The Funky Ferret
Bluelighter
Thats just not right.EpicureanDream said:
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DC Moderators: ghostfreak | VerbalTruist
Being a mom and doing drugs?
- Thread starter *SWeeT-e*
- Start date
ArmyDansGirl
Bluelighter
Ninevah said:
I think this is a shame. But I bet yoru viewpoint will change after your son is born.
You see nothing wrong with needing pills to come home and chill with yoru son? I don't think you should need pills to chill wtih your own child. You'll see that though.
Soemtimes its not just about "what your kid needs" there's more to it than that.
if you need a nice warm euphoric feeling turn to your child. Trust me your get far more from them.
I am not saying just b/c you are a parent you need to be on the total straight and narrow. I'm certaintly not. I have a four and a half year old and am 6 weeks pregnant with #2. But since my son was born my priorities shifted. I go out with my friends to the bars and stuff but never once have I come home high or drunk. I always have an overnight sitter if I"m doing that. I just couldnt look at my child under the influence of anything I'd feel bad.
Ninevah
Bluelighter
ArmyDansGirl said:
I guess we all have our different viewpoints, and maybe mine will change after he is born. And I know I don't need a euphoric feeling to return to my child.. that's not what I was saying at all. 8) I was just stating that I don't plan on being out partying or anything after he is born and leaving him with someone else all the time. The drugs I do don't make me dysfunctional in the least, nor do I really even get high off of them. I think it would be much better to do them and come home to be with him rather than leaving him here with someone else all of the time, especially to go out and get high.
bc4130
Bluelighter
*SWeeT-e* said:
Sounds like you're quite a responsible person who will be a good parent.
You've already realized that it's not worth the risk of doing drugs as they can become a nasty habit. Once you're responsible for another human being it's not worth the risk, and you seem to have already reached this conclusion which is good. I say go with your instincts and stay away from everything but, like you said, the occasional drinks w/ friends.
Plus people can have nasty reactions if they find out someone raising a kid is doing illegal drugs. It's often automatically assumed that this person can't parent, which is completely assumptuous but I've seen it happen before and seen a few people who almost lost their kid(s) due to neighbors overreacting over parents smoking pot (not around the kids but smoking occasionally).
Ninevah
Bluelighter
Let me clear up my previous statement a bit so that it is not misunderstood. I didn't mean I'm going to get high all the time with my kid... lol I just meant that I'm not going out and partying anymore after he's born, and if I do anything (which will only be opiates and very rarely) then I will do them at home.
Maybe that makes more since.. maybe not.
?
Maybe that makes more since.. maybe not.
?
ArmyDansGirl
Bluelighter
yes, much more sense 
good luck wiht the new baby
good luck wiht the new babyrachamim18
Bluelighter
yep...
I am a 37 year old father of 4.I have 3 sons:21,12,8 months and 1 daughter who is 9 years old.
Using drugs has nothing to do with being a fit or unfit parent.The fitness quotient is dependant on the parents maturity and responsibility.I would never consider doing drugs in front of my children but neither would I ever consider lying or displaying hypocritical behavior in front of them.
Drug use is a moral issue that should be talked about in the home [as with all moral issues].If a person engages in safe and moderate use I think that it can be a positive part of their life.
To the individual who considers it pathetic that one would even consider spending money on drugs when they could spend that money on their child [damn,I got that out in one breath]...That statement is pure hypocrisy unless you never intend on spending another penny on yourself [haircut,clothes,any item you can imagine].The key ,as with everything,is moderation.Part of being a parent is engaing in responsible parent.One can engage in responsible drug use.
I am a 37 year old father of 4.I have 3 sons:21,12,8 months and 1 daughter who is 9 years old.
Using drugs has nothing to do with being a fit or unfit parent.The fitness quotient is dependant on the parents maturity and responsibility.I would never consider doing drugs in front of my children but neither would I ever consider lying or displaying hypocritical behavior in front of them.
Drug use is a moral issue that should be talked about in the home [as with all moral issues].If a person engages in safe and moderate use I think that it can be a positive part of their life.
To the individual who considers it pathetic that one would even consider spending money on drugs when they could spend that money on their child [damn,I got that out in one breath]...That statement is pure hypocrisy unless you never intend on spending another penny on yourself [haircut,clothes,any item you can imagine].The key ,as with everything,is moderation.Part of being a parent is engaing in responsible parent.One can engage in responsible drug use.
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^^ Yes but...what drugs exactly do you do? Not all drugs are the same. Some are easily habit-forming and many people struggle with addiction, regardless of their intent to stick to safe and moderate use. I don't have a problem with parents that want to smoke the occasional joint, when out with their own friends and away from the kids. I won't be doing this, but that's because I don't like smoking weed. However, I also see a difference between occasional (a couple times a year) and regular use. Regular use of any drug WILL damage your ability to be a parent simply because of the effects that drugs have on your body and brain. And to a certain extent, yes I think it's selfish if you're spending a good deal of your income on your own drugs. I'm going to be a single mom and funds will be limited. Of course I will still spend money on myself, but priorities change. I think I would rather put my extra money towards giving my child a good future, rather than blowing it on chemical substances.
rachamim18
Bluelighter
No matter...
Usually heroin.what difference does it make?If one is informed [being experienced also helps] and imbibes in a moderate fashion it has no bearing on ones fitness as a parent.If a mother or father had cancer and was prescribed morphine does their fitness as a parent suddenly take a nosedive?
Usually heroin.what difference does it make?If one is informed [being experienced also helps] and imbibes in a moderate fashion it has no bearing on ones fitness as a parent.If a mother or father had cancer and was prescribed morphine does their fitness as a parent suddenly take a nosedive?
Re: No matter...
Actually, I would argue yes. But that is beyond their control and they are not to be faulted by it.
When my cousin's mom was diagnosed with cancer, he had to become head of the household at the age of 8. Consequently, his mother could not care for him in the way that she did before she got sick. Obviously this is not her fault because she couldn't control getting cancer. Shit happens.
However, the decision to use or not use drugs is entirely within one's control.
I'm not saying this to judge you because I don't know you or your situation. But I do find it difficult to believe that heroin use is easy to control. And even if you do control it, aren't you playing with fire and taking unnecessary risks? Does the mother of your children also use heroin?
rachamim18 said:
Actually, I would argue yes. But that is beyond their control and they are not to be faulted by it.
When my cousin's mom was diagnosed with cancer, he had to become head of the household at the age of 8. Consequently, his mother could not care for him in the way that she did before she got sick. Obviously this is not her fault because she couldn't control getting cancer. Shit happens.
However, the decision to use or not use drugs is entirely within one's control.
I'm not saying this to judge you because I don't know you or your situation. But I do find it difficult to believe that heroin use is easy to control. And even if you do control it, aren't you playing with fire and taking unnecessary risks? Does the mother of your children also use heroin?
rachamim18
Bluelighter
Beg to differ...
Actually I do not see how being afflicted with cancer [thus necessitating morphine,etc.] would somehow change one from a fit to unfit parent but anyway...
I am a 37 year old man who first used heroin [and most other drugs] before the age of 15.I am also of at least average intelligence.Therefore I am informed about every aspect of my life,be it diet,leisure,or say...drug use.
Obviously that takes care of "playing with fire" but that leads me to another point:Whats to say that a vacation trip aboard a cruise ship equipped with a casino might lead one to become a helpless compulsive gambler?Life is full of uncertainties,that is the only certain thing.Granted that one may then offer that its foolish to increase ones chances of developing an out of control problem but [usually] an educated consumer is a safe consumer.
My wife has never even smoked a cigarette but that is merely her personal choice.If I were to use drugs openly in front of my kids,or to drive while under the influence,or take them with me while I purchase drugs,etc. then my wife would be sure to deal with it appropriately.As I said a couple of times before I am an adult and as such always seek to behave in a responsible manner.
People have always sought to expand their consciousness through various means.It is an undeniable component of the human condition.To attempt to suppress a common form of human expression might very well lead to more serious problems than nodding out in my easy chair a couple of times a month.
Please,you do not offend me.I am secure in my decisions and behavior.On the contrary,I enjoy seeing different points of view and considering new ways of thinking.
Actually I do not see how being afflicted with cancer [thus necessitating morphine,etc.] would somehow change one from a fit to unfit parent but anyway...
I am a 37 year old man who first used heroin [and most other drugs] before the age of 15.I am also of at least average intelligence.Therefore I am informed about every aspect of my life,be it diet,leisure,or say...drug use.
Obviously that takes care of "playing with fire" but that leads me to another point:Whats to say that a vacation trip aboard a cruise ship equipped with a casino might lead one to become a helpless compulsive gambler?Life is full of uncertainties,that is the only certain thing.Granted that one may then offer that its foolish to increase ones chances of developing an out of control problem but [usually] an educated consumer is a safe consumer.
My wife has never even smoked a cigarette but that is merely her personal choice.If I were to use drugs openly in front of my kids,or to drive while under the influence,or take them with me while I purchase drugs,etc. then my wife would be sure to deal with it appropriately.As I said a couple of times before I am an adult and as such always seek to behave in a responsible manner.
People have always sought to expand their consciousness through various means.It is an undeniable component of the human condition.To attempt to suppress a common form of human expression might very well lead to more serious problems than nodding out in my easy chair a couple of times a month.
Please,you do not offend me.I am secure in my decisions and behavior.On the contrary,I enjoy seeing different points of view and considering new ways of thinking.
Ninjagirl69
Bluelighter
The only problem; with alcohol or other drugs after birth and during breastfeeding is that nicotine and other substances can be passed from you to the baby.
renegade_angel
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2004
- Messages
- 19
Personally i think that once you accept the commitment to become a parent, you should stop doing drugs full stop, at least while they're growing up. That way, they're more able to make their own independant decisions and opinions with regards to drugs as opposed to growing up surrounded by them and doing them because of that.
rachamim18
Bluelighter
sure...
Most definitely.That is a clear case of ones fitness having everything to do with their drug use.
Most definitely.That is a clear case of ones fitness having everything to do with their drug use.
rachamim18
Bluelighter
What?
Renegade:How are they even aware that drugs are "around them" if one engages in moderate and responsible use?You are working under the assumption that mom or dad is sitting at the dinner table blowing smokerings from their philly blunt...If a parent is circumspect with their usage there is no reason at all why their child/ren should ever become aware.It is something relegated to adult behavior [like making love or even driving a car].
Renegade:How are they even aware that drugs are "around them" if one engages in moderate and responsible use?You are working under the assumption that mom or dad is sitting at the dinner table blowing smokerings from their philly blunt...If a parent is circumspect with their usage there is no reason at all why their child/ren should ever become aware.It is something relegated to adult behavior [like making love or even driving a car].
renegade_angel
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2004
- Messages
- 19
THE WOOD said:
thats also a good point...
rachamim18 - well yea, if you hide it from them i guess its the same deal. don't think i'd do it tho.
Re: Beg to differ...
I didn't say it would change them into an "unfit" parent. You simply asked if having cancer would cause their fitness would decline. I argued that being afflicted with a serious illness would indeed affect one's ability to parent; I think that's fairly obvious. Do you think that if you had cancer and were in so much pain that you were prescribed morphine that you would have the same amount of energy to drive your kids to school, take them to their sports practices, etc? Of course not. This is not to say that you're an unfit parent who loves your kids any less, but that you are afflicted with a condition that limits your ability to be the best parent you can be.
Informing yourself about drug use is always intelligent and decreases your risk. No doubt. That doesn't preclude getting burned. I've always been very educated about my use of drugs- my drugs of choice (in the past) being meth and cocaine. My education taught me that they are addictive drugs. And despite everything I learned, I became addicted. I have not encountered anyone in my life who has used these drugs (meth, coke, or heroin) and not at least struggled with the ability to control their use. At least you must recognize that to be a purely recreational user with no addictive compulsions whatsoever is a very rare thing, and thus my scepticism.
One last thing: how can you be sure your kids won't find out? What would you say if one of them inadvertantly discovered your stash? And what approach will you take towards drug use in your children?
rachamim18 said:
I didn't say it would change them into an "unfit" parent. You simply asked if having cancer would cause their fitness would decline. I argued that being afflicted with a serious illness would indeed affect one's ability to parent; I think that's fairly obvious. Do you think that if you had cancer and were in so much pain that you were prescribed morphine that you would have the same amount of energy to drive your kids to school, take them to their sports practices, etc? Of course not. This is not to say that you're an unfit parent who loves your kids any less, but that you are afflicted with a condition that limits your ability to be the best parent you can be.
Informing yourself about drug use is always intelligent and decreases your risk. No doubt. That doesn't preclude getting burned. I've always been very educated about my use of drugs- my drugs of choice (in the past) being meth and cocaine. My education taught me that they are addictive drugs. And despite everything I learned, I became addicted. I have not encountered anyone in my life who has used these drugs (meth, coke, or heroin) and not at least struggled with the ability to control their use. At least you must recognize that to be a purely recreational user with no addictive compulsions whatsoever is a very rare thing, and thus my scepticism.
One last thing: how can you be sure your kids won't find out? What would you say if one of them inadvertantly discovered your stash? And what approach will you take towards drug use in your children?
Ninevah
Bluelighter
Re: Re: Beg to differ...
Actually, he asked if having cancer and being prescribed morphine would cause their fitness to decline. I think he was referring more to the use of morphine during the illness rather than the illness itself. In simple terms he was questioning the idea that someone's need for morphine (instead of just recreational use) would effect their parenting ability.
rachamim - you say everything I'm thinking.. except so much clearer.
*SWeeT-e* said:
Actually, he asked if having cancer and being prescribed morphine would cause their fitness to decline. I think he was referring more to the use of morphine during the illness rather than the illness itself. In simple terms he was questioning the idea that someone's need for morphine (instead of just recreational use) would effect their parenting ability.
rachamim - you say everything I'm thinking.. except so much clearer. rachamim18
Bluelighter
Ninevah is right...
Actually,Ninevah articulated my view clearly.
I am not trying to be contrary but I have met alot of people that have tried the substances you listed and have never had a problem with them.First of all,many people try heroin,puke,and look you in the eye and ask "THIS is great?"I find that many people either love it or hate it,not much of a middle ground.Even with those that love it though,there is a portion that could care less when they do not have it.I believe you are getting at "if you play with fire expect to get burned "[damn hes swift!].Mental addiction is a very real risk but so is walking out the door in the morning...You cannot stop living though.
Thanks again Ninevah...
Actually,Ninevah articulated my view clearly.
I am not trying to be contrary but I have met alot of people that have tried the substances you listed and have never had a problem with them.First of all,many people try heroin,puke,and look you in the eye and ask "THIS is great?"I find that many people either love it or hate it,not much of a middle ground.Even with those that love it though,there is a portion that could care less when they do not have it.I believe you are getting at "if you play with fire expect to get burned "[damn hes swift!].Mental addiction is a very real risk but so is walking out the door in the morning...You cannot stop living though.
Thanks again Ninevah...
What I've Witnessed
Ok my friend Dave does meth once in a blue moon. He is an example of having 4 kids and using responsibly. I've known Dave for 24 years. When he was single, he did his share of bindging. The last 10 years he's been married twice to the same woman, a non user, and has 4 kids. The thing is, he'll do it maybe 4 times a year, but if he doesn't get it, he doesn't trip. I've offered numerous times to hook him up directly with different connects, but he has chosen to only go thru a middle man. He says he doesn't want tweeked out dealers going to his house, nor does he want to go to the homes of tweeked out dealers because it's not worth possibly losing his kids over. He may have the odd hit of pot in a pipe, but only one or two hits a month, in his private bathroom that is off limits to the kids. He's not the kind of guy that LOOKS all tweeked out when he does do it. of course, he never let the kids see him doing it. Dope does not disrupt Dave's life cause he hardly ever does it, so his ability to parent remains intact.
Here's another example of another friend. She and her husband both smoke meth daily most of the time. They have 3 kids living in their home. I love Dane and Dana to bits. They are good hearted people, BUT their use does affect how they parent. Because I know how it is to do meth, after the honeymoon period ends and the habit begins, these are definite noticable effects:
1. They get tired, the shit wears them out at times, their patience
wears a bit thin, and they are not always consistent in the way
they discipline or interact with the kids.
2. They use only in one tiny area of the house closed off from the
rest of the house, BUT these kids run amok in the house, they
will not go to bed because Mom and Dad are sucking on the pipe
or if not Dad is working on the PC and Mom is not there or on the
phone.
3. The kids are 3,7, and 8. They have to know their parents are
smoking something in that room cause you know how kids are
always wanting to ask their parents for something....so come on
they have to know something's up.
I know how it is, I don't condemn their use, but I am concerned that all it would take is for something innocent like one of the kids saying something to someone at school.....that's just me though. I try to put myself in the kids' place and Mom is always screaming "Leave me alone, I'm on the phone." and Dad is always dickin around with his 10 million computers, so it probably sucks dick for the kids in this situation.
I did have 2 step children 13 years ago for a period of 2 years. My ex had full custody of his children. I NEVER used around them. Meth was infrequent. Pot only in bed with my ex after the kids were in bed asleep occasionally, but that was it.
Ok my friend Dave does meth once in a blue moon. He is an example of having 4 kids and using responsibly. I've known Dave for 24 years. When he was single, he did his share of bindging. The last 10 years he's been married twice to the same woman, a non user, and has 4 kids. The thing is, he'll do it maybe 4 times a year, but if he doesn't get it, he doesn't trip. I've offered numerous times to hook him up directly with different connects, but he has chosen to only go thru a middle man. He says he doesn't want tweeked out dealers going to his house, nor does he want to go to the homes of tweeked out dealers because it's not worth possibly losing his kids over. He may have the odd hit of pot in a pipe, but only one or two hits a month, in his private bathroom that is off limits to the kids. He's not the kind of guy that LOOKS all tweeked out when he does do it. of course, he never let the kids see him doing it. Dope does not disrupt Dave's life cause he hardly ever does it, so his ability to parent remains intact.
Here's another example of another friend. She and her husband both smoke meth daily most of the time. They have 3 kids living in their home. I love Dane and Dana to bits. They are good hearted people, BUT their use does affect how they parent. Because I know how it is to do meth, after the honeymoon period ends and the habit begins, these are definite noticable effects:
1. They get tired, the shit wears them out at times, their patience
wears a bit thin, and they are not always consistent in the way
they discipline or interact with the kids.
2. They use only in one tiny area of the house closed off from the
rest of the house, BUT these kids run amok in the house, they
will not go to bed because Mom and Dad are sucking on the pipe
or if not Dad is working on the PC and Mom is not there or on the
phone.
3. The kids are 3,7, and 8. They have to know their parents are
smoking something in that room cause you know how kids are
always wanting to ask their parents for something....so come on
they have to know something's up.
I know how it is, I don't condemn their use, but I am concerned that all it would take is for something innocent like one of the kids saying something to someone at school.....that's just me though. I try to put myself in the kids' place and Mom is always screaming "Leave me alone, I'm on the phone." and Dad is always dickin around with his 10 million computers, so it probably sucks dick for the kids in this situation.
I did have 2 step children 13 years ago for a period of 2 years. My ex had full custody of his children. I NEVER used around them. Meth was infrequent. Pot only in bed with my ex after the kids were in bed asleep occasionally, but that was it.