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Heroin Benzo user obsessed with heroin

Of course the other side of the coin is that a benzo addiction isn't going to put you in the poor house nearly as quickly (if ever) like a dope addiction can much more easily accomplish.

I had a 1/2 ounce a week coke addiction (up the nose, off the kilo) for a year and a half. I put myself on a massive benzo addiction to beat that coke addiction and would do it again. Benzo w/d can and do kill ppl where dope w/d doesn't. But I'd be willing to bet that dope has ruined more lives than benzo's have b/c of the drug war which leads to artificial price inflation of da dope. And don't forget all the fun stuff that much more often goes along with dope addictions (in countries that prohibit dope) like hep c, hiv, hooking and getting raped and beaten, doing stupid $20 thefts that put people in courts and jails and occasionally get them shot and killed, etc...

So sure, in a vacuum accute benzo w/d is worse than dope w/d, but in the grand sceme of things....
 
I'm actually really surprised to hear that benzo addiction can be as bad as heroin addiction, I really didn't have the impression they were so dangerous...it's true the high I get from benzos is not actually that enjoyable, I mean I just feel more relaxed, less worried and all, but it isn't all that intense - still though, it always feels better than dealing with depression and stuff, enough to continue taking them and not wanting to stop at any rate. But if I do end up trying heroin (though hopefully the wish will go away) I definitely won't mix it with my benzos, I've heard it's already easy enough to OD on heroin alone, don't want to risk that even more. I've been taking ~300mg tetrazepam daily for about 2 months (so that's equivalent to about 60mg Valium, which is more well known) and am almost out of my box but can't go back to my doctor's to ask for more cuz he'd get very suspicious, is it likely that I'll experience those awful w/d symptoms?
But yeah does make sense that heroin ruins more lives, probably goes along with the fact that benzos can be legal. And are less intense. Really wish it were possible to just try heroin once and all, but considering that I have a very addictive personality & am depressed I guess it's pretty unlikely I'd be part of the tiny percentage who are able to just walk away.
mr. scagnattie - I think I've also been glamorizing heroin a lot because I'm a huge Led Zeppelin fan, so somehow I associate heroin use to my Jimmy Page adoration or something...I know it's stupid but hey, hard to control.
 
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In Switzerland they give out free heroin and have found that it has taken away the 'allure' of being a 'rebel' drug and is now seen as a 'loser' drug. (summarizing what I read in a study). Crime has dropped, etc, etc... but I was someone who said he would never get hooked on coke (and did over a KG on a very long run) and said I would never even try dope, let alone put a needle in my vein. Done both of those too and didn't do them till late 30's for trying dope and over 40 with the iv.

I thought *I* was REALLY different and all the other people who said they thought they were different were not as different as I really was. We are all human. We all pretty much like pleasure and like to avoid pain. Not much better out there than dope for both of those.

I'll give you 20 to 1 odds right now you will do dope more than once... if you do it once. It's the WORST drug to 'do once'. Do LSD or better yet peyote 'once'. If you can't do just one potato chip in your life or one m and m or one bite of a delicious meal once and then eat bland food for the rest of your life it's unlikely you'll be able to do dope 'once'.

I just fuckin broke out a pill I had no intentions of using b/c I was reading a post someone made about using oxy for the first time, etc.... It's fucking addictive and feels way better than a benzo. A benzo makes you feel relaxed and normal if your anxiety prone. dope makes you feel like your in heaven.

Did you have sex just 'once'? What about wiht someone who was the most amazing in bed, better than you thought possible? And you had access to sex with that person again? You do it 'just once' to see what it's like? Makes no sense, it's the lie we tell ourself to give ourself permission ot use it. Of course no one is gonna say "I'll just do dope 4x/week for 3 years with a 2 month break in 2 of those years and spend no more than 14K on it". Everyone says 'just once'

It's like a kid saying "just one more minute"... makes no rational sense.

Will all those who have done dope (and/or it's cousins) just once please raise their hands?
 
. Of course no one is gonna say "I'll just do dope 4x/week for 3 years with a 2 month break in 2 of those years and spend no more than 14K on it". Everyone says 'just once'

It's like a kid saying "just one more minute"... makes no rational sense.

Great posting
 
I told myself I was gonna do it 'just one more time' after finding out my wife was pregnant. That was over 1 yr ago and many uses ago, maybe 50 days? Maybe 100? not sure, but not ONCE lol
 
You're right, tetrazepam is a very uncommon and specific benzodiazepine (I had to look it up). But 300mg per day is pretty substantial; ask yourself if you need that much for adequate relief. If yes, take it as prescribed. But to give you some perspective, if you were to stop cold turkey you'd be run a high risk of seizure. But assuming it is like diazepam(diazepam and nordiazepam are among its metablites) it should be a fairly smooth transition to a lower dose with gradual taper.

Also, yes, benzo withdrawl is in a league of its own. It is the most anxious, unnerving and uncomfortable feeling you'll ever know. It is one of the worst experiences available.

Edit: I'm also a musician, and I mythologized heroin as some higher gateway to music, if that makes any sense. So much of the best music ever written came from artists who were under its influence. Heroin and music go together like peas and carrots.
 
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All I can say is that I've never met anyone that is a "functioning" and casual heroin user..that's not to say it's impossible of course. I've just never come across someone, in an entire decade of using, that has been able maintain the ability to use with impunity for any real length of time. That in and of itself tells me how rare it is.. Psychically it is possible. If you follow strict rules on your using/not using ratio, you will never become psychically dependent. So then..now it comes down to if you believe that addiction itself is a disease—an affliction. Maybe there are some people who don't have that disease, in which case..they never have to ask them selves "am I an addict?" Because, only an addict would have to ask that question. And maybe there are those, (myself included) that are afflicted. We have the obsession. I still find myself thinking sometimes..well maybe I'm really not an addict..maybe now that I have the experience and knowledge from using for so long, I could do it right..but that's the disease talking. But hey, maybe I'll go back to using and I'll figure out that "secret"..that trick that allows me to just casually shoot smack like some people drink booze. If I do..I'll let you all know.
 
If you're obsessed with heroin before you've even done it, I really don't think you should.
 
Maybe there are some people who don't have that disease, in which case..they never have to ask them selves "am I an addict?"
There's actually quite a lot of functioning users out there. Problem is, most of them keep it a secret. Tho, very few of them are functioning because theyre chipping. They just make enough money to cover their habit.

I never asked myself this during my first couple years only cause I made enough money to cover my habit. Wasn't til I got fired, that I noticed I had a problem.
 
Titus - great comparisons, it's true when you put it like that it sounds absolutely impossible to only do it once.
morphonorconic - well my prescribed dose is actually of 25mg/day, so as you can see I've really upped it by a lot...but as I mentioned I don't have many left sooo getting a bit nervous about seizure risks here (I didn't know there were any a couple days ago), I'm going to try gradually bringing the dose down during the next few days (wish me luck, I've never managed to do it before, although it's true the idea of having a seizure is pretty motivating). Then I'll probably be unable to take any more for another month at least (if I want to stick to legal prescriptions that is) - speaking of which, do you think there's a chance that this'll emphasize my wish to do heroin, or would being clean from benzos make it fade away instead? But thanks for all your answers everyone, this is definitely opening my eyes even more to the dangers of heroin. Not saying I won't do it, the wish is still there, but it's less powerful at least.
 
There's actually quite a lot of functioning users out there. Problem is, most of them keep it a secret. Tho, very few of them are functioning because theyre chipping. They just make enough money to cover their habit.

I never asked myself this during my first couple years only cause I made enough money to cover my habit. Wasn't til I got fired, that I noticed I had a problem.

Well that's the thing, and something I've personally thought about a lot. If you can afford to have a constant supply, relevant to whatever your habit is/will get to, then a lot of the "addict" shit, goes away. You don't get sick, your not scheming for cash, doing anything illegal to get it, etc.. you're just maintaining fairly comfortably. But unless you're incredibly loaded, with a never ending cash supply... your plans can get messed up really fast. You loose your job, for whatever reason, maybe your nodding out at your desk and being less productive, or maybe it was just cut backs, either way your steady income stream is gone..but you still have the big habit you developed from being able to afford it once upon a time. Now your sucking up your savings until you can find a new job and if word ever gets out that you use heroin, forget it. Society will black list you, making it impossible to be anything else but a street junkie.

I've said the same thing, maybe there are functioning addicts out there who just keep it a secret.. but I'm starting to feel that that argument might just be my mind telling me its true, so I can try and convince myself I'm one of them. I've never seen anybody who I didn't know was a heroin addict.. I've never met some guy who wears a suit to work and carries a brief case, but in that briefcase next to all these legal documents is a set of rigs and a spoon... maybe he exists and has just mastered this whole thing.. or maybe he doesn't and I just want him to, because I want to be him.
 
To be honest I'm actually sort of freaking out about the fact that I won"t have any more benzos in a few days...First time I've had that problem since I've been addicted and although I could obviously find a way to get other drugs it feels like it would be some sort of big step into illegality or something and that's a step I'm not really ready to take yet (though I sort of wish I were). No idea how I'm gonna deal with depression once they're gone :(
 
There's actually quite a lot of functioning users out there. Problem is, most of them keep it a secret. Tho, very few of them are functioning because theyre chipping. They just make enough money to cover their habit.

I never asked myself this during my first couple years only cause I made enough money to cover my habit. Wasn't til I got fired, that I noticed I had a problem.

There are functioning h users. I've used H off and on for at least 5 yrs (with a cpl yr stint like 10 yrs ago) and am 'functional' in the sense that I have maintained full time employment, have a family that functions well and my role as husband and father or good (father- fantastic, husband- OK to marginal, but this has been the case pre heroin and is complicated and off topic).

IMO what interferes with people being 'functional' heroin users are a couple, or few things:

1. Severe emotional/psychological/psychiatric problems- which leads them to, or 'compels' them to use in ammts that prevent them from being functional. They are so damaged that they are extremely driven to get in a state where they are numb. If heroin were non existant they would be using other methods to drown out the trauma symptoms they feel when not f'ed up. Another drug or whatever

2. and the main one IMO: Prohibition- If legal people even with very large habits would find it about as expensive to maintain their habit as a cigarette addict experiences. But since illegal, prices are ridiculously high which makes it difficult for most ppl to afford maintaining their habit so they do things that make their life go from functional to disfunctional like maxing credit cards, borrowing from friends and family and burning those bridges, turn to crime, etc

The functioning of heroin addicts in countries that give out free heroin inproves dramatically. There are legit studies, some ongoing, that demonstrate this. PPl get their fix and then have their entire day and night to go about their business. Those who came from getting it illegally see dramatic positive changes in functioning in their lives. They improve their health and employment status, and parenting, and friends, and significant other relationships, etc, etc... because obtaining and administering heroin is a non issue financially. Like taking a shower, shaving, and getting dressed. Takes 1/2hr then ready to go about their biz for the day. Underlying issues now can be addressed b/c they have time to address them. They also have a system that is geared toward helping them address them vs. countries where it's prohibited and it's all geared toward funnelling them into the crim justice system that doesn't cure them and only compounds their problems by making them felons.... get out of prison..apply for 20 jobs and get rejected b/c of felony... plus underlying issues jails don't help fix (b/c for profit prisons...make their money by having lobbiests advocate for mandatory minimums and more laws with more stiffer punnishments... to make more money b/c rehab doesn't make them money..recitivism does. So then person gets job in black market where felony on record is either a non issue or a BENEFIT, a strong point on their resume. They did their tim and kept their mouth shut so proven they can be trusted as a worker in an 'illegal busines'.

I could go on forever about this.... I think Switzerland is at the forefront of handling heroin use as a medical issue and have done studies comparing methodone tx to heroin tx to methodone and heroin tx, etc, etc.....

Who does better in the usa, a penniless person addicted to smack or a penniless person on methodone or suboxone? Who does less armed robbieres, less home burgleries, gets aids less, spreads hiv less, is more likely to see a dr, a therapist, a social worker, have a friend or potentially friends who are doing better in life? Methodone, suboxone, heroin, they all have their negatives.

But the drug war, what benefits does that have (for addicts, street dealers, small time and mid level dealers?) It benefits the heads of cartels and benefits high level politicians and high level employee's in gov't or who get gov't contracts. It also keeps millions of cops up our asses vs having a small number of them focused on finding rapists and child molesters and murderes and car jackers. Like REAL criminals.

Ending alcohol prohibition put the al capones of hte world out of biz overnight. Now booze sellers and makers and transporters LIKE having cops as friends and protecters of their businesses. And if someone steals from them not only do they use insurance to be made whole.... they don't have to foot the bill to catch the theif. Taxpayers do. And they don't have to foot the bill for investigating and finding the theif, we, the taxpayers do.

Sell diamonds. Have a KG of them on your lap. The buyer pulls a gun on you, you get the drop on him and shoot and kill him in self defense. You call the cops and it's an open and shut case. Self defense.

Sell dope. Have a KG on your lap. The buyer pulls a gun on you, you get the drop on him and shoot and kill him in self defense. You..call the cops? Doubt it. You leave the scene b/c you don't want to go to prison for the KG. Now if they catch up to you much harder time proving self defense.

Like I said I could go on forever but the problem is not heroin. It is here to stay. The problem is Heroin Prohibition.

Ask these cops: www.leap.cc Law Enforcement Against Prohibition. If more and more COPS are recognizing that the drug war not only doesn't help, but harms in many different ways.....
 
Titus - great comparisons, it's true when you put it like that it sounds absolutely impossible to only do it once.
morphonorconic - well my prescribed dose is actually of 25mg/day, so as you can see I've really upped it by a lot...but as I mentioned I don't have many left sooo getting a bit nervous about seizure risks here (I didn't know there were any a couple days ago), I'm going to try gradually bringing the dose down during the next few days (wish me luck, I've never managed to do it before, although it's true the idea of having a seizure is pretty motivating). Then I'll probably be unable to take any more for another month at least (if I want to stick to legal prescriptions that is) - speaking of which, do you think there's a chance that this'll emphasize my wish to do heroin, or would being clean from benzos make it fade away instead? But thanks for all your answers everyone, this is definitely opening my eyes even more to the dangers of heroin. Not saying I won't do it, the wish is still there, but it's less powerful at least.


Hard to say; any opinion I might offer would be pure speculation anyway, though I do think that since it is a compulsion you are fighting that it will in fact diminish once there is less tetrazepam floating around your mind. High doses of benzos definitely influence and even change the way you think, but as with many drugs, it is not until you stop that you realize the degree of consequent altered consciousness.

Good luck, I know its not going to be easy and wish you the best. I have been through it and know you can get through it too. Stay strong and think positive.
 
Two of my friends are def functioning addicts. Their job pays more than enough moeny for them to spend 100 a day on dope..and afford all their bills and STILL be able to put some money in the savings. Actually I know 3 people like this. Plus when they cop they end up coppin for a few people..so between that and having a good job they can easily support their habit financially. For me.. I have never been able to sustain constant use.. I will always end up crashing when somehow the finances fuck me.

But that being said.. lets say supply runs dry.. and if you dont have methadone or something to bridge the gap you can find your self fucked lol. But I mean around here there is absoultely no way the supply can run dry. But yeah man when I was in college I had some money from stocks and was able to maintain a 200 buck a day habit. If it wasnt for that stock money plus having decent job where i made about 600 a week, I was able to support my habit. If I hadnt had the money and was using sporadically or relying on other people I would not have done good in colleg.. you cant study and learn sick.. but as long as I had that oxycodone in me I was great!
 
To whoever may be interested - I stopped taking the pills about 3 days ago, went to see my doctor and told him I was addicted (psychologically, at the very least), apparently I hadn't been taking them for long enough that quitting cold turkey would be dangerous, so that's what he told me to do but tbh I reaaally feel like crap...restless, anxious, depressed, can't sleep, and pretty much every muscle in my body is aching but anyway, it was to be expected I guess. unfortunately all this has made me want to try heroin even more but I'm hoping that maybe once I'm done with withdrawal that'll get better...? i'm very aware by now that I'd get addicted to it (rly am not well these days, attempted suicide with my benzos last day i took them, which was sort of a wake-up call) but I just can't seem to care...anyway, just wanted to share this, you guys have been very helful :)
 
yeah u do it once and it starts this eternal fire that burns under under your ass until u procure more opiates bc its just so excellent. then youre shooting heroin all day with no job completely fucked up school and what not.. its a terrible path. heroins pretty potent if u dont really do opiates. u could prolly get a decent effect from something less strong like even codeine or some percocet or soemthing u dont have to be jumping straight to h. one way to skyrocket ur tolerance.
 
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