Back and forth

[KurtAurelius]

Once again, in the pit.

I allow myself to be constrained by my feelings, allow reality to be a narrow selfish perspective.

Understanding how little you can empathise and support those around you, due to allowing yourself to be in a stuck cloud.

To feel as if you just quit at every instance when it is so agonising every second to move past the constant screaming.

Peace and comfort only come to a body that has constant movement, and stimulation of its choosing, to the detriment of all those around me.

Man. I’m just going to take my Methylphenidate tomorrow. I’ve been taking break days as it feels good to stay in touch with one’s “true self” and medication also makes me super autism.

But this is painful. The constant noise and distractions, constantly hungry, constantly searching.

Telling yourself a million times a day to get on with and take a deep breath.

Bored of it now.

Oh well. Drugs tomorrow.

 

[streaM Freak]

Once again, in the pit.

I allow myself to be constrained by my feelings, allow reality to be a narrow selfish perspective.

Understanding how little you can empathise and support those around you, due to allowing yourself to be in a stuck cloud.

To feel as if you just quit at every instance when it is so agonising every second to move past the constant screaming.

Peace and comfort only come to a body that has constant movement, and stimulation of its choosing, to the detriment of all those around me.

Man. I’m just going to take my Methylphenidate tomorrow. I’ve been taking break days as it feels good to stay in touch with one’s “true self” and medication also makes me super autism.

But this is painful. The constant noise and distractions, constantly hungry, constantly searching.

Telling yourself a million times a day to get on with and take a deep breath.

Bored of it now.

Oh well. Drugs tomorrow.

Hi, I believe I have similar feelings. And lack thereof in certain areas.

Yeah and you nailed it basically, that one of the glorys of sobriety is having a clear head. Even something as seemingly innocuous as a non amp stimulant. I agree that being in touch with ones natural state is just so important.. everyday we wake up sober. So we may as well just get used to that, because it will happen every day.

I'm curious what you mean about the screaming and the distractions. If it's a metaphor for having an active mind, strong impulses, but no direction, I feel that strongly. And distractions can infuriate me depending on my mood.

Deep breaths are cliché, but still very underrated, so if you tell yourself that a million times a day already, try a million and one

I'm still trying to find a meditative sweet spot so to speak, but breathing is absolutely part of that. I often take deep breaths without even consciously meaning to though, probably muscle memory from smoking so much and holding it in

 

[KurtAurelius]

Hi, I believe I have similar feelings. And lack thereof in certain areas.

Yeah and you nailed it basically, that one of the glorys of sobriety is having a clear head. Even something as seemingly innocuous as a non amp stimulant. I agree that being in touch with ones natural state is just so important.. everyday we wake up sober. So we may as well just get used to that, because it will happen every day.

I'm curious what you mean about the screaming and the distractions. If it's a metaphor for having an active mind, strong impulses, but no direction, I feel that strongly. And distractions can infuriate me depending on my mood.

Deep breaths are cliché, but still very underrated, so if you tell yourself that a million times a day already, try a million and one

I'm still trying to find a meditative sweet spot so to speak, but breathing is absolutely part of that. I often take deep breaths without even consciously meaning to though, probably muscle memory from smoking so much and holding it in

Thanks for your reply, you understood the metaphor better than I but that is the blessing about having a place like this to post to, as cringe as that may seem.

Distractions are exactly as you say, and although I’m good at letting go of the past, it’s a issue when you allow your day to be painful due to letting your train of thought be quite lietrally akin to a headless chicken,

I also get about the meditative sweet spot, I allow it to be a enablement to completly dissociate and then loved ones can tell I’m not present. To take everything in without losing one self. Apparently the ego is a Mirage but loved ones notice when you drop it too..

My DMs are open if you ever need a chat, your reply was extremely validating and valuable

 

[streaM Freak]

... letting your train of thought be quite literally akin to a headless chicken ..

It really is difficult. I'm 34 and it's taken me until my 30s to know what I need / don't need to minimize bad feelings I get from things outside of myself.

And even still, I allow my mind to go to such... creative? (that's putting it kindly) places, out of curiosity or boredom, that I can easily get wrapped back up into toxic states of mind.

But, being sober allows me to get my thoughts back on track pretty damn fast, if I choose to.

Apparently the ego is a Mirage but loved ones notice when you drop it too..

Yeah, that's actually a very interesting way to put it.

I am not exactly sure how you experience that, but if it's anything close to how most people are so wrapped up in themselves, that even if they pose as good people and we feel like a bad guy, it at times feels like the opposite because of how out of touch with themselves people seem - having all the same roadmap from society of what their priorities should be, being prescribed ideas that they don't fully understand the implications of.

But I'd be interested to hear what you think about that ^

Will do this to open up freedom to muse:

My DMs are open if you ever need a chat, your reply was extremely validating and valuable