Beginning of Actual Opiate Addiction

[Alex000]

So I've really loved opiates from the first time I tried them. I kept my use very occasional, and my tolerance never really went up. There were 2 other times I took tramadol for about 4 or 5 days in a row, but for the past 12 days I have been taking between 100 mg and 300 mg of tramadol daily with the exception of one day. I started using tramadol more frequently, like once or twice a week since late fall, and I have just been binging for almost 2 weeks. I knew this would happen someday, because opiates are my true love, but here it is physical addiction. I don't know how much longer this will continue but the daily dose has been getting higher. I know all about the horrors of opiate addiction, but will like 2 weeks of this kind of use cause wd's when I stop? How bad? I guess I am just interested in hearing stories about when others officially became mentally and physically addicted to opioids?

 

[Sepher]

Alex, I dunno much about Tramadol but after 12 days of dosing higher and higher on an opioid chances are you're gonna feel somewhat rough when you stop. In the grand scheme of things it'll be something and nothing most likely. I doubt it qualifies as a true physical addiction as such just yet and I would expect you to suffer relatively minor symptoms if you stopped using immediately but you're gonna feel something and you probably won't like it all that much no matter how minor. The question is to what degree, which I can't answer, but the one thing I am sure of though is if you keep going the symptoms you'll feel when you do eventually quit can only be worse than the ones you'd feel stopping now. It sounds like there's the beginnings of a psychological need for the stuff to some extent, and once you have a psychological addiction to something the physical addiction will surely follow. Bail out now while it's easy, cos if you don't who can say who hard you'll find it to quit further down the line. You sure can't, you don't even know what you've let yourself in for up to now?

Why are you using it? Is it for the pleasure you get from it, or are you after the relief it gives you from negative stuff you've got going on, trying to blank it out?

 

[herbavore]

Why are you using it? Is it for the pleasure you get from it, or are you after the relief it gives you from negative stuff you've got going on, trying to blank it out?

Alex, I would focus on Sepher's question as much as you can. Ending up with an addiction for either reason is not somewhere you want to find yourself, but asking which of these is the motivation will enable you to know which direction to take to avoid getting in any deeper. Are you in any kind of counseling?

 

[KAYLA2010]

I started out taking them recreationally in very lose doses. I thought to myself its not like I'm an addict or something " I'm only taking them in the weekends" or " I can stop whenever I want" the only problem was I didn't realize I was setting myself up for disaster.

Eventually it got harder and harder to stop. I would use for longer periods of time. Until I realized one day that I am always thinking about the damn pills. I put them in a pedastool. After a while I was not taking breaks anymore. I was taking them everyday. (even though I was taking every day I tol myself "I'm not a real addict because I take low doses and I'm not even building a tolerance")

Eventually I needed more because after four years(yup took my four years when I started) to build a tolorence. Then I told myself "at least it not heroin" and " at least it's just a pill" well since I was taking them more often it was harder to get from a doctor so I moved on to other sources. At first it was my mom and grandmas stash. Again I told myself "if I were a real addict I would be buying off te street"

Eventually my mom and grandma noticed that I was taking too much I their meds and that I should need that much a nd that's when my family fislrst noticed that I may have a potentially life threatening addiction on my hands. I told them no an gave them all my bullshit phrases for why I'm not an addict. (can you say denial) I was so stupid. Well after that I was like shit I need a new source ( I didn't realize that my problem was getting worse) I still thought its not that bad. After finding a dealer I was telling myself "at least I pay for my pills" and still saying "it's not like I am a real addict cause I'm not hooting up heroin"

I eventually got offered better pills along the road. First it was Vicodin next was Norco then precocet. After a while I needed more and more. I also was offered different pills. I eventually was taking a cocktail of pills. Soon after nothing was enough. I wanted more. (I still told used bullshit to keep my pride) I ended up moving on to snorting then shooting up.

I never saw it coming. It took years to become a full blown addict. I had people telling me I would end up dead or in jail or an institution. I did not believe my problem was that bad because then I had an excuse for all of it. I didn't realizes while high that I was ruining my life and family. I didn't think it was that bad but I was. I was fucking terrible. The friends I made were shit the places I stayed were shit. Eventually I was shit.

I wish I had never taken that first opiate in my life. I wish it was never prescribed. That shit ruined my life. I have been trying to stop and get it out of my life for years now, but once you take your first opiate binge you are pretty much buckled in on a roller coaster to hell.

I also took tramadol. It has SSRI properties. It has the ability to get you a little high and helps with depression. So because of that you will go through a mild physical withdrawal (I went through it) and you will go through a horrible mental withdrawal( I went through that to)

Tramadol you would think it by that bad right. Wrong. For te first weeks you will feel the physical withdrawal it is painful especially if this I your first withdrawal it is going to fucking suck. Opiates are very easy for your body to get used to. Myself after just four straight days of taking any opiate I will go into a bad physical withdrawal and it's painful.

But te worse part is the mental withdrawal from the antidepressant part of tramadol. You will feel depressed and tired and weak for up to six moths. This is why it is so hard to stay clean because opiates take for ever to reverse your body after using them. It can take years for a heroin addict to feel normal..... This is why relapse on opiates is high. It's because you will feel like shit. You will want a pick me up. And you will want to take the tramadol again to get energy and to feel happy. And that's when you are officially stuck in a vicious cycle of getting clean and relapsing..

If you can try to stop taking that shit for good. Especially since you aren't that bad on it yet.DO IT!!just STOP Before its to LATE. If you can't stop or if you stop and then relapse I suggest you start a rehad program before your problem get way to out of control and your life goes down the drain.

Hope this helps- my story and what I think

Please dot say "that would never happen to me because man you are on your way"

 

[Anomaly88]

Yeah we all started from doing it only on the weekends. and saying it would never happen to me, Im stronger than that.. Sooner or later it just ends up happening when you keep at it.. I sure didnt expect to be hooked like this nice read Kayla. Hope everything works out for you!!

 

[KAYLA2010]

Thank you. I'm trying

 

[Alex000]

Why do I use? I have, with entire confidence, resolved that opioids are one of the true loves I have in life, and it will never go away. I have accepted that I may become an addict, and go deeper and deeper, but the pleasure is worth the pain. I have some things that opioids do help with, like my anxiety and mood, but I take them for recreation, really, or perhaps better put "enjoyment". I do see a therapist, and we often talk about my love for opioids. One of the things I most like about them is their ability to induce such comfort, such euphoric contentment accompanied by such a stillness of body and mind. I am worried about coming off, which I will probably in a few more days. I know it will be very unpleasant, but at least I have benzos at my disposal to help me throug it. I already have a pretty hefty benzo habit, so I don't need to worry about developing one. I appreciate all of your responses and encourage more to come.

 

[KAYLA2010]

Wow. that sounds about right. I love them as much as you do, but after a while when you grow old, the older you get te worse everyone hurts an the more damage you do and the sad thing is while you are getting high you will never know how bad things really are.

Anyways, every time I go through opiate withdrawal I use Xanax. It really does help. And you won't be so bad off from opiate withdrawal since you are addicted other things cause while in withdrawal you will just be high on something else.

Good luck and keep us updated, I hope you can fight that shit. :hugs:

 

[brimz]

The beggining of Opiate addiction is often called "The Honeymoon period"

There is good reason for this as it is like an actuall bad marriage.

You have the start when everyhthing is dandy n you are still in luv then slowly the magic fades but you stick together , well you have by know develloped a physicall dependence .
Like all bad marriages you will stick together for far longer than you should .....

You get the jist ?

 

[bliz62]

Ahhhh the honeymoon period...yep. Basically I started using them for legit pain (and still do) and then one day I thought "wow, I actually feel GOOD on these!" and it snowballed into a full blown addiction. I think about getting high all day...the only time I don't think about when/where I'm gonna score/dose, is in the first throes of the dose hitting me and I have maybe 30 mins to an hour and a half, depending on the potency, where I'm in that euphoric, everything is amazing and I'm happy state of being. Then when I come down, i'm angry and annoyed and pissy, and thinking of the next high. Like right now, I'm completely out of pills and dying inside bc I'm unsure of my next move.

So if you can, get off this roller coaster. I'm at the point right now where I'm still willing to go through it all for the pleasure. I'm still in the "invincible" stage (funny, since part of me is obviously aware that I'm an addict) and not wanting to quit. I guess my point is if you're at all ready, go through the WD and be done man...
Either way, good luck during the WD. There are many drugs and methods to use to ease the pain, I'm sure you'll find one that will work for you.

 

[theseeker]

One thing about tramadol- when you stop the w/d hits you fast and hard. That said- for me I found it to be over very, very quickly. Back in the 90's I used to take 600mg per day for like 2 years straight. I stopped cold-turkey. I was sick- very sick- for a week and then felt off for another week. However, after 3 weeks, it was completely over and I mean COMPLETELY. I never knew I had taken those pills, my brain went back to normal. YMMV but that was my experience

 

[AudiFiveThousand]

Stop now. Trust me 2 weeks of a tram bindge will feel pretty shitty but the longer you keep doing it the worse your gonna feel and withdrawl hard. Just man up and stop while your ahead buddy. You can definitely do it!! If you continue to keep upping your tram dose(which is really bad by the way- you might as well start treating your body better and start taking oxycodone without the tylenol since your tram dose is so high) the withdrawls are gonna be worse and worse. Take everyones advice on BL and just quit while your ahead. I Hear ya that you love opiates but once REAL withdrawls set in you'll see its not worth the pleasure. Good luck

 

[Alex000]

Sad thing it is, it's day 16 and I took 400 mg today total, and it was nice but no like wow or long lasting. I can feel the wd symptoms in the morning before I dose, I feel kind of shitty even though I feel good cause of the tram. It is weird, and I know I need to stop. If I am going to do this I want real opiates, but tram could be nice on occasion. I just can't get any real opiates. Anyway, I am going to stop tomorrow. I take k-pins daily, but I'll use extra Ativan and Xanax to deal with the wd's. I am worried it is going to really suck. I know what to take to help with wd's, but what do I do when I feel like shit?

 

[Sepher]

The beggining of Opiate addiction is often called "The Honeymoon period"

There is good reason for this as it is like an actuall bad marriage.

You have the start when everyhthing is dandy n you are still in luv then slowly the magic fades but you stick together , well you have by know develloped a physicall dependence .
Like all bad marriages you will stick together for far longer than you should .....

You get the jist ?

Exactly this. What starts as a love affair turns first to indifference once you've built your tolerance to the point you no longer get anything from it but a temporay postponement of withdrawal, and then to outright loathing of the drug and what it's done to you but being incapable of putting it down and moving on because of the fear of withdrawal, and the fear of how you're gonna manage without the little action it has left as a mood stabiliser. The honeymoon period can last a good long time, years and years even, but at some point that will change and ultimately you're gonna have to deal with real life and real emotions as they are without the aid of an emotional crutch. Don't go down that road. It gets you nothing but pain in the end.

 

[Alex000]

It has been 17 hours since the last dose. Most symptoms are physical so far, bad muscle aches, a bit of nause here and there, and some increased neuroticism. I hurt all over. I took 600 mg ibuprofen about three hours ago, and it put somewhat of a dent in the pain. I took an extra 2 mg Ativan with my normal mid-day 1 mg of Klonipin like an hour ago, so I guess they are helping. I fear it is going to get much worse.

 

[xHippiexchildx]

I've been on suboxone for the past 4 years. I came off exactly 1 month and 3 weeks ago. I'm still feeling the withdrawals. Chills, Aches, Anxiety, etc.

Tramadol is a mild opiate, but it's still an opiate. The benzos you are taking are about 50x more addictive then opiates, at least that's what I hear. Only take them AS NEEDED, not as wanted.

 

[Alex000]

Well, at about 41 hours after my last dose of tramadol, I threw in the towel, and took 100 mg. 6 hours later I took another 100 mg. The wd's brought more than I expected. Yesterday the symptoms began with bad muscle pain, increased irritability, and increased neuroticism. And then, my mood started swinging all over the fucking place, and I ended up having a major fight with my family, throwing and breaking shit, crying one minute, laughing the next over nothing really. I continued to feel "weird" the rest of last night, even though the fighting stopped, but today was the worst. I woke up and was immediately confronted by my family. I was pissed, I then started crying uncontrollably just because of how shitty I felt. There was an unworldly feeling of hopelessness and boredome that overcame me, and I felt like nothing would help, so I elected to take the tramadol, and will be doing a slow taper. I must say I am surprised at such wd's after only 16 days of continuous use. It was horrible. I know people say benzo withdrawal is worse than opioid withdrawal. I have been through both, and opioid withdrawal is much more unpleasant for me. With benzo wd's I am tense, I quiver and shake, I get sketched out, and time fucking drags on forever, but with this opioid withdrawal there are very real depressive symptoms that weren't there with the times I came off benzos.

 

[Mr. Tambourine Man]

Why do I use? I have, with entire confidence, resolved that opioids are one of the true loves I have in life, and it will never go away

I began using almost exactly the same way you did, using tramadol on an occasional basis, with the understanding that as long as I set myself clear limits (using not more than twice per week max) I would be fine. The thing is, I stuck to this regimen religiously for over two years, during which I moved on to poppy pod/seed tea. However I did end up OD'ing on PST (among other things), and then had to be put on pain management for some really nasty neuropathy caused by the OD. Which led to more opiates (oxycontin, fentanyl, and eventually methadone). Eventually my condition began to reverse, and I had to get off my meds (after another near OD). Getting off talpentadol in particular gave me terrifying delusions that I was being watched at all times, hearing voices, etc for a full week. And now?

I still occasionally use opioids, and my desire to use them remains unchanged. I think its very unlikely that I will ever completely stop using opiates, however irregularly. Now I just use kratom (~2 weeks on, 2 off), and on rare occasions heroin. The point is that the appreciation for opiates will NEVER go away. It will always be there, and if you're like me you'll be comparing it favorably to practically every other drug. However, if you do want to continue to use, be aware that you are quite likely to up the ante, however slowly, and that can have unintended consequences. Not saying you'll have an experience like mine or others, but before you continue down this path, you really should pause a moment to think of what might potentially go wrong, and whether it's really worth it to you.

I'm really sorry to hear what you're already going through, though maybe it help to clarify things a little. Hope you can get through this soon and with a minimum of discomfort. Stick with your taper, and everything should work out.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Don't let fear get the best of you. Especially fear of the unknown: How much will it hurt? Will it be so bad I can't function or go to work? Will I be able to stop? I won't be able to stop? And so on and so forth. Mind over matter my friend! You CAN do this, and I am sure of this. There is no doubt in my mind that you can beat this thing, that you can even turn it something constructive or take away some lesson(s) learned from the experience and use them to increase your well-being. As they say, "Struggle and Emerge." So true.

It is not that bad, regarding the severity of the withdrawals. Of course, it won't be fun. But it is far, far, FAR from impossible to accomplish. Just take it as easy as possible, replace old friends, things and behaviors with new, non-tramadol/opioid stimuli that make you happy, and you're on your way. Just keep at it, however you can. Whatever will work, works.

Heh, regardless. I am still 100% certain you can beat this thing if you are really committed to doing so. No doubt whatsoever. Period.