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Been Clean off dope for 3 months

Best of luck to you! Good luck maintaining this, I'm very proud of you for managing to quit H :D What have you been doing to keep yourself entertained and away from the tar?
 
Not sure what year of the dragon is... But i dont know.. Try to keep myself busy. Been having hella cravings recently :[ But im not 100% sober. Still try to smoke weed and drink on the weekends when i dont have shit going on.. Just trying to focus on college and get the fuck out of this community college and make something of myself and try to do something with my life.. Tired of living like a junky. And i dont want to end up on the streets or in jail..
 
Well thanksgiving break i went a little overboard on the drinking hah. Drank like 4 nights in a row when my friend came back to visit from college. Then he talked me into rolling with him. I havent rolled in like 8 months and used to be a little roll tard last year when i first started around this time and on my birthday which is coming up in a few days here on December 6th. It's getting pretty hard to stay straight on the holidays.... Especially these rainy days. Ever since that roll last week i had such a good time and expierience ive been so happy and i was in need of a good roll. haha. I want to roll again so bad now. But im not.. gunna wait until winter break when my friend comes back again. Don't wanna turn it back into a weekly ordeal.. I keep taking short-cuts or loop-holes around the fact that im staying clean off of opiates.. Like today for instance i decided to go and try some kratom caps that i have heard about. Seeing as its not technically an opiate :p They work nicely i guess. I had to eat like all 8 grams within an hour. So like 20 big ass horse pills. I was hoping for something a little stronger but i feel a little euphoric and got the itchys. hah.... Fucking miss my opiates. Almost slipped up and bought some caps once i saw those kratom caps. Was like fuckkkkkkkkk, this aint working i want some dope... But i didnt! Almost did though.. Drove by the trap to see if she was there but didnt pull up or get out. I was like "what the fuck am i doing" then went home. lol.. Gunna turn 19 here on December 6th... pretty crazy how time flys..
 
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I'm very proud of you for that. A quick word of advice, don't try to replace H with other drugs. A replacement almost never works, and can possibly lead to relapses.
 
haha ive been down that road. When i was first addicted to my first drug i replaced it with opiates. Now my opiates are my DOC and i dont see how i used to be addicted to benzos. But i know where your coming from. It's just switching one addiction for another. But i'm not trying to do that. Although i have been drinking a lot more than i usually do on the weekends and stuff... Which i shouldn't do because both my parents are alcoholics and that's where i got my addictive personality's from. But what specific drug were you talking about? I'm trying not to abuse anything because i dont want it to turn into an everyday thing so i try to use in moderation but if i had the choice and the money, i would smoke weed everyday.. Because that is a must for me. <3 my weed. I probably am addicted to weed. I dont know im addicted to being high in general. It doesnt matter what it is except like crack or meth. I just dont like living life sober... feels wierd to me. lol but thanks for the concern and the comments. I'm trying to stick in there and keep up the good work.. Would hate to ruin my 5 months off opiate sobriety. That's the longest iv'e ever gone! :D But damn sometimes i miss being doped out everyday..
 
I love weed too. That's why I decided to take a 50 day break from it. I feel that experiencing both the sober and drugged life in moderation have their ups and downs. Sometimes you need to sacrifice and only live the sober life, but if you can maintain yourself being clean for 5 months, then I'd say that you're already going down a good road, and I think you'll have the strength to carry on. And yeah...I bet you miss that feeling, shit I miss being stoned all day, but I'm not taking a permanent abstinence from it. You're brave , seriously congratulations on what you've accomplished.
 
Thanks man! Means a lot. :D I'm glad i made this little blog thread. You guy's keep me on track and i like how i can see what ive done and accomplished. Hopefully one day i'll be a year clean off opiates ;) But yeah. I know where your coming from too with the T-break. haha. When you smoke everyday you build a high ass tolerance as with all drugs you abuse... Just doesn't work the same as if you take a long ass break and get SUPER ripped. That's why i quit using h was because it wasn't working for me anymore and i wasn't nodding out so it was either that or start shooting up. Which i did one night but failed when i was really fuct up and forgot to use a filter and just shot up like a little h and mostly water. Didn't feel shit, lol. Could have hurt myself too my friend said cause i wasn't checking for air bubbles or anything. Didn't cross my mind at the time, lol. But yeah, if i had more activites / goals / hobbies / motivation im sure it would be alot easier to live a sober life..
 
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Well i relapsed. I dont even know why... I passed all my classes and finished my finals and classes for the semester. Been doing real good.. But the cravings have just become unbearable. I keep having users dreams... So anyways i went and drove to the hood where i normally get my caps. I looked for other stuff but no one had anything. So i asked the lady who i normally get my boy from if she had any viks or any other opiate besides h. She said she had it at her moms so i drove here there and ive met up with her there before to get it. Well she goes inside and i wait in my car for like 10-15 minutes and then start questioning where the fuck she went.. It never takes this long. So i knocked on the door and asked if shes there and she said no she left and stay away from her she aint good. Well im like fuck... wtf. shes never done this too me but i havent seen her in 6 months. So i go around to the back and i ask this guy if hes seen her and he said she ran out the back door. So im like wow... gay i just wanted some viks instead of boy cause ive been staying away from that and the guy which is her brother apparantly said he would hook me up with a few viks since i got ripped off but it would be like 30-45 min until this guy comes to unlock his car or somethiing. So i waited.... and then eventually said fuck it and just got caps from him and went home... Hopefully this wont turn into an everyday thing. But ohhh man have i missed this doped out feeling ;) I also take getting ript off as a sign too stay away. Its kinda bullshit cause she was being real nice and always has been and was like im glad your going to school and staying away from the boy. Keep away from it.. IM like yeah... im trying.
 
Anomaly, it sounds like you had all that structure to help you get through the cravings for a while but once all the intense effort from school ended you were left with nothing to help you take your mind off them. Since they had been so strong all along it doesn't surprise me that they overwhelmed you now. What is important is that you don't let this one time pull you right back in. Just the fact that you are going to school, finished your classes and say you did well tells me that you are motivated and have goals. Find a way to focus your mind on your goals everyday. Research life directions/careers. Research countries you want to visit or a place you want to move. If you have any creative interests do whatever you have to do to pursue them.

Fighting cravings is what it is about initially. Finding passions that fulfill you is what life is about for everyone--addict or not. There is no instant gratification and so it is initially hard to get comfortable with for a body and mind used to the immediate rush of a drug. The rush of an addictive drug always ends and the rush gets harder and harder to come by. On the other hand, finding out who you are and what your connections to this life are is a slow process, full of unknowns, but the rewards are lasting and real. Imagine feeling totally comfortable with yourself--without the need for any substance or any other person's approval, or any specific circumstances--just completely comfortable in yourself. That is the goal. Figuring out the way there is an adventure.

Whatever you do, don't use the relapse as an excuse to quit trying. You are doing so well and this just shows you that you have to figure out a plan ahead of time for when the structure of school ends. Don't beat yourself up about it but don't take this lying down either. Good luck<3
 
Thanks.. I guess your right about the school part.. I still feel fuct up from yesterday, hah. Man nodded out all day on like 2-3 caps. even puked... I havent had that low of a tolerance in a long time.. Some part of me wants to keep doing it everyday and the other part of me doesn't want me to get back into that routine again. Guess its time to start counting the days over :\ I wanted to get a year before i relapsed but i knew it was coming sooner or later.. My friends heard i went and got boy and called me up and were like you went and got that?! I was like yeah... i guess i did.. lol. Hes like man you were just telling us how good you were doing.. Im like i know man.. i dont know what the fuck happened :\
 
Ehh... fucking cravings are even worse than before hah. I knew that they would probably be.. Yesterday and today thats all ive been thinking about was getting more and how great that feeling was.. But i cant.. Don't even know why i did it in the first place again i guess cause i missed the feeling.. and its been way too long. But now im just fiending and dont even wanna wake up because theres nothing to get high off of or nothing too do..
 
Well i binged for like a week or so... plan on getting off it after today and starting over though.. :\ I wasn't going to do it today and haven't done it since Friday but i just up and decided to do it today.. idk why. I was pretty much over it after i rolled real hard on sat. Was just at peace with my mind and said fuck that and totally forgot about binging for a week on it and why i even did!? I didn't have anymore cravings like i normally had after i rolled and just wasn't thinking about it at all and then today i thought of getting some... sucks. But im like for sure for sure stopping after this one. Can't be doing it anymore... It sucks but w/e...
 
Well i finally quit, hah... School started. Withdrawals were a bitch... Don't think im gunna get back on it. It's just not worth it :\ Time to move on... Hopefully I can do it! -_-
 
Anomaly, congratulations.:) Hopefully, yes. But more than that, assuredly yes! You can do it--you have set your course, now comes the part of truly sticking to it. Remember that it was a solution that didn't really work for when things got hard. Things are still going to get hard but you are now free to discover solutions that actually do work for experiencing life's difficulties rather than running from them. I am so truly happy for you. Good luck with school. Keep trying to find meaning in all you do--school, relationships, interests. That is the internal compass that can keep you on track. Much love and admiration!<3
 
hah, thanks man! You always make me feel good about myself :pp I was getting a little too doped out their over xmas break... Had to do some sketchy shit to get my fix and meet some weird fuckers... Glad im not doing that anymore and im glad i never got caught up :\ My friend is in jail on his 2nd felony right now D: Wasting every penny on the junk.. I'm just going to stick to herb and going to school and start working out again and quit smoking as much because i need to study a lot more this semester than last semester i was just half assing my shit but still managed to pass.. lol. I told my drug counselor when i relapsed and he wanted me to tell my parents and i finally got around to it. But kinda wish i didnt... Cause now they are like super worried and won't fill up my gas or give me any sort of money because they think im just going to blow it all on h. But whatever... Hopefully i can stick it out longer this time :| i dont like getting hooked on that shit... makes me feel like a shady person. I do dumb shit to get my fix and dont care about anything but myself. I love the drug... but i hate it too :\ good think i never got around to shooting it. My last time i picked up my guy wasnt answering so i found this rando off the street and it was sketchy as hell. Guy was all shooting up in my car and asking me if i wanted some. I was like fuck no man... wtf. Just hurry up and let me get my shit so i can go home -_-
 
Maybe after today.... -_- Fail D: I have such bad self control.... Woke up today with my mind set on it :\ didn't even get much... $10 worth. But i mean it got me high... :| I know i can't be doing this when i got school... I don't know what i was thinking.. Guess i wasn't thinking DD: If my parents or anyone find out theyre gunna drop me from college and put me in an in-patient rehab and see if that works out.. But i dont want to do that. I just want to go to school... Idk. I need to learn more coping skills D:
 
Awe I'm so sorry. I have been clean since nov 1 2011. And I know how you feel, I get these intense cravings like today. This morning I woke up craving so bad it was like half way point to an orgasm and you have to finish. That's what my cravings feel like.. Anyways what helps me get through it is one suboxone(don't recommend it though because once you get on it you are a slave to it like anything else but it does help) second is I get lost in a book or a movie. When that is over I cook a meal that takes at least two hours to make and then I try to find something else to do like take a bath and take my time.

Basically I'm trying to say I find very long tasks to take my attention away from the craving. I end up forgetting that I'm cravin even if it is just a couple of hours at a time.

Sometimes you just have to take baby steps and take your days minute by minute. And when you have a craving pm me or write. I will try to keep you distracted for as long as I can :)
 
haha alright. Sounds good, I'll keep that in mind next time :DD Yeah, i try to do my homework or watch tv / movies. Play video games.. Idk. Nothing really helps, hah. Im not satisfied with anything anymore :| it sucks... I was on suboxone.. Was thinking about getting back on it. But my drug counselor doesn't want me too and neither do my parents. So guess i just gotta tough it out. I know it will be easier once im clean off of it for a month + or something.. Just need to be stronger :| Houston, TX huh? Im from DFW ^_^ Thanks for the advice. I'll keep you guys posted!! I also found a friend to paintball with. Haven't been since i was like 13,14. Now im 19.. But i'm really excited to start back up! :D Hopefully that will keep my mind at ease.. I haven't done any sports in forever, pretty much once i started doing drugs. All the sports i used to like, i dont like anymore. The only thing i stuck with was snowboarding but theres not snow in this shit hole :[[ But i do miss paintballing, just real expensive..
 
But yeah, i know what you mean about suboxone / methadone. I've tried methadone pills but was never on the program... My friends are on there and they are up to like 185mgs. Its ridiculous..
 
CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING CLEAN!!!! dope is a terrible thing, i;ve never done it but am in an outpatient program for other reason and have met a lot of people with dope problems. seems like you're doing well but battle is ongoing. the key is to change your way of thinking from your old lifestyle. sorry if i'm repeating things i only read the first few posts but try and keep busy, get some hobbies, and make some sober friends. try going to NA or AA meetings and talk to people there. there's people there that have years of sobriety and can give you lots of advice. also there are people that aren't as far along as you that you can help which might make you feel good lol. good luck
 
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