sockpuppet
Bluelighter
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- Aug 10, 2010
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bf doesn't want to explore my sexual fantasies
- Thread starter Nurse Bloop
- Start date
PriestTheyCalledHim
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2005
- Messages
- 14,714
Nurse, have you tried talking to him?
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sounds like he cares more about his personal comfort zone than your needs being fulfilled. how deeply have you discussed it? just in passing and he shot it down, or did you have a deep and sincere expression of your desires and he put up a defensive fuss about it?
Nurse Bloop
Bluelighter
rthyfgthtfh
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Pander Bear
Bluelight Crew
Yall don't have issues— you have issues. You aren't in an equal and mutually satisfying relationship, you're getting the short end of the stick, and you're making excuses for it. I wont presume to tell you what's amiss, but I will take a stab at it, from a place of personal experience, and say it might have something to do with a poor opinion of yourself.
Was gonna say ^
Youre now more concerned for your own comfort zone than for what is good for you. No one said "Leave him it will be easy." Everyone basically said "Leave him." Who cares if its hard? You have everything to gain. Staying sounds like you have little to gain and more to lose.
I'm a (mostly) straight woman but I was in your position a few years ago with my ex-bf, who wouldn't explore these exact fantasies and sexual needs of submission and masochism with me.
All I can say is that it kept building up in my head, was a constant source of frustration, made me feel that my sexual desires (and therefore me as a person) were "abnormal", made me feel constantly rejected and slowly ground down my self esteem. He wasn't a mean or a bad person but he was a selfish lover who wouldn't go out of his comfort zone for me and who felt intimidated by my experience and sexual urges.
I can't explain the feeling, it's like missing a leg. You can't help being gay but imo you also can't help being kinky. I wish I'd left him earlier than I did; no matter how much we loved each other, sexual incompatibility is too much of a big deal if you're a physical person. And it took me at least a year with a (verrrry kinky) new partner to undo the psychological damage this caused me. I still often feel like there's something wrong with me for wanting the BDSM sex I do - this was never there before I was with that ex. But make your own mind up re what's important to you. I suggest both you and your partner read Dan Savage's column and his rules about being GGG lovers
GGG stands for "good, giving, and game," which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think "good in bed," "giving equal time and equal pleasure," and "game for anything—within reason."
All I can say is that it kept building up in my head, was a constant source of frustration, made me feel that my sexual desires (and therefore me as a person) were "abnormal", made me feel constantly rejected and slowly ground down my self esteem. He wasn't a mean or a bad person but he was a selfish lover who wouldn't go out of his comfort zone for me and who felt intimidated by my experience and sexual urges.
I can't explain the feeling, it's like missing a leg. You can't help being gay but imo you also can't help being kinky. I wish I'd left him earlier than I did; no matter how much we loved each other, sexual incompatibility is too much of a big deal if you're a physical person. And it took me at least a year with a (verrrry kinky) new partner to undo the psychological damage this caused me. I still often feel like there's something wrong with me for wanting the BDSM sex I do - this was never there before I was with that ex. But make your own mind up re what's important to you. I suggest both you and your partner read Dan Savage's column and his rules about being GGG lovers
GGG stands for "good, giving, and game," which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think "good in bed," "giving equal time and equal pleasure," and "game for anything—within reason."
quiet roar
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2003
- Messages
- 4,990
If you don't want to leave him, you can't.
augustaB
Bluelighter
^^ That's about the size of it.
Or you can tell him that you really need to do this, so please can he accompany you to a BDSM club.
Or you can tell him that you really need to do this, so please can he accompany you to a BDSM club.
Ease your way into it.
Maybe start with some B, then work in a lil D, then when thats getting boring introduce some S&M.
I was shown BDSM by a Ex, and I fucking loved it. I had no idea how empowering and pleasurable dominating your lover could really be.
If hes not keen on it, maybe hes just too straight laced, and perhaps some alcohol, weed and amphetamine would make him more nasty
Maybe start with some B, then work in a lil D, then when thats getting boring introduce some S&M.
I was shown BDSM by a Ex, and I fucking loved it. I had no idea how empowering and pleasurable dominating your lover could really be.
If hes not keen on it, maybe hes just too straight laced, and perhaps some alcohol, weed and amphetamine would make him more nasty
DrunkardsDream
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2008
- Messages
- 684
I'm a gay man and while I'm not into kink or bondage at all if I were with a partner who wanted it done to him and we were in a relationship together I'd do it to him, provided it's within reason. I don't want to do scat (sex involving shit) or do something to someone that would actually hurt them.
I read your other post about your partner. I don't think that you should stay with him and yes it does sound like he's taking advantage of you. As others in t his thread have said you're 20 you have the rest of your life to date men, find one that's into bondage and kinks, and who wants an equal in a relationship and not someone who's a user.
I read your other post about your partner. I don't think that you should stay with him and yes it does sound like he's taking advantage of you. As others in t his thread have said you're 20 you have the rest of your life to date men, find one that's into bondage and kinks, and who wants an equal in a relationship and not someone who's a user.