I appreciate you commenting Dondante and I miss our regular chats. I am working very hard to be at the point where I accept every word from another as a chance to reevaluate, and a challenge for me to defend my position, or open my mind to the idea it was wrong. A month ago or so I was telling people that I'll be opiate free for at last the next decade, only the perfect storm could change where I am at. And when I (re)read Tobala's report my immediate thoughts were....'well he didn't take enough' and then I thought, "well it doesn't sound like he prepared months in advance for it as I did, maybe that is why, etc."
Now I am at the point where I do accept that ibogaine is FUCKING AMAZING and does work....but it still requires the user to operate heavy machinery. Ibogaine can be the grand reset button (with the right dose) but at some point the user has to accept responsibility for their own path. Ibogaine cannot pilot the ship forever.....and who would want it too?
I can't speak for others but my ibogaine experience began with every trip I ever had....they all set the template and the mood. LSD, DMT, 1001 research chemicals, the whole lot were all 'training' for me. Ibogaine came into my life not just to free me from the conviction I had that my life was not worth anything without opiates....it came into my life to plant a seed in my brain that is growing, and I will work every day to continue nurturing it.
After the seed was planted and sprouted, I went on a 4 week period of 'reintroduction' surrounded by family who provided love and support and allowed me to just be, but also wanted to hear of my experience...and talking about it allowed me to rethink it all, look at where I am at, where others like me got too, and really take in the great divide between where I wanted to be, where I could be, and where I as at. In short, this was for me the 'follow up therapy' that every ibogaine practitioner says is NECESSARY for success. Without it, ibogaine is just as much a crap-shoot as taking LSD or any other psychedelic.
Then my oldest and dearest friend, sister, soul mate, etc....flew me out to sunny CA to remind me further, and to show me by example that working hard to be the best I can be will work...she showed me by simply being herself. The she reminded me of the fact that I turned her on to psychedelics when we were VERY YOUNG adults, and it changed where she wanted her life to lead...and man has that woman done/is doing SO MUCH.....and she reminded me that I turn on everyone I know, I always have, no one has ever had buyer's remorse...and maybe there is something more to it than I 'just like to trip.' I needed her affirmation. I am working to make all of those around me 'matter' but for so long, her opinion of myself was all I ever cared about. That she justified my path at that moment was probably more of a +4 than even the ibogaine.
The trip to CA showed me the life I want to live is all around me. Be it in CA, or where I am now, all I need to do is practice to better myself, keep the faith in the things I know to be true, share the knowledge I have learned, do not engage in bullshit, and with good intentions, all life around me will unfold in ways I could never foresee. It has happened everyday since March 3rd, it gets stronger every day, and it has only begun. I know I will have pitfalls they are challenges along the way I will need to bridge in order to make the path I am on stronger. And every pitfall I overtake is a lesson I can share with those around me who need to hear it.
I know I am human, subject to the same fears and excesses anyone else is. But I also know the seed planted in my brain is all I ever will need again and as long as I work to continue on this path....nothing will every change the way I see things.
The decade I spend in love with opiates and death was a necessary path I took, the reasons of which are still not clear....but I know it all happened for a very good reason and I would not change a thing. I also know every reason and every behavior pattern in my brain that made that life the one I wanted to live are no longer relevant to me today, I work hard to make it that way tomorrow, and I know everything is going to come out rosy for me.
I am so happy for you MGS. Keep on truckin brother, keep your head up... the worst is behind you now. Love and Light 
