benzo kindling and pills making me sick what to do

[hiphopanonymous]

Please help me im on 7.5mg ativan a day and have been for a long time. Im also on 40mg methadone and 900mggabapentin i have horrible akathisia and inner torrment and terror brain flips that arecalmost like psychotic episodes and burning asll over body i have photophobiaand hyperacuses flashing lights. Im having massive withdrawal sumptoms its like im in cold turkey detox but im on benzos taking more makes me sleepy and feel sicker its like ive kindled myself so bad from all the attempted detoxes but reinstated cuz i couldnt handle the symptoms i cant lay down i feel like im dying massive episodes where i feel like i need to run down the street screaming for help the akathisia and depression is so so bad when i started tsking the ativan again after i couldnt handle the withdrawal symptoms all the symptoms came back worse so im worse than i was actually 6 months off the med. Drs dont believe me cuz how can you be in withdrawl if your on meds?

I dont know how to get off i know others have been in this position and managed to get better i have neurological damage cuz this. I try to taper tiny amounts and my body cannot tolerate it. Some days i feel severely overmedicated and i cant stayawake and then i go insane and its like i lose it and keep ggetting worse for weeeks till i take a extra pill.

What med should i try to come off first i know they are all affecting each other the methadone mak me feel better forva couple hours then feel worse i tried stopping the gabapentin and had so much neuropathy and photophobia and intense terror akathisia i went back on it but things are so bsd even just holding thst i gotta do something detox is way too much they dont understand whats happening i do but they saybitsvin my head that benzo wd does last thstblong or have those symptoms. I cant taper small amounts trying to taper the methadone caused sever depression assnd psin snd further exposure of my benzo symptoms csn people please help ne through this ideas i belong to snother forum and its one sided at times this isa bunch of really smsrt people here i need my mind back through this i know it not ganna be easy but i gotta getvstsble somehow im the worst onne on other support sight still on meds suffering greater than the cold tturkey survivors

 

[koalabear135]

id recommend seeing a therapist, havin been addicted to benzos/opiates. u make a lot of excuses for your addiction. you should feel pain. life should suck a little. its not all great. but it is what it is. as long as you dont die its easy to truck on. your back hurts? well so does everyone elses. pain is a part of life. we fear pain more than it actually hurts us. you fear more than u are actually subject to. what you are doing is neither healthy physically or mentally. ur doctors are giving up on u with these prescriptions. you need to work for yourself or you are lost.

 

[hiphopanonymous]

Your not understanding whats going on thank you for trying to be supportive its not a matter of being sick or in pain or uncomfortable i have been in equal porporyion to acute benzo withdrawal for 2 years now im not msking excused sir i try to go to detox asnd end up in the hospital with psychosis and seizures cant walk or talk or remember who i am cant see or hear. I dont take benzos to get high ive been on them for massive anxiety and panick attack problems and they make me sick they are paradoxical to me that is not abuse yes i have abused opiates in past and i am on methadone maintenance and im trying to get off everything this is not me complaining poor me im asking for serious help from people who have been in and understand about the pharmacology of benzos and whstthey can do to your brain and nnervous system. Not every addict is a drug abuser just so you know. I am and i have had to keep that part of me at bay for a long time dealing with trying to getboff this stuff benzos are not like opiates. And coming off them can cause long lasting dire mental agony that you dont understand i dont think. Its ok i understand where your coming from i used to have same mind set until i became physical and mentally crippled not from tsking the pills but from trying to get off. Im so scared no doctor can help me cuz they dont believe in protracted wd or paradox its rare but its real. I have a psychiatrist how do you think i hot on the meds i dont buy off street im not an abuser anymore i take my meds as directed or i will die and i wantboff this crap whatbim sayingbis i cant take care of myself and im sick the benzos have messed me up so bad im in wd even just taking how im supposed to thats different than trying to get hihg. Im not trying to avoid responsibility theres just not many places or people thatvunderstand the severity of benzo trauma i could get off if it wasnt for the extreme terror not fear ....terror and akathisia need to peel off skin and psychological brain flips all of this is from benzos