I'm so bloody tired.
I've been hiding away from BL a wee bit after recent postings that have had me questioning stuff. My head's a bit of a mess with it to be honest, and I really needed to get some perspective.
I've not really found anything much but I'm committed to pushing through what is a bit of an uneasy time of life.
Went out at the weekend, took some meph and drank rum. Saw a ska band. Was a great night. Met a really nice guy who is a festival DJ. He plays really eclectic stuff, 1940's music and suchlike. I met him last year at Electronic Soul as he was bartending for Auntie Glen when he wasn't DJing. Actually thought he was gay (not that it matters, just an observation) but it turns out he rather likes me. That was cool as fuck, I was really flattered. He's got a girlfriend though, and I'm not really ready to be more than friends with anyone right now. My mate Colm said he couldn't take his eyes off me and that he kept asking stuff about me, like he was trying to suss me out. To be honest as soon as I clapped eyes on him I was a bit like "wow". It was nice to have a moment even if that's all it was. I googled his DJ name and he's got quite a following on the festival scene. I liked the fact that when I said "are you <insert dj name here>" he was like "yeah but call me Jim because I hate telling people I'm a DJ cos it makes me sound like a twat"... that just did it for me. Anyway, hopefully I'll see him around and he can be another of my army of friends
I've started losing weight again! I think it's because I was so skint, I was living off coffee at work and a single tin of soup or whatever I could find in the cupboard at home. My waist is getting smaller which is great, although I wish I could lose more off my tummy, face and bum. I'm trying though. Technically it should be easier as I'm incredibly restricted in what I can eat because of the insulin intolerance problem I have. If something is bad for me then my body disposes of it very quickly. I was gross tonight, I ate a whole package of salami and a huge margarita pizza. I crave cured meat and I'm meant to be vegetarian :/ I had an indian takeaway last night and I could only eat a tiny bit of it. After tonight's binge I feel totally sick and was so close to making myself sick it was unreal. I worry sometimes that I'm an eating disorder waiting to happen. I think I have some kind of problem, the way I binge sometimes, it's not natural. I'm curbing it more now, and I try not to keep much food in the house, especially trigger foods.
I am so fucking angry. This blog entry was a lot longer and included a rant about my exes girlfriend and the shit she caused for me before she started going out with him... and the computer cut out. Rant was lost. Probably for the best, she's a manipulative fucking bitch and there's no point talking about it now. I might post about it tomorrow if I still feel angry about it. It's funny how things that happened nearly two years ago can still anger me so much. It just annoys me that people think she's so fucking nice and so innocent... and she really fucked me over. Still though, my own fault for being so trusting, and the people that believed her shit aren't in my life anymore... nuff said really.
Anyway I'm getting agitated now and there's no point. It's water under the bridge, I just wish people saw her for what she really was, or at least believed the way she took me for a fool. It doesn't matter anyway. The people that stuck around know the truth about what she did to me and if she really wronged me then karma will put things right.
Gonna sign off now, will write more tomorrow when I'm a bit less strung out.
I've been hiding away from BL a wee bit after recent postings that have had me questioning stuff. My head's a bit of a mess with it to be honest, and I really needed to get some perspective.
I've not really found anything much but I'm committed to pushing through what is a bit of an uneasy time of life.
Went out at the weekend, took some meph and drank rum. Saw a ska band. Was a great night. Met a really nice guy who is a festival DJ. He plays really eclectic stuff, 1940's music and suchlike. I met him last year at Electronic Soul as he was bartending for Auntie Glen when he wasn't DJing. Actually thought he was gay (not that it matters, just an observation) but it turns out he rather likes me. That was cool as fuck, I was really flattered. He's got a girlfriend though, and I'm not really ready to be more than friends with anyone right now. My mate Colm said he couldn't take his eyes off me and that he kept asking stuff about me, like he was trying to suss me out. To be honest as soon as I clapped eyes on him I was a bit like "wow". It was nice to have a moment even if that's all it was. I googled his DJ name and he's got quite a following on the festival scene. I liked the fact that when I said "are you <insert dj name here>" he was like "yeah but call me Jim because I hate telling people I'm a DJ cos it makes me sound like a twat"... that just did it for me. Anyway, hopefully I'll see him around and he can be another of my army of friends
I've started losing weight again! I think it's because I was so skint, I was living off coffee at work and a single tin of soup or whatever I could find in the cupboard at home. My waist is getting smaller which is great, although I wish I could lose more off my tummy, face and bum. I'm trying though. Technically it should be easier as I'm incredibly restricted in what I can eat because of the insulin intolerance problem I have. If something is bad for me then my body disposes of it very quickly. I was gross tonight, I ate a whole package of salami and a huge margarita pizza. I crave cured meat and I'm meant to be vegetarian :/ I had an indian takeaway last night and I could only eat a tiny bit of it. After tonight's binge I feel totally sick and was so close to making myself sick it was unreal. I worry sometimes that I'm an eating disorder waiting to happen. I think I have some kind of problem, the way I binge sometimes, it's not natural. I'm curbing it more now, and I try not to keep much food in the house, especially trigger foods.
I am so fucking angry. This blog entry was a lot longer and included a rant about my exes girlfriend and the shit she caused for me before she started going out with him... and the computer cut out. Rant was lost. Probably for the best, she's a manipulative fucking bitch and there's no point talking about it now. I might post about it tomorrow if I still feel angry about it. It's funny how things that happened nearly two years ago can still anger me so much. It just annoys me that people think she's so fucking nice and so innocent... and she really fucked me over. Still though, my own fault for being so trusting, and the people that believed her shit aren't in my life anymore... nuff said really.
Anyway I'm getting agitated now and there's no point. It's water under the bridge, I just wish people saw her for what she really was, or at least believed the way she took me for a fool. It doesn't matter anyway. The people that stuck around know the truth about what she did to me and if she really wronged me then karma will put things right.
Gonna sign off now, will write more tomorrow when I'm a bit less strung out.