Well, I've been enjoying heroin of late. I don't use it more than three days consecutively in order to avoid a physical habit (we'll see how long that lasts).
I prefer the rush of IV coke over IV heroin but the heroin high lasts MUCH longer and doesn't have a comedown. I believe that this is due to my low tolerance.
This stuff seems to balance me. I feel more empathetic, considerate, and stable when I'm high. I know that it is a lie and eventually this shit will change on me just like the coke did.
When high on H I actually feel confident concerning my ability to quit drugs altogether. Ha! I see through that lie as well.
I know that as soon as I wake up tomorrow I will be thinking of getting high later tomorrow night.
I know that I won't stop thinking about getting high until I get some coke.
After using some coke I will still think about getting high.
After the coke is all gone I will be thinking about getting high.
When I wake up the next day I will be thinking about getting high with the addition of guesstimating how many days is long enough to do H again.
Circles are balanced, right? This circle I've outlined above is drawn much too perfect. When I crash I believe I will see this perfect circle for what it is... ...a distorted, unrecognizable shape of confusion and lies.
I must keep this 'balance' in check and recognize that I have been lying to myself without caring due to the pleasantness that makes these lies endurable.
When can I tell myself that it is over? The word scares me. 'Over' is too final. 'Over' will mean forced change. 'Over' will mean tears. 'Over' scares the shit out of me.
JUST FUCKING STOP ALREADY YOU STUPID FUCK!!!
I prefer the rush of IV coke over IV heroin but the heroin high lasts MUCH longer and doesn't have a comedown. I believe that this is due to my low tolerance.
This stuff seems to balance me. I feel more empathetic, considerate, and stable when I'm high. I know that it is a lie and eventually this shit will change on me just like the coke did.
When high on H I actually feel confident concerning my ability to quit drugs altogether. Ha! I see through that lie as well.
I know that as soon as I wake up tomorrow I will be thinking of getting high later tomorrow night.
I know that I won't stop thinking about getting high until I get some coke.
After using some coke I will still think about getting high.
After the coke is all gone I will be thinking about getting high.
When I wake up the next day I will be thinking about getting high with the addition of guesstimating how many days is long enough to do H again.
Circles are balanced, right? This circle I've outlined above is drawn much too perfect. When I crash I believe I will see this perfect circle for what it is... ...a distorted, unrecognizable shape of confusion and lies.
I must keep this 'balance' in check and recognize that I have been lying to myself without caring due to the pleasantness that makes these lies endurable.
When can I tell myself that it is over? The word scares me. 'Over' is too final. 'Over' will mean forced change. 'Over' will mean tears. 'Over' scares the shit out of me.
JUST FUCKING STOP ALREADY YOU STUPID FUCK!!!
