Galaxy Rise
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2010
- Messages
- 20
Hey everyone,
TL;DR: Smoked too much JWH-018 (Spice) and felt like I had psychosis. Have I ruined weed for myself? Should I still try LSD?
For the past couple years I’ve had a fluctuating desire to do LSD, however also a fear due to a previous history of weed increasing my anxiety/social anxiety. The past few months I’ve been smoking again, but sporadically – roughly once every two weeks I would smoke one pure green cone (Australian for bowl). Sure, no doubt some weed induced paranoia/anxiety lingered, but the positives once again outweighed the negatives, and a lot of present moment/Buddhist/Alan Watts knowledge helped immeasurably.
My friend gave me some Spice (JWH-018) after having a few comfortable joints with him – the weed high was certainly evident, albeit you went from sober to high without the usual smooth come up; and you would be pretty much sober after 20-30 minutes.
Anyway, I came back from a party on the weekend after having a few wines and decided to smoke a cone of this stuff. I only had a small one and it got me high as balls, but I was really enjoying it: euphoria, tingling in the body, CEV’s, time dilation etc. Perhaps it was being a bit drunk, I decide to smoke another cone, but packed to the brim. And then it began.
Suddenly these “fourth dimensional images” in my head were my new reality – somewhat akin to CEV visions I Saw on New Years eve after having 2ci, but far more emphasised. These visions sometimes even come when I have weed. I really wish I could articulate them efficiently, but it was purely ineffable (I tried writing some of them down but typing on synthetic weed was nearly impossible). They are almost nostalgic, as if they are memories from a childhood gone (I’m always reminded of the NES game ‘Werewolf: The Last Warrior). I started feeling completely detached from my body, my heart racing a mile a minute – there was no discrimination between reality and fantasy. My mind was screaming at me. A similar schizophrenic-esque voice makes its reappearance (it comes when I’m on weed, but the last few times on weed I realised it’s all my construction based on previous memories), but this time my mind was racing so fast that I couldn’t counter it with logic. I felt like I had fallen down the rabbit hole (although I haven’t taken a proper psychedelic with the exception of mild 2ci to compare). When weed and I weren’t getting along, this was very similar, but this time it was so speedy that I couldn’t counter it with logic. The paranoia had won.
I began to slightly recompose myself and decided to search symptoms of Spice/JWH-018. It was all there: being far more psychedelic than weed in high doses, completely activating your cannaboid receptors rather than only partially with THC, and even being synergetic with alcohol. I then read about accounts of seizures and heart attacks and this is where I thought I was going to die. It felt like my cannaboid receptors were activated, but there was something completely dark and unnatural about the whole process. A million visions all at once, and the I of my mind separated from me. Depersonalisation. Dissoasciation. Then suicidal thoughts, as in actually really contemplating it began to prominence. I have goals and aspirations but I am merely deluding myself, delaying the inevitable failure etc. Other thoughts regarding murder, rape and the notion of just “snapping” and doing all this was seriously contemplated. It was like psychosis; weed paranoia you still know it’s paranoia, but this is like it WAS the truth. But fortunately there was still this logic and sober stream of consciousness, however mild, trying to reassure me that it is all a drug and these thoughts are not truly me, never happen until I smoked the drug and will be over soon (but there was that schizophrenic side telling me I’m deluding myself and these thoughts are the truth).
Anyway I began to listen to music and watch some porn (I got really horny really fast) and relaxed my muscles. I started convulsing. I began to imagine myself penetrating into a high school crush, but after only a few strokes, I decided not to as the penetration in my head felt just as real. In the end I managed to ejaculate without actually masturbating; purely the visions in my brain.
Anyway, two questions:
1. I’m somewhat worried this has ruined weed for me again. Is this possible? Should I try it?
2. I still really want to try LSD. If this is how I reacted to JWH-018, then what happens if I even go to the next step and get really fucked off on it? I have read innumerable accounts of LSD truly making you realise the fallacy of the ego; such a thing would be good. I’ve read Timothy Leary’s ‘The Psychedelic Experience: Tibetian Book of the Dead’ and it feels like this schizophrenic anxiety is the last clinging onto the ego. If I choose to do it, should I do it alone or with a friend? I want to do it with a friend, but I’m worried that social anxiety will occur or there isn’t a friend close enough to trust. I want to do it for introspection and so on which I feel I couldn’t do with someone else.
Thanks.
TL;DR: Smoked too much JWH-018 (Spice) and felt like I had psychosis. Have I ruined weed for myself? Should I still try LSD?
For the past couple years I’ve had a fluctuating desire to do LSD, however also a fear due to a previous history of weed increasing my anxiety/social anxiety. The past few months I’ve been smoking again, but sporadically – roughly once every two weeks I would smoke one pure green cone (Australian for bowl). Sure, no doubt some weed induced paranoia/anxiety lingered, but the positives once again outweighed the negatives, and a lot of present moment/Buddhist/Alan Watts knowledge helped immeasurably.
My friend gave me some Spice (JWH-018) after having a few comfortable joints with him – the weed high was certainly evident, albeit you went from sober to high without the usual smooth come up; and you would be pretty much sober after 20-30 minutes.
Anyway, I came back from a party on the weekend after having a few wines and decided to smoke a cone of this stuff. I only had a small one and it got me high as balls, but I was really enjoying it: euphoria, tingling in the body, CEV’s, time dilation etc. Perhaps it was being a bit drunk, I decide to smoke another cone, but packed to the brim. And then it began.
Suddenly these “fourth dimensional images” in my head were my new reality – somewhat akin to CEV visions I Saw on New Years eve after having 2ci, but far more emphasised. These visions sometimes even come when I have weed. I really wish I could articulate them efficiently, but it was purely ineffable (I tried writing some of them down but typing on synthetic weed was nearly impossible). They are almost nostalgic, as if they are memories from a childhood gone (I’m always reminded of the NES game ‘Werewolf: The Last Warrior). I started feeling completely detached from my body, my heart racing a mile a minute – there was no discrimination between reality and fantasy. My mind was screaming at me. A similar schizophrenic-esque voice makes its reappearance (it comes when I’m on weed, but the last few times on weed I realised it’s all my construction based on previous memories), but this time my mind was racing so fast that I couldn’t counter it with logic. I felt like I had fallen down the rabbit hole (although I haven’t taken a proper psychedelic with the exception of mild 2ci to compare). When weed and I weren’t getting along, this was very similar, but this time it was so speedy that I couldn’t counter it with logic. The paranoia had won.
I began to slightly recompose myself and decided to search symptoms of Spice/JWH-018. It was all there: being far more psychedelic than weed in high doses, completely activating your cannaboid receptors rather than only partially with THC, and even being synergetic with alcohol. I then read about accounts of seizures and heart attacks and this is where I thought I was going to die. It felt like my cannaboid receptors were activated, but there was something completely dark and unnatural about the whole process. A million visions all at once, and the I of my mind separated from me. Depersonalisation. Dissoasciation. Then suicidal thoughts, as in actually really contemplating it began to prominence. I have goals and aspirations but I am merely deluding myself, delaying the inevitable failure etc. Other thoughts regarding murder, rape and the notion of just “snapping” and doing all this was seriously contemplated. It was like psychosis; weed paranoia you still know it’s paranoia, but this is like it WAS the truth. But fortunately there was still this logic and sober stream of consciousness, however mild, trying to reassure me that it is all a drug and these thoughts are not truly me, never happen until I smoked the drug and will be over soon (but there was that schizophrenic side telling me I’m deluding myself and these thoughts are the truth).
Anyway I began to listen to music and watch some porn (I got really horny really fast) and relaxed my muscles. I started convulsing. I began to imagine myself penetrating into a high school crush, but after only a few strokes, I decided not to as the penetration in my head felt just as real. In the end I managed to ejaculate without actually masturbating; purely the visions in my brain.
Anyway, two questions:
1. I’m somewhat worried this has ruined weed for me again. Is this possible? Should I try it?
2. I still really want to try LSD. If this is how I reacted to JWH-018, then what happens if I even go to the next step and get really fucked off on it? I have read innumerable accounts of LSD truly making you realise the fallacy of the ego; such a thing would be good. I’ve read Timothy Leary’s ‘The Psychedelic Experience: Tibetian Book of the Dead’ and it feels like this schizophrenic anxiety is the last clinging onto the ego. If I choose to do it, should I do it alone or with a friend? I want to do it with a friend, but I’m worried that social anxiety will occur or there isn’t a friend close enough to trust. I want to do it for introspection and so on which I feel I couldn’t do with someone else.
Thanks.
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