a100unitSHOT
Bluelighter
BALLOONS - I have a few haiku here, but I want to consolidate them into one, or maybe two. If you guys could help me out, that'd be awesome. Please tell me which one is best, or help pick and choose lines from all of them to form a new one (or two). Thanks guys!
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Slip away slowly
A sharp needle pierces (skin/veins)
Causing my own death
Needles piercing (skin/veins)
The balloon is now empty
Slowly killing me
About to (let go/release)
Waiting for the plume of red
I can't stop (my/this) death
Seeing death coming
I still push down the plunger
I wait for the rush
The needle goes deep
Why am I killing myself?
Rush hits, I forget
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The general theme isn't supposed to be the imagery of an "overdose," but rather that of, say, smoking a cigarette, that is, I know it's going to eventually kill me.... With that in mind, what do you guys think?
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Slip away slowly
A sharp needle pierces (skin/veins)
Causing my own death
Needles piercing (skin/veins)
The balloon is now empty
Slowly killing me
About to (let go/release)
Waiting for the plume of red
I can't stop (my/this) death
Seeing death coming
I still push down the plunger
I wait for the rush
The needle goes deep
Why am I killing myself?
Rush hits, I forget
--------------------------------------------
The general theme isn't supposed to be the imagery of an "overdose," but rather that of, say, smoking a cigarette, that is, I know it's going to eventually kill me.... With that in mind, what do you guys think?
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