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Bad Breath of a Partner

RedLeader

RedLeader

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Hello, SLR people. In recent weeks, I have began seeing a new girl. I like her very much, find her attractive in a variety of ways and want to hope that it can be a long and happy relationship.

However, one major turn-off about her is bad breath. It's really terrible, I mean bad enough that it's a constant distraction when our faces are near each other, and it undermines my ability to enjoy kissing her. She's not a big fan of chewing gum or mints (often declines them when I offer), and she dosen't have the best oral hygene (never brings a tooth brush when she stays over, etc.) She's not a smoker, though. I consider making out to be one of the most intimate and sexual acts out there, and it really dissapoints me that I cannot enjoy it within the context of this new relationship. I also really enjoy being able to talk face-to-face, especailly in bed and such.

She is a very sensative person emotionally and I could see an honest conversation about this being taken extremely personally by her, making her feel horrible and disgusting. I know that nobody's perfect and it's, in the end, a very petty thing for me to let bother myself. But then again, trying to maintain fresh breath around a partner is something that is now second-nature to my life, and I feel like just a tiny bit of effort can go a long way to be just a little bit more attractive to a partner. I just don't know.

Anybody else had a situation like this? Any advice in general? On a moral level, am I at fault for letting something like this bother me?
 
That's rough. I have gone through occasional spells like this with girlfriends but it has never gotten to the point where I would have to get the message across.

Maybe have a friend of yours say something instead of you? Damn, I wish I could think of something better.
 
You can't really do much, but I'd suggest buying her a toothbrush.

You can make it really casual as well, since you can buy toothbrushes in twin packs. Just tell her you went shopping to get yourself a new toothbrush, and the twin packs hardly costed anything more, so you thought she could have the other one.

Turn it into a nice gesture, and hope that with this kind of subtle persuasion, she'll start to use it.

I'd be very surprised if this fails, as since she has a toothbrush at your house, there's really no reason why she shouldn't use it. Also, since you got it for her, she'll probably feel obliged to use it. Bonus!
 
yuck, not really much on advice beyond saying that. i think it is incredibly sweet that you are posting for advice about this. instead of just being grossed out and moving on.

but frankly you are right, if you bring it up, she will be shamed and resort to antagonistic behavior.....just move on. you don't want to share a life with a girl with bad hygiene habits.
 
If the breath you speak of is what I think-- it's not just a hygiene problem! It may be a digestive problem or infected gums. Tell her, you'll be doing her a favor.
 
ask her if you have bad breath a few times, let her smell ya(even if you dont)
this way you establish that this is something ipmortant to you
then after a few days ask her if she brushed her teath(above idea helps) that way you can ease into telling her she got bad breath

i would guess she has it because she doesnt eat a lot to maintain weight.
i never have bad breath unless i am dieting too so maybe thats why
brushing or a mint would really solve it
 
I had a boyfriend who had horrible breath, like dog breath, and finally I just told him. Over time, it turned into a joke because he told me that I had bad breath, too!
 
<- The OP. Thanks guys for the replies so far. I know some of you think it's a deal-breaker, but honestly my list of hesistations concerning a relationship with her is short, and all things otherwise, meeting her was a great thing for me. It's not that simple.

My first attempt to subtly lead into a conversation it was met only with irony. One of my ex-girlfriends had hair around her nipples. And to me, it wasn't exactly a turn-on, but we never discussed it (only dated a few months). I told my girl about it in hopes we could talk about our own hygenes, but all she did was say something to extent of "eww! People with bad hygene are gross" and it just didn't feel like it would be a smooth transition.

@djremix, I will try asking her about my own. I've thought about that before, but I think she still might get her feelings hurt if I gave her the truth. She's got a low self-esteem to begin with.

@ Doppelganger, I will try the toothbrush idea. However, the fact that I have been around her before after a brushing, and as well when she's consumed mints, it makes me think that it is a result of other poor health habits. We've only been dating for a few weeks, though, so I worry it would come off as less concerning and more controlling.
 
She probably needs a tongue scraper and floss more than a toothbrush! That's the real culprit of bad breath. Or she could have rotting teeth that she never took care of. In that case she needs a good dentist.
 
Yeah, get her to brush her tongue. My boyfriend made me start doin' it. He was like, "Boy, yo' shit is FOUL." So I started de-lousing my licker. It's my favorite part of the process now!

I mean, she's sensitive, so you can make it a health issue - "Your breath smells interesting - I just read this article about blah blah blah..." but in reality, just let her have it. It's pretty minor shit, and you'll have to grow a pair and learn to talk to her about it eventually. She'll get over it!
 
Seriously, she may have an abcess in her mouth!

My BFF had this and I told her. She went to the dentist who found a rotting tooth. After he fixed it, her bad breath went away.

Now, every so often she asks me to smell her breath, lol! :)
 
I had an ex who got really offended when I brought up the fact that she had bad breath once. I never understood why people take it so personally, everyone has bad breath from time to time.

My current g/f never fails to let me know when I smell...in any way shape or form, lol. In return I make sure to do the same to her ;) It's definitely a light-hearted topic between us, but given how my ex was really sensitive to this sort of thing, I can see how you'd be nervous about bringing it up.

I'd just make an attempt at bringing it up as nicely and as straightforward as possible (don't make her guess as to what it is that's bothering you, bad idea trust me). It's better than putting up with it and letting something so trivial destroy the potential of an otherwise great relationship :)
 
after a 24 hour rave session with lots of drugs and sex, my breath and girlfreinds can get a little rank, first think we do when we get home is brush out teeth Lol.
 
Its the other way around with me, I have bad breath and i brush my teeth like 5 times a day. WTF DO I DO!
 
Sunray193 said:
Its the other way around with me, I have bad breath and i brush my teeth like 5 times a day. WTF DO I DO!
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Have you tried a tongue scraper? Alot of times it has to do with bacteria that settles on your tongue or in the back of your throat. I knew someone who had to actually take a pill to combat their bad breath. Not sure what it was though.

Talk to your dentist maybe?
 
I'd say she probably has a rotting tooth or an abscessed tooth.

I know this is such a sensitive topic and issue for some people, some people are very sensitive when you tell them something about their hygene.

I once had a room mate who had the most foul breath i had ever smelled in my life, it smelled like something rotting. I could stand 5 feet away from her and somehow the smell would drift over to me. I had to cover my nose, but i did it in a way so it wouldn't look like i was trying to avoid a smell.

Me and my other room mate didn't know how to handle this. We would talk sometimes and be like gosh, how can we go about telling her that her breath is bad. We'd offer gum and mints and she'd always turn them down.

We never did end up talking to her about it. What amazed me is she was always in relationships and i always thought how can these people be close to her and kiss her with breath like that, don't they smell it? Maybe some people just don't care about it, or their noses aren't as sensitive as some peoples. My nose is very sensitive to smells and i can't handle bad breath.

I also had a coworker who had horrible breath too. His was so bad that i had to always step away from him when I'd talk to him. Me and a few other employees once talked about what we could do, how we could kindly tell him his breath was very offensive. But, he ended up leaving so we never got around to it.

Let us know what happens and how you go about doing this. And good for you for being sensitive about this and not just dumping her because her breath is bad. She has an underlying issue that is causing this breath. Anything from a rotting tooth/teeth or a stomach issue but it's probably a tooth issue. Someone above mentioned brushing the tongue, this is a great way to get rid of some types of bad breath. I always brush my tongue and it feels good to get whatever is on the back of the tongue off.

Good luck to you

rpg
 
You could always drop an anonymous note in her mailbox simply stating "Your breath stinks, do something about it"

;)
 
If my breath smelled like that i'd want someone to tell me about it. Sure I'd be embarrassed but I'd get over it if my partner was casual and reassuring enough about it. You could pretend it's a new thing that you've only just noticed, that way you will sound more spontaneous and she won't have to agonise about the fact she's just spent weeks oblivious to the fact. The more upfront and confident you are about raising it, the better she'll take it. If you sound awkward and embarrassed, she'll feel awkward and embarrassed. Bull, horns, take it by them.
 
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