Benzos Benzo withdrawal - how did you stop yourself from going back?

[Pagey]

Hi,

I stopped taking benzos about three weeks ago after coming very close to an (intentional) OD (benzo + alcohol mix - took about 600mg tetrazepam (that's 120mg Valium) and something like 4 shots of vodka) and after being hooked on them for about 3 months, but I'd been taking them for about 6 months prior to that for an actual physical reason. In those first six months I took my prescribed doses which were very small (25mg daily of tetrazepam (Myolastan)), but in the last three months I was taking about 300 mg daily, which is equivalent to 60mg Valium. After my near OD I quit cold turkey immediately, which I now realize was a horrible idea because I had a seizure and all that fun stuff; anyway, it's been about three weeks and all I can think about is taking more benzos. I've been through the worst of the physical w/d pain, but I can barely sleep and I'm just anxious all the time, thinking about getting more. I simply can't get it out of my head and all I want is another taste of that intense relaxation. I have no idea how to cope with this and I feel like with every second that goes by I'm getting closer to a relapse. How did you guys stop yourself from relapsing, how did you manage to think about other things etc.? I'm really worried I'll start using again, I just don't feel in control

 

[RobotRipping]

well i've quit cold turkey (few times) and done a taper. I didn't have too much trouble relapsing because i could not get any more benzos, that didn't stop me from trying but eventually i realized that taking benzos was not sustainable, at some point or another I'd end up back in withdrawal and even if you're tapering it is very bad.

I've been in the exact spot you are mentioning. You really just have to pull through it, suffer through one day at a time with the hope that it will get better and it does, each week you'll notice small improvements and there will also be lots of times where you think 'fuck it, it's too hard.' Still you must push on.

that being said i have not been addicted, physically or mentally to benzos since september and I no longer crave that benzo high. However I still have a lorazepam prescription that i use as needed and only as needed. In the end i discovered that benzos are just shitty recreational drugs, there's barely a high, when you are high you don't even notice it and the next day you'll be lucky to remember what happened.

if you relapse, you relapse, i did a bunch of times but don't give up, do not go back to daily dosing. If you cave and get some, do it for the shortest amount of time possible and keep your eye on recovery. The cravings will stop, with benzo w/d, you are mostly craving relief from your mental anguish. Thankfully there are other ways to cope with such things. I always hated the idea of therapy and thought it wouldn't work for me but i wish i would have started back when i was quitting benzos. It really helps deal with my anxiety.

when you feel an intense craving, just fight through it and the next one will be easier to fight and so on.

 

[doppelganga196]

Get another buzz man

 

[faceplant]

Well i quit cold turkey, unintentionally. I took 6-10 (cant exactly remember) mg of alprazolam, my normal dose (i was pretty hooked). And I just went, insane, and Decided it was a great idea to take every drug I had in my possession. Turns out that was 20-30 mg of alprazolam, a HELL OF A LOT of mxe (around 800mg), a few opiates and a few other things not worth mentioning. Im a crazy fucker as it is, and things werent good back then.

Long story short, i woke up hallucinating solid for 30+ hours, and by that I mean everything was cube shaped, i couldnt hear, talk, I coudl barely see, i was peremenantely cross eyed for a good 3 days, And whilst in that state, the emotional trauma i inflicted on myself, will stay with me for life. I cant even describe it in words, so im not even going to try. One day id love to draw everything I saw, and the way I perceived the world, it was just, hell. Relentless, intense fear.

To make matters worse. No one knew of my benzo addiction so after a few days I had a series of seizures until given a "sedative" which seemed to work extremely well, suspiciously well. I assume it was diazepam.

I have never touched benzos since, and never well, I lose my judgement entirely on them. Even though the mxe part was entirely my fault, I still get flashbacks everytime i take even a tiny dose of mxe.

So thats how I quit, and I never hope to touch a benzo ever again. I had brainzaps and other WD symtpoms for months after, but no more seizures.

 

[Pagey]

I wish doppelganga, but I have really important exams in a few weeks so benzos really wouldn't be a great idea right now haha

 

[Pagey]

But anyway thanks for the answers guys. To be honest I wasn't really 'ready' to stop taking benzos but it was more out of necessity since, as I mentioned, I have big exams really soon and I can't afford to mess them up and the benzos sort of erased all my memory...which is why I'm having trouble finding the motivation to keep away from them. Any other comments would be very much appreciated, I'm feeling sort of desperate also on how you dealt with any sort of withdrawal, I expect the feelings of helplessness and anxiety and not being able to stay away from the drug are common to any withdrawal...

 

[PillJoy]

hi pagey
reading your post and your description of the emotional pain, the anxiety...i've been there i know right where you are. i really don't know of anything to say that will help much - but that it WILL get better. i know that seems so trite and worthless to hear right now. my truth is that i am extremely weak-willed, and i managed to pull thru my benzo problem by indulging in small relapses every so often. i guess like what they call 'chipping' with heroin.? i'm sure it's not the best advice or a solution that would work for every person, but as i said i am extremely weak when it comes down to the psychological part of withdrawal. i would go as long as i could and then take enough to feel better for a day and a night [and i def think getting a night's sleep was powerful in helping me to keep trying.] i know its paralyzing right now.
one mental concept applied to different thoughts and/or actions, believe it or not, was a way i helped myself - difficult in the beginning but becoming more do-able as time passed ---> 10 MINUTES: 1~take 10 MINUTES - as often as you want -close out any noise and light, breathe deeply, [in thru the nose, it DOES make a difference] and count your breaths, see how deep you can get, how many breaths does it take to feel your heart slow down a little bit? sounds stupid and pointless i know but it can provide a little window of time to get control of your mind, so you can think a little straighter and for just those 10 mins you're focused on something else- don't be hard on yourself. 2~ do things that "normal" people do to relax; soak in a hot bath, etc- you probably don't want to move out of bed when every little motion makes your stomach twist with anxiety, but you only have to do it for 10 MINUTES..3~ take a walk for 10 minutes.i mean literally 5 mins out, 5 mins back. it might not feel good while you're walking [or it might, we're all different] but you can catch a little break from the relief you feel when you've done it and you're back in your safe place - for me that's always been my bed - God this seems like such a ramble of stuff that probably sounds so idiotic in your state of mind...i wish i had more to offer. also 10 minute little mental...mantras i guess? 1~ when you feel like fuck this i'm getting some pills, tell yourself " in 10 minutes i'll make the call or whatever.. then "ok i made that 10 minutes, i can go 10 more minutes & then i'll get some pills" then 10 more...[ it doesn't compare but my sister and i both played this little game to quit smoking cigarettes and it actually helped a lot. and 2~ you know you can get more if you decide you just can't take it anymore. when i first started with zanax it was prescribed to me for severe panic disorder - i was having crippling,paralyzing, mind melting panic attacks. at first i popped a pill at the 1st little flutter or even before that if i was heading into a potentially triggering situation. after a few months i got a bit of a grip - i could set a pill out on the bedside table where i could lie down and see it sitting there and quite a few times that was enough for me to get control over the panic - or ride it out - just knowing it was right there and i could take it.[ i'm presuming you still have access or a connect] -keep reminding yourself you WANT to come off & get thru it but the choice is still yours... well babble babble, you get what i'm saying. i'm sorry this is so long and too many words with not a lot of actual 'help'.... i started out typing this bcuz i feel your pain like it was just yesterday for me. FEAR is so hard to think rationally about. physical anxiety begets mental anxiety - or vice versa. i truly hope that somewhere in this waayyy too lengthy post that there's an idea, some words, something you can pull some strength or support from. sending you peace and ~stillness~ you'll be ok pagey

 

[laCster]

lyrica is literally a life-saver for benzo WD and for staying off benzos. it is definitely something that helps tremendously.

when i was going through benzo WD i used lyrica and i felt soo much fucking better, and after the WD was gone, i used lyrica to hold off cravings and it did! i was soo surprised.. however my insurance company would not cover it anymore and i had to stop because it is so fucking expensive, god damn! i then went to gabapentin which is really the same chemical but has less potency and poorer BA. it still works pretty damn well at staving off WD and keeping me sane and less anxious..


look into them...try to see if you can get lyrica first, and if not get the gabapentin

 

[PinK~cloud]

I tried to utilize all of the things I had learned while on benzos, the mindset of living anxiety free. I think the mind trains itself into certain patterns while on anti anxiety drugs. The best way to stop using them is to keep on living like you're on them. Don't tell yourself that your anxiety is back--tell yourself that you know how to live without it now.

Best of luck.

 

[ParappaTheRapper]

...

 

[Pagey]

Thanks so much. I'll look into the lyrica (you need a prescription I suppose though right?)
And PillJoy that was very long but very useful so I greatly appreciate it and empathy always makes one feel better