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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Tapering Benzo withdrawal: Losing my mind
- Thread starter cj
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cj
Bluelight Crew
sord of. The way it went down was that I was a pot head before I got on mmt and the first year afterward. It got to the point where it was quit pot or get kicked off mmt. So I quit and went and got a kpin script. Once I had the kpin script I was covered for benzos at he clinic so I started buying extras off the street and became dependent. In a weird way the clinic kinda pushed me into using benzos.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
You could have quit methadone instead. You still can.
Cj, don't concern yourself with this...most of us didn't get sober over night or in the first, second, twentieth attempt. It took me seven years...seven long years of doing what you're doing now and then I had PAWS. This is most likely going to be one of, if not the hardest thing you will battle in life. It doesn't happen overnight. Regardless of how you may perceive it, even in relapse you are still moving forward. Stay strong and positive, sending good vibes your way!
w0w0mg
Bluelighter
Stay positive CJ. You're an awesome friend and you can always call me if you ever want to chat. Love ya buddy.
cj
Bluelight Crew
Thanks for the positive words. I'm really hoping an addiction doc can help me with an outpatient taper. Coming off methadone right now is not an option for me. I would e d up back on heroin. Especially if u didn't get to taper
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
That's what I was convinced about buprenorphine for years, but I now realize that it wasn't like that. It was possible for me to quit buprenorphine and stay off heroin too. I just really didn't want to at the time.
I'm thankful that I have my 2 years, 1 month now. I just wish I'd have gotten here a lot earlier.
Just wanted to offer this perspective.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Why did you stop taking buprenorphine CH? Was it something you finally realized you had to do for yourself or was it something you were pushed into doing by others/circumstances?
I think cj actually knows what is best for him right now. As we all know, while he certainly is struggling, he is an incredibly bright fellow. I'm not just tooting his horn, but from everything I have talked with him about, he knows his stuff when it comes to his drug use. I don't see him as someone who is obviously to the reality in front of him. I see him rather as someone who is struggling to make the best of an absolutely shite situation.
Keep pushing for a taper off the benzos with the support of medical professionals. I really feel like what you need right now is to stabalize. That may mean tapering off beings and staying on methadone. It may mean finding some way to stay one a regulated dose of benzos and methadone. It may even mean coming off of benzos and methadone.
Those three scenarios are, at least, your three options. I feel like the last one, coming off everything, would be the most challenging and difficult at this stage. Scenario one would be the best in terms of your own health and well being if you can find a doctor to do it with. Scenario two might be the most practical for you to do at this time, but possess its own serious risks given your track record not being able to manage your benzo use.
Whatever you do, please remember to do this. Find a doctor who will work with you. No matter what, that should be your #1 priority now. Everything else will fall into place once you find someone willing to actually listen to you and respond to your needs.
Keep that head up! Perhaps you'll get luck and find a doctor to script you Librium for you to stabilize on and then taper off of on an outpatient basis. That would be ideal. In many out countries this is exactly what you'd be doing ATM, but alas...
I think cj actually knows what is best for him right now. As we all know, while he certainly is struggling, he is an incredibly bright fellow. I'm not just tooting his horn, but from everything I have talked with him about, he knows his stuff when it comes to his drug use. I don't see him as someone who is obviously to the reality in front of him. I see him rather as someone who is struggling to make the best of an absolutely shite situation.
Keep pushing for a taper off the benzos with the support of medical professionals. I really feel like what you need right now is to stabalize. That may mean tapering off beings and staying on methadone. It may mean finding some way to stay one a regulated dose of benzos and methadone. It may even mean coming off of benzos and methadone.
Those three scenarios are, at least, your three options. I feel like the last one, coming off everything, would be the most challenging and difficult at this stage. Scenario one would be the best in terms of your own health and well being if you can find a doctor to do it with. Scenario two might be the most practical for you to do at this time, but possess its own serious risks given your track record not being able to manage your benzo use.
Whatever you do, please remember to do this. Find a doctor who will work with you. No matter what, that should be your #1 priority now. Everything else will fall into place once you find someone willing to actually listen to you and respond to your needs.
Keep that head up! Perhaps you'll get luck and find a doctor to script you Librium for you to stabilize on and then taper off of on an outpatient basis. That would be ideal. In many out countries this is exactly what you'd be doing ATM, but alas...
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I did want to quit. I did run out, but there weren't other circumstances and I could have gotten more. I couldn't explain much more on a "why". It was very hard to turn away from injection drug use.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
At the end of my methadone use, just before I jumped off my taper (a bit prematurely I might add), I did so because I came to the conclusion that continuing taking it had started to prevent me from continuing to accomplish my goals in a way that it wasn't when I started taking it. Would you say this applied to you too CH?
Perhaps that is the kind of question cj would be ask himself? It sounds to me like he already has, and has come to his own valid conclusions.
Kind feel like I'm beating a dead horse, and I apologize if I am. These matters are so incredibly individual and personal.
Perhaps that is the kind of question cj would be ask himself? It sounds to me like he already has, and has come to his own valid conclusions.
Kind feel like I'm beating a dead horse, and I apologize if I am. These matters are so incredibly individual and personal.
cj
Bluelight Crew
I just don't see how throwing massive opiate withdrawals (170mg methadone) into my battle with benzos is going to help anything? That's not even including the mental health issues I am dealing with. I think toothepastedog has it right in that I need to find a doctor to work with me. I finally have some free time today so that is going to be my goal. Find an addiction doctor to help me taper off the benzos safely.
cj
Bluelight Crew
I have an appointment with an addiction doctor Thursday, My connect seems to be be bak in business so I bought 2-3 days worth today. Problem is its powder Xanax and I have no scale so its impossible to taper with. All my hopes are on this therapist setting me up with a doctor to do a real taper.
The other option is Igo back to the ER and hope they show mercy on me again and taper me off medically while still giving me my methadone. They where so nic the first time but I have my doubts they will be so kind this time. I refuse to kick 170mg methadone habit without a taper though. I will do whatever it takes to stop that from happening. I have 12 bars right now in powder form. I am going to taper as much as possible with them. I may even try my luck at an urgent care place to et gabapentin.
The other option is Igo back to the ER and hope they show mercy on me again and taper me off medically while still giving me my methadone. They where so nic the first time but I have my doubts they will be so kind this time. I refuse to kick 170mg methadone habit without a taper though. I will do whatever it takes to stop that from happening. I have 12 bars right now in powder form. I am going to taper as much as possible with them. I may even try my luck at an urgent care place to et gabapentin.
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Stickman Roxy
Bluelighter
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- Dec 13, 2015
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cj
Bluelight Crew
Did it work?
I am just going to maintain on the smallest amount I can until Thursday. Hopefully I can find some way to get an outpatient taper. Doing it in the hospital sucks on so many levels. Epsecially since it will be my second time in 4 months. I can only imagine how shit that will be. I also have to coordinate a way to get my methadone dose in the mean time,
Stickman Roxy
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2015
- Messages
- 155
Yeah I got a RX for 30/100mg Gabapentin. Not much but it will do.
My feet have been killing me lately, numbness, shooting pain up the leg occasionally. Blah blah
My feet have been killing me lately, numbness, shooting pain up the leg occasionally. Blah blah
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
activating the reward pathways with drugs, especially stuff like ORT drugs, can increase craving for other drugs of abuse. Simply put, methadone or buprenorphine only delivers a fraction of D2 receptor activation, VMAT/VMAT2 receptor activation is largely absent, and people want to fill in the blanks with other drugs.
I used the whole mantra of "at least I'm not on heroin" all the way through five years of buprenorphine, about 9 months of daily methamphetamine use, and sporadically abusing a bunch of other drugs.
I have noticed other people who take methadone/ORT meds who have cravings for other hard drugs. It's not theoretically impossible for these drugs to create drug cravings for other drugs of abuse.
It's your life, and your call, but I thought I'd let you know my thoughts on this.
cj
Bluelight Crew
You make a strong point. I am not sure the methadone is causing the problems per se or just the lack of having tools the necessary tools to cope with life sober. All of a sudden the crutch I was leaning on emotionally is gone so I look for another drug to fill it or something. I always appreciate your input I hope I didn't come off as unappreciative my brains just scrambled right now.
I have gotten my benzo dose down to 1 time every 24 hours. I have an appointment with an addiction doctor Thursday. And another with a different one Monday so hopefully between the two I can get one to set me up an outpatient med taper.
Hats great news cj - I'm very excited for you! Please let us know how that appointment goes.
Captain Heroin - that explanation was excellent and needs to be more readily available. I have seen people on maintenance time and time again switch over to other substances because of that exact reason.
Captain Heroin - that explanation was excellent and needs to be more readily available. I have seen people on maintenance time and time again switch over to other substances because of that exact reason.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
It's all good, and it is important to question things and think them out logically. You were wise to inquire about why I thought what I did
I know for myself personally, I don't desire to use other hard drugs (except meth, I don't think I'd ever not want to do it), especially ones I craved or would have opted to use if I was still on buprenorphine.
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