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OD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic
Misc Best drug to microdose for depression
- Thread starter Synaps3
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Phil.McKeer
Bluelighter
Sounds like Al-Anon propaganda to me. Check out MAPS, the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies, which also happens to be a big part of this website. LSD and MDMA and many of their analogues can be potentially VERY helpful in therapy and this has been known for some time. I'm not saying everyone getting any kind of therapy should get dosed with drugs, but that their use should be allowed when a fucking DOCTOR and his/her patient believes it to be beneficial.
Are you trolling or being willfully ignorant?
Edit: I'm not sure you know this or not, but the "M" in MAPS (Which is again a big part of this website) stands for multidisciplinary. That means multiple disciplines of scientific fields of study, ranging from pharmacology to psychiatry.
jammin83
Bluelighter
For a lot of people that have chronic depression most of the drugs available don't work that well or for that long. If you have a hx of chronic depression. SNRIs and SSRIs aren't going to work a decade and you will most likely be retarded when you stop for a good long while and well way more depressed. TCAs make you fat and can have a pretty shitty withdrawal if you have been on them for a while. APs can be effective but will do things to your brain that are better left alone.
Current depression treatments are pretty limited and pretty damn inadequate at even managing symptoms much less dealing with the underlying problems. It is my opinion that in the case of chronic depression most of these substances are damaging and or depleting in some way esp when given for decades at a time.
Probably psilocybin or ibogaine would be the best psychedelics to microdose. psilocybin can provoke neurogenesis in the hippocampus. This is relevant bc the hippocampus can shrink in chronic depression patients.
LSD might be a good option too and likely ALD 52 and other lysergamides.
Ibogaine is the best but a little harder to source. cures depression overnight. TA is the best for depression and psych issues and root bark isn't bad for microdosing. can be dangerous and even lethal. part of its charm. low dose is pretty safe. pretty amazing stuff that is really promising for a lot of issues besides depression and addiction. multiple modes of action and can restart reward in anhedonia patients and can cure some neurological disorders. wtf.
ketamine. pretty well known at this point. esketamine is the isomer you want. don't dose too high.
also transcranial magnetic simulation has shown some promise.
there is a treatment that deals basically with b vitamins and the methylation cycle. You need to have some gene testing done though. treatment resistant depression, memory issues, PTSD, etc. can be caused or influenced by methylation cycle faults and basically you fix the weak points in the cycle with supplementation.
There is also 7,8 dihydroxyflavone that is showing promise according to one study but don't have a lot of info on it.
Self medicate away I say. nobody is going to fix your depression for you.
Current depression treatments are pretty limited and pretty damn inadequate at even managing symptoms much less dealing with the underlying problems. It is my opinion that in the case of chronic depression most of these substances are damaging and or depleting in some way esp when given for decades at a time.
Probably psilocybin or ibogaine would be the best psychedelics to microdose. psilocybin can provoke neurogenesis in the hippocampus. This is relevant bc the hippocampus can shrink in chronic depression patients.
LSD might be a good option too and likely ALD 52 and other lysergamides.
Ibogaine is the best but a little harder to source. cures depression overnight. TA is the best for depression and psych issues and root bark isn't bad for microdosing. can be dangerous and even lethal. part of its charm. low dose is pretty safe. pretty amazing stuff that is really promising for a lot of issues besides depression and addiction. multiple modes of action and can restart reward in anhedonia patients and can cure some neurological disorders. wtf.
ketamine. pretty well known at this point. esketamine is the isomer you want. don't dose too high.
also transcranial magnetic simulation has shown some promise.
there is a treatment that deals basically with b vitamins and the methylation cycle. You need to have some gene testing done though. treatment resistant depression, memory issues, PTSD, etc. can be caused or influenced by methylation cycle faults and basically you fix the weak points in the cycle with supplementation.
There is also 7,8 dihydroxyflavone that is showing promise according to one study but don't have a lot of info on it.
Self medicate away I say. nobody is going to fix your depression for you.
Phil.McKeer
Bluelighter
Really throughough and good post, jammin. I especially agree with your first and last points.
jammin83
Bluelighter
Thx phil, thought it might be of use to some.
To add to the bupe thing, there is a medication being developed that has bupe and an antagonist in it to prevent tolerance.
Not sure how I feel about bupe just bc I think there are better options becoming available. Bupe by itself is a real motherfucker to quit. I didn't even notice though bc I was kicking a hefty xanax habit at the same time. Good times.
Prob decent for symptom mangement but won't treat any underlying cause. Interesting developments with it fo sho
self medicating is all about using the right drugs appropriately. I would never advocate somebody using alcohol, stims, cocaine, heroin, etc. thats some bull shit.
its also a whole lot easier to treat depression if you haven't been bombarding your brain with drugs for long periods of time. Psych drugs can make people treatment resistant over time. If I could do it over again I wouldn't ever mess with them. made things much worse for me and my depression is almost impossible to treat after APs. so tread carefully. your brain can only handle so much poly drugging for so long.
To add to the bupe thing, there is a medication being developed that has bupe and an antagonist in it to prevent tolerance.
Not sure how I feel about bupe just bc I think there are better options becoming available. Bupe by itself is a real motherfucker to quit. I didn't even notice though bc I was kicking a hefty xanax habit at the same time. Good times.
Prob decent for symptom mangement but won't treat any underlying cause. Interesting developments with it fo sho
self medicating is all about using the right drugs appropriately. I would never advocate somebody using alcohol, stims, cocaine, heroin, etc. thats some bull shit.
its also a whole lot easier to treat depression if you haven't been bombarding your brain with drugs for long periods of time. Psych drugs can make people treatment resistant over time. If I could do it over again I wouldn't ever mess with them. made things much worse for me and my depression is almost impossible to treat after APs. so tread carefully. your brain can only handle so much poly drugging for so long.
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opusensemble
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2016
- Messages
- 2
I suffer from severe TRD, am opioid naive (correction, I am actually naive all-round) and went the extra mile and tried Suboxone 1mg/0.25mg (Bupe/Naloxone) dosage. 1 hour after taking the first and only dosage, I started vomiting uncontrollably with severe sleepiness, dizziness, and problems with coordination. I vomited all liquids I drank for 14 hours after that single dosage and was unable to leave the house during 24hours. I felt no relief from depression whatsoever after that single intake
What I wonder is how could I have such a reaction to 1mg buprenorphine when none of the patients taking up to 8mg in this clinical trial ( http://blumsrewarddeficiencysyndrome.com/ets/articles/v1n1/jrdsas-021-george-kamajian.pdf ) stopped treatment based on any side effects.
when in other study ( http://www.jwatch.org/na40479/2016/02/26/opioid-modulation-treatment-resistant-depression ) 81% of the participants taking 2mg dosage experienced vomiting !
So something doesn't seem very coherent here between these 2 studies.
I only found this later:
Use in Opioid Naïve Patients
There have been reported deaths of opioid naïve individuals who received a 2 mg dose of buprenorphine as a sublingual tablet for analgesia
Source: https://www.drugs.com/pro/suboxone.html
Are any references or anecdotal evidence out there that supports the use of 50-100mcg dosages? I would say based on experience that it could probably avoid the vomiting adverse event (not sure if I'll risk trying it again even at such low dosages, without further confirmation) But will the therapeutic effect occur at such apparently undocumented dosages?
P.S. Here it has been recently shown to at least reduce suicidality considerably after 4 week at a 0.44mg dosage http://sci-hub.cc/10.1176/appi.ajp.2015.15040535 (they call that an ultra low dosage, so I wonder what is 50-100mcg is. The thing is, what I don't understand from my nearly lethal intolerance to 1mg, is how can someone even consider touching 0.44mg. I tried 30+ psych meds and had mostly severe intolerances from all of them and none of them nearly killed me like Suboxone did. At least perceptually. Something is not very well researched around the bupe for depression IMO
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dus_aster
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2015
- Messages
- 179
@Jammin83
A lot of individuals don't respond well to SSRI therapy (or TCA, or SNRI, et al), but if someone is suffering from severe depression (and all the comorbid goodies so often associated with it), it's still a good idea for them to *try* some prescription pharmacological options (possibly while self-medicating with other substances so as not to compromise mental health while searching for something that works).
As someone with "moderate" (whatever that means) GAD and pretty severe PDD/MDD who tried to micro-dose (and, uh, not so micro-dose) a wide variety of substances for years starting in late adolescence (...which ended in addiction, though obviously ymmv), I personally would advocate that any/everyone suffering from PDD/MDD at least give pharmacotherapy a shot. I disagree vehemently with the assertion that 'all mood stabilizers are crap'; they've saved a lot of lives (mine, at the very least), and, while response rates are sub-optimal, there is still evidence that there is therapeutic benefit in certain meds.
It's shitty HR to advocate total abstinence, but it's also pretty shitty HR to tell someone that psychiatric medication will inevitably and invariably 'make [them] fat' or stop working.
Psychiatric medication regimens and microdosing don't have to be mutually exclusive :v
Depression isn't "solvable", and developing management strategies requires an open mind (and a lot of time and energy)
From an HR perspective, it's also worth pointing out that microdosage of anything can lead to habituation unless care is taken and one knows their ab/use patterns like the proverbial back of their hand.
ED: This wasn't meant to come across as irate as it probably does
Thing I personally found extremely useful, in addition to vitamins, 60mg/CAF x3 daily (w/ 60mg L-Theanine, also x3), 40mg CIT/daily, ~100mg medical cannabis/nightly:
Once monthly psychedelic use! This is huge, imo; allows the introspection necessary for continued improvement/stabilization of mental health, and serves as a sort of diagnostic check for the psyche.
A lot of individuals don't respond well to SSRI therapy (or TCA, or SNRI, et al), but if someone is suffering from severe depression (and all the comorbid goodies so often associated with it), it's still a good idea for them to *try* some prescription pharmacological options (possibly while self-medicating with other substances so as not to compromise mental health while searching for something that works).
As someone with "moderate" (whatever that means) GAD and pretty severe PDD/MDD who tried to micro-dose (and, uh, not so micro-dose) a wide variety of substances for years starting in late adolescence (...which ended in addiction, though obviously ymmv), I personally would advocate that any/everyone suffering from PDD/MDD at least give pharmacotherapy a shot. I disagree vehemently with the assertion that 'all mood stabilizers are crap'; they've saved a lot of lives (mine, at the very least), and, while response rates are sub-optimal, there is still evidence that there is therapeutic benefit in certain meds.
It's shitty HR to advocate total abstinence, but it's also pretty shitty HR to tell someone that psychiatric medication will inevitably and invariably 'make [them] fat' or stop working.
Psychiatric medication regimens and microdosing don't have to be mutually exclusive :v
Depression isn't "solvable", and developing management strategies requires an open mind (and a lot of time and energy)
From an HR perspective, it's also worth pointing out that microdosage of anything can lead to habituation unless care is taken and one knows their ab/use patterns like the proverbial back of their hand.
ED: This wasn't meant to come across as irate as it probably does
Thing I personally found extremely useful, in addition to vitamins, 60mg/CAF x3 daily (w/ 60mg L-Theanine, also x3), 40mg CIT/daily, ~100mg medical cannabis/nightly:
Once monthly psychedelic use! This is huge, imo; allows the introspection necessary for continued improvement/stabilization of mental health, and serves as a sort of diagnostic check for the psyche.
DixiChik
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2015
- Messages
- 972
I often say that my disease (stage 4 endometriosis) is not terminal, per se. The despair IS.I have fought this damn disease for 2+ decades, not counting the 10+ years it took to get true diagnosis. I was castrated at 33 to save my so called life, followed by Lupron chemo and Megace. I was then forbidden to EVER take hormone replacement of ANY kind, including bio-identical. (Yes, I give free broom rides)
I am now 55, married for 35 years. I was robbed of the family my husband and I planned for. He was robbed of being a daddy. Instead I put my efforts toward study and hard work. I started working part-time at a grocery store at the age of 10 (yes) and maintained excellent grades. I put myself through college, obtained my degree and have worked hard all of my adult life. I still do, both professionally as well as community and extended family responsibilities. I have pushed through pain and sadness, in "hopes" that somehow my pain and/or depression would get better.
It had to, right? BE the change you want to see in the world...
I don't want to leave my husband alone, but I do not wish to wake another day...for YEARS now...If I could get relief from the depression, I could endure the pain and stay with him a bit longer.
morphine-dreams
Bluelighter
OP, are you diagnosed with major depression? Do you have any other diagboses (including ADD/ADHD)?
I had bouts of anxiety and depression on and off through my teens, at times pretty bad, but I was always a very "atypical" case. I was not very functional and outwardly, it probably looked bad, but I only felt mildly depressed most of the time. Aside from having a dysfunctional family, I was eventually diagnosed with severe ADHD. Antidepressants were always pretty disastrous for me even though I only got them for sleep. They gave me suicidal thoughts and even urges, whereas the only other times I've had suicidal thoughts (also never urges and MUCH less serious) was during acute drug withdrawal. I take adderall now and it's very clear to me now that my issues originated from ADHD. My point is, your depression could be a symptom of something else, especially if typical antidepressants don't work for you and you seem to gravitate towards some dopaminergic stimulants to microdose for depression. You should look further into what might be causing it, unless you already know. IMO, there's always an underlying cause-maybe lifestyle related or even physical.
That said, I would personally go with the mescaline. I actually have used low doses of mescaline as an antidepressant, albeit not for a long period of time (opiate WD, actually) and it was extremely effective. I mean, if it makes you happy during acute opiate WD, it's at least got a good chance of working for you too. I have no idea how healthy it would be, though I imagine low doses wouldn't do much damage, if any. If anything, I'd just try to get the purest extracted mescaline because well first, cactus can't be very accurately dosed but also, who knows exactly how healthy eating cactus is long term, I have no idea what it contains besides chlorophyll, water, and mescaline lol. You're best off using the purest product you can, and then there's pretty much no chance of nausea too.
I really don't think that microdosing psychedelics will be a good solution long term, and your tolerance will build up like crazy with daily use, even at micro doses. It could eventually get pretty expensive, and then there's the whole question of consistent access. As a former opiate addict, relying on a drug daily gets old VERY fast, and psychedelics can have some pretty bad rebound depression if you use them too frequently.
I think the psychedelics are fine temporarily, and I think mescaline has the best/strongest anti-depressant effect. I didn't microdose it per se but my dose was very low and even with strong sativa, I was barely hallucinating. Colors were just brighter, especially blue, green, and red. It was pretty wonderful and it got me out of the mental prison that is WD for just over two days, from one dose! I don't know if MDMA is all that neurotoxic microdosed, I'd imagine not, but I still wouldn't risk it. You're risking just worsening your depression over the long run, so I wouldn't do it. And I'll admit that I skimmed a lot but have you tried ethylphenidate? I'd place the odds of someone successfully *micro*dosing ethyphenidate as someone trying to microdose crack. Maybe even worse. Ethylphenidate is some of the most fiendish shit I've ever used, and you know how they say in Always Sunny, "no one in the history of crack has ever woken up with more crack?" I can take like 3 hits of crack and stop, I seriously almost NEVER redose on stimulants once I hit the peak, unless it's adderall and I need it for the occasional long day, and I don't binge as a rule. I've never even used recreational stimulants 2 days in a row in my life, and I've done a decent amount of stims. I tried taking a "functional" dose of ethylphenidate at first for ADHD, sort of like a microdose, and it did not take long for it to turn into a pretty decent binge that included staying up all night vaping it. I love it but I think the shit is like crack, if not better. It's strictly for full out stim binges, and the crash is not doable without a benzo or like ten.
I had bouts of anxiety and depression on and off through my teens, at times pretty bad, but I was always a very "atypical" case. I was not very functional and outwardly, it probably looked bad, but I only felt mildly depressed most of the time. Aside from having a dysfunctional family, I was eventually diagnosed with severe ADHD. Antidepressants were always pretty disastrous for me even though I only got them for sleep. They gave me suicidal thoughts and even urges, whereas the only other times I've had suicidal thoughts (also never urges and MUCH less serious) was during acute drug withdrawal. I take adderall now and it's very clear to me now that my issues originated from ADHD. My point is, your depression could be a symptom of something else, especially if typical antidepressants don't work for you and you seem to gravitate towards some dopaminergic stimulants to microdose for depression. You should look further into what might be causing it, unless you already know. IMO, there's always an underlying cause-maybe lifestyle related or even physical.
That said, I would personally go with the mescaline. I actually have used low doses of mescaline as an antidepressant, albeit not for a long period of time (opiate WD, actually) and it was extremely effective. I mean, if it makes you happy during acute opiate WD, it's at least got a good chance of working for you too. I have no idea how healthy it would be, though I imagine low doses wouldn't do much damage, if any. If anything, I'd just try to get the purest extracted mescaline because well first, cactus can't be very accurately dosed but also, who knows exactly how healthy eating cactus is long term, I have no idea what it contains besides chlorophyll, water, and mescaline lol. You're best off using the purest product you can, and then there's pretty much no chance of nausea too.
I really don't think that microdosing psychedelics will be a good solution long term, and your tolerance will build up like crazy with daily use, even at micro doses. It could eventually get pretty expensive, and then there's the whole question of consistent access. As a former opiate addict, relying on a drug daily gets old VERY fast, and psychedelics can have some pretty bad rebound depression if you use them too frequently.
I think the psychedelics are fine temporarily, and I think mescaline has the best/strongest anti-depressant effect. I didn't microdose it per se but my dose was very low and even with strong sativa, I was barely hallucinating. Colors were just brighter, especially blue, green, and red. It was pretty wonderful and it got me out of the mental prison that is WD for just over two days, from one dose! I don't know if MDMA is all that neurotoxic microdosed, I'd imagine not, but I still wouldn't risk it. You're risking just worsening your depression over the long run, so I wouldn't do it. And I'll admit that I skimmed a lot but have you tried ethylphenidate? I'd place the odds of someone successfully *micro*dosing ethyphenidate as someone trying to microdose crack. Maybe even worse. Ethylphenidate is some of the most fiendish shit I've ever used, and you know how they say in Always Sunny, "no one in the history of crack has ever woken up with more crack?" I can take like 3 hits of crack and stop, I seriously almost NEVER redose on stimulants once I hit the peak, unless it's adderall and I need it for the occasional long day, and I don't binge as a rule. I've never even used recreational stimulants 2 days in a row in my life, and I've done a decent amount of stims. I tried taking a "functional" dose of ethylphenidate at first for ADHD, sort of like a microdose, and it did not take long for it to turn into a pretty decent binge that included staying up all night vaping it. I love it but I think the shit is like crack, if not better. It's strictly for full out stim binges, and the crash is not doable without a benzo or like ten.
waffle-head
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2016
- Messages
- 123
Tramadol.
Agrees. Trams boost my mood a little. I actually clean house and am productive on trams.
OP how about hormones? Going against the drug grain here to ask if you're possibly in that age group where testosterone/estrogen levels are peaking or dropping? I know if I don't take my HrT I can get in a funky downer mood. And hormones play a crucial role in your mental health.
opusensemble
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2016
- Messages
- 2
Hi morphine-dreams,
I have placed a brief post here https://healthunlocked.com/actionondepression/posts/131354589/zoloft-lobotomy-and-burning-brain about my story.
I have updated that chart later at https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_pa-g27qiWIendGMkI0N0theFk/view
Since then I have been off medication but extremely miserable. The only good effects is that my weight went down from 115Kgs to 90Kgs.
But I am so suicidal that may need to go to a TCA again just to wish immediately that I have never done it .
I have made a qEEG 2 months ago that revealed underactivation of the LDLPFC which is consistent with the awful sensation of agonizing acid burning in that brain region. https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B_pa-g27qiWIT0sxZ1h2Vk5RQ21RcDg5Zk8tVm1zNGZWMDIw
Recommendation was rTMS so I went through a HF rTMS course over the LDLPFC which yielded absolutely no results.
I have tried esquetamine by nasal route acquired at the darkweb from 2 reputable sources: No results whatsoever.
I have tried magic-mushrooms improperly at a 0.7g dosage only but couldn't feel any effect either.
Tried a 200mcg LSD trip which was insane and gave me full remission of the dark cloud for a few hours. Then the day after everything came back slowly together with the mental devastation of the trip from having all my brain lit up for the duration of the trip.
(also tried buprenorphine and tramadol recently to no avail)
My frustration is 4-fold.
First, having a symptom (the acid burning in my LDLPFC) permanently for 3+ years, that I couldn't find anyone reporting in countless google searches in 6 different idioms. I seem to be the only person on the planet with this agonizing sensation.
Second, to know that electrophysiologicaly there is under-activation in the alpha frequency range in my brain, and having absolutely no effect from excitatory TMS in the same frequency range over that crucial part of the brain, implicated on depression.
Third, to have found absolutely no pharmacological help for my symptoms, be it depression, or acid burning. Only clomipramine seemed to partially help on that (around 20-30% ) at the cost of a plethora of too severe side effects on each own, that took me many times to the ER room, till up to 1 year after discontinuation.
Fourth, to have developed 2 years ago pale hands and feet, like the color of a dead body in a morgue, that doesn't change with brutal efforts to walk 30 minutes a day when I can, or diet, or rest (the only thing I do a lot physically, but not mentally).
LSD was a brutally revealing experience. If my brain is the hardware, and the suicidal depression (under activation of the LDLPFC) is a frozen operating system, than, LSD was temporarily a unclogging of that frozen state, through overclocking (this doesn't make sense in computer terms but trying to give the best analogy). It showed me that the hardware is still there and still can function, but that the OS is completely hijacked.
I don't know why wellbutrin caused me to have facial paralysis and increased sensation of left frontal lobe acid. Maybe because it's a dopamine stimulant and most of dopamine receptors are located in the frontal lobe. Modafinil also increased that sensation of left frontal lobe acid. I am plagued by referring such anguishing feeling all over the internet, and having not found a single soul on this planet tormented with the same fate. I have lost my career because of this severe depression and been bedridden for 3+ years in utter torture and suicidality. My only good hours were on LSD but I only cried all the time, in shock for the brutal non-depressed and non-tormented brain contact with the vivid reality that I've been missing all these years.
Considering the molecule similarity of Ethylphenidate to Meth's backbone, and wellbutrin, I think I would have similar bad effects in terms of my LDLPFC symptoms.
I was illicit drug naive up to a few weeks ago and although I was completely mind-blown with LSD, I don't think I want to repeat it often, and don't think it can have much effect in microdosages. Dr. Hoffmann said at some point it could make one crazy and I respect his words. It's likely to be something close to the essence-of-life but man doesn't know how to use it. It's a dangerous thing at my eyes. I could imagine developing psychosis or schizophrenia if I keep taking it.
I don't know if my problem is physical. I tried to rule out colon, pancreatic and liver cancer though MRI and colonoscopies due to pain, probably somatic caused by the TCA intake. Did basic bloodwork, thyroid seems normal, Vit D bordline low. T levels (383) at the 15th percentile for my age but probably not the the culprit. I feel that the problem is totally happening in the LDLPFC otherwise it wouldn't be the only thing I complain the most since it all started, stroke like 3 years ago (I made CAT and MRI scans by then and no stroke or abnormalities found).
Been trying also hyperbaric chamber therapy for this acid burning sensation for 1 month and it does absolutely nothing. I am plagued with this curse. I must be living a nightmare, and I don't believe I'm on Earth anymore. I must be being tested by aliens that placed me in a parallel world and gave me search engines, and 3 years to search for a clue, and there isn't a single clue, theory, report, patient testimonial on the web that suffers this agonizing sensation on the LDLPFC.
Asked a radiologist if I have frontal lobe atrophy as the MRI hinted at my eyes, but he says it's normal, and was nothing somethign reported in the MRI I made, http://en.allexperts.com/q/Radiology-985/2016/2/frontal-lobe-atrophy.htm
So I'm clueless. Certainly impressed with LSD, but clueless. And above all hopeless for having nothing that stops this suicidal depression consistently without making me a monthly visitor of the ER room with all sorts of physical complications.
Considering suicide for sure, but not willingly. If it happens it will be most likely triggered by factors like poverty, social isolation and stigma by relatives.
I'm a ticking time-bomb definitely, and fell completely through the cracks of western psychiatry and neurology.
I may be microdosing on my last days, not sure exactly what, probably a bit of everything I have at hand, including pharma poisons.
I have placed a brief post here https://healthunlocked.com/actionondepression/posts/131354589/zoloft-lobotomy-and-burning-brain about my story.
I have updated that chart later at https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_pa-g27qiWIendGMkI0N0theFk/view
Since then I have been off medication but extremely miserable. The only good effects is that my weight went down from 115Kgs to 90Kgs.
But I am so suicidal that may need to go to a TCA again just to wish immediately that I have never done it .
I have made a qEEG 2 months ago that revealed underactivation of the LDLPFC which is consistent with the awful sensation of agonizing acid burning in that brain region. https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B_pa-g27qiWIT0sxZ1h2Vk5RQ21RcDg5Zk8tVm1zNGZWMDIw
Recommendation was rTMS so I went through a HF rTMS course over the LDLPFC which yielded absolutely no results.
I have tried esquetamine by nasal route acquired at the darkweb from 2 reputable sources: No results whatsoever.
I have tried magic-mushrooms improperly at a 0.7g dosage only but couldn't feel any effect either.
Tried a 200mcg LSD trip which was insane and gave me full remission of the dark cloud for a few hours. Then the day after everything came back slowly together with the mental devastation of the trip from having all my brain lit up for the duration of the trip.
(also tried buprenorphine and tramadol recently to no avail)
My frustration is 4-fold.
First, having a symptom (the acid burning in my LDLPFC) permanently for 3+ years, that I couldn't find anyone reporting in countless google searches in 6 different idioms. I seem to be the only person on the planet with this agonizing sensation.
Second, to know that electrophysiologicaly there is under-activation in the alpha frequency range in my brain, and having absolutely no effect from excitatory TMS in the same frequency range over that crucial part of the brain, implicated on depression.
Third, to have found absolutely no pharmacological help for my symptoms, be it depression, or acid burning. Only clomipramine seemed to partially help on that (around 20-30% ) at the cost of a plethora of too severe side effects on each own, that took me many times to the ER room, till up to 1 year after discontinuation.
Fourth, to have developed 2 years ago pale hands and feet, like the color of a dead body in a morgue, that doesn't change with brutal efforts to walk 30 minutes a day when I can, or diet, or rest (the only thing I do a lot physically, but not mentally).
LSD was a brutally revealing experience. If my brain is the hardware, and the suicidal depression (under activation of the LDLPFC) is a frozen operating system, than, LSD was temporarily a unclogging of that frozen state, through overclocking (this doesn't make sense in computer terms but trying to give the best analogy). It showed me that the hardware is still there and still can function, but that the OS is completely hijacked.
I don't know why wellbutrin caused me to have facial paralysis and increased sensation of left frontal lobe acid. Maybe because it's a dopamine stimulant and most of dopamine receptors are located in the frontal lobe. Modafinil also increased that sensation of left frontal lobe acid. I am plagued by referring such anguishing feeling all over the internet, and having not found a single soul on this planet tormented with the same fate. I have lost my career because of this severe depression and been bedridden for 3+ years in utter torture and suicidality. My only good hours were on LSD but I only cried all the time, in shock for the brutal non-depressed and non-tormented brain contact with the vivid reality that I've been missing all these years.
Considering the molecule similarity of Ethylphenidate to Meth's backbone, and wellbutrin, I think I would have similar bad effects in terms of my LDLPFC symptoms.
I was illicit drug naive up to a few weeks ago and although I was completely mind-blown with LSD, I don't think I want to repeat it often, and don't think it can have much effect in microdosages. Dr. Hoffmann said at some point it could make one crazy and I respect his words. It's likely to be something close to the essence-of-life but man doesn't know how to use it. It's a dangerous thing at my eyes. I could imagine developing psychosis or schizophrenia if I keep taking it.
I don't know if my problem is physical. I tried to rule out colon, pancreatic and liver cancer though MRI and colonoscopies due to pain, probably somatic caused by the TCA intake. Did basic bloodwork, thyroid seems normal, Vit D bordline low. T levels (383) at the 15th percentile for my age but probably not the the culprit. I feel that the problem is totally happening in the LDLPFC otherwise it wouldn't be the only thing I complain the most since it all started, stroke like 3 years ago (I made CAT and MRI scans by then and no stroke or abnormalities found).
Been trying also hyperbaric chamber therapy for this acid burning sensation for 1 month and it does absolutely nothing. I am plagued with this curse. I must be living a nightmare, and I don't believe I'm on Earth anymore. I must be being tested by aliens that placed me in a parallel world and gave me search engines, and 3 years to search for a clue, and there isn't a single clue, theory, report, patient testimonial on the web that suffers this agonizing sensation on the LDLPFC.
Asked a radiologist if I have frontal lobe atrophy as the MRI hinted at my eyes, but he says it's normal, and was nothing somethign reported in the MRI I made, http://en.allexperts.com/q/Radiology-985/2016/2/frontal-lobe-atrophy.htm
So I'm clueless. Certainly impressed with LSD, but clueless. And above all hopeless for having nothing that stops this suicidal depression consistently without making me a monthly visitor of the ER room with all sorts of physical complications.
Considering suicide for sure, but not willingly. If it happens it will be most likely triggered by factors like poverty, social isolation and stigma by relatives.
I'm a ticking time-bomb definitely, and fell completely through the cracks of western psychiatry and neurology.
I may be microdosing on my last days, not sure exactly what, probably a bit of everything I have at hand, including pharma poisons.
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Ziiirp
Bluelighter
Microdose regularly ? I dunno. Mircodose in general (not daily) : IMHO AL-LAD. Pretty fucking awesome substance.
Ksa
Ex-Bluelighter
Dexedrine and Nicotine
keeping
Bluelight Crew
the blood of your enemies.
theMerovingian
Bluelighter
IM ketamine. Keeps me happy and laidback.
LucidSDreamr
Bluelighter
mxe by far
CosmicG
Bluelighter
kleinerkiffer
Bluelight Crew
Sorry, but this isn't suited for OD, as it's more or less a 'What should I take' thread
Closed for now, OP, PM me if you want me to re-open it or have a question
Closed for now, OP, PM me if you want me to re-open it or have a question
- Status