unfocused, or lethargic in anyway. From my experience with bipolar and its medication (older sister), all it did was 'zombie her out'. I do not want that, especially with my add. I can not live a life where im constantly zoning out, I just cannot be unproductive.

Any advice, words of wisdom, suggestions, thoughts, anything would be greatly appreciated!
 
Basically the meds work well and don't have any side effects for some people once they adjust. For some the meds dont work at all. And for some the meds work but have side-effects ranging from annoying to very serious. You just don't know how the meds will effect you until your try them. I say its worth a shot. But I don't take the meds because they made me too tired. I use marijuana as a mood-stabilizer instead which isn't perfect but its been working so far. I'm not recommending it. It works for some and not for most from what I've been reading. Whenever I run out the symptoms return fully in 36-48 hours or less and I have a crazy mixed episode.

I say give the meds a shot. They could change your life forever. And if they make you feel like shit you can always stop the under a doctors supervision. Bipolar people need sleep, food, and regular exercise even more so than other people. Typically they function better with an established routine. Anyway I recommend reading about the illness, trying the meds, and keeping a mood and sleep chart until your first doctors appointment. This will help the doc do his job better and make him more willing to help you.
 
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Agree, try the meds.. If you feel to much like a zombie then either adjust the dosage or change meds.

If you can get the levels right then you can stop the manic behavior without being a zombie (even though perhaps you might feel like it for a while because of the psychological aspect of not being used to a non manic state )
 
yeah feeling like a zombie due to bipolar meds is usually the doctor and the patient not having enough open discussion about the patient's treatment
 
I'm Bipolar......I have been thru a hyper manic psychosis.....and I am a former meth addict. When I quit I was hypo manic for two years before I got help. When they put me on a AP I lost all that high alert focus and was draggin. It takes time to find the right med's. I am stable because of gabapentin and klonopin.....But you have to be willing to take control over your life.....Now only a doctor can diagnosed you....I would like to hear your symptoms so I can better assist you!
 
There are days when I wake up and I am ready to go, get things done and acchomplish everything. Other days I want to acchomplish things but have to give myself a push and once the activity is finished and either have to find something else to start or i end up sitting around and being super tired and upset im not getting anything done. I can go from having a good day, just enjoying things, and then like yesterday, I see a picture that tears my world down. Just a simple picture and my world ended. I miss having a house and farm and animals and financial security, happiness, no worries, and just a peaceful wellbeing. Now after the meth stint, I feel like my husband is hiding or has hidden things from me, that he could be developing a problem with his adhd meds, that he is getting hooked on painkillers, that he has had enough of my issues, that life will never be the same, we wont be happy again, we wont have our own place again, my kids will hate me, im tearing everyone down, im just an inconvience to everyone, I need not tell people whats going on and spare them the annoyance, i need to push people away to save them from me, that my everything is torn apart and it cannot be repaired. Just a simple picture did all that. It was a picture of my friends little girl riding her horse. When things like that happen I cry and hate everything, i feel like a failure and nothing will be good again. Then when I get sad my own mind hurts me. Inside my head I hear these thoughts like "why would he stay with you? no one wants to deal with your shit. youre a bitch and no one likes you. they talk behind your back and only put up with you because of the kids. he doesnt want to hang out with you or be around you, thats why he works late and goes straight to the backyard when he gets home. thats why he rarely texts you back and when he does its short unemotional responce. He doesnt show affection because he has none for you, he only does it for the kids. all the mean things you said to him, why wouldnt he hate you. You couldnt keep your priorities striaght and youll just fuck your kids up just like you are"
Now as this is going on, If i can find something to do I can push it to the back until I forget its happening and then it goes away. Then say maybe my husband texts me a random love you. That makes my day and im happy all over again. Im confident and worry free.
Then the next few days are good. But something, even something little, could set me off and I could spend the whole morning, afternoon and/or evening crying.
Ive gotten okay about writing in a journal so that what is going on in my head is easier explainable.

Nutshell: I can be perfectly fine getting things done. If I take rest and something little triggers me, i turn into the world is ending kind of person. It varies from happening maybe every few days or more, to happening and carrying on into the next day. Somedays I can make it short and somedays one thing after another makes it carry on longer.

Ive noticed it only happens during quiet times, when I am left alone with my mind. I feel like these intrusive thoughts all stem from the feeling that my husband has a secret and/or wont open up to me about certain things.
 
I think you might benefit from seeing a counselor. Then the counselor can decide if you should have couples therapy or not. This seems to be a more complex problem than one that can be dealt with by strangers on an internet forum. I hope you can get some kind of help. If your low on money even if your not religious you can go see a pastor\priest\etc. and talk to them. They may try to recruit you to their church but they will at least listen and provide feedback.

I know how you feel with the mood swings I get them all the time for no reason and talking through them is the only thing that has helped me.
 
So now it's fall, the days are colder and the nights are longer. Like fucking clockwork my bipolar disorder swings back into depression as it always does this time of year. I was doing fairly well the summer as i started working out alot again and felt like i had a reason to get out of bed in the morning. This past week i only get out of bed when i have to take my meds and eat which is what has me sleeping in until 3 or 4 in the afternoon ffs. I am so sick of this shit and my life (or should i say lack there of) and fucking everything. Everyday is just the same old shit and i am just tired of it.

I absolutely dread and am even somewhat scared of the thought of another winter because the last one nearly killed me. Last winter was one of the bleakest periods of my life as for once i did not see any light at the end of the tunnel or any reason to live. I felt like i was just existing and didn't have the guts to off my worthless self. The thought of going through all that again scares me :(
 
^I've been in a major depression for awhile but these past 3 weeks it's really coming to a head...it's horrible...I've lost all confidence and self-esteem, I feel paranoid that everyone hates me...I feel like the biggest coward, it's just such a 180 from how I normally am....I'm afraid to go manic though because last time I became delusional and said and did a lot of things that embarrassed me. In fact, it seems like the guilt and embarrassment from being manic is the thing I feel most depressed about now.
 
I get mania alot during early summer and it sucks. I feel like i just can't sit still or shut up. At my worst i'll get very paranoid and get some hallucinations. Sucks that your so depressed for so long. I've had bouts of depression last nearly a year so yeah it really sucks.
 
^I don't think anyone can against depression sucking, but the severe form of it you're describing is on another level than I even think most people who have depression diagnoses understand. It's like life is just passing you by and you're powerless to grab the reins, at least that's how I feel right now, and I've wasted enough time on drugs and insanity in my life, I'm just so sick of it. At least once you've been through it a few times you know you can make it out of it....
 
Hi everybody, I just wanted to introduce myself. I have bipolar (duh) cyclothymia to be exact. I'm also dreading the winter because I get seasonal affective disorder. Not only that but it always seems like I'm stable in the summer and winter is when I fuck up. Anyway, I'm looking forward to being part of this thread!
 
BlueHues said:
^I don't think anyone can against depression sucking, but the severe form of it you're describing is on another level than I even think most people who have depression diagnoses understand. It's like life is just passing you by and you're powerless to grab the reins, at least that's how I feel right now, and I've wasted enough time on drugs and insanity in my life, I'm just so sick of it. At least once you've been through it a few times you know you can make it out of it....
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Yeah most people with bipolar depression seem to get the type where you can't get out of bed, want to sleep all day cause your so fatigued and i get the existentialist type of depression of why the fuck am i doing the same thing over and over again everyday and what is the point of it. I just feel as if there is no purpose to life and that i will never find joy in the things that most people do so why bother with living? I have been basically sleeping it off when i can as sleeping the day away right now is better then having those racing thoughts of suicide and why living is nothing but a sham.

xtcgrrrl said:
Hi everybody, I just wanted to introduce myself. I have bipolar (duh) cyclothymia to be exact. I'm also dreading the winter because I get seasonal affective disorder. Not only that but it always seems like I'm stable in the summer and winter is when I fuck up. Anyway, I'm looking forward to being part of this thread!
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I get SAD too. Bupropion works well for it i find and i am going to start taking it again within the next few days myself to hopefully cheer me up. I definitely have way more energy and motivation during summer rather then winter that's for sure.
 
exists said:
^Neither am I :( This winter might be rough, so hang on. You might want to invest in a bright, "full spectrum" lamp, WA. I need to get one myself.... I also need to make a tent within my room, so I won't be freezing cold while playing on my laptop :)
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That's a good idea. I will get one around December when I can afford it. A tent? Do you not have heat? Or do you have windows open to ventilate smoke constantly? I'm confused.
 
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