Pharmokinetictal
Bluelighter
Alright. Firstly, i know what youre going through. I ran the gauntlet of every antidepressant...SSRIs, SNRIs, tricyclics, tetracyclics, 5HT antagonists, DRIs...even abilify. I never tried buspar but I heard it sucks. So don't think i'm gonna give you a lecture on what to do with your body. But i can only tell you what benzos have done to mine.
Also, I want to address a few other posts (none directly) that trouble me. Benzodiazepines are THE most addictive drugs out there. People will argue with me on this, no doubt. But there is nothing worse than a benzodiazepine withdrawal because it lasts exponentially longer than any other withdrawal out there. So anyone here who thinks opiate detox is the worst haven't truly been dependent on benzos or any other GABAergic drug/medication. Also...ALL benzos bind to the same exact site on the post synaptic GABAa receptor at the alpha/gamma complex. The only reason one acts differently than another is because of its shape and strength of hydrogen bonds.
Now, that said. Doctors DO prescribe them often. This is, in no way, advice on how to get them but I want to say that getting certain prescriptions written is an art. But there's a reason benzos arent thrown at you. Theres a reason doctors dont 'get the point.' Its because the point is...they DONT cure anything.
Yes, they work amazingly well. The first time you take one, it feels like someone just released a gas valve in your mind and you just melt into your chair without a care in the world. For a while, they might even make you productive. But they lose their effectiveness very quickly...within a couple months. Then you need to take more to get the same effect. Eventually, youll never have that effect but you need to take more just to NOT get anxious again. And since they have an extremely low LD50 (overdose risk), its easy to keep taking them. You'll find yourself abusing them without meaning to or wanting to.
Eventually, youll be taking the highest dose of xanax, klonopin, or ativan allowed by the FDA and it'll take you months of painfully slow tapering before you can get off them. They only help anxiety by hyperpolarizing your brain cells (aka turning them off)...so they F up your memory and eventually lead to lower dendritic density in regions of the brain responsible for learning like the hippocampus (first place alzheimers affects).
Also, if you EVER want a job with the govt...or plan on doing certain abroad programs...good luck getting your dose. You can't quit them cold turkey. I STRONGLY recommend not seeking them out any further. I agree that SSRIs suck and don't help anxiety in people with anxiety as bad as us. Zoloft being a prime example of a shitty medication. That said, I strongly encourage you to do something hollistic. Read some Taoist literature. Research buddhism, the four immeasurables, and the symbol of the lotus. See a pyschotherapist or really good psychologist and do some cognitive behavioral therapy and exposure training.
Relying on exogenous forms of self assurance for someone already so anxious is the best way to remain dependent on exogenous forms of self assurance. Its your brain that worries. Only your brain can control it. Benzos will be your crutch forever
Also, I want to address a few other posts (none directly) that trouble me. Benzodiazepines are THE most addictive drugs out there. People will argue with me on this, no doubt. But there is nothing worse than a benzodiazepine withdrawal because it lasts exponentially longer than any other withdrawal out there. So anyone here who thinks opiate detox is the worst haven't truly been dependent on benzos or any other GABAergic drug/medication. Also...ALL benzos bind to the same exact site on the post synaptic GABAa receptor at the alpha/gamma complex. The only reason one acts differently than another is because of its shape and strength of hydrogen bonds.
Now, that said. Doctors DO prescribe them often. This is, in no way, advice on how to get them but I want to say that getting certain prescriptions written is an art. But there's a reason benzos arent thrown at you. Theres a reason doctors dont 'get the point.' Its because the point is...they DONT cure anything.
Yes, they work amazingly well. The first time you take one, it feels like someone just released a gas valve in your mind and you just melt into your chair without a care in the world. For a while, they might even make you productive. But they lose their effectiveness very quickly...within a couple months. Then you need to take more to get the same effect. Eventually, youll never have that effect but you need to take more just to NOT get anxious again. And since they have an extremely low LD50 (overdose risk), its easy to keep taking them. You'll find yourself abusing them without meaning to or wanting to.
Eventually, youll be taking the highest dose of xanax, klonopin, or ativan allowed by the FDA and it'll take you months of painfully slow tapering before you can get off them. They only help anxiety by hyperpolarizing your brain cells (aka turning them off)...so they F up your memory and eventually lead to lower dendritic density in regions of the brain responsible for learning like the hippocampus (first place alzheimers affects).
Also, if you EVER want a job with the govt...or plan on doing certain abroad programs...good luck getting your dose. You can't quit them cold turkey. I STRONGLY recommend not seeking them out any further. I agree that SSRIs suck and don't help anxiety in people with anxiety as bad as us. Zoloft being a prime example of a shitty medication. That said, I strongly encourage you to do something hollistic. Read some Taoist literature. Research buddhism, the four immeasurables, and the symbol of the lotus. See a pyschotherapist or really good psychologist and do some cognitive behavioral therapy and exposure training.
Relying on exogenous forms of self assurance for someone already so anxious is the best way to remain dependent on exogenous forms of self assurance. Its your brain that worries. Only your brain can control it. Benzos will be your crutch forever
