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Tapering Benzo withdrawal: Losing my mind

  • Thread starter Thread starter cj
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I usually have a seizure exactly three days later. You can pretty much set your watch by it in my experience; 72 hours give or take an hour or two.

I can usually tell because I start twitching and getting brain zaps. I've avoided the seizure in the past by dosing half a xanax on day three as soon as I wake up, or sometimes day two and then another three days later.

Your benzo habit isn't big at all, I think you will be fine with getting over this. In my personal experience withdrawals subsided in less than a week and consisted of anxiety, brain zaps, twitching, and of course seizures. Apart from the seizures they weren't too bad at all.

I'm currently taking high dose Vitamin B3 and Ashwaghanda, and they appear to have completely eradicated my depression and anxiety. Perhaps you should look into something like that. I'm going to document it on blue light once I'm a bit more certain that my depression/anxiety has eventually subsided.
 
Tranced said:
I usually have a seizure exactly three days later. You can pretty much set your watch by it in my experience; 72 hours give or take an hour or two.

I can usually tell because I start twitching and getting brain zaps. I've avoided the seizure in the past by dosing half a xanax on day three as soon as I wake up, or sometimes day two and then another three days later.

Your benzo habit isn't big at all, I think you will be fine with getting over this. In my personal experience withdrawals subsided in less than a week and consisted of anxiety, brain zaps, twitching, and of course seizures. Apart from the seizures they weren't too bad at all.

I'm currently taking high dose Vitamin B3 and Ashwaghanda, and they appear to have completely eradicated my depression and anxiety. Perhaps you should look into something like that. I'm going to document it on blue light once I'm a bit more certain that my depression/anxiety has eventually subsided.
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I can get Xanax on Monday so I may get more to taper a little more cause I really don't want a seizure. I live an hour from the nearest decent hospital and I am home alone most of the next few days so it could be ugly if it happens.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I got brain zaps from SSRI withdrawal. Extremely unpleasant. So sorry to hear you had to suffer through them. <3
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Cheers. Yeah they're horrible little things. It used to feel like I lost a split second of consciousness sometimes. If I was listening to music it would glitch/skip while the brain zap occurred.

I don't think a beer will deter a seizure CJ. These are usually full blown grand mal seizures. It's not pretty.

That said, you've got to be aware of the fact that you'll probably take more than one benzo, so maybe plan ahead for that.
 
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Tranced said:
Cheers. Yeah they're horrible little things. It used to feel like I lost a split second of consciousness sometimes. If I was listening to music it would glitch/skip while the brain zap occurred.

I don't think a beer will deter a seizure CJ. These are usually full blown grand mal seizures. It's not pretty.

That said, you've got to be aware of the fact that you'll probably take more than one benzo, so maybe plan ahead for that.
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Yeah that's the thing I am not sure if I am really wanting to taper or just keep getting high. I feel better able to live my life while I am on benzos but its one of those things that can go sideways and cause major issues randomly like it is right now. My mind is playing tricks on me about it honestly.
 
Monday morning. No seizure! No sleep either but fuck it. Still haven't decided on whether I am going to re-up today or not. Kind of want to but I know its a bad idea.
 
Nice! Can you put off deciding whether to re-up until tomorrow? I know that is a really difficult thing to ask of someone, but it's worth a shot.

The carrot on the stick ;)

Keep your head up cj!
 
cj said:
Monday morning. No seizure! No sleep either but fuck it. Still haven't decided on whether I am going to re-up today or not. Kind of want to but I know its a bad idea.
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Hows it going to day cj? What did you decide?

Im still going. My sleep cycle is absolutely f*cked too but I know this will pass ... ... eventually. I wouldn't want to go back to using now, Ive been through too much to muck it all up again now.

OK well I will probably bump into you in the wee small tiny hours again. :\
 
tenderjuice said:
Hows it going to day cj? What did you decide?

Im still going. My sleep cycle is absolutely f*cked too but I know this will pass ... ... eventually. I wouldn't want to go back to using now, Ive been through too much to muck it all up again now.

OK well I will probably bump into you in the wee small tiny hours again. :\
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My connect fell through so the decision was made for me :/. I don't have the energy to put much effort into looking for pills today anyway. I really need some damn sleep too. Your right it will pass........ hopefully
 
Sorry to hear your situation will persist...I do hope that you start feeling better soon.

Brain zaps are the worst - I had those something fierce when I quit Zoloft. At the time I was very ignorant and decided that I would stop Zoloft after I got out of rehab and had just been cut of from Xanax...not a very pleasant time in life. I strongly advise taper whenever possible as tapers can allow you to avoid such misery.
 
Moreaux said:
Sorry to hear your situation will persist...I do hope that you start feeling better soon.

Brain zaps are the worst - I had those something fierce when I quit Zoloft. At the time I was very ignorant and decided that I would stop Zoloft after I got out of rehab and had just been cut of from Xanax...not a very pleasant time in life. I strongly advise taper whenever possible as tapers can allow you to avoid such misery.
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Ugh you really did have a tough rode! I cant even imagine that to be honest. My worst symptom is just feeling exhausted but not being able to sleep. I feel like this was all one long ass day.
 
Well I ended up caving. The cycle starts anew I guess. My friend called and unflaked on me. I wouldn't have gone at that point except I had a scary new symptom. I was feeling extremely short of breath and my chest ached when I breathed deeply. It just felt like I couldn't breath almost. It was starting to bring on a panic attack. So yeah it wasn't a good decision but I feel a hell of a lot better. The contrast between being a ball of anxiety to completely anxiety free is almost like the rush heroin gives.
 
Sleep took ages to get back to 'normal' for me after withdrawal. And its still rough. But is tolerable. I have come to accept 5-6 hrs as normal. Weed is a life saver for me.

Much love <3
 
Moreaux said:
Thinking about you cj, hope you are doing okay!
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Thanks. I'm ok. A little dissapointed in myself but ok. Its going to take a lot more preperation for me to get through these withdrawals then I have been currently putting into it. I need to get some gabapentin. A long acting benzo. And I need to get out of town for at least the first week.
 
CJ, is there no way that you can get somebody else to administer you a taper? Am I right in thinking you get a benzo script?

Your parents are letting you stay with them so they obviously care, even if they don't express it properly. Can't they give you your daily dose?

I'm currently taking a minute dose of diazepam (4mg in the morning, 2mg at night), and the only withdrawal symptoms I experienced were three days after my last dose when I went to the hospital knowing a seizure was immanent; effects gradually persisting though lessening for about 3-4 days. I was experiencing hypnogogic jerks and intense anxiety; partially psychosomatic and partially physical, I suspect. The hospital gave me a small dose of diazepam which prevented a seizure.

I've already documented this a few times, so I just want to clarify that I don't want to sound like I'm dick sizing or anything (not that it's anything worth bragging about obviously).. But I was taking hundreds of times your average dose of alprazolam earlier this year. As in 200mg+. I was taking benzos for 9-10 months and I currently feel better than I have since 2011 when depression and anxiety reared their ugly faces for the first time in my life.

My point being that I have experienced very minor withdrawal symptoms (err, give or take the seizures... Caused by forgetting to dose or running out), and if you taper properly, then you can too.

You can get out of this before it's too late, if you want to. Both of us have used benzos like this for a relatively short period of time. Some people are on them for decades. That doesn't have to be you. But youre going to need a working plan in place, and intervention from friends/family members/doctors.
 
I don't get a script anymore unfortunately. The only 2 benzos I have access to right now are Xanax and etazolam. Both have really short half lives. I know I am not that deep into this yet but that is cold comfort when I start getting symptoms. I have always been very intolerant of any kind of withdrawal and this is also pushing on my Achilles heal of anxiety. I have PTSD and anxiety disorder so its hard to always think rationally when things start getting tough. Honestly if I had a supplier I was confident in I would be happy staying at 2mg Xanax a day forever. But as I said this guy is prone to turning his phone off for long periods of time and I haven't any backups right now. I think I am going to make an appointment with an addiction specialist and see if they will allow an outpatient taper with comfort meds. All they can say is no. I would go inpatient if it wasn't for the methadone. I have to keep in perspective that opiates are my main problem and without methadone I would be right back to sticking needles in my arm.

my parents are not willing to ration out illegally obtained drugs. Especially not since I use a syringe to measure the doses volumetrically.

I want to again thank everyone for how kind they have been to me in this thread and through all the PMs. It means more then I can ever express. I know its frustrating from you guys perspective to see me get good advice then not put it into practice. I am frustrated about that as well. I am going to make an appointment with an addictions counselor today in order to start getting serious about my recovery and life. Its been a rough year for me personally. I have taken 10 steps back and lost most of the progress I had made towards becoming a functioning member of society. I am lucky that my parents have stuck with me through it. I realize that there has to be dramatic change in my life but I am scared of what that means. Then again I am scared of what not changing means as well. Anyway like I said thanks for the 10+ pages of support this forum is truly amazing.
 
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When I tapered, I was dispensed tablets each day at the pharmacy. I was on methadone too so it was convenient. Helped me put redosing out of my mind.
 
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