Being The Bad Guy

[Sobrietysucks]

Optional text, feel free to skip this part and just read the bolded and below it.
----------------
Recently my both my parents are suffering from terminal illness and reminding me how:
1.one day they will be gone (death) and I am the cause of all their worry/stress/problems
2. how my siblings are successful, they will be alright while I won't


My reaction? I could feel bad.... But i don't care. I never had much empathy growing up. I have no remorse for my actions. Why you ask?

1. I never asked to be born
2. they always wanted me to be someone im not, so now I resent them for it.
3. they never let me be myself, shot down any suggestions I made and redirected me to #2,
---------------------------
If you can train yourself to think like this, you can switch off the "human" part of the brain too. Drugs greatly facilites this process. It can diminish anxiety, or any undesirable aspect of one's self.

1.Is this post a rambling of a maniacal man (high on uppers)?
2 or am I getting somewhere with this? I believe that no one is born bad but for some it may be the easier path? A good example may be a fictional character Heisenburg from the tv Show Breaking Bad.

 

[amzam]

There are philosophies and religions that put forth that there is an objective, absolute right and wrong, and further that you can discern right from wrong.

Another point of view is personal pragmatism. Are you happy with your approach and is it bringing you pleasure and goodness?

1. I never asked to be born
2. they always wanted me to be someone im not, so now I resent them for it.
3. they never let me be myself, shot down any suggestions I made and redirected me to #2,

They too never asked to be born, as far as we know. They too received parental scripts and programming. Just as you see your life as something that happened to you in a manner most unfair, they might as well. We all might.

So what to do? You could figure you are resolved from any responsibility for anything since life has happened to you.

You could also decide that from here on out you are going to clear out parental programming and injunctions, thereby maximizing your ability to choose your own life and values. I'm not going to say you can do anything you want and completely delete your childhood and parental instruction set. But if its bugging you why not give it your best shot.

Also, envy is the biggest enemy of happiness and satisfaction.

how my siblings are successful, they will be alright while I won't

This makes me think envy which always encompasses feelings of deprivation and even persecution could be part of the dynamic in play here.

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

Optional text, feel free to skip this part and just read the bolded and below it.
----------------
Recently my both my parents are suffering from terminal illness and reminding me how:
1.one day they will be gone (death) and I am the cause of all their worry/stress/problems
2. how my siblings are successful, they will be alright while I won't


My reaction? I could feel bad.... But i don't care. I never had much empathy growing up. I have no remorse for my actions. Why you ask?

1. I never asked to be born
2. they always wanted me to be someone im not, so now I resent them for it.
3. they never let me be myself, shot down any suggestions I made and redirected me to #2,
---------------------------
If you can train yourself to think like this, you can switch off the "human" part of the brain too. Drugs greatly facilites this process. It can diminish anxiety, or any undesirable aspect of one's self.

1.Is this post a rambling of a maniacal man (high on uppers)?
2 or am I getting somewhere with this? I believe that no one is born bad but for some it may be the easier path? A good example may be a fictional character Heisenburg from the tv Show Breaking Bad.

I tend to agree with your conclusions. Your parents sound pretty typically messed up.

 

[belligerent drunk]

Optional text, feel free to skip this part and just read the bolded and below it.
----------------
Recently my both my parents are suffering from terminal illness and reminding me how:
1.one day they will be gone (death) and I am the cause of all their worry/stress/problems
2. how my siblings are successful, they will be alright while I won't


My reaction? I could feel bad.... But i don't care. I never had much empathy growing up. I have no remorse for my actions. Why you ask?

1. I never asked to be born
2. they always wanted me to be someone im not, so now I resent them for it.
3. they never let me be myself, shot down any suggestions I made and redirected me to #2,
---------------------------
If you can train yourself to think like this, you can switch off the "human" part of the brain too. Drugs greatly facilites this process. It can diminish anxiety, or any undesirable aspect of one's self.

1.Is this post a rambling of a maniacal man (high on uppers)?
2 or am I getting somewhere with this? I believe that no one is born bad but for some it may be the easier path? A good example may be a fictional character Heisenburg from the tv Show Breaking Bad.

Your response is natural and I can relate to what you're feeling. Forcing a human being to do things they don't like from early age by ways of psychological abuse ("we're your parents and you should do as we say") is bound to result in the human resenting their abusers. If you lose your empathy for your parents (as I did at some point), then I guess it's hard to feel empathy for anyone at all.

To respond to your first 2 points, I believe you're not being very objective when judging yourself in those aspects. You can't be the sole cause of your parents' problems, and even if you played a big part, it seems from the rest of your post that it's them who are responsible. And you can be successful in other ways than the mainstream standards in our society.

 

[treezy z]

If I hadn't turned to God I would be the bad guy, I spent my teens and early 20s with the philosophy "if it ain't friends or family fuck em, let's get it!"