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Whosajiggawaaa

Whosajiggawaaa

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 9, 2011
Messages
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The blanket party of the century
I'm back here again - the last time i posted here, one of my oxy doctors cut me off and I was withdrawing (there are no doctor shopping laws here). I since then found a new one and started doing 160-300 mg of oxy a day - i got sloppy and kept getting my new scripts from the same pharmacy.

Needless to say that supply has ended (in a big way) and I find my self again, in tears on day 2 of no oxy. I used to do a lot of coke and my coke dealer also sells herion and I'm seriously thinking of calling him for that purpose - but I know in my heart of hearts it would (maybe not now - maybe not even in a year) be the end of me - as I've never tried it.

I'm currently maintaining myself with codeine.

As I said in my previous thread i do have a bit of legitimate pain - but not nearly enough to justify those quantities of oxy.

I'm gonna try book an appointment with a shrink this week.

Just needed to vent.
 
It was the ending to drug store cowboys that really got to me, I'll feel like I'm at a cross road - where I could either do something really stupid, or change.

I can't tell any of my real life friends - cos i keep my prescription habit secret and from the outside I'm Mr Wholesome.
 
Don't call your dealer up for heroin, it isn't worth it and it will come back to bite you - it might seem appealing now but you will regret it, and it's already great that you realize that. I think you should see this as an opportunity to get clean, more than as a burden or a forced situation. It sounds like it would be good if you could see your shrink. also, are you sure you can't talk to your friends about this? Maybe now is the time to let them in on your oxy problem?
 
Could always taper down with codeine. Its a nice easy way to bring yourself down. Make sure to cwe if youre using anything with apap in it (save your precious liver!). Maybe look into methadone or bupe maintenence as it will alleviate withdrawals and help with the pain you have.
 
Yeah have been CWE - Na, don't need the worry or the judgement even if they don't mean too (with my friends). Gonna stick to professionals for this (therapists and doctors). Was deep in the herion/crack/coke part of my city now and I knew my dealer would meet me there in literally 5 minutes and I was just thinking, I have never been so close to doing it, it's scary. But something inside said stop and I went to a pharmacy there and picked up enough codeine pills to CWE that should tied me through the next three days comfortably.
 
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ArtVandalay said:
Quit while you're ahead man.
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Despite the bluntness in this admonishment, I gotta second it. I was a daily abuser of morphine for years - high functioning, outwardly "wholesome," and otherwise healthy. One night the morphine wasn't readily available, and w/ one fateful decision I was off on the heroin track. Which just rapidly compounded my problem. Immediately, I transgressed to needles b/c it seemed practical. There just was never enough of the stuff for me. Eventually I needed cocaine and/or meth w/ it just to make a dent, just to get a miniscule rush.

I'm still trying to piece my life back together. Heroin and IV addiction will forever scar you.
 
I understand the temptation to use hard drugs. Glad you stepped away from that stuff. You can do this withdrawal. I was also addicted to oxys a few years back and was seeing few different doctors (South Florida pillmills) It was so easy for me to get what I wanted. As long as I paid them, the doctors were happy to accomodate me. But I'm glad I ended up with a decent doctor who cared enough to step me down. I'm off 16 months now.

I have to warn you about the codeine. My grandfather got really addicted to those. He was in a lot of pain but felt he wasn't getting enough pain relief from his doctor. So he had my aunts and uncle take trips to Toronto just to get his pills. My family were all trying to reason with him, eventually he passed from a different disease. Sorry for the rant, just stick with your taper. You seem like you have a good plan. Don't want to see you using more than you need. Take care ok. <3
 
Whosajiggawaaa said:
It was the ending to drug store cowboys that really got to me, I'll feel like I'm at a cross road - where I could either do something really stupid, or change.

I can't tell any of my real life friends - cos i keep my prescription habit secret and from the outside I'm Mr Wholesome.
Click to expand...

i think you're in dual mind !!! are you frustrated right now? just reconsider you decision once again with cool brain. you will be lost man....
 
Thanks for the replies guys. I am so glad I didn't do that. Sometimes I think I have something watching out for me - as I've had some pretty narrow escapes - flying headfirst into a windscreen of a car from my bike and escaping without any life threatening injuries (although quite bad orthopedic ones) to name but a few.
 
Tough it out as much as you can man.
If you turn to heroin now, you're right, it will definitely be the end of you.
You seem to be in a pretty big rut as it is, imagine how fucked up heroin will make things for you.
It will be harder to stop and the withdraws will be 10x worse.
<3 Hope things pick up.
 
Watching a doccy on prescription drug abuse in the U.S with my friends earlier and them saying I wonder shit like that doesn't happen here. Damn, it was hard to not just fess up.

Also I'll be seeing my only Dr tomorrow and still be pretending to be taking my 20 mg x 2 daily dose of OC even though I ran out last week (he may have his suspicions though). Damn it's agony.

The only place I can confide is here. <3

On the good side seem to be making out okay on codeine and haven't had any of those bad idea's mentioned above. Will hopefully try reducing the codeine dose and eventually maybe give an opiate free life a shot - still not entirely sure.
 
It was the ending to drug store cowboys that really got to me, I'll feel like I'm at a cross road - where I could either do something really stupid, or change
Click to expand...
.
You watched Drugstore Cowboy while off your face on drugs yaself? Tut. A schoolboy error and no mistake. Don't you know that's some seriously trippy shit right there that will mess with your head good and proper? Enough there could freak anyone who sees it out quite easily, almost guaranteed for anyone off their face enough and that way out, innit? :p Still, if you feel your intuition is telling you only too clearly that you've reached some sort of critical jumping off point into one or the other of two very different futures, then I think you should get what you can together of anything makes the detox easier then just crack straight on when an opportunity for the change that you need presents itself, grab hold of it with both hands and just try running with it.

Don't even think about going on subs at this stage, not while there's a chance of you breaking the habit for good. Only consider them at all if a relapse into readdiction means subs have suddenly become the least worst option that gets you away from your suppliers with all their attendant risks and on to a properly medically supervised maintenance and detox programme. Get as much as you can together of anything would help make a detox easier then just get the damn thing done, tough it out, get all hardcore on its ass if you have to. Sooner you do that the better. Gotta be done at some point, no getting away from it, so may as well just crack on with it while you're still young enough to make the most of a fresh start once you're free of the stuff. Don't risk being dragged in still further giving in to the temptations of Heroin, no matter what happens. The codeine should take the very worst edges off without interfering with withdrawal or dragging it out too much, so long as you dose low and taper fast over whatever the usual withdrawal period is for oxy.

Best of luck, hope you can hold-on long enough to make a detox stick this time. :)
 
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What about suboxone? It won't get you high but it will make you feel good and not suffer w/d symptoms. See if you can find some from a friend
 
Went back to my dr today told him I'd finished all my Oxy (early) he was willing to do an early repeat but I said no, tramadol will do. Feel conflicted with that decision, but I know if I had let him write it would have lasted me a week and I'd be back where I was 4 days ago. Feels like I've chosen the good path. Tramadol and codeine then hopefully nothing. Comeon!
 
Yeah when i came off subs (i was at high dose, talking 32mg, and did a fast taper) i got so sick. I relapsed on H shortly after my last bupe dose.
 
I will remember him pausing with his pen over his prescription pad and looking me in the eye when I said tramadol instead please. I hope he got the subtext, as in I may have a problem with oxy, well I mean how could he not. Something about the choice felt monumental though.
 
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