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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Benzos Benzo withdrawal survivors.. does it get better?

burn out said:
Thank you but I am screwed anyway as well. I have other health problems now in addition to the residual benzo wd and my life just turned out bad mostly because I simply didn't know how to deal with my issues when I was young. I try to take a broader, spiritual perspective on things rather than focusing on trying to fix this life now because after a certain point things just aren't fixable.
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I am kinda in the same situation . I can explain somewhat that happend to me years ago . I call it chemical castration or long lasting sexual alterations which ssri can cause . I lost all my years in my 20's (33 now) i don't work , i don't go outside . I also had undiagnosed personality disorder (which i knew but my mother dumped me for her new partner when i was 16) i still feel an urge to just go there an lit him on fire . Some things can't be undone anymore . I am sorry to hear , i also didn't knew how to deal with issues back then . I am trying to get a different life view but after being inside so long its not fixable anymore . I have become extremely nihilistic to the point i have so much self conscious its unbarable .
 
Oh that's rough, I at least can work and I try to force myself to go outside for walks and bike rides on my days off because I get very crazy and depressed if I stay in the house all the time. How do you support yourself without working?

I also have sexual issues, significant loss of sex drive but one of my biggest issues is just the inability to really connect with people. I generally feel like I only relate to people on a surface level, while on the inside I am hiding a tremendous amount of pain, trauma and weirdness that I just can't let other people see. During dark years of my life where I was struggling with benzo withdrawal, opioid dependence, heavy psychedelic drug abuse and isolation, I became sociopathic which is the opposite of my normal empathic personality. My heart always remained good for some reason, but my mind went dark. The goodness in my heart restrained my mind from acting out its dark fantasies and so although I generally still treat others in a kind and considerate way, this comes out of my heart only and in my mind I am unable to form a genuine emotional bond. As a result I've given up hope of ever having a girlfriend or any sort of meaningful relationships, which makes for a very lonely existence as I struggle on my own with declining health and very little purpose for living.
 
burn out said:
Oh that's rough, I at least can work and I try to force myself to go outside for walks and bike rides on my days off because I get very crazy and depressed if I stay in the house all the time. How do you support yourself without working?

I also have sexual issues, significant loss of sex drive but one of my biggest issues is just the inability to really connect with people. I generally feel like I only relate to people on a surface level, while on the inside I am hiding a tremendous amount of pain, trauma and weirdness that I just can't let other people see. During dark years of my life where I was struggling with benzo withdrawal, opioid dependence, heavy psychedelic drug abuse and isolation, I became sociopathic which is the opposite of my normal empathic personality. My heart always remained good for some reason, but my mind went dark. The goodness in my heart restrained my mind from acting out its dark fantasies and so although I generally still treat others in a kind and considerate way, this comes out of my heart only and in my mind I am unable to form a genuine emotional bond. As a result I've given up hope of ever having a girlfriend or any sort of meaningful relationships, which makes for a very lonely existence as I struggle on my own with declining health and very little purpose for living.
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Damn when i talk to you it feels like i talk to a mirror literally.Because i actually feeling the same . Your are putting words in my mouth as how i have felt for the past 10 years unfortunately . I was diagnosed with avoident personality disorder combined with some aspects of bpd (specially mood swings) this and having shit child hood with only cancer in my family . After my ssri withdrawal with lasting side effects i just did nothing anymore , and when i say nothing i literally mean nothing . I don't work , i have no relationship and it doesn't seem it will become better . I am 33 atm and its a miracle i still look decent and forced myself to the gym etc . If you would see me you would think the complete opposite but thats also because i became a master in hiding pain . I am 33 also .
Lets just say i definitely understand your suffering .
 
Rampage St said:
Well I was off them for a while but I just got out of detox was put on like a 7 day Ativan taper - 8 mg down to 2 mg now nothing and it feels like I’m in outer space I’m so foggy.

Does this feeling ever go away? Fuck benzos
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Yes. I'm lucky in that even when I'd been taking high-ish doses (like 8-10mg Xanax a day) for several months, I'm usually okay after the acute withdrawal. I'd say within about a week of total cessation of the drug, I'd start feeling better. Not WELL, or anything close it it, but it would be when the really, really horrendous symptoms would ease. And probably 2 weeks after total cessation I'd be pretty much normal again, although I'd say I'd still get anxious for no reason sometimes and need meds to sleep (usually Trazodone or Seroquel except when my doctor would take pity on me and give me like half a dozen zopiclone or zolpidem).
It definitely does completely go away eventually, though!
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
Yes. I'm lucky in that even when I'd been taking high-ish doses (like 8-10mg Xanax a day) for several months, I'm usually okay after the acute withdrawal. I'd say within about a week of total cessation of the drug, I'd start feeling better. Not WELL, or anything close it it, but it would be when the really, really horrendous symptoms would ease. And probably 2 weeks after total cessation I'd be pretty much normal again, although I'd say I'd still get anxious for no reason sometimes and need meds to sleep (usually Trazodone or Seroquel except when my doctor would take pity on me and give me like half a dozen zopiclone or zolpidem).
It definitely does completely go away eventually, though!
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Why is Xanax always such a disaster ? Is it because its the most prescribed one because i find it sure not to be the most recreational benzo . I prefer diazepam over Xanax , i prefer pyrazolam over any benzo .
 
Kizaru said:
Why is Xanax always such a disaster ? Is it because its the most prescribed one because i find it sure not to be the most recreational benzo . I prefer diazepam over Xanax , i prefer pyrazolam over any benzo .
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YES! Pyrazolam is my top favourite, too! After that it's tied between xanax and diazepam
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
YES! Pyrazolam is my top favourite, too! After that it's tied between xanax and diazepam
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Pyrozalam is alot less addictive because of its unique binding affinity . At least its the least troublesome benzo while also being the most effective .
 
SpiralusSancti said:
Could you clarify on that - a lot less addictive - part.
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The dependancy is less because it mostly binds to the a2 and a3 gaba a subreceptor. It has been shown in multiple studies wd related symptoms comes mostly from the A1 gaba subreceptor which causes sedation and hypnoses . Don't get me wrong higher doses of pyrazolam can definitely still bind to this A1 receptor and induce dependancy (6mg range) but its hell alot less problematic at least for me . I have tested it myself ,and the amount of pyrazolam it ook without dependancy i would never dare to try on bromazolam or something . If you want a link to this study i need to look it up on Google but it was from PubMed . Also the a2 receptor has alot to do with anxiety and the a3 receptor muscle relaxation. This is why i find it a shame pyrazolam isn't fda approved over alprazolam , maby though its because it has a more recreational effect (definitely in higher doses) where i find anything above 1mg Xanax not making me feel good but zombie . But i must clarify this can however make pyrazolam maybe more abusable but with lesser consequences over alprazolam .
 
SpiralusSancti said:
Could you clarify on that - a lot less addictive - part.
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Also if pyrazolam would be compared to diazepam you actually can't compare 1mg of pyrazolam to 10mg diazepam since its binding is only on this a2 and a3 receptor in this dosing range . The pellets here now come in 3mg but you can't compare 3mg to 30mg diazepam dependancy wise in my opinion . By the way i actually posted a thread about it on blue light also linking the study with it and text .
 
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Man i can tell u from my experience with benzo, i never felt quite normal for a year! YES FOR 1 FUCKIN YEAR! im never go back to them again. Fuck benzo! I rather get sick witjdrawl from heroin than the benzo anyday!!!!
 
It gets better, friend.

I was addicted to alcohol and quit after 20 years. I was doing xanax, etizolam and GHB for a few years. It was like drinking too much tequila one time and being disgusted when you see tequila again. I wanted off that train.

I went to rehab and they did a 1-week quick taper with valium. It was uncomfortable, but it worked. Now they have me on buspar for anxiety, naltrexone to prevent the evil urges and seroquel for sleep. Good cannabis helps when I want to get a little schwifty. I still feel foggy from slamming my GABA-B receptors for years, but every day gets better and I am putting my life back together.
 
I was addicted to diazepam, alcohol, opiates, pregabalin, ritalin...

IT ALL GOES AWAY, it's a challenging process, it just takes a while for your brain to reach homeostasis again, but it's 100% right there.

Believe in the process.

You'll be surprised at what just diet alone can achieve, it was the last thing I thought would make any difference and I was ramming 16 cod liver oil tablets down my gob at one point.

What really made a profound difference for me, was the carnivore diet... I couldn't believe the difference in my mindset waking one morning.

Explore the carnivore diet, it could fast track things.

I also supplement Vit D, CoQ10, Taurine, Magnesium, find what works for you.

It shall pass my friend, I hope you are well.

I've recently fallen into a relapse due to ignorance thinking biweekly wouldn't effect me, once I've got through the withdrawals I'll never put one of these fucking things down my throat again.
 
i hope it gets better, i'm on day 3 with no valium, been using pretty regularly for the last year.
 
Rampage St said:
That’s so weird you said that I just bought a motorcycle?! Do you know me hah wow.

I am fighting I’m on suboxone and gabapentin which helps but gabapentin also doesn’t allow my gaba receptors to heal which unfortunately I feel contributes to the mental fog I experience
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no that was just random thing like on the mind on the tonunge
but think about it you know if motorcyle is fast more so has acceleration that fill your cortex well awake part of the brain no memories no worries just tunnel vision and focus

I BELIEVE THAT FOCUS or if we all could focus like on Yamaha R1 in everything we would be nor happy but neither sad or angry or as little emotions as possible cause those are highten now in homeostasis and it will last but not long Ativan is I think most forgiving benzo

I withdrew dozen times from gabapentinoids and benzos but each next time I was doing it a bit less agonazing.
but look at me how I talk I don't even remember what is normal

will continue thought I haven't slept i don't remember

you will be ok
 
"Crippled but free
I was blind all the time,
I was learning to see"
Grateful Dead

Ya, crippled, never goes all the way away. But, free. It gets a whole lot better over a long time and you gain something to make up for what you lost. Something the rubes will never see.
 
My problem with Xanax was the comedown. This night I pop 1 mg pill, the next night I start to worst rebound anxiety. It always starts with feeling impending doom — thinking I’m soon going to get a heartattack (hearing my heart race) or feeling like I’d get grand mal seizure (due to brain zaps). Ive never tried other benzos besides alprazolam (Xanax) and lorozapam, but Im planning to try diazepam at least once.
 
I have Xanax around because I use them as trip killers for LSD and shrooms, or if I was too stressed out (this is once in a while thing). It works fast, which is what I need in these situations. I just want a benzo that’s long -lasting than Xanax and doesn't have harsh comedown or rebound anxiety.
 
Rampage St said:
Well I was off them for a while but I just got out of detox was put on like a 7 day Ativan taper - 8 mg down to 2 mg now nothing and it feels like I’m in outer space I’m so foggy.

Does this feeling ever go away? Fuck benzos
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I'm not trying to explain your own experience to you. It does seem that by your description, your withdrawal is not incredibly severe. This is how I would have described my own experience after taking 4mg Clonazepam (Clonazepam) per day for a little over two weeks (psych ward trip due to complications from Heroin withdrawal). I felt like I'd had too much caffeine and I couldn't think straight.

I would later in my life become pretty dependent upon Alcohol. I'd drink maybe 25 drinks per day on average. When I would wake up in withdrawal after not taking a drink for 10 hours, the feeling was more like sheer terror. I'm not exaggerating when I describe it like this:

All of the things I had seen in scary movies when I was a child, I had grown up and learned that my fear of being impregnated or possessed by the devil were not realistic. Those things weren't scary anymore. Alcohol withdrawal was like finding out that there were things that terrible in this universe and they were happening to me right then. It was a feeling of primal fear from within my soul.

If Opioid withdrawal was sheer, pain and misery, withdrawal from Alcohol was fear.

I'm not knocking your experience. The good news is that it will get better. Just sit tight and do your best to relax. Judging by nothing other than what youve said here, I bet you will be feeiling a lot better within a week, though you might have some lingering stuff for another week or two before you feel yourself again.

For people with severe dependencies, withdrawal leaves them with difficulty thinking, communicating or functioning combined with panic. For those in severe circumstances like these, it can be several weeks before any real relief comes. It will get better though.
 
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