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Being ignored for porn this very moment

So...he loves women. The men thing is a random infrequent occurrence and before we were a couple. He cheated on me once while high and with a female. I walked In and lost it. Tonigh...in porn mode he had a few pictures of her and the deed. He is way into pics, cross dressing, he loves things in his butt...but women are his thing. But porn trumps me because I'm shy and unlike the other women in his past, I'm slower and cautious but yet willing if at my pace. We don't do this all the time, once every month or two. He has had problems with drugs his whole life...I've walked the line and recently tried meth and crossed this line. So...I try to stay at a least often as possible user. Anyhoo, I'm not up to the sexual speed that he his and while I need patience he gets lost in porn and then that's it, I no longer exist. So I have gotten angry before and huge fights, sometimes it doesn't happen and this weekend I wanted to find some peace of mind and handle it correctly. It still sucks. I feel like the boring girl and never in my life has a man ignored me in bed for anything. So blah. Sorry rambling on, we try to keep it out of the relationship for the most part but it rears its head and harm reduction is a wonderful way to live. I feel stupid, he feels judged and because of this lovely site I was able to handle this better. I just explained I was hurt upset and confused but not angry at him. Keep you guys posted
 
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It sounds like he might be into S&M, the cross-dressing and anal play kind of are indicators. Try being a bit more aggressive and dominant? See how he responds, maybe he just is really craving that kind of interaction and is feeling frustrated that he can't have it.

It's actually pretty fun, so you might be surprised and wind up enjoying more than you expect.
 
He cheated on you? I dunno ... that's what I got out of this. That and he ignores you for porn.

I am all for porn, I think it's great, but it becomes a problem when it interferes with a relationship. When your s/o is around and you just want to watch porn, that's not good.
 
Not to be negative, but are you doing anything to get his attention? You admit that you are shy and not agressive with sex like his other conquests. How about trying to break out of the mold you are in? You might try a different drug? Meth might be blocking you, but Molly or other drugs might be what you need.
 
I was with a guy who did coke for three years. He would get wired, take MY laptop, leave me high (or not high, didnt like to share) with nothing to do, and ignore me for porn of preteen girls and boys. I could be riding his lap and he would crane his neck to see around me to the computer screen. It was only on coke that he did that to me, but we had other problems.
Yours doesnt sound like a healthy relationship, or maybe I'm being prejudiced because of my bad experience, but the porn thing really did hurt me, made me feel ugly and unattractive (Which I know isn't entirely true, at least from other people's perceptions of me) but his stiumlant/porn behavior among other things bascially destroyed my self esteem, I still have eating issues and exercise for hours a day becasue of that guy.
If he is making you feel bad, or think less of yourself, bring it up in a clam, rational manner. Don't criticize the subject of his porn, but the fact that he ignores you for it. Make it clear you'd be just as upset if he was reading CNN news and ignoring you, so he won't feel judged. See how he responds. if there is no reconcilliation, and his behaviors are seriously affecting you, get out before this starts to affect you deeply.
 
_mistresspoppy_ said:
I was with a guy who did coke for three years. He would get wired, take MY laptop, leave me high (or not high, didnt like to share) with nothing to do, and ignore me for porn of preteen girls and boys. I could be riding his lap and he would crane his neck to see around me to the computer screen. It was only on coke that he did that to me, but we had other problems.
Click to expand...

three years with a child porn coke head? WTF!!!
 
_mistresspoppy_ said:
I was with a guy who did coke for three years. He would get wired, take MY laptop, leave me high (or not high, didnt like to share) with nothing to do, and ignore me for porn of preteen girls and boys. I could be riding his lap and he would crane his neck to see around me to the computer screen. It was only on coke that he did that to me, but we had other problems.
Yours doesnt sound like a healthy relationship, or maybe I'm being prejudiced because of my bad experience, but the porn thing really did hurt me, made me feel ugly and unattractive (Which I know isn't entirely true, at least from other people's perceptions of me) but his stiumlant/porn behavior among other things bascially destroyed my self esteem, I still have eating issues and exercise for hours a day becasue of that guy.
If he is making you feel bad, or think less of yourself, bring it up in a clam, rational manner. Don't criticize the subject of his porn, but the fact that he ignores you for it. Make it clear you'd be just as upset if he was reading CNN news and ignoring you, so he won't feel judged. See how he responds. if there is no reconcilliation, and his behaviors are seriously affecting you, get out before this starts to affect you deeply.
Click to expand...

you shouldnt feel bad for his fuck ups. you should have reported him though for what he was doing do you not think?
 
hmm...I would not watch porn when in a relationship, nor would I put up with that crap from my partner...drugs are no excuse for anything. If taking drugs turns a partner into some self-absorbed ass-hole, then taking those drugs is out of the question. Obviously...cheating, porn, ignoring you, taking drugs that result in ass-hole behaviour...all that shit has no place in healthy relationships...this is how I see things...I'm guessing others use a different standard, but no one avoids brokenness and strife whilst allowing that kind of crap to go on...

OP...it is perfectly natural to feel the wrong of what has happened...to feel disappointed and angry...it's fine to insist the behaviour stops...it's fine to walk away...it's also fine to swallow your pain like you seem to be doing, but I'm guessing it is not healthy.

Best wishes.
 
that's bollocks. It's a drug, not an influence. Everything he has acted out is just amplified from his normal inhibited sober state.

Oh ROXIanne! said:
I would blame it on the meth, does he have this porn obsession when he's not on meth? If so I'd break it off and look for someone more like yourself in the sexual morality department.
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OP - He sounds like a narcissist. And there's also the fact he is obviously bisexual - something abhorrent to you(conditioning) - if you love him you need to accept the latter, and hope to fuck, with a little nudge, that he will change the former.

But also you say it yourself you are a prude and therefore you need to loosen up a little too. Find common ground and compromise - do not just bow down to everything he desires that is an unhealthy relationship dynamic. Especially if you are not enjoying it!

YOU can be a good influence on HIM just as much as he can help you open up from your "sexual morality"(it's crap...family/socially-inherited puritanical crap) - as meth does tend to amplify someone's (sexual) deviances.

Good luck
 
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