Being an addict forever and being in pain forever

[bennyZA]

I used to be more active on this forum, so maybe some people remember that I fucked my self up in an accident, got prescribed ridiculous amounts of opiates, and OD'd. So my pain doc only gave me subs. They worked for a few days, but I still took them anyways. I couldn't stand the pain anymore, and someone I knew had amazing, east coast powder H, which I've never tried. I relapsed, but was able to stop after buying only 2/3 g's. Problem is, the pain went away...

I didn't tell my doc about the H, obviously, but basically I told him I NEED pain control. It was amazing how my depression and my anxiety went away even after the H effects wore off, but there was enough in my system to make the pain go away. He is now giving me fentanyl. I'm still not getting the control I need, but in the next 2 days I'm going to be trying the 50mcg/hr patches. I heard this was a low abuse potential pain med.

I'm moving somewhere where I need the pain control, but can't be fucked up. HOW DO I PREVENT MYSELF FROM SAYING FUCK IT AND JUST TRYING TO WEAR EXTRA PATCHES, ETC. Even now, before I'm going to a drug-free place, I have tried to abuse the patches (which only worked once, I wasted about half of them). I can't live in pain anymore, but I can't be a junkie anymore either. I can't really go to NA or whatever cause I'm going to be deep in the middle of nowhere.

Has anyone been in this catch-22 before. How did they keep their shit together.

 

[pastelcircus]

'HOW DO I PREVENT MYSELF FROM SAYING FUCK IT AND JUST TRYING TO WEAR EXTRA PATCHES, ETC'
I hate to break it to you, but you might not be able to control yourself. If you have proven to yourself (outside of any thoughts you may be having that deceive yourself otherwise,) that you are unable to administer your own meds with accordance to doctor's orders then you might consider having somebody close administer your meds for you. You said you were moving so it's unclear whether or not you will have that kind of support.

have you asked your doctor about any non-narcotic alternatives to the problems that you have?

'I can't really go to NA or whatever cause I'm going to be deep in the middle of nowhere.'
try googling na plus your new zip code, town name, county name, etc. I used to live in a rural area of the country and had a hard time believing they would even have aa, low and behold they had na and that was what got me through (and continues to get me through) the moves and changes in my life.

if they actually don't have na, there are na webcam meetings and phone lines along with written letter and email meetings.

if this isn't enough, google aa and do the best you can.

it's not easy being at that fork in the road but I promise, it does get easier

 

[bennyZA]

That's the thing, I have people who will be able to dole it out for me. It's just a question of making sure I ask them, I don't want them to think I'm an addict off the bat.

I've tried non-narcotic alternatives. Non of them work, even ice makes my injuries hurt more! Oh and I know there is NA not that far, but I can't really bounce and go to meeting. Also, no computers... yea... interesting, huh? You know what I was thinking though, just recently. If I find the dosage to make my pain go away, I wouldn't wanna waste patches. I mean, being pain free was so nice, sooooo nice. If I had no pain, then all of a sudden, the pain came back... I think it would remind me not to abuse them.

 

[bennyZA]

Great news! I can't move to that new place cause the accident I suffered awhile ago needs another surgery! This time a big time, open surgery from front and back as well as taking bone from the hip. Gonna need major pain killers afterwards... ugh