bad H addiction, and a 3 week sub detox. what to expect?

[sweetbabyjames]

*sigh* i just lost an entire post because of bad design on this site. sorry to start off negatively, but it took days to get up the courage to do this, and this is my first post. it's humiliating to type something like this twice because of incompetent technology.

so now, if anyone still cares: I have been addicted to IV heroin for roughly 3 years. I was chipping for at least the first year, and I know I had 6 months off somewhere along the line when I dated an AA dude and started meditating again. that quickly ended and my habit became daily, of course. I was using about 1/2 gram a day, sometimes more. at the end I was spending 100 bucks a day to stay well and I started this side business to earn cash to use. crazy what one will do.

I mostly scored on the street, in the ghetto of my city. one of my dealers got gunned downed, another arrested, and a third died in the hospital after being beaten up. all of that happened this summer, and of course i knew i had to get out. i started stockpiling black market suboxone, and using it when i went on vacation with family. I tried home detoxes, but it never worked out. in the end, i left 10 strips in a drawer until i could summon the courage to use them properly.

In August I scored a fancypants contract job that would last 3 months, and earn me a lot of bread. Instead of using the sub for work, I just continued to shoot up and score around the long, difficult work hours. the job was high stress and... i guess it's just hard to quit dope when you have money. It makes me ashamed to think about all the times i would claim to quit, only to quickly relapse... this probably happened a hundred times, with my roommate laughing at me. I have no willpower, but they say it isn't about willpower. my old AA friends used to say that, but none of them talk to me anymore. anyways, when my job ended i FINALLY found the courage to start a meaningful sub detox. i'll elaborate on how I did this in another post. maybe it will help someone.

so, after IV H use at 1/2 gram a day, my sub detox went something like this:

week 1: 4-6mgs per day (total), dosed in 2 mg pieces, when needed
week 2: 3-2 mgs per day (total), dosed every 12 hrs.
week 3: 2-1 mgs per day, dosed once, in the morning.

it was incredibly difficult adjusting to 1mg, but i think i'm ok. this morning, i took .75 and I have about .75 left. I am so scared. however, my resolve is surprisingly strong. I don't care how sick I get, I'm not going back to dope and all my bridges have been burned. I've only had mild cravings so far, and zero drug dreams... this makes me suspicious. does anyone out there know how sick i will get with this type of detox? My family is having an early xmas, and i have to be ok by this coming saturday. i'm already the black sheep...

 

[methamaniac]

I was chipping for at least the first year, and I know I had 6 months off somewhere along the line when I dated an AA dude and started meditating again. that quickly ended and my habit became daily, of course

They say two sick'ies dont make a well'ie.

As far as quick detox,
I always had bust luck with sub when I used it short term and weaned straight down,
taking little as possible.
Sometimes I skipped the hard wds completely.
This was when I was using back and forth.
Length of use always seemed to correlate to my wds.
I think the mental side of the wd this time of year is what is going to be tough.
I dont know really how to tell you to prepare for that other than to tell ya to be aware of it, and that it will get better.
Best of luck

 

[sweetbabyjames]

o thank you so much for your reply. it's funny how far a little kindness goes. my head was full of bad thoughts this morning. that .75 of sub seemed to do very little, and riding on the same subway that i used to ride high, really triggered a burst of sadness and anger. no relapse, and i'm doing better now. one thing i do know is that all things pass-- moods and emotions, i mean. sometimes you just have to wait it out, and that's a hard thing for an impulsive chick like me. this is not my first rodeo.

thanks again, methomaniac. coming back home and seeing one reply was so helpful. one thing i am doing wrong with this detox is not including many people. should i go back to meetings? should i reach out and tell more real life addicts? i've also gained plenty of courage by stubbornly getting this far alone. except for starting this thread, i haven't told the story at all. maybe i should get out of my head.

 

[methamaniac]

o thank you so much for your reply. it's funny how far a little kindness goes. my head was full of bad thoughts this morning. that .75 of sub seemed to do very little, and riding on the same subway that i used to ride high, really triggered a burst of sadness and anger. no relapse, and i'm doing better now. one thing i do know is that all things pass-- moods and emotions, i mean. sometimes you just have to wait it out, and that's a hard thing for an impulsive chick like me. this is not my first rodeo.

thanks again, methomaniac. coming back home and seeing one reply was so helpful. one thing i am doing wrong with this detox is not including many people. should i go back to meetings? should i reach out and tell more real life addicts? i've also gained plenty of courage by stubbornly getting this far alone. except for starting this thread, i haven't told the story at all. maybe i should get out of my head.

You are definetly a step ahead if you can realize that the feelings that make you want to use will pass. Ive got really good at "changing subjects" in my mind when negative things pop up.
Its takes a little practice but its definietly effective.
If you can make meetings they will help you tremendously imo. I know you've been before just reminding as I seem to forget until I go again.
If you cant make it, you always got this site to share/listen. There are always people here willing to help and that need help.
To just get to the point you are at now takes a good amount of courage. This courage is going to build your strenghth.
Yes you can do this, one day at a time.

 

[black kat]

Im pretty confident that since you used such a relatively quick taper plan,youll be(close to) fine when you jump off bupe completely.

There might be a sense of "absense"(bupe is still a strong opioid) but surely nothing you cant handle.

The important part is the triggers as you correctly pointed out yourself,the same ride you used to get while high,the things you did while being high etc,thats what always gets me at the end but you shouldnt let this get in the way after doing so great these weeks.

3 years of IV addiction isnt THAT much long,you probably havent lost yourself(years and years of opiate addiction will leave you a shadow of your former self) so it should be much easier to focus on the positive aspects of life.

 

[ozzmosis]

Ive been addicted to methodone from a clinic for 3 years i quit cold turkey from 105 mg 17 days ago. Let me say ifyou have subutex or suboxone at your disposal only take what you need and keep it low dose. Dont create another addiction. Ive used for over 10 years probably closer to 15 and my kid is my motivation. You must fight this addiction and say im done and stay strong when you feel you cant do it you can but dont give up. Im detoxing cold turkey and its the worst but i used something called elimidrol they accept financial assistance and it may have made a difference cause last time i tried to quit i went insane. This is your own life you have to make it yours again. If you need a friendlike i do im here anytime. God bless you on this journey to sobriety. I keep sneezing alot to. Prepare for that lol