I'm having a hard time coming off of 2 years of benzo abuse. For the last 2 years I have been buying all sorts of RC benzo analauges and taking them with my prescribed kolonapin. 2 years ago I lived in Austin, Tx and I went on a half a year Etizolam binge, and when my resource ran out, I had an insane mental break. I thought the whole town was out to get me. I burned a lot of bridges with my best friends because I thought they were spying on me and I thought I could hear them criticizing me in my head. Burned A LOT of bridges with friends that have been like brothers and sisters to me. Had to get off all social media because every time I would become irrationally angry I would post things about these random people, nasty nasty stuff. I ended up in a mental institution for ten days because I went to the hospital asking for an CT of my brain because I thought I had a blood clot or tumor in my head. I was going so crazy. After ten days of being committed, my mom drove from Georgia to Texas to bring me back home with her so I would be in a safe environment. The entire time I stayed with them, I kept accusing them of the craziest things. I drove them nuts. Constant yelling and screaming and fighting. I was so delusional I had to be committed over Christmas when my brother and sister visited. They were so scared of me. I moved out of my parents house and got an apartment by myself at this point. Did ok for a few months but started using RC benzos again on and off. I didn't like Georgia, the south east has a totally different vibe than what I'm used to. Austin has a lot of that counter culture esk hipster vibe and I felt totally out of place in Atlanta, so I decided to move to a weed state, because bud really helps me with anger issues, bipolar ect. If I had a dollar for every time herb has extinguished a crazy outburst... anyways I moved all the way to Seattle. I figured that after everything I had put my family through, I wanted to move far away. I was alright for the first couple of weeks, but then my dumb ass slipped up and I ordered some flubromazolam pellets. After I came out of my little binge, I was in the worst withdrawals I have ever felt. For 4 months now, I have aches and pains that are so intense that some days I can't even get out of bed. My stomach swells to the point of feeling like it's going to burst, and for the first 4 weeks off of this shit I couldn't even pass gas. I even have been to a bunch of doctors including a GI who did a colonoscopy and an endoscopy because I couldn't believe how painful these withdraws were, for a long time I didn't think it was benzo withdrawal. I just thought I was dying. I just wanted to share my story because these RC benzos have caused me more pain than I have ever experienced. Lost so many friends and family members to the insane mood swings and delusions, not to mention about 5 months of heavy physical pain. I can't even smoke pot in a weed state lol it makes me too anxious and paranoid. It sucks cuz I was a GIANT pot head for 15 years, and now I can barely take a hit now that its legal! I hope that my brain settles down soon and I can smoke some good dank and chill out. I miss it so much. Anywho, that's my story. Just wanted to find some support online and maybe start a support thread for people coming off this shit.
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H&R Moderators: streaM Freak
Benzo Hell
- Thread starter Tbar
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cj
Bluelight Crew
Wow that is quite a story Tbar! Your certainly not the first RC benzo horror story I have read on here so I am sure someone will be along who can relate. Did you have a chance to taper at any point during all this? I have read that going cold turkey off benzos can lead to the type of prolonged withdrawal you are experiencing. Also are you currently being treated for the bipolar disorder?
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I am really sorry to hear about your struggle. 
Thanks guys. Currently I am taking 1 mg of colonazepam and 100 mg of seroquel twice daily, so I'm not totally going completely cold turkey. I wrote this post yesterday right before I took my night time dose. I always end up taking my night time dose at like 5:00 in the afternoon because I get so jittery I can't wait. Woke up at about 12:00 am and was cold sweating hard so I took another mg of colonazepam. Now its like 5:15 am and I can't sleep. Long nights suck, but I think I have gotten through the worst of it. I had a seizure and had to go to the hospital about a month and a half ago and I think that was the real peak of the withdrawals. Now I just feel anxious and kinda shaky, cold, and nauseous especially in the hours leading up to my next dose of colonazepam. Thanks for the support and sympathy, I'll keep checking the thread and updating.
manboychef
Bluelighter
I would highly suggest laying it all out for your General Practice doctor. Long term benzo abuse will lead to extreme unbalance of your brains natural chemistry. Not to mention you were probably self medicating some underlying mental health issue.(just my $00.02)
I too know the misery of benzo withdrawal. I also get extremely delusional and paranoid when I stop taking them. The worst symptoms for me though are the brain zaps (for me it feels like someone turns my brain off than on really quick and I lose what I was saying, or thinking of) and the intense crippling anxiety. The only thing that has helped me is taking my benzos as prescribed, and taking zoloft to help balance my brains natural chemistry.
keep us posted
I too know the misery of benzo withdrawal. I also get extremely delusional and paranoid when I stop taking them. The worst symptoms for me though are the brain zaps (for me it feels like someone turns my brain off than on really quick and I lose what I was saying, or thinking of) and the intense crippling anxiety. The only thing that has helped me is taking my benzos as prescribed, and taking zoloft to help balance my brains natural chemistry.
keep us posted
dognasher
Bluelighter
Lordy...I get so bummed when I hear about these benzo horrors. I've been through them and they are NO FUN.
You are probably about to turn the corner really soon - and I would just stay the hell away from weed and booze (especially booze) for a while. It may have to be a whole year.
I was six months out from my benzo CT and I was a fucking idiot and picked heroin back up because I was still really uncomfortable and that set me back a lot. I wish I would have just been patient.
Does anybody know if RC's have their own set of WD hell in addition to regulated benzos? Because the gas and thoracic distention is a new one for my ears.
You are probably about to turn the corner really soon - and I would just stay the hell away from weed and booze (especially booze) for a while. It may have to be a whole year.
I was six months out from my benzo CT and I was a fucking idiot and picked heroin back up because I was still really uncomfortable and that set me back a lot. I wish I would have just been patient.
Does anybody know if RC's have their own set of WD hell in addition to regulated benzos? Because the gas and thoracic distention is a new one for my ears.
cj
Bluelight Crew
I would say your doing really good if you are now down to under 10mg of kpin a day. Persoanlly I would taper real real slow. I have heard benzo PAWS can be downright scary. You can also cause brain damage by tapering real fast. Scary stuff. I hope you are under the care of an MD while doing the taper. If not the ashton manual is pretty much the gold standard of benzo withdrawal
http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha01.htm#3 Ashton manual
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benzodiazepine_withdrawal_syndrome benzo withdrawal wiki
http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha01.htm#3 Ashton manual
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benzodiazepine_withdrawal_syndrome benzo withdrawal wiki
Made it through another night of cold sweats. Went to bed around ten, woke up around 2:30, its about 4:15 now. The worst part of these withdrawls are the insomnia and waking up drenched in sweat and freezing my ass off. Other than than, my temper is way shorter than usual. I get angry at stuff that happened like 10 years ago. Its kinda funny because I realize how irrational that is. Also got a bunch of colonazelam and diclazepam in my cabinet and its really tempting just to cave and binge on the colonazelam for just a day or 2. I'm being strong about it though. I know I should just throw them out but I keep thinking that I might have an emergency panic attack and need them or maybe the addict in me is just saving them for a rainy day...
what dognasher said about being patient, wow so true, benzo recovery is slow and painful, i never thought it would, but it does release its grip. i always felt better after doing the things i didnt want to do, like just getting out of the house,
benzobuddies.org has a wealth of info and a message board with withdrawal suggestions and the like
you cAN do this,
benzobuddies.org has a wealth of info and a message board with withdrawal suggestions and the like
you cAN do this,
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
hey deaf eye,
I remember reading your posts regarding benzodiazepines, and was wondering how you're doing?
Stay strong man. Every day clean is a day of healing. Even if you don't feel it. I know it seems it will go on forever. But it won't, so don't use that as an excuse to relapse.
Exercise and eat healthy. Take lots of omega supplements and multivitamins in general. Go outside and sunbathe if you're feeling down. Exercise when you can't sleep. Get obsessed with weight training. It saved my life after sobering up from benzos and opiates. Get a social life. Get hobbies.
Stay away from all drugs. Caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, and any stimulants or GABA drugs. Although gabapentin really really helped me, though it can prolong absolute recovery, it can make life much easier without damaging you much and isn't recreational. Kind of like methadone/Suboxone for opiate addicts IMHO. I wouldn't recommend anything else, even anti depressants or sleeping pills, though it wouldn't be the end of the world. Just definitely no stimulants, they will give anxiety and insomnia.
Weed... Well that's on a case by case basis. It has saved me at times, but any drug use isn't good, though it is nowhere near as bad as alcohol or caffeine in your situation, don't use it if you don't have to
Exercise and eat healthy. Take lots of omega supplements and multivitamins in general. Go outside and sunbathe if you're feeling down. Exercise when you can't sleep. Get obsessed with weight training. It saved my life after sobering up from benzos and opiates. Get a social life. Get hobbies.
Stay away from all drugs. Caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, and any stimulants or GABA drugs. Although gabapentin really really helped me, though it can prolong absolute recovery, it can make life much easier without damaging you much and isn't recreational. Kind of like methadone/Suboxone for opiate addicts IMHO. I wouldn't recommend anything else, even anti depressants or sleeping pills, though it wouldn't be the end of the world. Just definitely no stimulants, they will give anxiety and insomnia.
Weed... Well that's on a case by case basis. It has saved me at times, but any drug use isn't good, though it is nowhere near as bad as alcohol or caffeine in your situation, don't use it if you don't have to
hey deaf eye,
I remember reading your posts regarding benzodiazepines, and was wondering how you're doing?
i have been doing quite well captain, thanks for asking, shit got rough for a while, stayed strong, havent touched pills and powders in over 3 and a half years, lifes pretty good just been eating clean, exercise, working, hanging with my girlfriend, painting, making music, always trying to stay positive. its hard sometimes, but still easier than benzo~hell