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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

BDD Social and Info Booth Vs 28 - my dealer told me that this was the last time

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you've been having psychotic episode one after the other. the likelihood of having another taking psychedelics is only going to increase the chance of having another.

you are making excuses - "2 small doses of 4-aco-dmt wasn't going to be a massive problem" is an excuse in itself.

throw the phenaze and etizolam away asap and get yourself on a monitored taper pronto. you need it and owe it to yourself and everyone on here who've been an ear time after time. soon enough people are just going to give up on you and you'll continue to further drive friendships away.

I'm getting better slowly and my use has dropped a fucking lot too.
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really? you're still using every other day or drinking if you're not using something, right? be honest with yourself. get the help you need.

there is room for a little use in recovery.
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i strongly disagree, not in this case for you. you need to get completely clean, man.

and to say you don't count benzos as a drug is only kidding yourself. you damn well know how addictive they are and what troubles come of them. not only that, but how hard they can be coming off them.
 
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infinite danger and infinite psychotic episodes is simply reality. just gotta do whatcha do
 
I'm serious mugz, what would it take to convince you to do WHATEVER it takes to stop this?

Missing work over and over didn't do it. Multiple psychotic episodes didn't do it. Losing friendships didn't do it. Multiple hospital and doctors visits didn't do it. Request after request from people who know and LOVE you haven't done it. Threat of losing your job didn't do it. Actually losing your job didn't do it. Losing your apartment didn't do it. Losing your independence and freedom didn't do it. So what the fuck will it take?

I am terrified that you are going to keep making excuses and pushing it until you are in the ground and that would truly devastate so many of us.

Seriously mugs, what EXACTLY do you need to lose to finally say ENOUGH and surrender yourself to getting better?

I watched you on tinychat 2 days ago drunk and benzo'd to the point you could barely keep your eyes open at 4am hitting an EMPTY bowl 2 dozen times hoping to get some cannabinoid residue to get more fucked up and you are going to sit there with a straight face telling me you are on the path to getting better?

Honestly, what is it going to take?
 
Cane2theLeft said:
I'm serious mugz, what would it take to convince you to do WHATEVER it takes to stop this?

Missing work over and over didn't do it. Multiple psychotic episodes didn't do it. Losing friendships didn't do it. Multiple hospital and doctors visits didn't do it. Request after request from people who know and LOVE you haven't done it. Threat of losing your job didn't do it. Actually losing your job didn't do it. Losing your apartment didn't do it. Losing your independence and freedom didn't do it. So what the fuck will it take?

I am terrified that you are going to keep making excuses and pushing it until you are in the ground and that would truly devastate so many of us.

Seriously mugs, what EXACTLY do you need to lose to finally say ENOUGH and surrender yourself to getting better?

I watched you on tinychat 2 days ago drunk and benzo'd to the point you could barely keep your eyes open at 4am hitting an EMPTY bowl 2 dozen times hoping to get some cannabinoid residue to get more fucked up and you are going to sit there with a straight face telling me you are on the path to getting better?

Honestly, what is it going to take?
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Don't worry about the bolded part, that will never happen, not in the next few years anyway, I'm on the way back to recovery, got a doctors appointment in 2 hours in which my sole attempt will be to get a psych referral, am going to talk about the entities that visited me on multiple occasions and the ball of light from their dimension that I was able to handle and control. I believe it all to be true, but I doubt he will so he will most likely give me a referral.

Other than getting drunk and taking benzos every day almost it doesn't seem like I'm doing all that bad. I'm taking the time to cook meals for me and my dad after his busy days and 3 hours(back and forth) commute, which he appreciates, I'm not interrupting anything or having episodes. It is going well just not the T-Total way that a lot of people expected it to go.

Anyway mate, I know you mean well and I know I do too and we have seen differences in opinons, strong ones before in the past, like when you refused to talk to me because I was going to hitchhike from cambridge to glasgow, when it was perfectly safe. I know you care and I appreciate that, but I am getting things sorted, it's not as easy as just stopping it all at once though sometimes.
 
Seriously mugz, what would it take to get you to stop completely? How can you think after all that you have lost that you are capable of using responsibly at all?

PLEASE answer that question I keep repeating, I want to know where YOU draw the line. What would you have to lose to finally stop?
 
I wont stop using completely, drugs are a part of my life. The only thing that would really make me stop using completely would be to have a family and be a stay at home dad, which was the plan until I fucked that part of my life up too.

Other than that I CAN use responsible and I WILL, just like I could HITCHHIKE without any issues too, god.
 
You could be right, I can't know the future and I certainly hope you will be ok because you are a great guy with so much to offer the world.

6 months ago if you had the choice to quit using drugs and keep your job and apartment and not hurt all the people who you are hurting or wind up where you are now, would you have kept using?
 
Mugzy drugs have been a HUGE part of my life too for the biggest part of my life. I was pretty much where u are now ten years ago. I dont regret that part of my life, I was on the brown etc etc it was nasty. At. Things do change mate.
I've settled down, good job, lovely house, lovely girl, beautiful kid. But do u think drugs are a still a part my life??? You betcha, every day, its who we are. I'm a great family fan but there is still that dark side of me that cannot stay away.
I think in one way, shape or form drugs will be in my mind every single day of my life until I take my last breath. That's just who we are.
But if I can work around it and have what I have now despite the drugs, you can too, and so can anyone else.

That was the most gay post I have ever meant, but I mean it mart, you're a good guy. Much love
 
why soes this thread always turn into a battleground? that is what killed the BDD social IMO. i understand your concerns cane, and i completely agree, but is this the only place you can address this situation? it's killing the vibe man....
 
laCster said:
why soes this thread always turn into a battleground? that is what killed the BDD social IMO. i understand your concerns cane, and i completely agree, but is this the only place you can address this situation?
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+1
i felt uncomfortable for both mugz and cane..
and refrained from posting because it didn't feel like a social thread today.
however, there's history here i don't know about.
so i'll stfu now.
but hi laC!
see you in od;)
 
Let it ride, that's what they'd say in Vegas right? :)

How is everyone today :) <3

I've got to go to some drug centre place, full of druggies getting help and support, hopefully I'll find someone good to talk to and help get my shit sorted.
 
it's not a battleground, it's just people expressing their feelings and concerns in a blunt and honest manner. noone's out to hurt anyones feelings.

mugz, we just want you to look after yourself and do the best. we know you're capable of it, have some belief in yourself, man and put the willpower to use.

how'd your appointment go?

i've picked up some work painting a ladies house over the next week, started today though. it's pretty lax work but the skirting is the bitch of a task; sitting on the floor, back hunched over, working inch by inch across the walls. i've definitely earned this cwe and 8 ciders i've had since knocking off at 4 this arvy,

my mate was here when i arrived home bearing a couple gifts for me. scored a bill hicks shirt along with another aussie based skate brand shirt. and the prick purposely left, leaving the rest of his cigarettes here:@

looking forward to a lax day tomorrow with him doing some shopping for shit to help get his van further ready for his escapade come december. i'm hoping to join him mid way through next year. hit the road for a few months, working on and off when we need and just soaking up the beautiful country we live in. gives me plenty of time to get my shit in order and be ready for the adventure of a lifetime:)
 
appointment went well thanks, I was given another sick note until the 15th of December and told about this place that I mentioned in my post above that I'm gonna go to and see if they can give me some help. Would be nice to do it without a hangover though, lol.
 
tentram said:
it's not a battleground, it's just people expressing their feelings and concerns in a blunt and honest manner. noone's out to hurt anyones feelings.

mugz, we just want you to look after yourself and do the best. we know you're capable of it, have some belief in yourself, man and put the willpower to use.

how'd your appointment go?

i've picked up some work painting a ladies house over the next week, started today though. it's pretty lax work but the skirting is the bitch of a task; sitting on the floor, back hunched over, working inch by inch across the walls. i've definitely earned this cwe and 8 ciders i've had since knocking off at 4 this arvy,

my mate was here when i arrived home bearing a couple gifts for me. scored a bill hicks shirt along with another aussie based skate brand shirt. and the prick purposely left, leaving the rest of his cigarettes here:@

looking forward to a lax day tomorrow with him doing some shopping for shit to help get his van further ready for his escapade come december. i'm hoping to join him mid way through next year. hit the road for a few months, working on and off when we need and just soaking up the beautiful country we live in. gives me plenty of time to get my shit in order and be ready for the adventure of a lifetime:)
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ummm actually, this social was kind of like a battle ground on the page before this. its mugs vs everyone. cant you just pm him to ask how he is doing?
 
^ the reason I don't PM is because over the years I have seen mugz just cut out/ignore the people who aren't saying what he wants to hear and that just leads to these problems getting worse and worse.

Having the discussion public provides more openness and accountability (hopefully) and gives more people the opportunity to offer support and/or more perspectives.

I am certainly not trying to attack mugz but I have tried JUST being supportive in the past and was forced to sit back and just watch as things just got worse and worse so it's at a point now where I'd rather be tough if it has any chance of waking him up so he will get the help he DESPERATELY needs.

He is going down a path I have seen half a dozen friends go down that resulted in their inclusion in the shrine and that would be devastating for me. I don't express feelings readily but I love mugz and couldn't stand to see that.
 
i do understand and i think you are quite empathetic, and this world needs more empathetic people! i definitely agree about cutting the best off at its head, because as you know i had a rough past year. ODing, being sent to wilderness rehab for 70+ days, outpatient for 4+ months afterwards. haha now i feel like i am on the bandwaggon of helpingh out mugz,

dude mugz, i OD'ed this past Jan. , they took me out of school, put me in wilderness rehab for 70+ , afterwards i relapsed. no one is saying you have to be sober forever!!!! but it would be best to take a break, like just for 30 days and see if things get better, if not then go ahead right back into the world and use drugs. no one is telling you what to do, no one can force you to do anything (unless you have a psychotic epispode and get sent to the psych ward) including forcing you to stop doing drugs. however, you have had some consequences, you really do need to take a step back, you owe it to yourself man. psychotic episodes are horrid, and i bet that you are also depressed, extremely stressed out because you want to use, but you know you shouldnt be using. i have been there man! when i was in outpattient, i was using, then i got kicked out. tried getting on suboxone while living at home. i got into crack and meth, and i got kicked out of my house. i was homeless for in total 50-60 days. sure you can couch surf, but that can only last so long. i was so depressed man i was crying myself to sleep somedays cuz i would get kicked out of my house every week, but i needed to use drugs, i craved drugs, i loved drugs. they were me, and i was them, and shit when i had them, i felt ontop of the world!
you owe it to yourself to try 20-30 days of sobriety, if shit doesnt get better, then go back out. im not saying stop using forever because i would be a hypocrite. you just need to figure your life out before using drugs responsibly, because boy, i can tell you, you are NOT using them responsibly. hey, i was there, shooting H, smoking meth and crack, popping benzos and oxycodone. i am soo grateful for being forced into sobriety, it was the right time. i have more self esteem than ever, happier than ever, i love it! i still use drugs everyday, but idk i just love myself alot more than i used to and have more enriching relationships. school also helps sooo much, it gives me something to set goals for, when i put in the work and study, and i get a good grade, i feel good! school enriches my life with extrinsic/intrinsic motivation which has definitely decreased my tendencies to use drugs other than marijuana.

find something you love, something that gives you the "rush" without using drugs. the idea is to use drugs, and then try to imitate the feelings without the mind-altering substances
 
laccy said:
cant you just pm him to ask how he is doing?
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may as well shut the social if we can't socialise and ask how each other are doing?

now look who's on the bandwagon of lecturing;);P

as cane and i have expressed, we've got the love bug for mugz and don't want to end up seeing his name in the shrine. he's like furniture around here and we want to see him get better for his own sake. he owe's it to himself in the least. a sober mugz is a happy and joyful mugz from what i've seen through his stints. it's when he starts on the horror benders that things get scary and he turns into an unrecognisable mugz.
 
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