better things are coming.. or not

[sogno]

I envy who is capable of being happy with the small things. People who are happy when they are with their friends, or because they have an hobby which they enjoy or....
I have a family and a couple of good friends that really care for me, still I feel alone most of the time. I quit drinking and doing any drug 4 months ago, hoping this could improve my life. Seems like I can't enjoy anything. I read books but I'm not focused and I don't enjoy them. I watch movies and they bore me. I played three cushions billiards for over ten years, but I quit playing because I don't like playing anymore.
At this point in my life I can't say for sure what I like. I have a girlfriend but I don't love her. I actually never loved anybody, how can you possibly love someone when you dislike yourself? I don't think it's possible, because every nice word or gesture somebody does for you you think is unsincere.
I'm taking zoloft and zyprexa since last year, and I also have an addiction to lorazepam.
In the past I was sure better things would coming but now I'm not sure anymore. I'm not as depressed as I was a year ago, just.. hopeless. Maybe life is just this. And I'm starting to doubt sobriety life is worth it.
Thank you for you attention and sorry for my bad english.

 

[garbagegutz]

their can be no light without dark - finding a balance helps me - but you are only on the planet a small time - make the most of it.

 

[Mysterie]

what was it about your depression that made you want to take zoloft and zyprexa?

have they improved your quality of life?

have you considered tapering off of lorazepam?