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Best psychedelic for theraputic introspection/analyizing ones flaws

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somedud

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Hello all,
this is my first post on PD.

Let me start off by saying i'm no ameatuer to psychadelics but in this case, I would like some other opinions.

Ok, so bascially about 14 months ago I finished rolling about twice a month for four and a half months, averageing about 20 pills. During my last two rolls I had bad experiences, but after my LAST one, is when all hell broke lose.

I experinced a breakup with my girlfriend on some E pills and LOST my mind, and couldnt sleep for months without a sleeping aid, started having flashbacks of that night and relived it a million times, along with all day panic/anxiety attacks and social isolation. I can remember still to this day, what I done the week preceding my bad trip, but life since then has been ONE BLUR.

I've ben convinced the past 14 months i've got long term, permanent brain damage from the MDMA. Im experienceing all the symptoms. Un comfortable all th time, never content, very anxious, i feel much more dulled, im depersonalizaed, have lost my social skills and have this unfamilar look in my eye. I'm very much still isolated, and just go to school, then go home and sleep.

I have no interest in anything I use to do, and when I smoke weed or drink I can really feel the effects the MDMA done on my brain, as I feel like a retard. I went from a very high functioning person with much ambition, to a low functioning, confidentless, hopeless wreck.

I don't feel attached to my surrounds as all, I dont FEEL them anymore, and I seem to lack a thought process. My mind feels blank, and I have no personality, ego, or opinion on any subjects every thrown at me, i just go along with what the other people say. To top it off, i'm a robot, COMPELTELY void of emotion and numb to the world. I lost $200 dollars today and not one worrisome thought passed my mind, NOTHING MATTERS.

But, like I said i'm very convinved i've some serious long term brain damage on my case.

My therapist thinks otherwise, he thinks I have complex PTSD, and this "numbness" is a common symptom and that it's my brain defense mechanism from going through so much hell.

This is where I need YOUR help. Occasionally on a few weed highs i've kind of rationalized my thought process and at times came to conclusions that my minds to warped into the past and thinking flaws that im NEVER in the moment, always preoccupied, which is in turn making me VERY unaware of my surrounds, which in turn leads me to feel stupid.

It's like i'm stuck in a merry-go round of thought processes, and over time this process have become so repetative that their fading, and my brains just shutting off.

So, I figured maybe if weeds giving some type of introspection, maybe I need to go a bit DEEPER and get to the route of this problem, and possibly mend myself, and give my life a new persepctive, because the one I have now is NOT worth living.

I even brought this idea up to my therapist and he seemed to actually UNDERSTAND what I mean, and although hes doesnt advocate it, he certianly agrees it could be of some help. He's told me to research some "psychedelic healing" literature, plus he looks like a pot head.

Anyways, what would be a good psychadelic to help this situation? I was thinking mushrooms. Also, I havnt connected with anyone in a LONG time so I don't know what type of setting I should be in, or if I should do it alone.

Please give me your thoughts.
 
I personally find that Methoxetamine does a good job of causing me to reflect on issues. It also has caused things to be resolved between friends and I when we take it together. For some reason, for us, it has this ability to bring what we are feeling to the surface. I also note a strong antidepressant afterglow with the substance.

Though you might also consider sobriety. I'm taking this month off as sober to straighten some stuff out in my head. Drugs aren't necessarily always a solution; I've realized lately that to some problems, there is no quick fix, as much as I would like for there to be.

Sobriety also helps with mental clarity IME.

btw, I'm not trying to tell you that you have to quit using drugs, just that it might help in your situation.
 
Why are you so sure that you don't have PTSD. He might be right, you know

For PTSD, MDMA would be your best shot. But if you have lost the magic, then I don't think it would work
 
I'm gonna go with Salvia here.

If you're dealing with way too many repetitive, pointless, distracting, negative thought patterns, Salvia clears the air in my head like a charm. I don't do a lot; for the most part I am still in this reality, which I find contributes to the the therapeutic nature of the trip.

It means that my regular, every day thought processes are intersecting with the plant-like thought processes of the Salvia Lens, which shows me things about my own internal processes. I become aware of parts of my life that are neglected, parts of my brain that are doing arbitrary, silly things. I find that the mild Salvia is like an examination of my various layers of conscious awareness.

One of the things that makes Salvia a great tool is that it doesn't play on the emotions. It doesn't magnify pre-existing emotions or even thought patterns like, say, psilocybin does. It is all about the point of view. That is all it is. Salvia temporarily changes your point of view. Go into it with the intention of addressing a problem or problems, and I believe you will not be disappointed.
 
I would agree with mushrooms. IME mushrooms have always helped me see what was wrong and the way to correct myself. If you want to REALLY go deep inside take the mushrooms with harmala seeds. Do it by yourself unless your with someone you can talk to about anything, someone really close to you. What psychedelics have you used, and what were you're experiences on them? I have never used ecstasy and don't plan on it, but I have experienced similar problems to yours.
After lots of drug use I changed on the inside. I had social anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder. I would not leave my house except to get more drugs. On top of that I lost contact with a majority of my friends and was failing school. After taking an eighth of mushrooms with some ground harmala seeds I completely changed myself around. That trip was probably the most intense thing I've ever experienced. Around the beginning of the trip I decided that I would kill myself because of the way my life was headed and I was so unhappy with myself. After that the trip became to intense and I passed out for a few hours. When I was passed out I was just my conscious floating around space. I encountered a Divine presence that showed me what was wrong with me, how to fix it, and made me realize that I am Important and I do Matter. I felt so relieved, loved, and grateful after that encounter. One of the biggest messages I got from it was "We Are All One, Everything Is One". I began to feel not so alone. After the trip and about a month of thinking on it I came to many revelations. I still have social anxiety, but now it's not so bad, I can wave and smile at people now! :D I keep working on it. Do you have a hobby? I picked up guitar and sometimes I play at the park and people walk up and start talking to me :). I don't have to initiate conversation at all. Anything to get social right. I also started getting my body into good shape. Do you workout? It doesn't even have to be a workout, I go hiking in the mountains near my town. Take vitamins, eat whole/raw foods, quit soda/junkfood/fastfood. It all helps. What is your diet like?
The mushrooms/seeds made a HUGE impact on my life, It scares me to think were I'd be if I hadn't taken them. I hope this helps. Goodluck Friend
 
As I linked in a recent thread where a person had some similar symptoms:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization

Check those out. It's happened to me, but the duration can really vary. The other person who posted here had it very short term. For me it lasted approximately for 2 weeks, and for you, clearly a lot longer.

Although psychedelics can help you work out your issues, I'm very sceptical about if they'll help with derealization/depersonalisation - if anything I could see them making it potentially worse.

I'd recommend a strict regimen of exercise, a healthy diet, and to cut out cigarettes, alcohol, weed, and other drugs for some time. These symptoms can often be brought about by drug use in the first place, and repeated exposure to any drugs can just worsen the symptoms or bring them back. Better to try without them all for some time.

If after several weeks of a healthier lifestyle nothing has changed, I'd consider therapy, along with this, you could then try your own therapy with an appropriate psychedelic, such as mushrooms, and think about the events of the night that triggered this.

Hope this helps :) If you have more questions about derealization/depersonalisation, feel free to PM me. I did quite a lot of research on both during the two weeks I experienced them - and also for several months after.
 
i have been diagnosed ptsd before and can relate to your experience

generally mdma is used in ptsd treatment, i think you should smoke more pot personally

psychedelics are not always best to do in that kind of mental state..

i don't recall do you have any prior psychedelic background? I think ketamine would be a great start as an alternative to mdma

and has helped me similarly
 
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I had a dream where my dog told me about his experiences with various psychedelics including 4-aco-mipt, 4-ho-met, lsd, mushrooms, 2c-e, 2c-i, lsd, mdma and methoxetamine. He ranked their theraputic usefullness in this order:
1. mushrooms
2. LSD
3. 2c-e
4. 4-ho-met
5. mdma
6. 4-aco-mipt
7. 2c-i
8. methoxetamine

He told me his two most profound and life changing trips came from mushrooms. One a 3.5g trip and the other a 6g trip. Prior to meeting psychedelics he said he had many problems. He believes he would not be the dog he is today if it were not for the 6g mushroom trip. Words cannot do it justice he said. They showed him things multiple dog psychiatrists and psychologists couldn't put a finger on.
 
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If you gotta choose a medicine, then first you must know what's wrong with you

And why not trust your doc. on this? Why pay him and then not listen to him?
 
Between 1-3g mushrooms does the trick usually for me. Fairly low dose in my experience. However, if you dose too high you may continue to live through that anxiety. I've taken small doses of mushrooms, and they are a big reminder of how beautiful the world is, and how you are just a piece of the beauty, and how life is all changing but all the same. Only you can change your mind, though. So good luck.


or small dose of 2ce, maybe say 8-13mg. 2c-e has been pretty reflective/introspective for me at certain stages of my existence.


Good luck dude. Sometimes the best medicine is just to think less about it. Divert your attention to something you can get enjoyment out of. Practice mindfulness. Be aware. Listen to yourself breath, go for long walks, listen to some good music, stretch. Read about yourself, and about positive ways to change yourself. There is a book called How to Overcome Destructive Emotions by Daniel Goleman. It is pretty cool, and is all about how people have the ability to train their minds by living in certain moments. It is a big debate between Eastern and Western tradition. May be worth checking out.
 
I'd take a guess that you are just experiencing PTSD's effects. In that case, I'd recommend going back to MDMA to try to "reset" this feeling. During your roll, you could think about and accept the issues that you experienced last time, allowing yourself to be immersed in them in a non-harmful way. Maybe take a very small dose of a downer such as Valium along with it if you think it would give you major anxiety/negative physical side effects. If you don't want to take MDMA anymore, I'd say take something like 4-AcO-DiPT. In my experience, it has consistently been very therapeutic and calming. A lot of the psilocin analogs are helpful, but I find 4-AcO-DiPT to be a particularly calming compound, allowing one to confront even their darker thoughts in a rational manner without too much anxiety. It's like a trypta-trance.
 
2ce was the best for me for this purpose. It was so self critical sometimes it was very difficult, but always valuable.
 
Chaosbydesign said:
I'd take a guess that you are just experiencing PTSD's effects. In that case, I'd recommend going back to MDMA to try to "reset" this feeling. During your roll, you could think about and accept the issues that you experienced last time, allowing yourself to be immersed in them in a non-harmful way. Maybe take a very small dose of a downer such as Valium along with it if you think it would give you major anxiety/negative physical side effects. If you don't want to take MDMA anymore, I'd say take something like 4-AcO-DiPT. In my experience, it has consistently been very therapeutic and calming. A lot of the psilocin analogs are helpful, but I find 4-AcO-DiPT to be a particularly calming compound, allowing one to confront even their darker thoughts in a rational manner without too much anxiety. It's like a trypta-trance.
Click to expand...

I agree, and you may not feel comfortable going back to using mdma, because it caused you to feel this way to begin with... but I've had a few tough rolls myself and if its clean stuff they are few and far between (and mostly caused by external factors). I would say roll with someone you really trust and "refund" the effect that one trip gave you. I know what this sort of thing feels like. I once had some crazy lsd experiences and wouldn't touch it again for years, but I failed to realize I was taking 3-400ug and I dont have to do that, so when I decided to try lsd again I loved it.

If you DONT want to use MDMA again for whatever reason (like if it continues to bother you), then I would recommend nothing but what Chaos said, 4-aco-dipt. Its wonderful for therapy in my opinion (probably more so than the hydroxy counterpart....4-aco-dipt is the most calming psychedelic I've ever researched). But just because I find it calming doesnt mean it lacks the important sensory experiences of psilocin.

IamMe90 said:
2ce was the best for me for this purpose. It was so self critical sometimes it was very difficult, but always valuable.
Click to expand...

This is very subjective but if you're anything like me, 2ce is the LAST thing you want to take to calmly do work on yourself. This is a way to plunge yourself into a void of colorful and amazing visuals with some questionably long after-effects... its very unpredictable and IME (keyword!) I don't get much out of it. It just seems to neutralize my mood. Not good or bad.

I fell asleep on 4-aco-dipt once. I only tripped for 3 hours, I was so exhausted (usually lasts 5 or 6 for me), but when I woke up I felt the depression I've carried for so long to have dissipated, even as I write this now weeks later. I strongly suggest Iprocetyl in particular. Back to the neutrality thing, this one always feels *benevolent* to me, far more so than something like say psilocin, dmt, or even lsd (which tends to be giddier for me compared to the other ttwo).

In other words: Iprocetyl FTW! But if you dont have any experience with rc's, ignore this advice entirely.
 
Jesusgreen said:
As I linked in a recent thread where a person had some similar symptoms:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization

Although psychedelics can help you work out your issues, I'm very sceptical about if they'll help with derealization/depersonalisation - if anything I could see them making it potentially worse.

I'd recommend a strict regimen of exercise, a healthy diet, and to cut out cigarettes, alcohol, weed, and other drugs for some time. These symptoms can often be brought about by drug use in the first place, and repeated exposure to any drugs can just worsen the symptoms or bring them back. Better to try without them all for some time.

If after several weeks of a healthier lifestyle nothing has changed, I'd consider therapy, along with this, you could then try your own therapy with an appropriate psychedelic, such as mushrooms, and think about the events of the night that triggered this.
Click to expand...


^This. I was stuck in a relatively mild state of depersonalization/derealization for several months last year (likely brought on by frequent dissociative use, other things may have factored in as well). More drugs is definitely not the answer, take a break and be sober for a while.

Also, why are you questioning your therapist's diagnosis? Are you not upfront about your drug use with them and think they're misdirected because of this?
 
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I'm going to agree with those who have said that adding a drug to your current depersonalized state is NOT likely to improve it.

Keep a daily diary of your emotions and thoughts, and start a strict regimen of diet, exercise, and abstinence from drugs and alcohol.

Let us know how you feel after one month of this, and then maybe you'll be in a condition to "confront" yourself on a psychotropic. But not now, while you are still very vulnerable.

Strengthen your mind and body, and you will be able to conquer this.
 
greenmeanies said:
I'm going to agree with those who have said that adding a drug to your current depersonalized state is NOT likely to improve it.

Keep a daily diary of your emotions and thoughts, and start a strict regimen of diet, exercise, and abstinence from drugs and alcohol.

Let us know how you feel after one month of this, and then maybe you'll be in a condition to "confront" yourself on a psychotropic. But not now, while you are still very vulnerable.

Strengthen your mind and body, and you will be able to conquer this.
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This.

Sorry if it's not quite the answer you want, but I can attest to how powerful diet and exercise can go. I didn't exactly abstain from drug use during this time period but imagine if I did. Point being, there are just as many physiological reasons for depression as there are psychological. Physical correction is much easier than psychological. Do yourself a favor and try that first.
 
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