TwitchE
Greenlighter
So first off, I took LSD three times in a week and a half.. Which have been my first and only LSD experiences. My first experience was pretty nice. I had a beer or two and one of my buddies from work was tripping on acid and suggested I trip with him. I've been really wanting to try it for a long time but hesitated as I have been through a lot of depression and anxiety due to some poor choices I've made before. Huffing air duster being the main problem. Anyways, I said fuck it.. Why not? I ended up taking 1 hit on a sugarcube and just attempted to put any bad thoughts to the back of my mind and just chilled. One of my friends who was also with me.. Had acid spilled on him by accident. So he wasn't planning on tripping but he just rolled with it. I waited what seemed like forever for it to kick in, while my friend who had the acid spilled on him started tripping hard. He said it was really intense and in his face. Suddenly I realized I started laughing a lot and things were just a lot funnier. But I kept implying how sober and normal I felt. Then I noticed the walls start to move and morph and images on the television just stood out.. It almost felt like I could be in the TV. I just had a strong feeling of euphoria. I kind of felt sick from drinking and kind of walked around aimlessly just trippin out on stuff while me and my friend who offered me the acid were just laughing our asses off at everything. At one point, I put a pillow in front of my face closing my eyes and my friend said, "you can't hide from it!" I just thought this was the funniest thing in the world for some reason. I implied how everything kept changing and he told me that I'm trippin. Anyways, after a few failed attempts at throwing up I decided to go outside with my friend who said he was starting to have a bad trip.. though he seemed normal. So I just decided to talk about positive things and lighten the mood. Talk about what I was seeing and how nice it felt outside. Overall I felt great relief that I had such a great time and didn't have a bad trip which I was so hesitant of in the first place.
My second trip was 3 days later, I asked if it would be a bad idea to take it only 3 days later and no one seemed to say it was bad or anything so I went for it. This time, there were more people around and some I didn't know so well but I was comfortable. Again, I took one hit on a sugarcube. The effects started kicking in and I felt pretty good, I was talking a lot and I just felt really open and fearless. I had this strong feeling like I could control everything around me. Like my thoughts and emotions were projected into the outside world. And that everyone knew what I knew I knew. They were me. This was a dream. It was incredible and I felt like a God. I get kind of scared to say that though, perhaps due to being raised Christian, even though I am now agnostic and do not believe in religion.. I still have some fear in the back of my head, "What if?". Anyways, I noticed as everything was changing.. How I would tell people I was on acid and people that saw me take it.. Would forget? Or think I was sober.. This made no sense to me. Then I realized it was because of me and my consciousness.. If I would forget that I was tripping, other people would too. Whatever I thought I was, they would think that to. Me and "them" were one of the same. I would not even have to speak to convey an emotion or feeling.. It's like I knew how things would unfold. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and I saw my face changing. It was like I was jumping and changing into a bunch of different realities. So I felt the intense part of my trip was gone so I decided to smoke a little. Then I made a stupid decision. I decided to snort a line of coke. I had a feeling it wasn't a good idea.. But I was just curious to see how it would interact with the LSD, in which at this point a bad trip did not seem possible. So after snorting a line, I felt the speedy affects.. But overall just did not feel good that good. So my friends were talking.. Then I got this strange feeling like I was coming out of my body.. Or that everything was getting farther away. I went to say something and I expected them not to say anything as I expected my words to mean nothing.. But this kind of freaked me out. I felt invisible. I said something again, no reply.. But they kept talking like I didn't exist. Within a split second, I freaked out and my heart started pounding. I went to the kitchen to get some water and I started to think to myself, "This is it." "You fucked up, you're having a bad trip". I was still feeling like I was jumping inbetween different realities, but then I felt like I got stuck in one where I was going to die. I imagined myself dying unintentionally.. Though quickly put this to the back of my head and kept telling myself.. "you're fine, you'll be okay" Then I felt like there was 2 core emotions that kept me alive. Fear and hope. I felt like if I let go of this fear, I would die. I felt no hope. It was merely a thought. All I could feel was fear. I curled up in a ball next to my friends room and said, "I'm trippin hard". It was meant to be a cry for help.. But that's all I could muster up. I moved around uncomfortably and just had this empty, scary, perception of everything around me. So I told my friend what was going on and he just seemed way too fucking normal.. I was here freaking out.. And he was calm. He was telling me things I would expect anyone to tell someone who was having a bad trip. I just didn't want him to leave, but he just didn't seem to care all that much. I started to get over it and try to forget it.. I even had a few bursts of euphoria.. But I kept having that bad trip remind me that life isn't as amazing as I thought it was. But I didn't feel that it affected me too traumatically until a week or so later.
3 days later I decided to trip again to figure out what went wrong.. And to maybe have a good time. I don't remember too much this time around. But again I took 1 hit on a sugarcube. I tripped with like 4 other people who also took acid.. This time, my trip was kind of strange. I felt "okay".. But I feel like maybe I was expecting too much. It felt kind of empty. I just didn't really care about anything. Just a bunch of laughing. I didn't care if I had a bad trip. I just wanted to learn and experience. I had a couple low points but they didn't feel overwhelming. I remember at one point I was in the middle of a sentence and started making sound effects. "skrrrrrtt.. Bchhhoooooooowwwww" indicating my thoughts coming to a screeching halt. Lmao. I took Molly sometime through the trip because I was feeling kind of bummed out and the Molly helped a lot.. Made me feel a lot better. Though it wasn't magical or anything.. As I've taken a lot of Molly.. It's kind of lost its magic at this point. Well I started coming down off the acid and Molly and felt a nice afterglow. I felt a sense of well being. I ended up staying up and taking 2 Concertas and staying up all day. Not very smart I know. Later that day talking became difficult and people gave me strange looks like there was something wrong with me even though I felt okay-ish.
I think a day or two later, I began to feel very depressed and suicidal. I felt very alone, still seeing everyone as projections of myself and expecting the way things were unfolding. I felt stuck on this path.. Like I was a robot. Just doing what I'm meant to do. I would ask questions and it would seem pointless as people would respond in the way that I would expect and it scared me. For instance, while I was at work, I was having a horrible day and I wanted something from the store next door. I felt like I wasn't suppose to, as I was having a battle in my head over a billion different things, one of them being whether or not were meant to have wants and needs. I decided to go anyways, I got a drink and something to eat and didn't have cash on me so I used my card. My card was declined. I had no money in my account and did not even know it, but for some reason had a feeling something like this would happen. I angrily stormed out and punched a dumpster outside as hard as I could making all of my knuckles bleed and swell up. I was hoping that I broke my hand, for some sick reason. I just wanted to die. I couldn't take it anymore.
This persisted for about a week. The longest week of my fucking life. I have another thread I posted about my intentions of killing myself and asking for help and advice. Luckily, I had some friends and family to talk to in this rough time and some awesome people here on bluelight to offer some helpful advice and gave me hope. I feel almost back to my old self, but I also feel a bit different. Though not necessarily in a bad way. As I've taken a lot from the experience and applied it to my life. I forget to mention that before these experiences I was taking a lot of drugs. Adderall, concerta, MDMA, ecstasy(pillform), hydrocodones, weed, alcohol, cocaine.. And whatever else I don't remember. It's been over a week.. Maybe 2.. My sense of time is fucked sorry, lol.. Since I touched any drugs other than weed.. And I've only smoked twice.. Because it makes me trip now.. And feel uncomfortable and have some paranoid thoughts. So I don't even think I'm going to smoke for while. So perhaps the trip wasn't all bad.. But rather a slap to the face to wake the fuck up. I feel things getting better and better as each day passes.. Though I still have some urges and cravings to get fucked up.. I ignore them for the most part. I think I will definitely try LSD again somewhere down the road.. But I'm good for now. Haha. I feel like I could go on and on about my experience and strange things that happened during and after.. But I'm going to go ahead and stop there.
My second trip was 3 days later, I asked if it would be a bad idea to take it only 3 days later and no one seemed to say it was bad or anything so I went for it. This time, there were more people around and some I didn't know so well but I was comfortable. Again, I took one hit on a sugarcube. The effects started kicking in and I felt pretty good, I was talking a lot and I just felt really open and fearless. I had this strong feeling like I could control everything around me. Like my thoughts and emotions were projected into the outside world. And that everyone knew what I knew I knew. They were me. This was a dream. It was incredible and I felt like a God. I get kind of scared to say that though, perhaps due to being raised Christian, even though I am now agnostic and do not believe in religion.. I still have some fear in the back of my head, "What if?". Anyways, I noticed as everything was changing.. How I would tell people I was on acid and people that saw me take it.. Would forget? Or think I was sober.. This made no sense to me. Then I realized it was because of me and my consciousness.. If I would forget that I was tripping, other people would too. Whatever I thought I was, they would think that to. Me and "them" were one of the same. I would not even have to speak to convey an emotion or feeling.. It's like I knew how things would unfold. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and I saw my face changing. It was like I was jumping and changing into a bunch of different realities. So I felt the intense part of my trip was gone so I decided to smoke a little. Then I made a stupid decision. I decided to snort a line of coke. I had a feeling it wasn't a good idea.. But I was just curious to see how it would interact with the LSD, in which at this point a bad trip did not seem possible. So after snorting a line, I felt the speedy affects.. But overall just did not feel good that good. So my friends were talking.. Then I got this strange feeling like I was coming out of my body.. Or that everything was getting farther away. I went to say something and I expected them not to say anything as I expected my words to mean nothing.. But this kind of freaked me out. I felt invisible. I said something again, no reply.. But they kept talking like I didn't exist. Within a split second, I freaked out and my heart started pounding. I went to the kitchen to get some water and I started to think to myself, "This is it." "You fucked up, you're having a bad trip". I was still feeling like I was jumping inbetween different realities, but then I felt like I got stuck in one where I was going to die. I imagined myself dying unintentionally.. Though quickly put this to the back of my head and kept telling myself.. "you're fine, you'll be okay" Then I felt like there was 2 core emotions that kept me alive. Fear and hope. I felt like if I let go of this fear, I would die. I felt no hope. It was merely a thought. All I could feel was fear. I curled up in a ball next to my friends room and said, "I'm trippin hard". It was meant to be a cry for help.. But that's all I could muster up. I moved around uncomfortably and just had this empty, scary, perception of everything around me. So I told my friend what was going on and he just seemed way too fucking normal.. I was here freaking out.. And he was calm. He was telling me things I would expect anyone to tell someone who was having a bad trip. I just didn't want him to leave, but he just didn't seem to care all that much. I started to get over it and try to forget it.. I even had a few bursts of euphoria.. But I kept having that bad trip remind me that life isn't as amazing as I thought it was. But I didn't feel that it affected me too traumatically until a week or so later.
3 days later I decided to trip again to figure out what went wrong.. And to maybe have a good time. I don't remember too much this time around. But again I took 1 hit on a sugarcube. I tripped with like 4 other people who also took acid.. This time, my trip was kind of strange. I felt "okay".. But I feel like maybe I was expecting too much. It felt kind of empty. I just didn't really care about anything. Just a bunch of laughing. I didn't care if I had a bad trip. I just wanted to learn and experience. I had a couple low points but they didn't feel overwhelming. I remember at one point I was in the middle of a sentence and started making sound effects. "skrrrrrtt.. Bchhhoooooooowwwww" indicating my thoughts coming to a screeching halt. Lmao. I took Molly sometime through the trip because I was feeling kind of bummed out and the Molly helped a lot.. Made me feel a lot better. Though it wasn't magical or anything.. As I've taken a lot of Molly.. It's kind of lost its magic at this point. Well I started coming down off the acid and Molly and felt a nice afterglow. I felt a sense of well being. I ended up staying up and taking 2 Concertas and staying up all day. Not very smart I know. Later that day talking became difficult and people gave me strange looks like there was something wrong with me even though I felt okay-ish.
I think a day or two later, I began to feel very depressed and suicidal. I felt very alone, still seeing everyone as projections of myself and expecting the way things were unfolding. I felt stuck on this path.. Like I was a robot. Just doing what I'm meant to do. I would ask questions and it would seem pointless as people would respond in the way that I would expect and it scared me. For instance, while I was at work, I was having a horrible day and I wanted something from the store next door. I felt like I wasn't suppose to, as I was having a battle in my head over a billion different things, one of them being whether or not were meant to have wants and needs. I decided to go anyways, I got a drink and something to eat and didn't have cash on me so I used my card. My card was declined. I had no money in my account and did not even know it, but for some reason had a feeling something like this would happen. I angrily stormed out and punched a dumpster outside as hard as I could making all of my knuckles bleed and swell up. I was hoping that I broke my hand, for some sick reason. I just wanted to die. I couldn't take it anymore.
This persisted for about a week. The longest week of my fucking life. I have another thread I posted about my intentions of killing myself and asking for help and advice. Luckily, I had some friends and family to talk to in this rough time and some awesome people here on bluelight to offer some helpful advice and gave me hope. I feel almost back to my old self, but I also feel a bit different. Though not necessarily in a bad way. As I've taken a lot from the experience and applied it to my life. I forget to mention that before these experiences I was taking a lot of drugs. Adderall, concerta, MDMA, ecstasy(pillform), hydrocodones, weed, alcohol, cocaine.. And whatever else I don't remember. It's been over a week.. Maybe 2.. My sense of time is fucked sorry, lol.. Since I touched any drugs other than weed.. And I've only smoked twice.. Because it makes me trip now.. And feel uncomfortable and have some paranoid thoughts. So I don't even think I'm going to smoke for while. So perhaps the trip wasn't all bad.. But rather a slap to the face to wake the fuck up. I feel things getting better and better as each day passes.. Though I still have some urges and cravings to get fucked up.. I ignore them for the most part. I think I will definitely try LSD again somewhere down the road.. But I'm good for now. Haha. I feel like I could go on and on about my experience and strange things that happened during and after.. But I'm going to go ahead and stop there.
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As for the similarity, I've been getting that a lot lately.. I'm glad to hear it though.. I like to relate and talk with people who have felt, thought or experienced a lot of the same things. How long would you suggest I stay sober?? I have been sleeping and eating almost nonstop. Wake up, eat, work, eat, come home, eat, sleep.. Rinse and repeat. Though for some reason I wake up in the middle of the night at like.. 1 or 2 and stay up until 6 then sleep til 2 or 3. My sleep pattern is screwed and I don't really have much to do in these hours.
