Mental Health berated on the subway

[warpaint]

soo this morning on my way to work i rode the subway. in my compartment there were only 5 people, so it was very empty. I had my feet propped on the ledge of the seat in front of me and 5 minutes later, the guy across from me started shouting at me and making disgusted faces. i took my earphones out only to hear him call me a bitch a "stupid girl" whore and all that jazz because my feet were up.

I turned my music louder but he just started shouting louder. I was rly angry and wanted to talk shit to him but i just gave him the finger. in response he mimicked gunshots at me with his fingers like a psycho and continued being douchey. and to my surprise, this 50 yr old looking lady around us walks up to me and pulls my feet right off the edge. I honestly wanted to kick her face. But i just got rigt off when the train stoped and went into another conpartment.

So since then. I havent been able to.get over what had happened. Im kind of having anxiety over it. I already hate taking my citys transit and kind of dont like people in general because of shit like this. Im still angry about it partly because he was saying calling me misogynistic names while tellig me to be a lady, and throughout my life ive been told to "be a lady" by mostly family members and then others. It bothers me so much. But deep down, it actually hurts me to know that i disgust people for not acting "like a lady", even though i know they are just downright sexist. And the fact that stupid old woman dared to have touched me and put my feet down like *i* was being the disrespectful person in that situation. I cant deal.

how do i let this go? Does it make me crazy that i just keep replaying what had happened and wish that i had reacted physically towards both of them?

 

[BlueIV]

People like this aren't worth your energy. Hopefully writing it out here helps with letting it go. I always feel so much better after venting!

Pitying the others also helps me out at times. Maybe that was the only way that women could deal with hearing sexist language, she's been defined by sexist expectations. The guy had to focus on such a negative thing. It must be hard for him to make friends or get a girlfriend with that attitude.

Your actions were the right way of dealing with it. It's not worth a fight, moving was the right thing to do.

 

[sexNcandy]

Of course it doesn't make you crazy. I don't think this has anything to do with mental health.


In your place I would probably have just said OK man and look at them like they are being an ass and take my feet down. You refused to deal with the situation by pretending it wasn't happening and ignoring it, that's an extremely lousy way to behave in public. You are probably feeling like you were handled with no respect but that's because you were. You sat there doing nothing and people did whatever they wanted with you and called you whatever they wanted.

A lot of girls would've engaged them back and talked so much it would get them to shutup. They might've threatened to call the police or metro security over this harassment and this would very likely shut them up. However you do have to understand that you were technically on the wrong, while I myself wouldn't mind you putting your feet on the seat, it is not entirely unreasonable that other people would, is it?

You know how some people can be, and technically it isn't hygienic. But fuck it, it's not worth your time to pay any attention to this. Either get your feet off or move to the next wagon on the next stop.

 

[abracadabra girl]

I don't know where you are, but if I was on the train minding my own business and some guy started yelling at me, I would be afraid for my life. I would not talk back to him in any way.

 

[Noodle]

There is more to this story I am sure.

I once was having a few drinks with friends at a nicer little music oriented bar. There are two identical bathrooms side by side just across from where the musicians set up.

One is labeled men, the other ladies.

I had to use the bathroom. The mens room was occupied for quite some time. I had to go, so I politely knocked on the ladies room door and then went in.

Both bathrooms are identical: sink, mirror, one toilet.

I raised the seat and was sure not to make a mess.

When I left the bathroom to rejoin my friends, some local yokel angrily told me to not do that again. The guy was not the owner, so I just walked past him and kind of laughed to myself.

The owner was there, saw what I did, and seemed unconcerned. I think he would have been concerned if I went outside and pissed on a wall.

Long story short; People are strange, when you're a stranger.

 

[Noodle]

On topic:

I think it is natural to fantasize about retribution, even going so far as to play out a scenario or two in your head.

I've also been victimized by people I prefer to think of as animals. When I view it from that perspective, it is easier to let the pure ridiculousness of their behavior pass like rough tumultuous waters under a sturdy bridge.

 

[paranoid android]

There are alot of assholes out there and this cunt sounds like a proper one. I would have just told him to mind his own and shut up but sometimes antagonizing someone can escalate things shall we say. Just ignore loosers like this they aren't worth the head space.

 

[nuttynutskin]

I would've asked the guy if he wanted to die and told him I had a gun on me whether I did or not. As for anyone putting their hands on me they're at least getting shoved or slapped.