Benzos Benzo withdrawal - 'going back'

[Akerman]

Okay, I'm aware benzodiazepine withdrawal has been covered a lot on the forums and I have tried UTSF and through Google, but I need some specific advice.

I've been using various legal benzo's (currently clonazolam at around 5x0.5mg pellets a day, prior to that it was flubromazepam and olam and various other 'RC benzo's) as well as some diazepam and valium pretty much daily for several months. I had been planning a taper but the only Dr who knows my case and will work with me has been away sick, and the locum would only prescribe 10x5mg diazepam.

Anyway, I decided to push into my WDs and try to just taper myself, but like a fool I didn't do the math and dropped the dose around 80% in two days. Needless to say, I've been pretty sick. I am also a heroin user and a drinker, and I have had several seizures in the past month. I didn't realize I'd dropped the dose so harshly, I sort of did it without thinking.

The guides all say not to 'go back' once you have pushed past a certain point in cutting down dosage. Should I just try to cold turkey this out, keep on a barely tolerable pill-a-day dose and cut back from there, or is this a situation where its safer to creep the dose back up until I can get to a Dr for a proper taper?

I don't want to put myself in more unnecessary risk here, nor do I want to give myself an excuse to wimp out. I'm aware I buggered up royally.

 

[daytryptr]

I feel ya man, I'm trying to kick a 4year etizolam habit. Granted my doses were not crazy (no more than 2mg a day), but the only way I found to effectively taper down and get my intake down to 1mg a day (where I'm at now) was a slow taper.

Don't beat yourself up its not easy by any means, just reduce your intake by 12.5 to 25% of your daily dose a week. For me that was .25mg a day, cutting my dose once a week or once every two weeks.

Trust me that its much easier and more comfortable that way, and if you need to up your dosage because you tapered to quickly thats alright brother. Its not a big deal especially if your getting w/d symptoms. A proper taper should minimise that. Just be careful you have discipline and don't get right back into your habit again if you decide to bump up your taper dose a bit

Remember the whole point of a taper is to minimise the w/D's. If your expirencing unpleasant and excessive w/D's don't beat yourself up if its because you tried to taper too quickly. These things take time and become unnecessarily uncomfortable if you rush it.

Good luck and good vibes.

 

[Akerman]

I took 0.25mg after WDs became just intolerable.

Thanks for being so understanding man, no idea how much I needed a sympathetic voice right now. Like you say, there's that fear of just slipping back into a habit, and I'm terrified that no doc is going to prescribe me a taper, but these pills man, they cause mad amnesia for me, they aren't really something I want to do a slow taper using, and my body is clearly in no mood to handle cold turkey. Even if I can put up with the symptoms psychologically, I've kind of dragged my body through hell this past year or two and I'm not sure it can take the strain physiologically.

Good luck with your taper, sounds like you well on it. Well done for getting on top of cracking such a long habit too, no easy feat.

 

[Akerman]

Just an update - managed to see a sympathetic doctor who lightly freaked out at the diazepam equivalency but then agreed to do a taper with me, one week at a time, starting on 60mg diazepam a day. It's not quite terminating the WDs to be honest, but it's keeping things manageable and I no longer feel at risk, merely unpleasant.

 

[rc_benzo]

RC Benzos are a very innocent looking trap, and you certainly shouldn't go down that road. I've been through this. Stick with prescription benzos.

 

[foolsgold]

just dont do what ive done when binging on them and just stop without a taper it could kill you

 

[Akerman]

That was my mistake, it just all happened at a very unfortunate time on a bank holiday weekend where my regular GP had been away for weeks and no-one would prescribe a taper. Lucky I found the doctor I did today, as I know benzo withdrawals are no joke, especially when you munch them like candy. I'm very pleased to be on a proper taper schedule, doing things legally and under medical supervision. And I'm very grateful to be a in a country and situation where that kind of help is available, even if you really have to fight for it a bit.

 

[pbuilder]

Just an update - managed to see a sympathetic doctor who lightly freaked out at the diazepam equivalency but then agreed to do a taper with me, one week at a time, starting on 60mg diazepam a day. It's not quite terminating the WDs to be honest, but it's keeping things manageable and I no longer feel at risk, merely unpleasant.

Honestly I think 60mg of Valium is starting your taper at an overly generous amount. Starting at that high, you are going to continue your addiction honestly. I'd talk about trying to start at 40mg a day, because at 60mg a day, from what I read in your OP, whether you realize it or not, you are most definitely still getting high and it will make the taper even harder IMO.

 

[Akerman]

When we sat and worked out the equivaliencies of the legit and suspected equivalencies of the illigit benzo's I was taking well under a week ago it worked out at over 100mg diazepam a day, which may explain the damn seizures, especially when you take it account that I was sort of clucking hard on the 5 x 0.5mg a day, I've unfortunately now got enough of those yellow ambulance forms to confirm me as a walking seizure risk. I can always try cutting the pills in halves or taking them in smaller doses if I think I'm getting high, but at the moment, I'm definitely not. I'm functioning better than I have in days, though I've still got a lot of brain zappies and cold shiveries. And I'm seeing him in a week to drop the dose.

But no, I wont hesitate to drop the dose if I feel able to do so, start splitting pills. I'm genuinely not looking for another addiction, this is one I'm just trying to legally and medically back my way out of. I've done plenty of WDs cold turkey, but my body has just had enough.

Which is a lesson learned about getting older when you treat your body like crap

 

[gettond]

I broke my 8 years benzo habit cold turkey and it was hell!! I dont think that its clever to just drop off benzos I had severe paranoia and seizures. It took about 3 months. Maybe a short taper is much appropriate than cold turkey. Hope u get off safely!

 

[pbuilder]

When we sat and worked out the equivaliencies of the legit and suspected equivalencies of the illigit benzo's I was taking well under a week ago it worked out at over 100mg diazepam a day, which may explain the damn seizures, especially when you take it account that I was sort of clucking hard on the 5 x 0.5mg a day, I've unfortunately now got enough of those yellow ambulance forms to confirm me as a walking seizure risk. I can always try cutting the pills in halves or taking them in smaller doses if I think I'm getting high, but at the moment, I'm definitely not. I'm functioning better than I have in days, though I've still got a lot of brain zappies and cold shiveries. And I'm seeing him in a week to drop the dose.

But no, I wont hesitate to drop the dose if I feel able to do so, start splitting pills. I'm genuinely not looking for another addiction, this is one I'm just trying to legally and medically back my way out of. I've done plenty of WDs cold turkey, but my body has just had enough.

Which is a lesson learned about getting older when you treat your body like crap

Yea, my bad you didn't mention your rc doses but yea if your having seizures it must be a pretty big habit. Good luck with your taper, you can do it.

 

[Akerman]

Yea, my bad you didn't mention your rc doses but yea if your having seizures it must be a pretty big habit. Good luck with your taper, you can do it.

I also think I've just kind of knocked my body on its butt with my mistreatment of it. I honestly feel I could have kicked this easier a year back, but I've messed with my brain a lot and I suspect knocked my seizure threshold all about the place. What's scary about the seizures is not knowing how often they've been happening - I only know about the ones friends have witnessed and then told me about. I have never remembered any of them. And I spend 90%+ of my time on my own, so god knows what's happening when there aren't people around me to tell me about it later

Thanks for the support

Very determined to stick to the taper plan, maybe cut down faster if I can take it. But at least there is a doctor now keeping an eye on all my various interactions and history and making things as safe as possible

 

[bladeerunner]

Stick to your plan Akerman!
When I decided to kick benzos (Xanax, Valium, Rivotril) it took me about 4 months. It was pretty bad, I had seizures and severe anxiety. But today I'm clean, and I'm also able to remember what I did yesterday, haha.

 

[pbuilder]

Stick to your plan Akerman!
When I decided to kick benzos (Xanax, Valium, Rivotril) it took me about 4 months. It was pretty bad, I had seizures and severe anxiety. But today I'm clean, and I'm also able to remember what I did yesterday, haha.

haha, that benzo amnesia. Wait, did I take a bar yet? Let me take another 1, or two. Or 10. xd *wakes up a week later*