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being 'friendzoned' after a relationship, chances of her getting back with me.

hexagram

hexagram

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 27, 2012
Messages
1,712
so my girlfriend of five months broke up with me a week ago because I apparently do too many drugs. Whats annoying it that I was about to go easier and try and be more relaxed around her, but she didn't give me a chance. However, she said she still liked me, that I was still fun and that she still wanted to be friends.

I waited all summer for her and I don't feel like giving up that easily. So, I'm going to try and get her back. I was thinking that I would wait five days until I text her, to give her time to miss me and make her think I'm over it. Then, I'm going to text her asking to meet up, just as friends.

How should I go about it? Should I just be friends at first, and remind her why I liked her? I'm worried that if I do that she'll just start to see me as just a friend, and i'll never escape that label. Or should I try and let her know I'm still interested, at least in just sex.

Idk. One positive is that she immediately saw me as a a worthy sex 'mate', not a friend, which according to my limited knowledge of female psychology and 'friendzone' style situations, is a good thing.

I think I need to find a balance between being her friend and reminding her why she likes me, but still making sure she views me as a 'potential mate' and not coming across as too desperate.

btw just to clarify I'm not trying to be misogynistic at all, i'm not and really sorry if my language comes across as that, I'm just trying to explain things in relation to sex psychology hence why I use expressions like 'mate' and stuff.

But yeah what do you think would be the best tactic to get her back? please don't say to just get over it. Don't get me wrong, if it's been a month or two and it's still failed I'll drop it and get over her for good. But I do feel like I need to at least try.
 
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My best advice would be to look at why she broke it off...because you do too many drugs. Really that is quite a vague reason so if you want her back so bad then quit the drugs, she'll see you as a successful man who has taken a challenge and smashed it. Then you can start trying to get her back. Even if she wants to be with you, the drugs are clearly a problem and even if she did take you back right now, what makes you think that she wont feel the same about the drugs. I know you feel she hasn't given you a chance, I feel the same about my ex but you can only change your behaviors if you want to and the chances are that she doesn't think you can change.

If you really care about this girl and want to be with her more than anything, then you'll quit the drugs. Love is the most powerful drug of all and its free. Good luck man. Believe in yourself and look ahead at a new, clean you!
 
If it was me I would avoid the friend zone. You would be just torturing yourself.

I suppose I would try to have sex occur naturally and if that didn't happen I would speak to her about it. I would say something like "I don't think we can be just friends, I still have feelings and it is to hard for me to hold them back, so I guess you need to make a choice."

Personally I wouldn't want to be close friends to an ex I had feelings for so I would be willing to ditch the friendship as I would find the whole thing to be a mindfuck for myself. I have put that ultimatum out there and well I ended up getting back together with the woman, but we broke up over the same shit we broke up over to begin with.
 
Being 'just friends' after a relationship never works if either of the two people involved still has feelings for the other. Things will work themselves out, with either you getting back together, or not speaking anymore.
 
i had a similar situation recently and .when i got the ultimatum i just broke it off as there were other problems.

its very vague and she probably wont want you doing them at all which is probably unlikely to happen.

if i like something on rare occasions i'm not giving that up for some judgemental behaviour.
either way good luck but it sounds like she wants you around to pine after her for some ego feeding. i dont believe in friends after a relationship until a fair amount of time has passed to get over the trauma
 
personally if it was me I would continue the drug habits and continue trying to fuck her, at the end of the day she wants to or doesn't, if she doesn't then you being clean won't change it, and if she does she'll eventually overcome her objections to your drug use. every girl that's ever complained about my drug use has learned to live with it as soon as they find out they won't change it. also it could just be that her attraction for you has waned or disappeared, or it could be a whole host of reasons for why she doesn't want to be with you anymore, and 'you do too many drugs' is just what she comes out with

also instead of waiting 5 days and then texting her, why don't you just wait indefinitely until she gets in contact with you?
 
You could try inviting her to dinner, ordering wine, and paying for all of it, followed by something along the lines of asking if she would like to come look at something - an awesome view of the city, for example (don't even mention the drugs); here we have the luxury of having all of that in one at Centrepoint Tower revolving restaurant: city views, 5 star dinner, views of the entire city etc. Many relationships have began at that place, I go there for birthday dinners from time to time.

Alternatively you could ask her to go to the zoo and go watch some animals mating and hint that you have a boner. I dunno, if I was in your position I would move on to be perfectly honest, but that's just me.
 
people being really negative about it, in fairness she did say that she didn't know if she would still want to have sex or not.

I'm pretty sure I could sleep with her at least a few times more, However, thinking about it, what's the point. I don't think I could win her back properly as a girlfriend, so I'd just be torturing myself just to get my rocks off a few last times. Meh, probably better just to leave it and try and move on.

thanks for the help anyway guys. Feeling way more positive about it all now. I'm actually just glad that it happened, and that we had fun. I can't imagine finding anyone I like as much as her anytime soon, but that's what I thought when I broke up with my ex this time last year, and well, here I am again : ). So i'm sure eventually i'll find someone else to fall in love with again, actually kind of exciting.
 
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If she didn't still have feelings for u then she wouldn't offer to b friends. Wait longer than 5 days, wait like atleast 10 days, and then when u eventually do see her u gotta play it real cool, like ur not bothered at all by the fact u guys are broken up. Talk about other girls uve been talkin to, that'll really piss her off. ANd whatever u do DO NOT try to hook up the first time u guys chill again, u gotta play the long game

Make it seem like u have ur shit together. If she broke up with u cus ur gettin fucked up all the time then stop gettin fucked up all the time. U were already in a relationship so it's pretty hard to be friendzoned after that. More than likely the relationship is salvageable but u gotta play it smart, and if u fail just learn for next time ;)
 
Ah, why!! Leave that shit alone,they always say we can be friends that way if they get bored they at least a fool to hang with and maybe screw if they want to. Let her know right off it isn't going to happen,the vag isn't in control so tell her she loses and thats it so have a nice life,sister..
 
hexagram said:
so my girlfriend of five months broke up with me a week ago because I apparently do too many drugs. Whats annoying it that I was about to go easier and try and be more relaxed around her, but she didn't give me a chance. However, she said she still liked me, that I was still fun and that she still wanted to be friends.

I waited all summer for her and I don't feel like giving up that easily. So, I'm going to try and get her back. I was thinking that I would wait five days until I text her, to give her time to miss me and make her think I'm over it. Then, I'm going to text her asking to meet up, just as friends.

How should I go about it? Should I just be friends at first, and remind her why I liked her? I'm worried that if I do that she'll just start to see me as just a friend, and i'll never escape that label. Or should I try and let her know I'm still interested, at least in just sex.

Idk. One positive is that she immediately saw me as a a worthy sex 'mate', not a friend, which according to my limited knowledge of female psychology and 'friendzone' style situations, is a good thing.

I think I need to find a balance between being her friend and reminding her why she likes me, but still making sure she views me as a 'potential mate' and not coming across as too desperate.

btw just to clarify I'm not trying to be misogynistic at all, i'm not and really sorry if my language comes across as that, I'm just trying to explain things in relation to sex psychology hence why I use expressions like 'mate' and stuff.

But yeah what do you think would be the best tactic to get her back? please don't say to just get over it. Don't get me wrong, if it's been a month or two and it's still failed I'll drop it and get over her for good. But I do feel like I need to at least try.
Click to expand...

if you are truly trying to get her back the first thing i would do is cut back on the drugs...
 
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