Today is day 4. On day three I cut the shit out of my hand at work. I make a living with my hands as a line cook. Later when I got home I fell down my stairs into a door and busted out the door frame. That's not going to be cheap. This is the kind of shit I do on illegal drugs but it's a lot more fun and makes for a much better story. Debated contacting my doctor but I decided I'll give it some time.
In contrast to my last post where I had %1000 ideas my brain is just not with me today. I can put together coherent thoughts though. Only because I have so few thoughts to choose from its hard not to stay on track. I feel like my creativity is shot but maybe I'm incorrect. I have the day off so I guess I can enjoy the haze of a Major Tranquilizer . I've been blazing the past 45 minutes and I'm not high. Seroquel is such a buzzkill. Well I mean I am high. I can tell I've smoked weed. But its like blazing while drunk an on Xanax bars. You just don't feel the weed the same way when your solidly tranqued. I just took a whiskey shot to get the stimulation a bit of alcohol seems to give in the morning. While your brain is frozen solid in anti-psychotic land even alcohol seems like a stimulant.
A couple hours later I am hungry. I smoke some more weed and eat a frozen pizza. The feeling of burnout is indescribable. My mind wants to do more but my body isn't up for it. Nicotine gum and diet coke don't disrupt the fog a bit. I need to go for a bike ride soon. With the Seroquel I wouldn't drive a car. Inebriated biking while not recommended is a lot less dangerous than driving a car and is thankfully my only option today. The bike ride is slow and painful.
I'm tired. To tired to be happy. To tired to be depressed. I'm a zombie in an emotional straight-jacket. At least I haven't needed my klonopin. I wish I could write better than this but I'm just dead. I will probably edit it tonight if I can get my brain going.
In contrast to my last post where I had %1000 ideas my brain is just not with me today. I can put together coherent thoughts though. Only because I have so few thoughts to choose from its hard not to stay on track. I feel like my creativity is shot but maybe I'm incorrect. I have the day off so I guess I can enjoy the haze of a Major Tranquilizer . I've been blazing the past 45 minutes and I'm not high. Seroquel is such a buzzkill. Well I mean I am high. I can tell I've smoked weed. But its like blazing while drunk an on Xanax bars. You just don't feel the weed the same way when your solidly tranqued. I just took a whiskey shot to get the stimulation a bit of alcohol seems to give in the morning. While your brain is frozen solid in anti-psychotic land even alcohol seems like a stimulant.
A couple hours later I am hungry. I smoke some more weed and eat a frozen pizza. The feeling of burnout is indescribable. My mind wants to do more but my body isn't up for it. Nicotine gum and diet coke don't disrupt the fog a bit. I need to go for a bike ride soon. With the Seroquel I wouldn't drive a car. Inebriated biking while not recommended is a lot less dangerous than driving a car and is thankfully my only option today. The bike ride is slow and painful.
I'm tired. To tired to be happy. To tired to be depressed. I'm a zombie in an emotional straight-jacket. At least I haven't needed my klonopin. I wish I could write better than this but I'm just dead. I will probably edit it tonight if I can get my brain going.