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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

BDD Social and Info Booth Vs 28 - my dealer told me that this was the last time

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yeah it sounds like you're just unhappy and a little depressed. it wouldn't be a good move at all to start self medicating with dope again, just imagine if you landed yourself in jail for starters bro. that should be motivation enough in itself to keep on the tracks but it's up to you to figure out what you gotta fill that void with.

is there any sports you're interested in? online gaming? directing doug's porn? i dunno, man, just throwing a few things around as food for thought. just don't end up back on the dope!

looking into therapy as mentioned might be a decent way to talk through the feelings and emotions you're experiencing at the moment in an effort to help move past this stage and gather some coping skills.

the whole not being able to smoke weed must be a killer, man. i seriously feel for you there:\
 
Meh, I've been oxycodone for THREE whole days now and I haven't killed anyone. Hallelujah, praise Jesus, whatever the fuck you want to say in this situation. Now my dealer sent me the wrong shit, a load of fucking diazepam I didn't want, and he's not replying to my messages. Right! Onwards and upwards to heroin it is then!
 
i just finished the last of my oxycodone this morning. someone gave me some valium this weekend, but i'm practically already out. i woke up feeling so depressed this morning i called in sick to work. first day i've missed since starting with them. all i want to do in life is get off and page through fashion magazines. i'm gonna do something healthy for myself today and pull out of this shit. after i get high and read some Lula. i could really watch a movie with elle today too. i wonder how much screen time she gets in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? i'd probably go to hell for watching The Nutcracker in 3D. she's an opiate.
 
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oh hydro, i feel your pain. day 3 without oxycodone and i feel as if i'm going to die. had a bit of codeine here and there, tried to do a cwe today and yesterday both failed miserably and nowhere will sell me codeine linctus because they know my face. so what i've done is order 10 bottles online. fuckers.
 
Been forever since I've been in here. I just heard something about "dougie porn" from lou being in here, so I had to make sure no pics from the past were getting posted without permission lol.

But what's up guys? Don't feel too neglected, I rarely post in OD these days either - the past few days have been the exception.

laCster said:
What's up guys? I am not feeling awesome today. Trying to take a day off from bupre to maybe get a slight buzz tomorrow. Really thinking about getting off bupre and back on dope. If I had money I'd be shooting up right now but I don't. This has been such a shitty year, I just want to get high

Like it wasn't even my choice to get sober in the begginning, but I kind of just went with it to please my parents. 1. What's the point of being on bupre if I'm not even trying to get sober. Sure its sooo much easier than dealing with drug dealers, and it is payed for thanks to my parents, but I'm just so over it. On one hand I want to get high and go back to junkie life, 2. but on the other I hated that life and really hate being a slave to drugs. But it really seems that ill never be happy sober or high, I mean atleast using drugs allows me to enjoy happiness while I'm high. 3. I can't even smoke weed either because I don't want to go to jail, but opiates only take a week at max to get out of my system. God dam I really don't know what to do. 4. I just feel so hopeless like whatever I do I will never experience true happiness.
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Got a few points to make on this if you don't mind laC, and please don't take this as me trying to preach to you. Just trying to give you some advice and let you see the possible outcomes of going back. I don't know if these things have already gone through your head, but I just thought I might put them out there in case they hadn't. Just trying to help, and if you want to tell me to shove it up my ass, feel free man lol.

1. While it is sort of a replacement drug therapy, it's keeping you off the streets, blowing all your cash, risking fucking up whatever you got going on for you financially/socially, as well as fucking up your relationship with your parents. I know you're saying to hell with it and them, but I know you don't want to end up living on the streets, and I'm pretty sure you'll regret throwing your parents out of your life at some point down the road.

2. If it's a life you hated and you hated being a slave to drugs, why go back to the synthetic happiness? I don't know what your social life is, but if you don't have any severe medical or psychological issues holding you back (psych example: agoraphobia), and you don't have many sober friends, try getting out there and broadening your social circle. I know the anhedonia from cessation is going to make this very difficult, but most of the time, you're a very cheery guy, and most people here like you, so give it a shot. You admitting you hated that life just proves you shouldn't go back to it.

3. I know it sucks that you can't smoke weed. Trust me; I'm in the same boat, but probably in a more permanent situation. And while opiates get out of your system in about a week, Think about what it's going to be like, EVERY MONTH to have to withdraw from heroin before you go see your probation officer. What happens if you fall so far off the wagon that you can't discipline yourself to make it through that week once, and you just happened to get popped with a test? Then you're going to end up going to jail and having to go through your dope sickness IN JAIL.

4. I'm not in the exact same position as you, man, but I do feel the same way about never feeling happy at times, as I'm sure a lot of people do. You'll get through that slump though. I don't know if you have underlying issues with depressions, but I know how you feel if this is the case, and I know it's a constant battle.

Once again, I'm sorry if I was intrusive in anyway, but I'm honestly just trying to help. Like bronson said earlier, I too want to see you do well. And I hope the best for you man.




@ Tenty: Doug's Bathroom Cam has been shut down for a while, now, get with the times. ;)
 
Thank you Doug and Tentram, I really do appreciate your advice. I have alot I like to do, guitar, exercise, friends, ect..I just have to get over these withdraw .

I doubt I will go back to heroin because at this point I don't know many people in the new town that I live in. However, I am going to start abusing bupre and kratom as I don't feel I am getting much out of bupre at this moment. And I feel that if I stop taking bupre so much, say maybe only once or twice with atleast 4-5 days in between usage. So in a way I will still be on bupre maintenence but my own unique maintnence coupled with some klonopin and vyvanse which seems to be sounding pretty nice.

I am withdrawal at the moment and its not fun, but I am staying positive and I know it won't last forever. The reason I was so depressed over the weekend was because I failed a drug test at my doctors office and she threatened to kick me out of he program. But is giving me another chance once I come back with clean urine. Oh yah and I failed for THC which was really a low blow, but I'm not so sad anymore.

However I am so ready to start getting an opiate high from bupre because at the moment I have enough bupre to last years so I won't have to spend any money and the high lasts long . I am ready to get off bupre , or in other words I'm ready to stop being dependant on bupre to make me feel normal. I'd rather feel normal without any drugs, and use drugs to get high
 
Hey laCster, sorry to hear you're not feeling great. I know withdrawal is a real bitch - but it will be over soon and you'll get through it, i promise :)

I think you're really making the right decision in coming of the bupe honestly. If you continue using it, it will just become a daily habit and you'll become really dependant on the stuff. Not worth it at all. I love the drug in that you can use it so efficiently even at low doses over the course of 3-4 days to come off hard opiates, but I don't like the fact that some people are maintaining on it frankly.

Sucks that you nearly got kicked out - but look on the bright side, you didn't! Just don't smoke any of that dirty cannabis for a while and you'll be cool. Or blame it on it being stored in your fat cells and you've just been exercising ;)
 
Hey thanks for the support synth! I was on bupre daily for almost 7 months, and it was going to be much longer. I was planning to be on bupre daily for an indefinite time but I changed my mind and I'm really excited about maybe catching on bupre because before I was on maintenance I was able to get a really nice dopey feeling from bupre. I know I will be using it for all the wrong reasons but frankly I don't care . I honestly think that even though I will be abusing bupre 4-5 times a months at max, I still think that is better than daily use.

It's efficacy in able to stop my cravings is slowly declining too
 
^ It will for sure be better than were you are at now, and you have to take pride in any steps you make in the right direction. Addictive habits usually don't change overnight, and just the fact you want to change is a very positive indicator. Hang in there man, and all the best. <3
 
Bronson, I wouldn't have even thought about doing so without your suggestion! I keep reminding myself that the pain I am facing today will be worth the struggle when I am able to wake up and go on about my day without having to ingest some type of mind altering chemical. It's also very nice to know that I will be able to catch a nic buzz from bupre once in a while which is the main reason I am trying to keep my bupre usage far and few between. Iknow that isn't the best reason to atop daily bupre maintenance, but in the end the reason why I get off bupre won't matter as much as the actual fact that I am no longer physically and mentally dependant on bupre.

My doctor promised me a vyvanse and klonopin script when I pass the drug test so I am looking forward towards that too, i have gone through so much this past year, wilderness rehab to being homeless and broke to getting hepatitis to getting suspended from my university and going Yo jail... and I know if I have gone through all that, I will be able to bear soberness for days at a time ;)

It is nice to know that I will be able to get high legally aswell LOL as I will have legal scripts for amphetamines, opiates, and benzos so there is nothing my PO will be able to do. This next year I'm sticking to getting high 4-5 times a month which includes every drug besides caffeine and nicotine

Thanks Bronson, it might not seem like it, but as a result of your post, my life seems to be changing in the best way possible

-lac
 
That's what I'm here for, to lead people down the safest path they are willing to take. So refreshing when someone gets on board with it! :D

Makes me feel like I must be doing something right. Shoot me a PM and maybe we can exchange contact info for AIM or something, wouldn't mind chatting it up.
 
Morning/ evening!
Finally stopping in for my every couple-months hello =p. Hope everyones doing well!

Edit: 666 posts..does that mean I'm possesed for the day??
 
LOL Well guys it's been a long weekend.I was on so much speed sunday, I started taking 5-6 mgs of Klonopins (note I have no Benzo tolerance!) and I had already drank 5 beers so basicallyy.yeah I Blacked out and got into about 3-4 fights on my street till me and my.cousin started hittin each.other with.bats...it was absolutely RIDICULOUS. My face is fuckin smashed..broken nose, cuts everywhere...again ridiculous!
 
Oh yeah, off to see django unchained while leanin on dat codeine cough syrup. Shame I've got no oxy, but still oh yeah baby. Had to chug 2 bottles of the gunk. Ergh. 1200mg codeine high here we come.

Also sicness- man! You need to control your use! That sounds horrific buddy. Please try and be more responsible with your kpins and booze!
 
Yeah well I need a change....My overall lifestyle is hurting me. Anyway I have some good news I'm an official. Soldier of the US Army haha I finally got done with my physical and paperwork. I leave for bootcamp to South Carolina April 15th :) time for a change
 
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