i just got off a 2 month, daily run with H (snorting and smoking only) and trust me, even that will take a toll on you... i had dabbled around like you for about a year before becoming a daily user. there was 2 months in the beginning where i strictly did it every sunday and monday. then i stopped for a long time. i came back to it a few months ago just doing it every once in awhile, never doing it 3 days in a row. until that one time.
day 3 - "oh it's fine, it's only 3 days, then i'll stop.
day 4 - "well...one more day can't hurt..."
day 5 - "fuck. this shit is too good. ok, i'm not gonna get addicted, just gonna have some fun for a little while."
then before you know it, it's been 3 weeks of buying every single day. i convinced myself it was fine and that i wouldn't let it control my life. but i was wrong. all i could think about was getting off work and railing that fat line of brown powder to get me feeling like a king. i started buying a 20 to smoke and a 20 to snort, everyday. the thing with H is...you never reach that point where you say, "damn, i am satisfied." you always want more. it's all you can think about.
then there's the day you wake up and feel completely sick to your fucking soul. when you reach this point, you know you've lost all control. you know that there is only one thing in the world that can make you feel better. and you know that you will feel like this every single morning you wake up and have no heroin to put into your body. at this point i realized, i needed to stop. i went on subutex for about a week and relapsed right after i was done.
after the relapse is when i completely lost it. i didn't give a fuck about anything but heroin. i actually managed to hold my job this whole time until one night where i got fucked up all night, went to work in the morning, took some xanax and railed some H in the bathroom. i blacked out, and they sent me home. the next day they wanted to drug test me and i said i'd fail so i just left. biggest fucking mistake of my life. what did i do as soon as this happened? i went to pick up with a friend and he helped me shoot up for the first time. goddamn. i don't think i ever felt so good in my fucking life. that easily killed the last 60 days of snorting/smoking that shit. 1 shot > 60 days of doing heroin. it was like a dream.
the next day is when i realized that this needed to stop. for good. i quit cold turkey and felt like complete death for 3 days before having to get some subutex in my body. i used that for 8 days and then stopped. now i'm completely sober and i can feel the toll that this 2 month run has put on me, still. i hate myself for ever using heroin and i wonder if i'll ever feel the same again. after ONLY 2 months of use. my last time using was on March 16. it's been a little over 2 weeks, and i feel empty. i constantly feel like there is something missing from my life. i dream about using heroin every night, and i'm scared that i am going to relapse at any moment. the only thing stopping me is that my car is broken down and i'm broke. it's probably for the best. i'm 20 years old by the way. i know it may not sound like much, when you compare it to the people who have been addicted for 2 years, 10 years, etc but trust me. even 2 months will do a number to you.
there is no controlling heroin. it is literally "dancing with the devil." i've tried almost every drug, on multiple occasions, and none of them have ever felt like heroin (the high and the addiction). if you can count on your fingers how many times you've used heroin, just stop. before it's too late. i have yet to read a story of someone finding this shit easy to conquer. if you can see it coming, it is.
good luck.
