Mental Health been self medicating for the past few weeks....

[JustBlaze420]

so long story short, i have had adhd & massive depression for my entire life that went un diagnosed, even though i always told my family that something was wrong with me during my formative years ... and they just shrugged it off for the most part..like they did with everything else that came to my well being..

high school was the worse years, lets just say it was filled with lots of bullying, tears, numerous curriculum/school changes, drugs, and eventually dropping out.

since then i have been living a pretty mediocre life, i have never held any sort of relationship (had lot of chances that never formilated due to my own incompetence) drink with the same few guys i have known since the age of 10...

and i finally had enough ! i started researching things online first it started with social anxiety and then i came across adhd , and i checked marked for most of the symptoms ...so i started looking for a fix..i went and saw my family doctor, she did numerous test and confirmed my findings..and suggested a drug called dexedrine ....

my doc said , that i would have to wait a month, as she was leaving for vacation, and she wanted me to be under her guidance just in case anything happened, and i was cool with it, when i finally saw her she asked me how the medication was doing, and i told her you haven't given it to me yet -with a confused look- so then she showed me a pamphlet and suggested 10 mg of biphentin, instead of dexedrine which she now deemed too jittery..

so on i went with the biphentin , thinking it was going to change my life , it did nothing at all, and after reading some post online i came to find out that they don't even start off 5 year old children with that dosage :l so i thought no biggie, i will just make a appointment with my doc and say this one isn't working . During the call the receptionist told me that she was away again and this time won't be back again till early december...which left me with another confused look as she specifically told me to check up in a few weeks to see how the medication was doing....

so at this point i said to myself i have had enough, going 23 years of my life was too long, and i wasn't sure if i was going to be able to do another 3 months without the proper help, dexedrine was always lingering in the back of my mind ...so i made a few calls...

i eventually found it in the black market (which is a story in itself that i won't go into as this post will be pages long)

the first few times, i was on cloud nine and actually felt like i was on the cleanest version of cocaine , my productivity was up tenfold i started teaching myself coding and started reading my tenth grade chemistry books again, i also work out and run every time i take it (basically do everything that i only contemplated doing before) i go to work organize everything and actually enjoy the tedious parts of my job...

I am just going to say i feel like there's a light bulb that went off in my head, its total clarity.. i feel like i am living up to my potential , and i am the real me, no more self loathing, the feeling of defeat is gone.... i could talk to anyone and actually hold a conversation with women!

the first few times i did it almost every day (one 15mg in the morning) and even though the effects are not as intense now , i am still am more productive then ever when i am on it, and can't imagine my life without it now.....even though i have chosen to keep it to twice a week (its really expensive buying on the streets) and just because i don't want to become tolerant of it too quick..

just wish i could of done it under my doctors control.....

 

[Chubby]

Great to hear that you are doing well. But self-medicating is a double edged sword, regardless. Clearly your doctor doesnt seem to have much of an attention span - Only safe advice I could give you is go see another doctor or w/e private doctors you may have in the states and ask how they feel about you taking this. And do tell them you feel better now. Getting no advice at all would give you a chance of not only going back into being depressed and/or ADHD but also may leave you with a habit!

Stimulants often create peaks in your happyness feelings of high's and lows. After using chemicals with uppers you may experience higher ups, but also lower downs. Which not only make you feel worse then what you started with - but also give you tendency to take more when this happens. As you understand this is a vicious circle of drug use against drug side effects against drug use against side effects if you understand what i mean.

If none of these are options, please check your drugs and try to use as little as possible, with lowest dosage as possible. wish you the best.

 

[Crashing]

Just remember, all good things come to an end. And eventually, with any daily regimen of drugs, we eventually find ourselves hopelessly Crashing. As long as you can keep it to twice a week, you should be fine for a while. Just watch out for that extra dosage in between. It can be incredibly manipulative and sneaky.

 

[keeping]

i self-medicated with amphetamines for my generalized anxiety disorder for years and was doing great; soared through secondary school and college with straight A's. but you gotta pay the piper one day.

almost overnight amphetamines stopped working and actually escalated the severity of my condition from GAD to panic disorder and drug-induced psychosis. university to a psych-ward. and off the piper went.

it sounds like you just need more people to talk to who understand, people like us. stop the self-medication, please. talk to your doctor, and if you need to talk to someone feel free to PM me anytime.

hope you feel better soon man.

 

[JustBlaze420]

i self-medicated with amphetamines for my generalized anxiety disorder for years and was doing great; soared through secondary school and college with straight A's. but you gotta pay the piper one day.

almost overnight amphetamines stopped working and actually escalated the severity of my condition from GAD to panic disorder and drug-induced psychosis. university to a psych-ward. and off the piper went.

it sounds like you just need more people to talk to who understand, people like us. stop the self-medication, please. talk to your doctor, and if you need to talk to someone feel free to PM me anytime.

hope you feel better soon man.

thanks for the replies guys ,

and yerr i might only take it on day's that i have a lot of social interaction, and tedious work to do, as i took one today, and the effects are very mild to non existent, but i still have no desire to do anymore, and i certainly do not want to abuse this gift, been taking it since early October by the way. the max i took in a day was 30 mg...

i will stop for awhile when my last bach is over ( i have about 8 left) and i will talk with my doctor about it as well..

i am aware i am essentially taking prescription meth, and currently don't want to feel any side effects that come with that territory...but my tolerance for this stuff has certainly built up quickly.. by the way i do not do any other drugs or even drink anymore,

 

[rhun]

Do you have a specific drug-related question? It's okay if you don't, but in that case I'm going to move your thread to TDS or MH.

Glad you found something that works for you so quickly and you're feeling better. I completely understand feeling like there's no point in living if you're not able to enjoy it. I strongly advise that you find another doctor and get your medication through them though, self-medication was the road to addiction for me and many others.

 

[JustBlaze420]

Do you have a specific drug-related question? It's okay if you don't, but in that case I'm going to move your thread to TDS or MH.

Glad you found something that works for you so quickly and you're feeling better. I completely understand feeling like there's no point in living if you're not able to enjoy it. I strongly advise that you find another doctor and get your medication through them though, self-medication was the road to addiction for me and many others.

i guess i dont really have one per say, i was more so looking for advice, the questions that pop up in my head are very peculiar that it might not even be a point in asking them here and might be better inside of a doctors office ,for instance something like how long can i take them at the pace i am 2-3 times a week at 15mg a day before i go down the rabbit hole ? but yeah for now i guess it would be better if this thread was moved, this was my only way of sharing this new trial of mine and i appreciate the responses, addiction is the last thing i need on my plate right now , as i am plagued by so many other issues, but aren't we all!

 

[rhun]

Okay, I will move it to MH for now and the mods there can move it to TDS if they think it's a better fit. But MH has some great information on medication while also offering a lot of support

You're welcome to come back to OD if you think of a specific medication question though, you'd be surprised at what we can answer. Just make sure and read OD guidelines as there are certain things you can't ask, like what to ask your doctor to get a certain medication prescribed.

Edit: the benefit of a doctor scripting your meds though is they'll give you a daily dose and you won't have to worry about taking breaks or worrying that you're raising your dose for the wrong reasons. Consistency has been key for me, finding the right dosage for the medications I'm on and taking them daily as prescribed really saved my life and I wouldn't be in recovery today without them.

OD ---> MH

 

[pentouch]

"I am just going to say i feel like there's a light bulb that went off in my head, its total clarity.. i feel like i am living up to my potential , and i am the real me, no more self loathing, the feeling of defeat is gone.... i could talk to anyone and actually hold a conversation with women!"
Got same experience ..once you had this state of mind,it will naturally make you pursue it,but pills dont do shit in long run,so we have to find naurally how to achieve same thing. Kinda depressing to know what is good for you is actually bad for you,arghh I wish there was a quick fix..but tolerance goes up,and all your motivation is gone,the answer is work work wrok and hopefully there will be nirvana,you know what your brain is capable of,now go for it..I cant give you a hint,because Im in same situation,but somehow it is there you need to go for it. Good luck