Ashley
Bluelight Crew
Hey folks,
So far its been a while now, a few months I would guess, since I broke up with my partner. During this time I have managed to keep my drug use under control. Just been having a taste of hairywine once or twice a week, and buying bupe or methadone off of the street or utilising CWEs, PST, etc for the other days. It has been just shy of a year since I stopped going into the clinic every day to pick up my dose (back then I was on Subutex and they wouldn't allow any take home doses), so I literally had to go in EVERY single day, and I did that for fucking 4 years. They practically started me on 32mg/day of Subutex! t took me a long time to get that down to only needing 1-2mg of bupe to make me well.
At the moment, I don't have much of a habit but its enough to make my life rather difficult. I swore to myself that I'd never get back on maintenance therapy (at least not picking up daily from the clinic), but after swimming in circles the past six months and attempting to quit many times I went and saw a doctor. When I told him that I had been on the "waiting list" for 9 months he couldn't believe it. After a lengthy discussion about my concerns RE: dosing and how that would affect my potential employment, as I would have to work around the clinic's open hours, he completed some paperwork and told me to come back in on Monday and all should be well then. I explained to him that I really want to start on a small dose, and was honest with him that I inject the bupe I buy off of the street so that we could figure an accurate dosage for sublingual due to the 70% difference in bioavailability and he was really cool about it.
I feel as though a massive burden has been lifted off of my shoulders, with everything that has been going on, and being stuck in a 20 foot deep rut. Even though I swore I would never go back on maintenance, I think I have realised that I am just not ready to quit, not at this point in time. I also was thinking that buying 8mg of bupe off the street every few days and mixing it up into 4 x 2mg shots isn't any different to being on maintenance. I'm just looking forward to picking up weekly from my local chemist.
Ash.
So far its been a while now, a few months I would guess, since I broke up with my partner. During this time I have managed to keep my drug use under control. Just been having a taste of hairywine once or twice a week, and buying bupe or methadone off of the street or utilising CWEs, PST, etc for the other days. It has been just shy of a year since I stopped going into the clinic every day to pick up my dose (back then I was on Subutex and they wouldn't allow any take home doses), so I literally had to go in EVERY single day, and I did that for fucking 4 years. They practically started me on 32mg/day of Subutex! t took me a long time to get that down to only needing 1-2mg of bupe to make me well.
At the moment, I don't have much of a habit but its enough to make my life rather difficult. I swore to myself that I'd never get back on maintenance therapy (at least not picking up daily from the clinic), but after swimming in circles the past six months and attempting to quit many times I went and saw a doctor. When I told him that I had been on the "waiting list" for 9 months he couldn't believe it. After a lengthy discussion about my concerns RE: dosing and how that would affect my potential employment, as I would have to work around the clinic's open hours, he completed some paperwork and told me to come back in on Monday and all should be well then. I explained to him that I really want to start on a small dose, and was honest with him that I inject the bupe I buy off of the street so that we could figure an accurate dosage for sublingual due to the 70% difference in bioavailability and he was really cool about it.
I feel as though a massive burden has been lifted off of my shoulders, with everything that has been going on, and being stuck in a 20 foot deep rut. Even though I swore I would never go back on maintenance, I think I have realised that I am just not ready to quit, not at this point in time. I also was thinking that buying 8mg of bupe off the street every few days and mixing it up into 4 x 2mg shots isn't any different to being on maintenance. I'm just looking forward to picking up weekly from my local chemist.
Ash.
