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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

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^ Take a benzo or smoke a bowl.

Get my Clonaz & Neurontin refill on Thursday. Until then it's just Cannabis for me. No dependency on either but using both for a while, thank god I haven't been taking as much as I'm prescribed (3mg/day for Clonaz) because I'd be physically dependent for sure. This is the first time I'm getting these two scripts together though, so it's my first time trying both together. Can anyone tell me what a good starting dose would be? 2mg of Clonazepam is enough to sedate me pretty well for the day, and I prefer taking ~1mg> at a time because I don't want to risk dependency (again) and I get a decent pronounced effect.
 
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I might smoke a bowl today... hmm

Yeah, Benzo withdrawal is deadly LOL
 
My life is so fucked right now!
Went to what I thought was a reg po visit. Well the ex po, HUGE cunt, and the rehab lady and my po cornered my ass. Literally. I bout fucked some people up. I told my po he's lucky I have self control or I'd have been fuckin him up! I then told him he's not worth a number.
They're makin me start all over at day 1 in out patient classes bc I had a fuckin MEDICAL leave. Yeah cock suckers fail for coke and alcohol and shit and only get an extra AA meetin! What the fuck? This is also extendin my probation by 5 months. And I'm only in these fuckin classes for bein on oxy AFTER 2 bad surgeries. That makes me an addict?!
God damn it! I hope they all fuck off and die!
And I'm not allowed ANY psych meds now bc my po said so @@. I told him the minute I go into benzo wd my bf will be callin an atty.
They threatened to violate me bc I missed 4 months due to a medical reason!!
I finally said fuck you, see you in court.
My atty said it's lookin good for me bc they can't do half this shit.
That's just went wrong with my po..
My bf now thinks it's ok to dominate me anytime he wants. Fuckin embarrassin me in public, correctin me like a child..
God damn, I just wanna say fuck y'all and be out!
/rant
Oh and my fam dr is on my ass now bc I've dropped too much weight at once. Fuck 'em all. I like my ED at this point. At least I have control. Except yesterday, ate 14 m&m's and a piece of cake. God! Fuckkkkk!
 
Wow Babyg, that is a lot of shit happening...I would kick that boyfriend to the curb asap...how long have y'all been together? That is a major red flag trying to dominate like that....why are your po people being such dicks? How can they even dictate what you take if you are prescribed by a medical doctor for a legitimate need? Just does not seem right. I am worried about you with the ED. How much weight did you drop? Cut that shit out, we care about you too much. M&m s and a little cake are no big deal at all. Be nice to yourself. You deserve it!
 
Its hard when law enforcement thinks they can dehumanize you because your in treatment. I knows a thing or 2 about this, trust me ;)

If you dont mind me asking, how did your use of Oxy land you in treatment? It doesnt just happen from a medical issue. Even if you did get addicted to them, a doctor will usually ween you off, not ask you to go to rehab.
 
I gave 5 demies to someone who snitched me, landin me on probation. This happened in 2009 but they didn't charge me til 2011. Yes, I know I'm a fuckin.idiot for doin it. Anyway, I was ordered an assessment and this fat bitch said bc I was on pain meds so long, 10 months in a cast and 2 surgeries, that I needed rehab. Wtf? Wonder how much money they get to throw people in treatment bc they can?
Anyway I have NEVER failed my piss tests, at least 2 a week! And I was out for med reasons. Now after doin 3 months I gotta start the prog over? Fuck them.
I'll go to court bc god damn it I'm right! And po also told me to leave my 14 yr old here bc "I'm makin excuses of not havin a sitter." She has fuckin autism! I can't leave her alone. He said he'd violate me if I didn't come up with a sitter.
Fuck i'm still new here in town, I don't have someone for my kids.
I just wanna cry, cut and fuck someone up!
As for bf, I don't know what to do. Bein abused before tells me to run but I'm so terrified of bein alone & not makin it. I'm not as strong as I use to be. They've worn me down.
Beach, I lost 27 lbs in like 23 days. I see no prob with that. If I eat I have to throw up anyway so why bother..
I'm the last person I thought would ever say this but, I quit! Fuck everything.
God, aren't I fuckin cheerful...
Edit: Beach, bf & I have been together 4 yrs. He has "jumped" me when drunk but my estranged husband was here & fucked bf up. He behaved til now..
 
People who don't know how to properly do their jobs, that have the responsibility and power of making decisions that will significantly impacts a person's life are just as bad as a doctor committing malpractice...
example: Stupid or biased P.O.s, Judges, Police Officers...
 
^ Agreed!
The one bitch had no right to even be there. She was demoted for takin narcotic pills from prob people and usin them herself! (Kinda how my po got away with takin my oxy's after my recent injury..) She's just a Chance counselor, and I am not in the Chance program bc my felony was a 4. Chance is only 5's.
Ah well, fuck it. All I can do is bitch and that won't accomplish anything..
Quick question..and yes I know
bangin pills is stupid but we're
gonna do what we do right?
Anyway, I've been readin on
here and other resources that
you can bang Ambien. My
question is: do I heat it or no?
Seems to be mixed answers
everywhere I look. And will a 50
unit insulin needle work in a
pinch?
 
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NEVER heat pills you're injecting.
Hope things start going your way soon, baby. <3

~token
 
Look guys, I had some ass steal a lot of my dopamine this weekend.

He told me it was marijuana. But I was like "Why is it clear and crystally?" he just said it was really really potent in THC.

Anyway he took my dopamine and ran. I found him and got it back. Which is why I'm writing this message. IF someone tries to sell you marijuana that looks like pure crystals and not green at all, DONT BUY IT. It's not marijuana.
 
Mornin'. =)
Happy I'm umm woke and baked.. Lol. Class is gonna be fun. You have to say positive thought & action. I'm sayin, thought: I did this crap before, why the hell not again.. Action: I actually showed up. Lmao Hey they want honesty..
Miss me while I'm gone ;)
Oh and for those that care bout it (if u don't it's fine lol) but I ate 5 boneless wings last night & didn't throw them up =)
EDIT: Took 100 mg hydroxyzine, 20 mg Valium and a Guifesin (sp). I'm good to go.. Even tho i wanna be in bed.
 
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I really do care, baby, glad you kept those wings down! Listen, I have a semi ED as well, and after you answered my last post, I think we are similar. I can't eat a lot because I feel like I will vomit it all anyway, too. Sometimes I have to make myself vomit because I just can't stand it. I am not fat, but I am 5'10" and a "healthy" weight--- so when I drop even 20 pounds it is not too terribly noticeable and people don't worry about me. Anyway, I like the positive thought and action thing, that is the way to go.

In other news, I have a terrible stomach flu. I got so sick at the office yesterday that I just laid on the bathroom floor (yuck) and they had to call my mommy to come get me (lo l, I'm 36!). Anyway, right now I am trying to rail enough dilaudid 8 to put me out so I don't have to feel so bad. I have 16 mgs in so far, gonna have to keep going....I only have 40 mgs left, fml.
 
Hey baby, with you on the wake and bake and good work on the eating :) beachcat that sounds horrible! hope you feel better soon <3

Missed my BDD ladies!
 
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