Mental Health Been in a psychiatric ward for two weeks - anyone want to share experiences?

[Ninae]

I got there after a seizure that completely took me by suprise 24 hours after my last dose of Etizolam.

That's when the withdrawals usuallly start, but usually they start milder, with sweating, heightened temperature, water retention, high metabolism, restlessness, etc. Then as the blood pressure rises and the heartbeat gets stronger, faster and more irrregular, so I get scared of a heart attack. While my limbs start to jerk and it feels like my whole brain and nervous system is starting to contract so I feel very at risk for a seizure.

This normally build over 3 days though, where I reach a kind of crises poing where I'm both scared of dying (from a seizure or heart-attack), plus the psychollogical symptomps gets worse and worse as the withdrawal progresses and the blood pressure riises. It's like you get hit with it all at the same time, even things you don't normally feel: Fear, aggresion, irritation, despair, and finally at the worst psychosis (where you start to "see" things and have imaginary conversations in your head).

Anyway, what was different this time was I was feeling okay, and the seizure was the first things that happened. I just fell to the floor and hit my head (and left arm as I couldn't lift it later). Then I was just out of it for 3 days. For one day I was just laying on the sofa staring at the ceiling and didn't know who or where I was, and was very ill, and couldn't eat for 3 days. On Friday I started to come to myself, but thought it was Monday, as it had screwed with my memory and concept of time so bad.

Then on Saturday I discovered some big lumps in the back of my head and was scared of another seizure so I was waiting alll day for my dad to take me to the hospital. But he didn't come until the next day, and at the ER they wouldn't take me in for observation and sent me to the psychiatric institution (against my will). Really hasn't been so bad here, though. Kind of like a combination of a hotel and a hospital. I can go out for hours whenever I like.

Would be interested in hearing other's experiences.

 

[thedawn]

I was committed and locked up in the crisis unit.
but I was psychotic.
I was strapped down,isolated,given thorazine injections cuz I refused meds.
I was there for three months that first time.three long months.
the worst was coming down from the mania and realizing what I had done.
no wonder depression follows mania.
this was in 1997 so it's been awhile.I was in and out for 5 years till my meds started working
and I quit heroin.
I will get back to you with more,this made me think.

you are lucky it seems that you have the privilege to go in and out.
do you take meds?
do u have music?
I missed my music so much in there.

 

[mrflowers00]

i had a psychotic break when i was 14 just about to turn 15 and they took me off my very needed pain meds, anxiety meds, and sleep meds and even though after a few days i was able to hide my psychosis they decided to put me on anti-psychotics which help me sleep but make me gain a lot of weight with the possibility of high cholesterol and diabetes which both run in my family but aside from fucking up my meds i liked the psych wards they helped me really understand myself and why i feel the way i do and i met some really cool people and surprisingly dated the least psycho girl i've ever dated

 

[missmeyet?]

Why did they send you to a psych unit for going to the ER for seizures? I mean, it is normal to sometimes have disorientation follow seizures.

 

[weekend addiction]

I've been to several psych wards and had even more overnight stays in the ER on "suicide watch." Shit can be a paradise when you feel like your whole world is collapsing on you. No sane person would enjoy it. It's a lot like jail or rather what you would imagine jail to be (as I've never been to jail). There's a kind of patients vs. the doctors mentality among a percentage of the population. Especially true among the bipolar people who are almost universally in the psych ward for stopping their medication. Usually the whole day is scheduled into activities and the like. These kind of places enable you to develop such a routine which is unsustainable in real life. For instance lunch is not always 11:45 no exceptions in real life and it never last 20 minutes.

By taking all the decisions, the guess work, the planning out of my life I can quickly focus on stabilizing myself and getting better. Bad thing is every psych ward I've been to let me out when I switched over to manic. They never cared if I was totally off my rocker, just if "I felt like hurting myself at that very moment." So if your in the mental hospital and you don't feel better remember "your totally about to kill yourself." The hospitals I went to are designed for short-term stays and constantly sent people back into the wolves that weren't ready. It was the best they could do. The psych section of your local hospital likely only has 40-80 beds for both male and female so they can't keep you in there forever.

I spent a decent amount of time in these places and had lots of fun...at times that is. The most fun I had was when me and another patient would dose all our night meds (heavy with anti-psychotics, Neurontin, Lithium, you know the good shit). Then we would wait till it really kicked in and chew 4 4mg pieces of nicotine gum at a time. The rush was so intense it made it difficult to stand. We must have been on the verge of killing ourselves but after a long day in the psych ward it was nice to get a really sweet buzz for free in such a controlled environment. We had to save up the nicotine gum that they gave us but we never got caught. My guess is either we were giving ourselves mild nicotine poisoning or that the nicotine was speeding up our heart rate and pumping all the drugs just a bit faster.

Another time I smuggled in over 100 Xanax to the psych ward. As soon as I got in the mental section of the hospital (the next day) I started popping them. Over 50mg's later I'm feeling fucking fantastic and higher than a fucking kite. Never got confronted about my somewhat blatant intoxication.

Several times during severe benzo withdrawal I acted out so they would forcibly sedate me. A mixture of Geodon and Ativan was my reward. In my manic state even after they shot me up and I'd taken my night meds I still didn't go to sleep. In fact never did they put me to sleep with their needle as if I did anything to deserve it I was far out of the loop anyway.

Psych wards I never saw as a vacation. I constantly worked on my social skills, exercised like a maniac, and read lots of literature. If you use the time well you may avoid going back. I guess that's another similarity with jail. Anyway its been over a year since I've had more than an overnight hospital stay.

 

[sonicwhite]

Well I never was able to have access to a computer like you and also I live in a state where it is smoke free so that's a bummer. Other then that I would say they have been good and bad. Sometimes I just went because I knew something was wrong but couldn't really figure it out and neither could they so I just wanted out there. Other times I have really needed to be there and it helped aa lot. Other then that I would say to stay away from that stuff. Your brain is now sensitive to seizures now.....I think going and getting a pdoc would help you greatly.....They treat anxiety as well as other disorders they maybe masked by self medicating.

 

[Survival0200]

My first time in a psych ward: "Can I get IV Halcion?" - We don't use IV meds ...

Okay... then they refused to give me any other benzo than a ridiculously small amount of oxazepam. Then I though, fuck off, I'm leaving this place.

The food was bad, the meds were bad - wouldn't go there unless there wouldn't be any other solutions.

(This was when I was a teenager. With a better attitude, for real issues, I have gotten decent treatment in a psychiatric ward for psychotic symptoms at adult age.)

 

[Ninae]

Um, thanks for the replies, I kind of didn't want to deal with this thread when I got out and needed to recover from it for a bit.

Anyway, I left by my own wishes after 10 days, though it was advised that I stay because of my unstable mental state made worse by constant benzo withdrawals for the last few months. But they gave me a small taper, 3 Thiamine- shots, and an anti-eleptc fit drug and a script to last me for a week so I felt fine to go home. I just didn't want to spend the rest of the summer locked up in some strange Place, though I was free to come and og as I wanted, it wasn't the same as being home around my house, many things I couldn't do, I missed my cat, etc.

But the experience seriously wasn't too bad and not anything like what I had feared. Arriving there was quite taumatic as I had to get used to it and was alreadly in a bad state from WD, trembling with high temperature, etc. They locked away all my cords on the first night as they didn't know me yet but let me have them back the next day when they figured I wasn't likely to hurt myself. After that, I got Broadband connection and would spend most of the early part of the day reading, heat 3 meals a day (only had juice for lunch as I'm not used to as much Food), then would spent about 5-7 hours at my grandnother's apartment which was a 15 minute walk away and was pretty much like being at home.

Only thing that really bothered me was that you could hardly open the window to get in fresh air and cool the room, but I got a fan from my grandmother for that. So it was Easy Street and I was treated really well by everyone there. All the staff really good people, the kind who really care and wants to help. The night I arrived I was greeted by a young assistant-type guy who welcomed me, showed me into my room, and after seeing through my stuff sat down with me and talked to me almost like an old friend or family member. Very impressive indeed, he came into my room to make sure I was okay many times when he was still on his shift.

The first and second day I got a lot of attention and was introduced to all the staff - loads of People working 3 shifts easy - far too many to remember the names of. But no one I minded being around. The head-doctor of the unit I got into was also especially sympathetic, the kind of doctor who cares and really wants to help and isn't just in it for himself (I've met some doctors who were downright human-hostile). He's also one of the few I've met who didn't get a low opinion of me for having gotten addicted to drugs and just listened to me really seriously. Though I also made it sound pretty innocent and like something I had gotten into by using them long for insomnia, as opposed to abuse.

So, umm, yes I was both lucky and played my cards "well" at that place. My dad came to see me everyday, my ex started calling me up again after a month, as he accidentaly wanted to get in touch with me again at the same time. But as the das went by I started feeling bored and wanting more. I also felt it was essentially pointless as I had no plans to really taper and only wanted them to help me out during a bad withdrawal to avoid any more of it. So as soon as I could get a week's script with me home, and future planned scipts, I went home.

Then when I got home there were some Etizolam I'd ordered waiting for me so I could have as much as I wanted. This was what I had been longing to do, so I started using them with coffee, which decreases the effect when used in low amounts, and you need high enough amounts to normally make you black out (and sometimes still sort of do) to be really effective. So that was just some straight-forward abuse again for a while.

Sure enough again I got into wthdrawal when both a planned order didn't arrive and I failed to show up for a meeting With the clinic doctor to collect my script before the weekend. I overslept, and figured she didn't worked during the weekend so I would have to wait until Monday, and already started to withdraw a little (but not properly until today due to taking small amounts). Then when I called up the clinic today (I was even prepared to have myself sectioned again) they said she wouldn't see me any more as I didn't show up for the appointment and I would have to get in touch with my PD or the ER.

None of them have ever been willing to help me out during withdrawal, no matter what a bad state I was in. The only times I got put on intravenous Valium at the ER was after stimulant overdoses where they were afraid I would die. No, one time I got an enmergency script of 25 Oxazepam as I was shaking bad and being delirious, so he eventually gave in, I think out of fear something serious would happen to me and he would be held responsible. So I figured I couldn't do that another time and just asked them to put me in for observation and hopefully give me something to calm me down.

But no, I was just sent to the local psychiatric unit, who no longer will take me even when they know I'm in danger of having a seizure. I guess they just reckon I'm a hopeless case who just continue to abuse and abuse the system and need to find a way out for myself. A pretty understandable decision but it leaves me pretty fucked for the time.

Oh well, I guess I will get hold of some Valeriana root and use this until I can get hold of something different (they had never heard about either that or Magnesium helping out during WD at that place). In my experience it takes the worst sting out of the withdrawal, removes the life-threatening physical symptomps, but doesn't make you feel quite 100% (a bit irritable and depressed, etc).

 

[sonicwhite]

That is why when I run out of my phenibut, I'm not ordering anymore...I mean I have been in your shoe's. Going to the psychward because I was running out of klonopin to early and having to see if me admitting myself would help me out. I mean by them giving me klonopin. I have been there so I sympathize with you....I have messed up so much stuff and burned bridges that I just regret it all. I have rebuilt alot of those bridges but some I assume will never be built again.....I'm not going to tell you what's wrong since this isn't the proper forum but, just try to see if you can atleast use the whatever it is your using as needed.....If it's like a benzo which many ppl say it is then ya you may hurt yourself so bad and there might not be any ppl there to help you.....Do you live in the UK? by any chance?

 

[maxbnecki]

Decided to commit suicide and took about 15 mg ativan beforehand to calm my nerves. Walked out of my back door into the woods with my revolver, planning on shooting myself. I blacked out and woke up the next morning in a psychiatric hospital, where I spent 2 weeks. I talked to my family who were all very supportive. I decided in there that I was going to give life another shot(no pun intended.)

I hated the hospital itself, but benefited from the experience. They combine the people detoxing with people like me who are suicidal. My biggest problem with the hospital was the fact that you had to stay in the same room with everyone else, all day. I'm an introvert and everyone else(I noticed that all of the addicts were extroverts) had a lot of fun joking about how I wouldn't talk. You'd expect everyone to be morose, but I think that these people actually enjoyed being there! You had to keep your door open at night and a nurse would shine a light in your face every 15 minutes to see if you were still alive. Never getting a moment alone always kept me on edge.

I expected everyone in my family to be upset with me, but I was shocked at how supportive they were, even when they were so disapproving of me just days before. I think that they finally understand how bad my mental problems really are. I surprised myself by breaking down in tears when my normally staunch father told me how much he loved me. My eyes are watering now just thinking about it. I'm ashamed when I think about how my whole family knows, but I don't have a problem with that. I think that a healthy amount of shame is a good thing, if it will keep me from every doing something like that again.

My severe brain fog and problems concentrating are just as bad as ever, and I don't think that I would be able to function on my own right now, I've been fired from 2 jobs for failure to perform, and I tried my best too. I moved back in with my parents and I'm working on a plan to get better in these areas. I feel like a loser being in my 20's and living with my parents, but this gives me the time I need to get better. When I get frustrated that I'm not making improvements fast enough, I remind myself that I have all the time in the world. I'm still in college and decided to only take a class or two at a time until I can get my cognitive abilities to baseline at a minimum.

On a positive note, my depression and anxiety are better than ever, seriously almost nonexistant since I got out of the hopsital two months ago. It's almost too good to be true how fast I improved in these areas. That makes me wonder if I wasn't missing the forest for the trees, and maybe my other problems were related to my adhd/SEVERE brain fog.

It's funny though, when I thought about getting help from a mental health professional, I told myself, "I'm in my 20's and since birth I've never been happy, that's not going to change now" and yet here I am. I hold myself responsible for all my mistakes and letting everything get as bad as it did, and yet I acknowledge that I've got some things working against me naturally, and I'm no longer opposed to medication on some childish notion that "all improvements must come from within." I realize that I'm deficient, and am no longer thinking in all or nothing terms that will push me further into depression when I fail.

Wrapping all of this up, I think that the takeaway message is:
Don't push away your family if you are serious about getting better because you're embarassed or ashamed. I still am, but I'm working to turn around and make them proud(I have phd aspirations, we'll see though.)
Try to solve the problem on your own first, but don't be opposed to medication if you can't. All or nothing thinking ends in failure for everyone at some point. I'm better today than I was last month, and I'll be better next month. If at some point in my life I feel that it's a good idea to come off the meds, I will, not any time soon though.

 

[Speed King]

I've been in my local state mental hospitals a total of 4 times. Overall, it was your basic care, the normal lay around and veg out for in my case 30 days each visit. One time I was there, me and this wonderful girl ended up clicking and hanging for probably 20 days because she left early. I focused on mentally connecting and it was so easy . I ended up falling for this girl, and she for me. I was afraid to ask her for her number and then she left. I could see the sadness in her eyes. There, I found love in the bottom rung state hospital. The last (5th time, my medical center.) I stayed in the psyche ward. Way way better, still not the fanciest, but the treatment was top notch. That was only a week.

 

[Diego55]

Hi, I'm Ross, I've been in a psychiatric ward a few times (twice sectioned againsed my will.) I was allowed to go out but only in the hospital grounds, so I was allowed to go out for a cigarette and go the the hospital shop and wee cafe and stuff. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I have bi polar affective disorder and generalised anxiety disorder but I was sectioned for psychosis, I would like to hear about other peoples experiences, i'm from Scotland and the care was excellent. Rosco.