Been a while...

I'm feeling depression make a slow creepy walk into my head. At least that's what I suspect it is.

I'm angry and restless and have no interest in stupid bullshit.

I know how it works with me. Little things pile up, I hold shit in, I dwell on negative things and soon enough I find simple things impossible to do.

I'm lucky that I'm recognizing this early. It gives me a good position to stop the progression early which will be easier (but still difficult) than when I am mired in unrealistic thinking (self-pity, uselessness, hopelessness, self-hatred, etc.)

I'm at a loss though. Typically, I try to help others when I can to combat my own self-centeredness. Helping folks lately has been draining and aggravating. I suspect that being 'in service' to others is actually fucking me up.

I actually believe I need to be completely selfish and keep pursuing a life worth living without regard to those who reach out to me.

Its fucked up though. I mean, sometimes people only need someone to listen to them. How hard is that? I mean, really... if I can't even just sit on the phone and let someone vent so that they can feel better than what kind of person am I and why does it affect me so?

All I know is I CANNOT FALL INTO DEPRESSION. I remember (vaguely) many of the aspects I feel when I'm depressed and I'm certain I have forgotten the worst parts. I'm really not interested in being reminded.

I'm gonna fight this. I'll humble myself and take a shitty, low paying job until a true career presents itself to me again.

I'm going to continue exercising and eating properly.

I'm going to continue taking my vitamins.

I'm going to turn my phone off as often as needed.

I need to figure out some other things that will help me combat this because the things I'm doing already simply aren't enough (apparently)

Fuckin' A, man... I guess this is something that will help me be a stronger more compassionate, empathetic person.

Another example of 'ya gotta go through it to get through it'.

Enough fuckin' around.

I got this

 

Damn straight you got this. Recognizing the first stages of a slide into depression makes it easier to nip it in the bud, and it sounds like you're doing all the right things. Remember that you need to take care of yourself first so that you can better take care of others. If that means taking a break for yourself, then that's what it means.

 

It's weird hearing that from you. I was always the one that would see it was someone calling and not bother picking up. It's just hard to picture someone that taught me to put others before myself because when we got into those room no one was really there for us and shit somebodies gotta stand up.

Sorry, I'm tired and ranting...

Anyway, I'm here if you ever need a friend but I'm done reaching out, not just to you to anyone really. I'm just about a foot out the door... With the backstabbing that goes on in the rooms.

 

Thanks for taking my call yesterday . Staying connected is a better way to fight depression than isolating yourself. Just don't let yourself get dragged into other people's drama.

FC