CARESS
Bluelighter
There are times when I can still remember..
The tortured, sleepless nights of my youth.
Every bit of infinite darkness held creeping things...
Every closet or space under the bed...endless terror.
Hurry little girl! Run and jump onto the bed so nothing can grab your ankles!
Did you remember to check the closet?
So, hurry little girl! Jump out of the bed, turn on the closet light, pull the door closed tightly.
The unnatural fear of vampires caused me to cover my head with a blanket...
Even in the heat of summer.
As if a blanket could shield me from those sharp, gnashing teeth. Silly little girl!
Your mother warned you not to watch that movie..
I am not a child now, but a child still takes daily commune inside me.
My monsters are not the slimy, disfigured ones I remember so well.
New monsters have taken up residency, exercising their squatter's rights in the closets of my mind.
These foul beasts that torture so well have names.
They are stress, sickness, worry, failure and fear.
As I lay down to sleep, hoping for respite with all my might,
They begin to scratch at the closet door.
Scritter scratch, whispering raspy lies.
"Did you remember to pay that bill? No? Bad person."
"Did you call your mother today? How long has it been? Bad daughter."
"Did you imagine yourself doing unspeakable harm to that co-worker? Yes? Deliciously evil, but bad, bad, BAD!"
I want to scream out, not in fear, but in ultimate rage!
"Go away! You are not real! I checked the closet, I know I did!
When will you let me be? When I'm dead?"
"Yessss, yessss," the snakelike hiss responds.
"Only when you're dead. Will you do it tonight?"
My answer is always the same..."no".
Soon sleep envelopes me. I float weightless in dreamland...flying and laughing.
The monsters must surely hate this.
Because, the next day, they attempt to torture much as the day before.
But I've learned to recognize them through their many disguises.
My response is ever becoming.."Oh, it's just you again."
I have a great family, wonderful friends, and a love that I hope will outlast the bonds of time.
The fulfillment caused by these rewarding relationships serves as a fierce sentry.
This guard of my soul stands faithful watch at the closet door.
The one who wards off evil and facilitates peace.
Do monsters torment the rooms of your mind, too?
Blanket yourself in the love of those around you.
Create a sentry of your own by building lasting bonds.
Tell the monsters to go to hell, where they came from....
Where they belong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friends, before I am inundated with a slew of emails asking if I'm okay or suicidal....have no worries. I am merely battling demons. I imagine these are the same demons that may haunt you. Life is good...winning control of your life is even better.
Wishing you peace and love,
Caress
[This message has been edited by CARESS (edited 01 September 2000).]
The tortured, sleepless nights of my youth.
Every bit of infinite darkness held creeping things...
Every closet or space under the bed...endless terror.
Hurry little girl! Run and jump onto the bed so nothing can grab your ankles!
Did you remember to check the closet?
So, hurry little girl! Jump out of the bed, turn on the closet light, pull the door closed tightly.
The unnatural fear of vampires caused me to cover my head with a blanket...
Even in the heat of summer.
As if a blanket could shield me from those sharp, gnashing teeth. Silly little girl!
Your mother warned you not to watch that movie..
I am not a child now, but a child still takes daily commune inside me.
My monsters are not the slimy, disfigured ones I remember so well.
New monsters have taken up residency, exercising their squatter's rights in the closets of my mind.
These foul beasts that torture so well have names.
They are stress, sickness, worry, failure and fear.
As I lay down to sleep, hoping for respite with all my might,
They begin to scratch at the closet door.
Scritter scratch, whispering raspy lies.
"Did you remember to pay that bill? No? Bad person."
"Did you call your mother today? How long has it been? Bad daughter."
"Did you imagine yourself doing unspeakable harm to that co-worker? Yes? Deliciously evil, but bad, bad, BAD!"
I want to scream out, not in fear, but in ultimate rage!
"Go away! You are not real! I checked the closet, I know I did!
When will you let me be? When I'm dead?"
"Yessss, yessss," the snakelike hiss responds.
"Only when you're dead. Will you do it tonight?"
My answer is always the same..."no".
Soon sleep envelopes me. I float weightless in dreamland...flying and laughing.
The monsters must surely hate this.
Because, the next day, they attempt to torture much as the day before.
But I've learned to recognize them through their many disguises.
My response is ever becoming.."Oh, it's just you again."
I have a great family, wonderful friends, and a love that I hope will outlast the bonds of time.
The fulfillment caused by these rewarding relationships serves as a fierce sentry.
This guard of my soul stands faithful watch at the closet door.
The one who wards off evil and facilitates peace.
Do monsters torment the rooms of your mind, too?
Blanket yourself in the love of those around you.
Create a sentry of your own by building lasting bonds.
Tell the monsters to go to hell, where they came from....
Where they belong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friends, before I am inundated with a slew of emails asking if I'm okay or suicidal....have no worries. I am merely battling demons. I imagine these are the same demons that may haunt you. Life is good...winning control of your life is even better.
Wishing you peace and love,
Caress
[This message has been edited by CARESS (edited 01 September 2000).]
