We don't SWIM on Bluelight, because it offers NO protection legally and it is rather annoying to some members.
It is obvious this thread is about you, which is fine. Yes, we want to help...
The most important rule with threads like these is Do NOT ask 'what was in my pill?'
This breaks a technical rule - BL is not intended to serve as a substance ID or quality rating service.
If they allowed 'Pill ID' they could be liable.
Due to this rule, many threads like yours are unfortunately shut down.
I have seen more than a dozen new members asking for help in desperate situations, only to be turned away due to this regulation.
The fact is, we cannot know what you took. The ONLY way to know what you put in your body is to test it beforehand.
There are normally several posters that will suggest it wasn't pure MDMA. They are under the mistaken belief that somehow MDMA in its pure form is 'safe'.
Although 'Pill ID' is not allowed on the part of the original creator of the thread, pointless speculation by other posters is fairly normal.
Yes, it is possible your tab was cut with METH or ampthetamines. By the way, MDMA is also an amphetamine.
It might have had MDA, which is more neurotoxic....perhaps just caffeine. Too often we see victims of piperazines...but these are normally quite different from an MDMA experience and when they go wrong they can last 12 hours or more. Since you describe the onset of your roll as pleasant, it is unlikely you got 'piped'. If any of your friends also took the same pills and 'slept', this is further evidence to speculate that it wasn't pipes.
Determining the exact substance you took will not change the consequences at this point.
However, it is important for you and others to understand that MDMA can and DOES cause the EXACT symptoms you describe.
It is a selective neurotoxin which causes a lasting reorganization of the serotonin axons in your brain.
It literally 're-wires' the brain.
These statements are NOT in debate among scientists anymore.
Only the extent of the 're-wiring' at a given dose, and the exact consequences remain in question.
It is clear from research that high doses or especially REPEATED doses are a very good way to cause serotonergic injury. Although there are many people that reportedly take hundreds of doses, there are MANY stories of people like me on bluelight that took far fewer (in my case only 30). Research suggests that the majority of heavier users tend to discontinue between 100-300 doses.
Experienced rollers on BL will recommend at least a 30 day break between rolls.
I recommend 90 days, because some people require much longer than others to restore serotonin levels.
The most important rule, in my opinion, is not to re-dose.
If followed, this single rule could prevent a majority of the suffering caused by this drug.
Your serotonin system is not that resilient, as you have discovered.
What you may not know is that serotonin exists for the primary purpose of contracting the smooth muscle around the intestines. Tryptophan is converted into both stomach bile and serotonin. Our brains evolved around the digestive system, and in the brain serotonin is the most dense and widespread of all neurotransmitter systems. It has a profound influence upon blood vessels in the brain - causing capillaries to respond dramatically to the presence of increased serotonin levels.
In healthy people, the brain has a very even distribution of blood vessels which supplies the brain with a steady supply of blood. In MDMA users it is common to see decreases in blood flow for many weeks following use in certain regions of the brain. Some of them report no ill effects either. More troublesome are the users that develop increases in blood flow to certain parts of the brain, which can take months to over a year to fix themselves. This is considered a hallmark of toxicity....a clear sign of the re-wiring process.
Other issues that are common - change in appetite, body temperature regulation, immune system function, sexual function, and of course anxiety/panic attacks/depression. Some people experience fevers, body aches, swollen glands, and even major changes in vision. Known as HPPD, the person may complain that everything looks distant or dream like, as if playing on a movie screen.
Ok, now is the part where I tell you it may not be that bad for you.
In my experience there are a fortunate group of people that recover within weeks.
If you aren't having massive panic attacks you may belong to this group.
It is my STRONG recommendation that you abstain from rolling again for a LONG time.
There is another group of people that take much longer to recover.
Anecdotal reports, clinical research, and brain scans all agree that recovery from anxiety/depression can take between 12-18 months...with some users taking up to 24 months.
There are, of course, exceptions that go well beyond this point - some reporting lasting effects for many years.
But overwhelmingly people with major problems tend to emerge within 2 years.
That is the good news - no matter how bad it is going to be, one day it will be over.
More than that, I can assure you it gets MUCH easier within the first 4-5 months.
During the first month, I remember feeling VERY dissociated from my body. My skin was numb, especially on my lower extremities.
Feeling dizzy, or 'spatial distortions' was constant. This often coincided with visual distortions...I felt like my eyes were set back in my head! The whole world was further away and slightly grayer. I had constant sensations running all over my face, head, and neck - very unpleasant. Strange how the 'face melting' that is so enjoyable while rolling is such a horrific experience during recovery. Not only was my vision strangely distant, but I felt that my facial recognition capabilities were damaged. Looking at other people was strange, but looking at myself in the mirror was terrifying. I hardly recognized myself.
On top of this, I experienced SEVERE intestinal pain if I ate.
Forcing my gut to function only made all my other symptoms worse, anxiety included.
So I just starved for a few weeks. Going without food was the ONLY thing that made life bearable in the first month.
Then I discovered Piracetam.
Almost overnight, my intestines began demanding food!
My vision brightened dramatically and my body started producing oily skin and sweat.
I had very positive emotional responses to the Piracetam too - almost like rolling.
This taught me a lot about the value of serotonin to normal emotional function.
I quickly regained the weight I had lost and began an amazing research effort, trying to figure out the cause of toxicity and what the recovery process is like.
I was so upset that I couldn't find detailed accounts of recovery from MDMA that I decided to provide to others what I so desperately needed early on.
You will find quite a few lengthy posts in my history, if you care to read that much.
Some on Bluelight do not appreciate my presence, but others have found me extremely valuable...especially those in need.
Before I conclude this post, I will mention a key part of toxicity to you.
Many of the acute reactions to MDMA that have been documented include extreme anxiety, fear of death, rapid heart-rate, high blood pressure, muscle rigidity, and fever.
These are all symptoms of serotonin syndrome, a potentially fatal condition.
The hallmark symptom of SS is sudden onset of tachycardia - you will feel fine one minute, then you are suddenly dying of a heart-attack!
This is how it went for me - 72 hours post roll!
The hypothalamus is the control center for the endocrine system. In this way it connects your senses to your emotions.
It is a critical brain region involved in the positive effects of MDMA - telling the pituitary to secrete prolacin/oxytocin, ADH, etc.
It is also responsible for maintaining homeostasis - including heart-rate.
Animal research suggests that when higher serotonin axons are damaged they hyper-innervate the hypothalamus during recovery.
I believe that this is the cause of sudden tachycardia, along with the other powerful effects of serotonin syndrome.
MDMA owes many of its positive effects to the hypothalamus.
MDMA also kills people by damaging the hypothalamus.
If you did not develop a noticeable fever that night, consider it a good sign.
The hypothalamus also controls body-temperature...and if the temp. goes up, toxicity increases!
Since it has already been a month for you and you haven't reported massive anxiety attacks or disruptions in diet/sleep...you should be FINE.
It may take another few months...but not necessarily a year.
Recommendations - healthy diet.
Treat your gut very kindly - lots of veggies/fruits/lean proteins. Lay off refined sugars and unhealthy carbs.
Take fish oil everyday in high doses.
And exercise!
No matter how hard it may seem, this is your BEST bet for recovery.
Working out releases a protein in the brain known as BDNF, or brain derived neutrophic factor.
This will release stem cells into 3 key regions of the brain, including the cortex.
It will also help re-distribute blood vessels and encourage more connections between neurons!
No more rolling, and lay off of alcohol - it kills nerve growth factors.
Smoking weed is not a good idea either, as long-term heavy cannabis users have been shown to develop more severe psychological symptoms from MDMA use. And NO rolling for at least a year.
Oh yeah, try to sleep and get sunshine every day.
Good luck.
You are going to be OK - I promise.
