Bad LSD+SSRI trip - need help

[Mannam]

I used to take acid a bit when I was younger, 15-16, and I loved it, it was amazing, then I stopped for a while. I'm twenty-one soon, so I had between three and four years only smoking weed. Then last year early October I took a pretty strong tab with two friends, and it fucked me up really badly.

The situation was this; I was on SSRIs, and I (very stupidly) didn't check if they would react with LSD. To be honest, it didn't even occur to me that it could react badly. That was the stupid bit.

So, we took it, and instead of going on missions and having fun, we sat on my verandah for 8 or 9 hours just talking and smoking weed. I was not doing well at all - I was freaking out to varying degrees, from a lot to a little at any given time, going down the rabbit hole - and one of my friends seemed to be kind of following me. My other friend, who knows a bit of energy work, kept pulling us out, trying to keep us sane. He said he could see something above my head, like an entity of some kind, like I was possessed. Not sure if that's relevant, but it happened, so I figured best to say it.

But that wasn't when it got bad for me. My buddies laid down sometime in the early morning and both slept, and I lay down too, but I couldn't get to sleep. My thoughts were racing round and round, my heart rate was elevated, I was very emotional and just generally not great, plus coming down.

My friends are both fine, one of them took about a week to get over it, with meditation and just generally trying to be as healthy in thought as possible. I'm still kind of fucked. Every day is like a nightmare, reliving some part of those thoughts or feelings, sometimes heaps, sometimes not too much. I'm not tripping anymore, at least not visually, but I do feel very disconnected from reality, a lot more on edge than I ever used to be, and really worried about everything. I saw my doctor a day or two after it happened, he sent me to do neurofeedback therapy, which is (finally) starting on Tuesday. I'm really positive about it, I'm sure it will at least help me with this stuff, if not fix it completely.

In the meantime, I wanted to know what you guys would suggest for getting back to 'normal'. Has anyone ever had this happen, that you know of? If yes, what did they do to get better from it?

Thanks in advance. I really appreciate it.

 

[DeathDomokun]

Well LSD doesn't cause SS, which is why people can candy flip. I don't know how much was caused by your AD's and how much was due to set and setting. In fact, I was under the impression that SSRI's will greatly reduce the effects of LSD.
I don't understand, diffisleeping after an LSD trip can be hard.
Did you have a bad trip or were you just paranoid or what? I don't really understand what you're saying/asking, but I know that therapy has helped many people recover from the effects of a "bad trip", although it does take time.
I know people who have had a really bad trip, been in therapy, and back using psychedelics again.
Best of luck.

 

[Dave]

I've found that adding cannabis to LSD tends to increase my anxiety a lot-- that sounds like it may have happened to you here. You've basically suffered a minor psychological trauma, and based upon what you've said it sounds like your mind isn't processing it well. How long has it been? When I had a seriously bad 5-meo-dmt trip years ago, it was months before I felt 'normal' again.

Neurofeedback can be an excellent tool for controlling the symptoms of anxiety, and could well help you develop the ability to shut it off like a tap. Or so I've heard at least-- I've never undergone it myself, but the rationale seems sound. Good luck with it, and do post how it went; I for one am curious, and I'm sure that there are others here who might like to know.

 

[Mannam]

DeathDomokun: Yeah, pretty sure it was a bad trip, though if so, it's the only one I've had. You know how usually on acid you want to walk, and explore, and play? I did not get that, at all. We sat still, with not even art stuff or a laptop or anything, in a conversation loop for maybe four hours. My buddy thought I'd 'gone inside his head' at one point, not in a good way. They didn't tell me til later, but both of them were scared of me.

Dave: It's been about four and a half months now - we took it on the 7th of October last year. I came off the meds about three weeks ago, and that helped immensely. I haven't really smoked much weed since the trip, as it seems to bring on anxiety stuff - everyone who knows about this kind of stuff has suggested not smoking weed as it can increase or bring on anxiety, including my doctor.

TBH, I'm not too worried about never feeling normal again or anything like that, I'm just trying to figure out how long it could/does usually last.

 

[Dave]

With something like this, there is no 'usual'. Everyone has a different history, and as such will process such events differently. The fact that you're still dealing with this so long after the event points to a slower integration/recovery, but that isn't by any means accurate or set in stone. More a guess, really

 

[Mannam]

Cool. Thanks heaps. I'll post stuff about the neurofeedback after I've done it for a few weeks. I think I've got 20 from the government, thanks to the mental health plans.

 

[Dave]

Awesome! I look forward to hearing about it.

 

[Mannam]

Okay! So. I'm back, after many years. I kind of forgot about updating this, but I just found an old e-mail and I figured I may as well, since this could be useful to others.

The neurofeedback went really well. It often felt like a two steps forward, one step back kind of deal, but after we found the right combinations I was able to sleep without Valium for the first time in ~6 months. I didn't finish the whole thing (my doctor was an arse and I often found interacting with him very stressful), but even so, it's helped immensely. I'm considering going back and finishing it off with another doctor, if I can find one. There aren't heaps of doctors who do it in my city. I do strongly recommend it, though, and not only for recovery from trauma.

Basically the doctor attached electrodes to my head, and whenever my brain was repeating the old patterns that were resulting in panic attacks, they did nothing, but when it went onto a more chill, less panicky frequency, they gave my brain a little reward in the form of triggering a dopamine release. It was completely painless, but I learned to not wash my hair until after the sessions, as the gel used to attach the electrodes stays on your scalp even after you've tried to wipe it off. So I sat in a comfy chair for 45 minutes twice a week and watched a computer simulation of my brain's progress on a TV. It was pretty chill. The simulation was of a little space ship going through rings, kind of like some of the flying levels of Spyro: Year of the Dragon if you've ever played that. After about 4 weeks, we found the right frequencies and locations on my scalp, and I starting improving super quickly. I think it even cleared up my pimples tbh, which makes sense kind of, I guess. And it helped my depression, even though that wasn't one of the things we were specifically targeting.

Now...

To anyone out there in a similar situation as I was in in 2012, listen up. You are not dying. Your life is not over or ruined. It's a shitty situation you find yourself in, but if you can read this, you can be fine again. It is up to you though. Here's what I think happened, looking back on it now:

I think I'd always had a little bit of anxiety. Not enough to cause panic attacks, but it was always lingering there under the surface a little bit - social anxiety, self-esteem issues, that sort of thing. How and why is not important, but what is important is this, and no doubt you've already heard it from others too; LSD does not 'create' anything in you. The reason it is viewed by some as a spiritual thing is that it can and sometimes will bring to the surface issues like this. There is no meaning or purpose to it, it's just one possible effect of the drug. Don't look for meaning in it, you will not find it in the drug, you will only find it in yourself. If you feel 'altered' even after the 7-10 hours a trip usually can last, don't worry. You are not changed. You can definitely feel the way you did before the trip, if that's what you would like to do. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't, they're full of shit.

However, I would also like to put forward a suggestion to you.

You are most likely feeling wrecked right now. You can make this your rock bottom, and you can use it as an opportunity to create something completely new for yourself. Like I said before, there is no meaning whatsoever inherent in situations like this, which sounds scary, but is also incredibly freeing. Think about this; if you have created all of the meaning so far ('My life is ruined' 'I'm insane' 'I'll never be okay again' etc), then your brain must be an amazingly powerful tool for creating meaning. You do it without even realising it, all the time. So you can create a meaning that is useful and proactive rather than terrifying or defeatist. For me, it was that it was an opportunity to deal with my demons and take control of my life. And I have. Hell, I still am, 3+ years later. It sucks, and it hurts, and it takes a lot of work. Of course it does. It's something completely different from what you've been doing up til now in life, and that's scary as balls. But the work you put in to 'going back' to how you were before, and the work you put in to becoming a different healthy version of yourself will be exactly the same, right down to the last drop of sweat. It might even be harder to 'go back', since right now you might be feeling like you don't even know who you were before.

So. Two things to remember.

Number one, the brain has an incredible amount of plasticity. It will heal over time, as long as you lay off the mind altering substances for a bit and give it time to do its thing.

And number two, even though the quote that 'the Chinese word for opportunity is the same for crisis' is factually untrue, it's still a good way to look at this. If you have the attitude that it's a negative thing and it's going to be bad forever, it will. If you have the attitude of 'no, fuck you, nasty bad trip symptoms, I will conquer you' then you will. Not that you're more likely to, or that it's possible, but that you will. It all goes back to that creating meaning thing I was talking about before. If you think that you don't make meaning, well, too bad. That thought in and of itself is you creating meaning.

If you are in a similar situation to the one I was in, I really feel for you. Those months after I had my bad trip were what I imagine literal hell to be like, and my shit was thoroughly wrecked for a fair while. Don't expect results overnight, but do keep going. You will only fail if you don't keep going. Don't expect specific results, just keep working on it and be open to new possibilities. Have goals like 'I will be able to sleep without drugs' as opposed to 'I will be normal' or 'I will be healthy again'. Dealing with a bad trip is exactly the same as dealing with life, except the difficulty setting is upped.

If you are really struggling, you can message me on here. I'll do what I can.
Be warned, though, I deal in tough love only.

TL;DR - Bad trips suck, but there are a bunch of ways to overcome the long-term effects.

And, yeah, the neurofeedback is well worth it.