• BASIC DRUG
    DISCUSSION
    Welcome to Bluelight!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Benzo Chart Opioids Chart
    Drug Terms Need Help??
    Drugs 101 Brain & Addiction
    Tired of your habit? Struggling to cope?
    Want to regain control or get sober?
    Visit our Recovery Support Forums

BDD Social/Info Booth v.27 - Mugz is a habitual meph-ender

Cane2theLeft said:
Flunitrazepam (trade name Rohypnol) is a roofie.

I've missed your face, doug <3
Click to expand...

1. Yes, I know that...that's why I mentioned how it's illegal in the states (as he lives in the UK)...

2. How do I know you aren't lying with that 2nd line...?

Almost sounds like a brilliant scheme in order to get into my pants...sending me heart-y emoticons and what not... ;)

Eh...been staying in OD (really PM Megathread for the most part)...

and if no one here knew AND they cared to know...I was gone for a week due to being on suicide watch...

Blacked out on 44mg kpin, 60mg morphine, my butrans, and seroquel...parents thought I OD'ed...called an ambulence...and several hours before wrote a note describing what all I had taken and asked to not be taken to the ER lol...what's funny is I was able to handle the 44mg clon, 60mg morph, and butrans...didn't fell high at all lmfao...but I drop 50mg seroquel and it was all over lmfao...
 
Take care of yourself, Doug. Even if we have never been close or anything, I have a lot of experience personally and otherwise with both chronic pain and depression as well as years of counseling training so if you ever want to talk, please don't hesitate to PM.
 
yeah, please, doug. do take it easy on yourself. sorry to be frank but that's an overdose, man, intentional or not. the seroquel would have been negligible after all the clonazepam.

like cane and yourself, i've suffered from chronic pain with depression for years and extensive opioid addictions as a result of self medicating - i admitted myself earlier this year for a few days but it wasn't the place for me. you're seriously only compounding things even further if you're suicidal and taking those kinds of combinations. you're so young and have a potentially beautiful life ahead. go out and get it.

hi bdd social. i'm going to score some more imodium soon, sweet. not dopesick, caught a nasty bug that's lasted a good 36 hours.
 
Doug, this is a very serious message from me to you, man so please give this a read. To others dealing with chronic pain, I think this is worth checking out as well.


Let me put this into perspective for you - I was 19 at a university when something happened to cause me to have severe, chronic leg and back pain. This forced me to...

leave the university I was at; quit my job; require a cane to walk and severely limited the activity I was capable of; move in my with mom after living with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years after she left me during this period because of what all this did to our relationship and who it turned me into. In some way, it negatively affected every single aspect of my life and this all occurred inside of a 6 month span.​

On top of being in physical pain, I was very depressed over the limitations imposed on me at such a young age and anxious (terrified, rather) of having to live the rest of my life like that. I thought about suicide constantly and began to view knowing that I could end it anytime just in case it got too unbearable as comforting because I couldn't stand the thought of having absolutely no control while pain had such a strangle-hold on my life. Ultimately, I refused to accept how I felt then as how I always had to feel.

It was beyond difficult but I kept pushing forward - I forced myself to have just a small amount of hope. It was hard for me to believe at times, but I tried to always tell myself that I was worth continuing on for. I tried to take care of myself, to push myself to adapt physically and psychologically as much as I could to the circumstances. Over time, I DID adapt and you absolutely can too.

Today, not all that long after everything above, I no longer require a cane and in fact, can even dunk a basketball again! I no longer rely on prescription medication or illicit drugs to manage the pain. I met an amazing girl that I can see myself spending my life with and we share an apartment in an incredible area far away from where I endured misery for years. After what felt like an eternity, I can truly say that I found happiness.

I still do have pain in my leg and back that I have to deal with but I am at a point where I CAN deal with it and still be happy - the dread over my limitations, defining myself BY those limitations and worrying that was my fate forever made the physical pain so much worse which made mentally coping with that fate worse.

I rarely divulge much about my life on BL and prefer to use it to discuss topics that interest me but I felt this was too important to not share with you, the community and hopefully anyone else who is unfairly suffering like you are -


*Despite how difficult my life was for what felt like an eternity, I have come so far and am so happy now that if I could magically go back and never have to deal with all that misery, I would still choose to endure it*. Going through that pain and learning to adapt and push on was the only way I could get to THIS point in my life and I wouldn't trade that for anything including everything that I lost that I listed above.​



I did not see any reason to have hope when I was in a position similar to yours but I refused to accept that as my only fate and because I kept going, it more than paid off. I'm sure hearing this doesn't make what you have to deal with right now any easier but if you do not hold on to a little bit of hope, you could miss out on a seriously amazing life. You have the potential to not just live in less pain, but be HAPPY.

I know I have been a dick to you on many occasions and I am sorry. In retrospect, I believe the reason I lashed out at you when you would post about how much you had to deal with was because it vividly brought me back to a time that is painful to revisit but that is no excuse and you didn't deserve that. You also don't deserve to feel like you are just your medical conditions and nothing more. DON'T DEFINE YOURSELF BY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU AND IGNORE WHAT IS RIGHT ABOUT YOU. You are not some constellation of symptoms or conditions but a good person who unfortunately has pain but whose life can get better if you believe you deserve it to.

I truly hope that these words have an impact because I KNOW from personal experience that you can go from how miserable you are now to how satisfied I am so fortunate to be. You have to insist on not giving up hope; if you insist on not mentally defining yourself by your limitations and instead focus on what you DO have and who you are, your life CAN improve and you are worth fighting for it to.

You not only can get out of this hole you've unfortunately been thrown into, but even get past baseline and further than you believed was possible.

I'm proof of this.
 
thanks for sharing that, cane. some inspiring words for sure.

i can't pm you back for another 3 hours but, soon, for sure:)

doug, you're so young like i was and started down the heading down the wrong side of the line.

i can't echo enough about not letting your pain define you as a person. believe in yourself, you sound like an intelligible young man at times;) value your life. there's some pretty awesome shit out there despite all the negative you're experiencing at the moment. get through this stint of hardship by planning ahead and get that shit done, son!
 
i spent a week on suicide watch when i was a teenager after accidently od'ing..
and i have to say after spending 5 days locked in a room..
i felt much more suicidal..than when i first arrived.

hello lou..wherever you are. :)
 
i didn't overdose when i commited myself. i was just psychotic, paranoid, extremely depressed and wanting to end it at the point in time. i was lucky enough to have a fair bit of freedom on watch as i went in voluntarily. i could go for walks to shops or wherever each day as long as i let the chief doctor on staff know and had a time limit - which i set, but was asked to be piss tested in case i'd slipped into the pub or whatever which i kinda laughed off as serious as it is. i had my phone and mp3 player on me and was playing fucking marilyn manson passive aggressively because there were a few right fuckheads in there acting up so i stupidly "retaliated". otherwise it was just doom and gloom. wake up, have group breakfast, see if there's a group activity you want to complete that day otherwise you're left to your own vices for the day, make your own lunch and then dinner is served early evening then go to bed when you want. i spent most of my time reading and sitting in the "chill out room" sitting in the lazy boy with waterfalls and shit going on in a dark room with a rain forest cd playing

i wanted out by the second day but was convinced by my father and friend, who drove an hour to see me, to stay the next few days throughout the weekend.

i saw an expanse of therapists and doctors through my time there which really helped getting things off my chest but nothing i haven't admitted and confided with my father.

my experience there wasn't the best but if you need to do it, you need to do it. i'm still alive, breathing and here today. unfortunately i didn't have anything positive to bring back with me.

i just had an oral surgery consultation and am getting my 4 wisdom teeth taken out in the next 2 months. fentanyl and midazolam fix thankyou very much.
 
I had my first real opiate experience recently with some hydrocodone and then oxycontin. Went to a baseball game. It was fun.

All I can say is it is opiates are truly the "Happy pill"
That's why I'm avoiding them.
 
what's your favourite film of all time?

oh shit yeah also - if i take bromazepam which is metabolized with some chtochome p450 enzyme, would i theoretically be able to get more out of oral morphine?

i have a few favourites at the moment:
la haine
snatch
and perhaps inglorious basterds
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top